OF2: Old Friends, New Relationships
by LizD
Summary: Reposted By Request COMPLETE Sequel to Old Friends
1. Default Chapter

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter One

By: LizD

Spoilers: FanFiction Story By LizD "Old Friends"

Notes: Picks up after Harm and Mac and crew get back to the states from Afghanistan

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter One - Closing and Opening Doors**

**1015 EST – JAG Headquarters**

**Wednesday After the Bombing**

"I was fired."

Mac looked up to see Gates in her door way.

"What?" Mac was confused on a number of levels. First and foremost, why was Gates in her office at 9:15 on a weekday?

"I was fired." Gates repeated coming in and flopping down in the guest chair.

"I don't understand."

"I was fired." She said for a third time. "Shit canned. Booted. Pink slipped. Downsized. Asked to vacate. Make like a tree and …"

"I know what it means." Mac finally stopped her. "Why?"

"Officially or unofficially?" She reached over, picked up Mac's coffee mug and took a sip.

"Officially." Mac stated.

Gates made a face. "That is ice cold." She put the mug back. "Layoffs, government cut backs, budget cuts … whatever."

"That is ridiculous." Mac shook her head and dismissed the notion with a wave of her hand.

"That is what it says on the exit paper work I just signed."

"What's the real reason?" Mac pressed.

"They finally decided to clean up after the Sadik Fahd mess."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that all that shit finally rose to the top … and the top flushed it."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"I have a big fat mouth … kept it shut for years … and when it got right down to it … an old friend's security ranked higher than national security on my need to tell scale … I have a big fat mouth … and I would do it again."

"You didn't tell us anything we didn't already know." Mac justified.

"Well you're welcome … so glad I lost my job for nothing."

"No … come on … you know what I am saying … it wasn't for nothing, you got the admiral involved."

"Yeah … and look at him now … home with a broken leg. Bet he is overjoyed to know me."

"This is wrong." Mac tossed her pen down on her desk. "I am calling Kershaw." She picked up the phone. "He was responsible for this whole mess, beginning to end."

Gates laughed. "You'll need to call him at home. He was the first one given his walking papers."

Mac hung up the phone. "Kershaw was fired?"

**Bethesda Naval Hospital, Maryland**

"Yes, Kershaw was fired." Webb repeated. "So was I."

Harm stood at the edge of Webb's bed. Webb had just been transported back to the states to finish his recovery. He was in surgery in Germany for many hours and he nearly didn't make it, but he was on the road to recovery. It would be at least a week before they released him and another two or three before he was able to even think about going back to work … any kind of work.

"Fired? Harm asked.

"Agency felt the need to purge … three other agents, that damn shrink and Kershaw were all fired outright." He stated defiantly. "At least I was given an out … work for 'another agency'."

"Who do you work for?"

"Department of Homeland Security, North West Division." Webb shook his head in disgust. "I will be working out of Portland, Oregon. If I want it."

"Portland? Oregon? … It rains in Oregon … A LOT."

Webb nodded.

Harm was still stuck on the fact that they fired a senior director. He knew the shrink was Gates and knew that Mac would be dealing with that sometime soon. But the firing of Kershaw was a big deal that he just couldn't wrap his mind around. "They fired Kershaw?"

Webb started running his mouth. "You probably don't know this Rabb, but Kershaw orchestrated everything from the initial contact with Fahd back in 2000 to my assignment in 2003. It was his idea to bring Mac in – funny he made me think it was mine. I guess he didn't want to go through agency channels, too many questions. It is amazing how few questions are asked in the military … that's why I use JAG so much … all that order taking has made your kind too trusting."

Harm was not about to debate Sailor vs. Spy with Webb, but he couldn't let it go completely. "All that order taking saved your ass a time or twelve."

Webb brushed off the reply, if he heard it at all. Something occurred to him. "In fact that bastard was the one that sent me to Syria when Fahd tried to get to Mac back in February." He looked up at Rabb. "He made sure I was out of the country so Mac would have to face him alone. Hell, I would check into who blew your car up – wouldn't put it past him to have set that up to get you out of the way." The anger was red hot on his face. "He was also the one that hatched this last possum plan and was giving me all the intel on Hatfield."

Harm thought back to all that Kershaw had been involved with in his experience. The pieces were all falling into place and all our heroes were pawns in Kershaw's game, but it finally caught up with him. And what game was he playing? No one would probably ever really know. And no one would know if he actually lost or won.

Webb continued. "The SecNav took it all the way up to the president and it rolled back down and landed on Kershaw's head."

"And yours too apparently." Harm stated.

"They should bring him up on charges." Webb stated.

"Kershaw will get his." Harm said confidently.

"What are you thinking Rabb?"

Harm shook off his thoughts. He wasn't planning anything for Kershaw personally, but believed that it would all come back around. "What about Gunny?"

Webb shrugged. "Going back to an active unit, I guess."

**Chegwidden Residence, McLean Virginia**

"So you are gainfully unemployed, eh Gunny?" AJ Chegwidden said as the Gunny walked up the porch steps. "Or are you going back to your unit?"

AJ was stretched out on the chaise with his casted leg elevated.

"No sir, I'm a free man." He smiled back at him. Of all the injuries suffered, the Gunny's healed the fastest. He had a minor concussion and a lot of aches and pains, but nothing was broken and he needed no stitches.

The experience in Naples and Afghanistan had changed the relationship between the Gunny and AJ. They were equals now. It could have been because they wore the same rank uniform for a week or more, it could have been because AJ had retired and the Gunny was no longer in AJ's chain of command, but more than likely it was because they had developed a great deal more respect for the other during that time. The old Navy vs. Marine – SEAL vs. Jarhead rivalry was gone.

"What's your plan, Vic?" AJ asked.

Gunny laughed. "Thought I would retire and take it easy like you."

"Yeah, cause It's been Mai Tais, women and dancing 'til dawn … should have done it years ago." AJ knocked the plaster of his cast.

They laughed.

Vic sat down in the chair next to him and looked out over the yard. "There is always gardening." Vic said playfully.

"Or stamp collecting." AJ rolled his eyes. He was too young …well if not young, vital to retire. That little trip to Afghanistan reminded him of that. He felt more alive on that operation than he had in years.

"Going back to touring the baseball parks, sir?" Gunny still dropped a 'sir' every now and again, more habit than anything else.

"Nah … Francesca has some 'fashion emergency' and won't make it back 'til the play offs." He knocked the cast again. "In six weeks from now when I get this damn thing off, I'll need something a little more exciting than sitting on the first base line."

Vic nodded. "I was thinking about going back to police work, or the law."

"Were you?" AJ nodded and looked out over the yard. "Ya know, I have been thinking the same thing."

"Hanging out a shingle, AJ?"

"In a manner of speaking … was thinking about Private Detective work."

"Really?" Vic pondered the idea.

AJ nodded. "A man can make his own hours in that line of work – take his own orders."

"Get the girls." He smiled slyly at his new friend and laughed. "Chegwidden P.I. … Magnum for the new millennium."

"Damn straight … never driven a Ferrari before." AJ seemed pleased with this new plan albeit twenty-four hours and a couple of fingers of scotch old.

Vic thought for a moment. "Need a partner?"

AJ studied him and nodded slowly. He pointed to the bottle that sat beside him. "Drink?"

Gunny reached for the bottle. "Thought you'd never ask."

**Bethesda Naval Hospital, Maryland**

"Is that a bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me." Webb finally asked.

Harm pulled out a bottle from his sling. It was … well what the hospital would consider 'contraband', but was the finest bottle of cognac that the wine shop by his apartment had in stock. It set Harm back a chunk of change. "Never that happy to see you, Webb." He said snidely putting the bottle down in front of him.

Webb was obviously impressed. "What is this for?"

"You saved my life." Harm stated casually.

"And you saved mine." Webb felt like he was being given a consolation prize for giving up Sarah.

"Just take it." Harm commanded. It probably was a consolation prize.

Webb recovered from the ego hit. "Oh, don't worry … not giving this baby back." He uncorked the top and inhaled the 'bouquet'. He looked around the room quickly for something. "Damn this place … nothing but plastic. And this needs the finest crystal snifter."

Harm pulled a snifter from inside the sling on his arm. "Not crystal, but at least it's glass."

Webb poured. He nodded up to Harm, "Salude!" and took a small savory sip from the glass. "Oh yeah … that's what I am talking about." He poured a little more, corked the bottle and handed the glass to Harm.

Harm took the glass and drank. He had to admit; it was good, smooth. He handed it back.

Webb took another drink. He looked like he was in heaven. Slowly he let the liquid slide down his throat. "Don't you miss it?" Webb asked.

"Miss it?"

"Don't you miss sharing a good bottle of wine with a woman."

Harm cocked his head; he didn't see where Webb was going.

"Sarah … she doesn't drink --."

"For good reason." Harm interrupted.

"True … but I missed not being able to share a good bottle of wine or -." He held up the glass before taking another sip.

Harm couldn't believe Webb was trying to discuss Sarah with him man-to-man. But now that he thought about it, he did miss sharing a fine bottle of wine with a woman. The little light headed feeling, senses being aroused, the disinhibition that comes with a couple glasses of vintage red wine, a gourmet dinner and stimulating conversation. Sarah could stand to loosen up like that, sometimes she was too controlled … but no. He would continue to miss it and not feel slighted.

Webb kept talking. "She has other qualities that more than enough to make up for --."

Harm cut him off. "Don't be confused Webb – we are not friends and this is not some twisted version of male bonding. And my relationship with Mac is not up for discussion."

Webb held up his hand. He knew … he just got confused, probably the combination of medications and drink.

"Allies … armed allies." Harm explained. "That is as close as we will ever get."

Webb looked sad. 'Closest thing I'll ever have to a friend.' He thought, but did not say it out loud.

Harm heard him anyway. Webb looked like a man lost, broken and alone. "Mac is still your friend, Webb." Harm added though he could not figure out why. Why Mac was Webb's friend or why Harm needed to articulate it.

"Sure … sure … I'll expect my invitation to the wedding and don't forget Christmas dinner … hell you can name your first kid after me."

Harm looked down. He didn't quite know how to respond. Webb had been so out of touch and disconnected from everything else that had been going on for the last seven weeks. Harm did not feel it was his place to tell Webb about the health issues that they were facing or what actually finally drew Harm and Mac together, and the very real fact that they – Harm and Mac – were working things out …daily. Nothing was written in stone and nothing was a lock.

Webb shook it off. "Been back to work yet?" He asked changing the subject.

"Next Monday." Harm answered. "Guess the new admiral reported two days ago morning."

**JAG Headquarters**

Mac looked over Gates' shoulder and snapped to attention.

Gates turned; every muscle in her body tensed. "Janet." She said coolly.

"Madden." The admiral replied.

Mac was more than a little confused. Did these women know each other?

Admiral Janet Schnarr reported to JAG Headquarters on Monday morning at 0830, by 0845 Captain Sebring had been relieved of his responsibilities and the new admiral was taking a roll call. When it was explained to her where Harm and Mac were, what they were doing, with whom and that Harm would not be cleared for duty until the following Monday and that Mac was due back the next day, she demanded a meeting with the SecNav. When she got back from the meeting, it was clear that she had read the SecNav the riot act about using her people. He of course pointed out that they were not her people at the time, but it didn't matter. Admiral Schnarr was not the kind of officer to allow her people to be used or abused in any way. She was by the book … hell she probably wrote the book. The other thing about the admiral, she was connected both personally and professionally all the way to the top. Without knowing the specifics, Kershaw et al probably owed their new employment status – rather UNemployment status to the new JAG.

That maybe a piece of good news for the JAG crew, however the bad news was that she was harder on her people than she was on the system. In the first day she made six reassignments. No longer would senior attorneys be working together. She would bring in Lt. JG's as apprentices to each attorney. They would report on Monday morning – when there was a full complement (i.e. when Rabb and MacKenzie were back). When it was pointed out that the offices would be cramped, it was made clear that she meant to reassign at least one of the seniors, possibly two. Bud was convinced it was he because he was not as senior as the others. Mac had another fear. In the brief meeting that the admiral and she had the day before about the cases she was working (rather just assigned), the results of the Naples trial and what happened in Afghanistan, Mac was thoroughly convinced that the admiral had knowledge of her relationship with Harm (which in an of itself would not get them reassigned unless the relationship progressed) but the fact that they played way outside the letter of the law more often than not would.

"Colonel MacKenzie does Dr. Madden have business with JAG?"

"Nothing you need concern yourself with Janet." Gates jumped in.

The admiral turned her withering glare on Gates who did not shrink from it as pretty close to everyone at JAG had when she turned it on them. "So your business is of a personal nature?"

"My business is not yours." Gates responded. "This time." Gates added with a little bit too much maliciousness.

The admiral turned back to Mac. "Colonel, I am sure you appreciate that we are conducting business – NAVY business - here. Any business that falls outside of that arena should be done on your personal time. That includes visitors, phone calls and the use of the office facilities. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, ma'am." Mac responded quickly still from her rigid attention.

"Please escort Dr. Madden to the gate. And report to my office in fifteen minutes."

"Aye Aye, Admiral."

The admiral scanned Gates up and down one more time. Gates did the same.

"Good to see you Janet?" Gates said as the admiral was about to turn and leave.

The admiral did not respond but did not take her eyes off of Gates.

"Send Glenn my love." Gates said nastily.

The admiral narrowed her eyes, looked over at Mac quickly and back at Gates and walked away.

Mac quickly grabbed her cover and took Gates by the arm and led her outside.

Gates was immediately sorry that her nasty side got the better of her at Mac's office. It was petty and mean and could potentially cause Mac more harm than good.

"I'm sorry Mac." Gates said on their way down the stairs.

"What the hell was that all about?" Mac demanded.

"Need to know, sweet pea."

"I need to know." Mac said pulling her out of the building. "You know her?" Mac asked when they were finally out of earshot.

"Yeah." Gates didn't want to say too much. She could be a bitch, but she was not a gossip. She gave up what little she could. "My second husband was Glenn Schnarr."

"You were married to her husband?"

"It is worse than that." Gates half smiled. "Glenn left her for me."

"You are a home wrecker?"

"The home was wrecked when I met Glenn." She defended.

"I suppose the admiral did not see it that way." Mac shook her head.

"Look MacKay – there is not a lot I can tell you – it would be inappropriate, she is now your boss."

"Gates."

"Glenn left her for me and me for her … full circle – no harm no foul. It is over."

"Looked like there was a lot of unfinished business to me."

"Maybe – but not for me. The woman is a ball buster and she had Glenn's balls in a jar long before I met him. We were married for all of three months – but if you were to ask me, it was more like a week. He left our honeymoon to go to her for …for … for … I am not going to tell you why. Suffice it to say – Glenn was not prepared to leave his wife and without his balls – he never will. So we divorced and they remarried and that is the end of the story."

"There is more."

"There is a ton more but you are not going to hear it from me." She stated.

Mac waited expecting more of an answer.

"I was in love with him … and I may have tried to hang on to him a little too tightly."

"Gates!"

"That is already too much … I wouldn't tell her that we are friends. Tell her I was here for some other reason."

**1315 EST**

**Rabb Residence **

**North of Union Station**

"What other reason?" Harm asked Mattie.

"What other reason what? I am on my way out to my class … that's all. Are you going to give me a ride, or should I take the bus? Oh yeah … you can't drive." She was in full snotty teenager mode as she had been since Harm got back.

"Mattie – can we talk for a minute?" Harm said gently.

"I am going to be late." She whined.

"I think this is important."

"Everything is important to you." She snapped back.

"You are on the top of the list there kid."

"Yeah, sure." She was getting angry.

"Of course you are, Mattie."

"Forget it, I will take the bus." She grabbed her backpack and was nearly out the door.

"Mattie." He called her back. "All I want to know is why you are avoiding me."

"I am not avoiding you, Harm." She looked away. She had been avoiding him since he got home on Sunday night. "Look you have a life and I have a life – and we are both busy people. I have friends and my father and … and … and summer school. And you have Mac and work and … "

"And you, Mattie. I have you." He stated. "Mattie, I love you. Please talk to me."

She shook her head and looked away.

Harm noticed that her eyes were tearing up. He stepped closer to her and reached for her with his good arm. "Mattie?"

She could no longer maintain the angry teenager front. She wrapped her arms around him and hung on for dear life as the tears flowed.

Harm held her, letting her cry it out.

After a minute or two she stopped and pulled herself back wiping the tears away. "What a big baby I am." She said in a tear stained voice.

"What is going on, honey?" He asked gently.

"I can't lose you Harm … I can't … I don't know what I would do." She said desperately.

He led her over to the couch and they sat down "Mattie, you are not going to lose me … not ever. Even after you go back to live with your Dad … you are not ever going to be able to get rid of me."

"Maybe … maybe not." She whined.

Harm was reminded of the promises he made to Mac on the plane to Germany. _'I promise to do whatever it takes to get back to you – back to us_.' That was what he promised Mac after she asked him to make a promise he could keep. Did he just promise something to Mattie that he could not keep or was at least out of his control to keep? Could Mattie be feeling something similar to what Mac was feeling? Was she scared that he might die? Or was it something else entirely?

"What is this all about?" He asked, not wanting to presume anything. He was learning from these two women in his life.

"Harm you were nearly blown up five days ago … it is a miracle that you are still standing."

It was exactly that. "I know. I am sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry about?" She was getting edgy and mad again. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't make the bomb. You didn't set it off. You didn't --."

"I am sorry you were scared." He interrupted her.

She laughed. "Scared? Hell, I didn't know anything about it until it was all over … I didn't have time to be scared."

"Honey, I couldn't tell you."

"I hate this … I hate thinking that you could walk out the door and never come back." She pushed herself off the couch. "I can't go through that again Harm." She meant she could not go through a parent dying.

Harm knew exactly what she meant. "Mattie, come here and sit down."

"I have to go."

"No, we have to talk this through." He said sternly. "You can go horseback riding tomorrow."

She reluctantly came over and sat down.

"Mattie, I am sorry that you have to learn these life lessons so young. It is really not fair."

"It sucks."

"Yeah." He smiled at her. "When my father died, I was pretty young; too young to really understand. I convinced myself that he was still out there flying and that he would be coming home. I obsessed on that for most of my life ... you know about a lot of that: Viet Nam, Russia etc etc etc."

Mattie nodded.

"What took me forever to understand is that I can't control what happens in the world … I can't be scared. My obsession with my father led me to some some very wonderful discoveries. I have a brother." He smiled. "I never would have known that if I hadn't … well it doesn't matter. What I am trying to say is that my obsession closed me off to a lot more than I gained. It wasn't until you came into my life that I --."

"Yeah, Yeah, I know … " She dismissed the role she had played in his life. "You have to live each day like it is your last, and love the people you love with everything you've got." She said dripping with sarcasm.

"Where did that come from?" He asked.

"I read that some where."

He shook it away, he had to change his tactic – he could not use himself as an example. "Mattie, you are one of the strongest and bravest people I know. I admire you and I respect you. You will survive anything that is thrown at you – and survive with grace and poise. Life is going to throw a lot at you – a lot more. Don't worry about what you can't control, because you will be OK."

"Like you getting blown up?" She asked.

"You have to trust enough to know that I will do what I can to come back – even broken." He held up his casted arm. "Whether it be walking across the street or on assignment in another part of the world." He reached out and touched her face. "I am not reckless. I want to come back, I have too much to live for to not come back, Mattie."

"I know, I know." She looked away. "But can't I be scared?"

"I don't want you to be scared." He gently turned her face back toward him. "I want you to be happy."

"Are you going to lock yourself in a room?" She stated.

"No, nor am I going to be scared every time you step out the door."

"What could happen to me?" She defended.

He smiled. "Not wild about the horseback riding."

"I know how to ride, Harm." She defended.

"Yes you do … but you will be learning to drive soon."

"I know how to drive, Harm."

"Not legally."

"You are going to help me get my license?" Her eyes light up.

"When you turn sixteen … yes, I will … and sometimes it doesn't matter how good a driver you are, there are other people on the road."

"Nothing is going to happen."

"You don't know that, Mattie."

She thought for a moment. Her mother's accident did not enter her mind. It was safely tucked away. But there was a kid in class that was thrown and hurt his back pretty badly. She had thought he was a better rider. And two seniors in school were just in a car accident and wouldn't be able to graduate with their class. She saw Harm's point and nodded slightly in answer.

"I worry about you all the time and I am much happier when I can see you or know you are safely at home, but I know you have to live your life, and I trust that you will do everything you can to be safe."

Mattie nodded. "I do."

"I know you do. And so do I."

She nodded and shrugged. "Ok. OK fine."

He smiled at her and pulled her into a big hug. "Are we OK?"

"Yeah." She said over his shoulder. It was going to take her a little while to get behind this trust thing.

"Do you still want to go riding or do you want to hang out with me."

"And do what?"

"We could go to a movie."

"What movie?" She smiled at him.

"That new Matt Damon film is out."

"Now there is a guy who knows how to stay alive." Mattie laughed. "OK."

"Ok." He smiled and pulled her too him again quickly and squeezed her tightly. He got up to go find his shoes.

"Hey, Harm. Don't think I am trying to avoid you or anything, but Chloe asked me to come up to Vermont for a week or two."

"When?"

"Before school starts."

"You want to go?" He called back from the bedroom.

"Yeah, I do. She has got a new horse and says that there are a ton of trails we can explore."

"Have you asked your father?"

"Not yet, but he will be going for training next week for about fifteen days. So he won't care."

"He might have an opinion." Harm said stepping back into the living room.

"If you say it is OK, I will ask him."

Harm was secretly glad that she asked him first. "I was hoping we could spend some time together this summer, Mattie."

"You don't have to be back at work until next week."

Harm nodded. They could spend the next few days together, it would be enough for a little while. "I'll need to call Chloe's grandmother."

"I figured I could take the train up and you and Mac could come pick me up at the end. Mac would get to see Chloe and you two could have a little romantic getaway in the mountains of Vermont. You two need some time by yourselves."

"Are you playing match maker again?"

"The match is made … just helping it along."

"Thanks for your support."

"So what do you think?" Mattie asked again.

**Chegwidden Residence, McLean Virginia**

"So what do you think?" AJ's words were more slurred than they normally were, but after sharing a bottle with Vic it was understandable.

"I think it is an idea worth pursuing." The gunny was a little drunk too, but showed it less. Good thing neither one had anywhere to be.

A car drove up the driveway. Both watched it but made no move to get up or figure out who it was.

Gates emerged from of the car with two large bags of take out and a brown paper bag. "AJ?"

"DOC!" AJ waved. "Took your time getting here, lady."

Vic was on his feet in a second, swaying a little. He had not met Gates yet and only heard her referred to by AJ and Mac but he was still unclear on her relationship with AJ.

"AJ?" She smiled at Vic. "Who's your friend?"

AJ gave a sloppy nod toward the Gunny. "Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez … sorry … sorry … RETIRED Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez … meet Dr. Gates Madden."

"Ma'am." Was all the gunny could squeak out.

"It is nice to meet you, Vic." Her smile broadened and she reached her free hand to shake his. "If I may call you Vic?"

"Yes, ma'am." He took it carefully.

"Don't call me 'ma'am', Vic … makes me feel old." She squeezed his hand and let it go.

Vic nodded. He could not take his eyes off of her.

"Gates is another casualty of Kershaw, Gunny." AJ explained.

"We ought to form a club." Gates pushed the bags out for Vic to take. "Help me with these, would you doll?" She opened the screen door and was about to step through.

"Gates! Did you bring the scotch?" AJ asked.

"I did … but you need something to eat first."

"You running my life now, lady?" AJ said jokingly as Victor watched the interplay.

She exited into the house and called back out to him. "Not me, just don't want you to fall down and break your other leg."

Vic looked back at AJ. "Is she yours?" He asked a little too rudely but clearly off his game from the drink and from her smile.

"Nope … Gates belongs to no one."

"Hey, Vic … while it's hot!" Gates called from the house.

Vic snapped to attention and followed along after her.

AJ nodded. "She is not mine." He said quietly to himself. "But I damn sure not going to give her up to a Jarhead."

AJ tried to get up forgetting about the cast on his leg. He fell back down into the chaise. "Damn it!"

**1735 EST**

**Rabb Residence **

**North of Union Station**

"Damn it." Harm said pulling away from Mac's kiss struggling to get out of the sling.

"Not the reaction I was hoping to get." She smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

"Mac … it's this damn cast … I am going to cut it off." He tried to get up.

"Harm." She put her hand on him and guided him gently back down into the chair. "Harm … you don't need two arms to kiss me." She smiled and sat down on the edge of his chair wrapping her arm around him.

"Mac it has been a long time … it is going to be a long time." He complained. "And this isn't helping." He nudged her away from him.

It had been over two weeks since they had a chance to be alone … really alone … privately alone. And now that Harm's arm was in a cast, any time they could find would not really be conducive to being alone in that way.

"Harm." She cooed at him, letting her fingertips lightly outline his ear. "I missed you today." She whispered just before taking a little nibble.

He reached his good arm around her and pulled her down into his lap. And kissed her – kissed her well.

"Where is Mattie?" She murmured and he trailed a string of kisses down her throat.

"She'll be back any minute." He mumbled.

"Is she going out tonight?"

"No." He stopped and pulled back to look at her. "I'm sorry." He said earnestly. "She is still upset and I convinced her to have dinner with us and told her we'd play a game or watch a movie."

"OK." Mac said trying not to let her disappointment show. She leaned back away from him. "You said you talked to her."

"I did." He looked down. "She was scared."

"I can see why. You nearly got yourself killed." She stated. "I was scared."

"Don't make this about me, Mac. You were there. You could have been on the ground floor when the bomb went off." He tried to rein in his frustration. "You could have been killed too."

"I wasn't." She stated.

"I wasn't either … can we move on?" He had more to say on the subject, but it just would have been rehashing old stuff.

"One more thing." She said. "Mattie is a kid Harm who lost her mother not so long ago. I agree with her, she should be upset with you - scared."

"Thanks for the support." He pulled slightly away from her.

"NO, no … come on … hear me out."

"Mac, I understand all that … Mattie and I talked about it … she will deal with it in her own time and in her own way. I just have to be sensitive to that. Try to keep her in the know as much as possible."

Her eyes took on a lovely shine and smile.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, this is just a new you."

"Good or bad?"

"Very good." She kissed him quickly.

"Good."

"How was the movie?" She asked.

"It didn't help … in fact it made it worse."

"Worse?"

He laughed a little. "She says I am no Jason Bourne."

"Well, I see her point." Mac nodded and ran her fingers through his hair. "Matt Damon has more of that blonde youthful preppy look and you have more of that aging GQ Tog Gun thing going on." She smiled at him playfully.

"Oh really …" He pulled her close. "Aging, huh?"

"Bourne's not my type anyway." She consoled. "I like my man to remember who I am."

"I remember … all I can do these days."

She leaned in and got very close to his mouth. "Well let me refresh your memory." She laughed and leaned back. "Guess you are not as handicapped as you think you are."

"Guess not." He pulled her to him.

The kiss was cut short when they heard Mattie in the hall.

"Can you remember where we were?" She asked.

He groaned his answer and released her from his hold.

Mattie came blasting in like a whirlwind talking a mile a minute. She barely said hello to Mac. She dropped the groceries and said that she would be back in an hour to fix dinner. She needed to take a shower … she dropped a bottle of olive oil on herself at the store. Before Harm or Mac could respond, she was gone.

Mac started putting the groceries away. "So I talked to Gates today."

Harm got up and followed her to the kitchen. "Heard she got canned."

"Yeah … worse than that." Mac explained. "She and Admiral Schnarr share a past."

"Share a past?"

"Well … at least they shared a husband."

Harm was confused.

"Evidently Gates' second husband is the admiral's first and second husband."

"How do you know this?"

"Gates was at the office when the admiral stopped my mine."

"Little cat fight in the bull pen."

Mac smiled. "I am asking Gates to not meet me at the office any more."

"I got a message from the admiral today. She wants to debrief tomorrow about the assignment in Afghanistan and the case in Naples."

"'Debrief' is not the right word for it." This was the conversation she had been dreading since that morning. "She wants to rake you over the coals."

"What?"

"I got is this morning." Mac looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I can take it. She is a tough woman." She smiled weakly. "I am tougher."

Harm wrapped his arm around her. "I know you are." He kissed her cheek.

Mac's face covered with concern.

"What is going on Mac?"

"She is going to split us up, Harm."

"Did she say that?" He was now also full of concern.

"Not specifically … but I think her friendship with the SecNav is going to be the end for us at JAG."

**End Chapter One … **


	2. 2

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Two

By: LizD

**Written: **Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Two - Don't Let The Door Hit You …**

**1206 EST - Thursday**

**JAG Headquarters**

The admiral's door opened and Harm walked out. Jennifer Coates had been waiting on pins and needles to see what happened. It had been over an hour since Harm had gone in there. He made brief eye contact, nodded, shrugged and left. Jennifer could not read his expression. She was just about to follow when the admiral called for her. She would have to find out what happened later.

Harm reached his car; his phone rang.

"So, how did it go?" Mac asked.

Harm looked up at her window. She was watching him.

"I don't know." He shrugged again. "I honestly don't have a clue."

"What happened?"

"She did most of the talking … I have to tell you, this woman does her research. She knew more about me than I did."

"What do you mean?"

"She had a whole score card on all the cases I had ever tried or been affiliated with – wins, losses, who I opposed, who was co-counsel etc." He looked away. "It was kind of spooky … like the stats that get reported during sporting events … it was too much."

"You think she has one on all of us?"

"I do." He laughed. "She is a computer wiz. She made that thing do stuff that I don't even think Bill Gates knew it could do."

Mac sighed. "So … now what?"

"I think she is fact finding."

"Fact finding?"

Harm noticed the admiral coming out the front door. He turned away. "Can you take a lunch?" He said into the phone softly.

"Harm, I don't think we should be seen together."

"What?" He watched the admiral get into her car and leave.

"I'm serious … I don't think we should fraternize at work any more."

"Fraternize?" The admiral was safely out of range and he looked back up at Mac's window. "That's ridiculous."

"No it's not. If we want to continue to work together, we shouldn't see each other."

Harm snapped his attention back to her window.

She quickly looked away. "At work." She explained. "We shouldn't see each other at work."

"That is unacceptable." He said sternly.

"You just said WHAT to me?" She jumped back at him.

"That is unacceptable … look Mac, if we can't see each other at work … why bother to work together?"

"Harm, we can't talk about this now." She turned away again.

"Yes we can … get your six down here … now." He ordered.

"Sorry commander, I have a meeting in twenty-six minutes."

"Then we can talk for twenty-five."

"Harm."

"Mac … you can't make unilateral decisions like that."

"I didn't." She defended.

"It sure sounded like you did."

"By Monday this whole discussion may be decided for us." Mac was morose and resigned. She had tossed and turned all night and that morning had accepted their fate … well what looked to be their fate.

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning one or both of us could be shipped off to Iceland or Japan or New Jersey."

"Or the Pentagon … or Quantico … or hell, I don't know." Harm on the other hand had lain in bed the night before, not sleeping but playing out all kinds of scenarios in his head to keep them together … at least in the evenings and on the weekends. The nights would be sporadic at best with Mattie still living down the hall and given the newness of their relationship. "We have to come up with a plan … meet it head on."

"Do we?" She asked.

"You don't think so?"

"I think we have to wait and see what happens. Deal with what is in our control and accept what is not." She said fatally.

"Mac everything is in our control … and I will be damned if I am going to lose you now."

She looked back out the window. "Harm, you aren't going to lose me."

"I want a hell of a lot more than phone calls, e-mails and liberty, marine."

Mac was silent. She did too, but she didn't want to get her hopes up.

"Mac?"

"Yeah, I do too … but -."

"But nothing. We need to talk about this."

"Yeah, I guess we do."

"Tonight … I'll meet you for dinner at that Chinese place in Georgetown."

"What about Mattie?"

"Mattie will be fine … this is important."

"I don't want to fight in the restaurant."

"Who says we are going to fight?" He asked innocently but with a tone that said he would fight regardless of where they were.

She waited.

"OK … Ok … We'll do take out." He sighed. "Go back to your place."

Mac tried to change the plan. "Why don't you let me pick dinner up and I will meet you at yours."

"Cause you know damn well we will be interrupted at my place … I'll see you at 1900."

"Harm, I am not trying to avoid this."

"It sure looks that way." He pouted.

"I'm not … I just don't think we have as much input to this decision as you seem to think we do."

"Is that because you don't want to try to find a way to stay together?" He pushed hard.

"How can you say that to me?" Mac shut it down. "Ok, clearly we can't do this on the phone … I am not going to say another word until tonight."

"Fine."

"Don't be mad at me." She softened her voice.

"I'm not."

"You are and you are going to stew all day and by time 1900 rolls around you are going to be fit to be tied and we'll fight and not resolve anything."

He said nothing.

"Harm? … Harm … Harm, I love you."

He looked back up at her window. She was looking down on him. He shook his head. "You can't use that line to get whatever you want, you know." He was disappointed.

"I know … but I do love you."

"I'll see you tonight." He stated flatly turning back to lean on his car.

"Not going to return the sentiment?" She said coyly.

"At the moment I am a little confused." He did not look up at her.

"About your feelings for me?"

"About your feelings for me … we'll talk later." He ended the call, made one brief glance back up, nodded slightly and climbed into the car.

Harm was just outside the gate when he saw Sturgis driving up. They each rolled down their windows.

"Hey. How you doing?" Sturgis asked.

"Ok."

"How'd it go with the admiral?"

Harm needed to talk. About his meeting with the admiral but he actually needed to talk to someone about Mac. Was Sturgis his best choice? Frankly, Sturgis was the only choice. "Do you have some time right now?" Harm asked.

Sturgis checked his watch. "I do." He nodded. "Where?"

"Benzinger's?"

"Right behind you."

**Benzinger's**

**A short while later**

"Well, what did you think was going to happen?" Sturgis asked as he fixed his tea with sweet-n-low and lemon.

"I knew it would happen sooner or later, but I had hoped it would be later." Harm took a bite of bread.

"What is it that you want, Harm?"

"I want more time." Harm said honestly.

Sturgis laughed into his tea glass. "More time? You've had an eight year courtship, how much more time do you need."

Harm shook his head and laughed at his friend's directness. "We are not ready to be separated by duty stations – it will set us back too far."

"Harm, you and Mac will survive." He added. "You will probably survive better apart than you would together."

"What does that mean?"

"It means – brother of mine – you and Mac will not be allowed to work as a team. Admiral Schnarr has made it very clear that no two seniors will be assigned the same side in a case."

"We have opposed each other before."

"Yes, yes you have. And you have gone at each other with everything you have, including some really nasty strategies and more than one rude remark."

"That won't happen again."

"I see." Sturgis raised and eyebrow. "So you will not defend your client zealously nor will you prosecute one of Mac's clients with every tool in your box?"

"Tool in my box?" He raised an eyebrow at Sturgis.

"You know what I mean."

"Of course I will and so will Mac."

"Naturally, you are both highly professional." He paused (more for effect). "Let me ask you something, would you be able to not use information gathered from Mac due to the intimate nature of your relationship to help your case?"

"Meaning what?" Harm snickered. "You think Mac talks in her sleep?"

Sturgis waved him off he was not about to discuss their sex life. "Say you are at dinner one night, she slips something about an interview with Subject X the next day. You had not thought that Subject X was involved. Now you have been given a clue to her strategy, would you use it?"

"Probably." Harm answered honestly.

"Would use something you over heard her say on the phone when she took a call in your presence?"

"I wouldn't eavesdrop."

"But if you just over heard it."

"More than likely."

"Is that ethical?" He didn't wait for Harm's answer. "What if you were trying to throw her off track, would you let something slip – feed her a little red herring?"

He laughed. "I have done it in the past."

"And you would do it again."

"To defend a client." Harm justified.

"What would that do to your relationship?"

"Mac and I are professionals – we can differentiate between inside and outside the courtroom."

"You are going to sit there and try to make me believe that if Mac bested you because she knew something about you, used a weakness, you could leave it in the court room?"

He shrugged a 'no'.

"Do you think Mac would?"

Harm shook it away. "We both want justice." He evaded.

"AH, yes .. justice. According to whom? The two of you? So you two will decide if the client is guilty and what the sentence should be. WOW … what an idea, save the government a lot of money in court costs. We should just let you and Mac hash it out."

Harm shook his head and looked away. Sturgis was now just playing devil's advocate.

"Seriously Harm ... think about it." He drove his point home. "The mere hint of impropriety…"

"I know, I know, I know." Harm nodded. "Look, I am not saying that we should be allowed to work together, but …"

"But what?"

"But I don't understand why Mac is so willing to accept this."

"What is the alternative?"

"Reassignment here in Washington." Harm said triumphantly.

"If wishes were horses, my friend."

"It could happen." Harm defended.

"It is a valid option … it won't be with the JAG corps."

"I know." Harm shrugged. "Hell, I quit before because of Mac, I'll quit again."

Sturgis didn't believe that Harm would quit the Navy again. Truthfully, Harm didn't believe it either.

Harm changed the subject. "What do you think of the admiral, Sturgis?"

"I like her." Sturgis answered quickly.

"Why?" He was puzzled.

"She is direct, fair minded. She reminds me of a basketball coach I had once. He came in midseason when the team was really hurting. He studied all our game tapes and reviewed the records and talked to each of us. He shook us up pretty good, changed our positions, our practice routines, he even dropped a couple of the stars and brought up some of the third string in order to make a better team. It was impressive to see a man who had not met any one of us before turn us into a winning team."

"Did you? Win I mean."

"Yeah, actually … not the division title, but we actually placed better than expected and the next year we won."

"I wonder what the stars who were cut thought." Harm asked rhetorically.

**1845 EST – Hop Li's **

**Georgetown**

Harm waited in the bar for his order to be ready. He was sipping on a beer.

"Hey sailor, come here often." Cooed a sexy voice from his side.

Harm turned to see Gates standing behind him.

"Gates, how are you?" He said with a wry smile.

"Dandy, just dandy." She matched his temper.

"Sorry about that whole firing thing."

Gates waved it off. "No big deal … I'll land on my feet."

"I am sure you will." He smiled tentatively at her. "Thanks for your help."

"For my Lady Mac – there is nothing I wouldn't do."

Harm had had enough of comments like that from Gates. They just didn't fit some how. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Depends on how personal it is."

"If you care about Mac as much as you say you do, how is it that you lost contact with her for almost eighteen years?"

Gates studied him for a moment. She was unsure how to answer. She was more unsure of his motive for asking.

"Commander?" Victor Galindez came up behind Gates and greeted Harm.

"Gunny. This place must be more popular than I thought." He was just about to introduce the Gunny to Gates.

Gates headed him off and stuck her arm through Vic's. "Mac told me how great this place was, so Vic and I thought we'd check it out?"

"You two are here together?" Harm's surprise was hard to hide.

"We are." Gates said proudly.

Harm just nodded. Vic smiled confidently.

"Commander Rabb?" Came a new voice.

Harm looked over Gates' shoulder to see who it was. "Special Agent Gibbs." Harm stated.

Gates turned to Gibbs who was standing behind her. "Gibbs? – Lost my number, huh?" She accused as they fell into a surprise embrace.

Gibbs's face was unchanged but it was clear that Gibbs and Gates a little bit of a past.

Harm turned to Gunny. "Gunny, this is Agent Gibbs, NCIS – Gibbs, Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez."

"Retired." The gunny corrected.

The two men shook hands.

"It was Gibbs who tried to pin Loren Singers' murder on me." Harm explained to Gunny.

Gunny looked back at Gibbs, as did Gates. She had not heard this part of the story from Mac yet.

Gibbs quickly pointed out the rest of the story. "And I was also the one who proved you didn't do it."

Harm laughed. "That you did." He reached his hand out. "I suppose I never thanked you for that."

"No thanks necessary." He shook his hand. "Doing my job."

"Did you need to enjoy it so much?" Harm said snidely.

"Perk." He smiled back.

Gibbs looked at the Gates. "So Gates, how have you been? What is new in shrunken spookville?"

"Don't know – they canned my butt." Gates laughed.

"You knew they would one day." He took a quick scan of Gunny then back at Gates. "Come see me tomorrow."

"Need a shrink at NCIS?"

"Maybe … call me. Gotta go." He looked at the men. "Rabb. Gunny."

Harm nodded. The Gunny had no reaction but it was clear he did not like Gibbs. Was it because of Gates or what he had done to Rabb?

Gibbs left. Harm's order was ready and Gates and Vic's table was available. The chance meeting was adjourned.

**1903 EST**

**MacKenzie Residence**

Mac arrived home. Harm was already there. He actually only arrived minutes before and was setting dinner up.

Mac dropped her briefcase by the door and started unbuttoning her coat. "Honey, I'm home." She called playfully.

A little pang went through Harm. He wanted her to come home to him, that's what this fight was all about. He wanted her close and she was willing to be half a world apart. "Hi." He said dismissively.

Mac knew he was still upset about earlier. It was going to be a long night. "Do I have time to change?" She said touching his arm, stopping him long enough to give him a quick kiss.

"Quickly." He said struggling to get the cap off the Snapple bottle with his one good hand. "We could nuke it later if you want to take a shower."

"Can you join me?" She took the bottle from him and opened it with a quick snap and did the same for the other one.

He raised his cast to show that he should not shower – well THAT KIND of shower with it on, nor would it be as much fun.

She nodded a little disappointed. "I'll be right back."

True to her word she was back in minutes. She had changed into running shorts and a tank top and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Though the outfit was not designed to be sexy or alluring, it left little to the imagination.

She joined Harm at the table. He had already started in on the egg rolls and was reading the front page of the paper. She started dishing up their plates like they were an old married couple, picking out the red peppers from his tofu and vegetables and giving him her mushrooms from the Kung Pao.

"How was your day?" She asked casually putting the plate down in front of him and moving the soy sauce closer.

"Mattie is still harping on this trip to Vermont." He put the paper down and gave her his full attention.

"What do you think?" She asked.

"If Chloe's grandmother wants to deal with another teenager for a week or more, who am I to say 'no'."

"Should I give her a call?" Mac offered.

"Sure." He answered. "Or I can."

"What about us going to pick her up … maybe try to fit a couple of days for ourselves?"

He studied her for a moment. That night was supposed to be about what they were going to do if they got transferred out of JAG to far off locations, plans for Mattie to go to Vermont or whether or not they could have a romantic weekend away were silly to entertain at the moment. "Sure."

Mac was quiet. Harm was clearly obsessing about impending changes – alleged impending changes and she knew enough to know that he should be the one to bring it up.

"Have you talked to Gates recently?" He asked avoiding his first agenda item.

"Yesterday." She took the last egg roll and split it and put half on his plate.

"Did you know that she is dating the Gunny?" He gave her back the half a roll.

"Dating the gunny? My gunny?" She reached over with her chopsticks and took a shrimp.

"Our gunny … yes." He corrected, not caring about the shrimp.

"How do you know?"

"I ran into her at Hop Li's." His frustration was building; he put down his chopsticks. "I am always running into that woman. Why is that? How well do you really know her anyway? She apparently had a relationship with Gibbs too."

"Gibbs? Gibbs?" Mac knew the name but couldn't place it. "Special Agent Gibbs? NCIS? That Gibbs?"

"Yeah. He showed up at Hop Li's too – this town is getting too damn small -- and they clearly had a past – and a future – he suggested that she come see him tomorrow."

"Harm." She tried to reel him back in.

"Seriously, how well do you know that woman?"

"THAT WOMAN is my oldest and dearest friend." She met his ire with her gentle steady resolve. "I know her very well."

"You KNEW her … when you two were kids … eighteen years ago, Mac. Are you anything like you were when you were eighteen?"

She leaned back in her chair and chose her words carefully. "Actually Harm, you would be surprised to know how much I am."

"AA … the marines … being a lawyer … haven't changed you?"

"They have changed my behavior and given me some tools to work with as I go through life, but no, I am pretty much the same person I always was – a little more forgiving and accepting of people and their flaws and foibles, I hope."

Humph He looked away.

"Harm you are not upset about Gates, why don't we talk about what is really bothering you."

He also leaned back but did not choose his words so carefully. "You are."

She sighed and put her napkin up by her plate. Dinner was over. "Why?"

"You know why." He pushed his plate away roughly.

"Don't start that with me Rabb!" She got mad. "We made promises to each other: promises about talking things through, about not assuming that we know what the other is thinking or feeling. We promised we would ask questions and actually stick around to hear the answers."

"Oh, but one of us making unilateral decisions about how we are to behave is perfectly acceptable." He lobbed back at her. "Guess we should have made some kind of promise about that."

She pulled the band out of her hair and shook her head letting her hair fall messily around her shoulders. It was a sexy move and she did it on purpose to disarm him.

He knew she did and did not react – overtly.

She pushed the hair off her face messily and fixed her eyes on him. "Let's get one thing straight, Rabb. OK? I love you and I want to work on a relationship with you ---."

He looked away.

"Look at me." She waited until he turned back. "A transfer for either one or both of us is not my choice."

"IF – IF we are being transferred." He corrected. "Nothing is set in stone."

"If not now Harm, in the future." She stated emphatically.

If they were to get married or have a baby together, one of them would have to transfer out of JAG.

She continued. "The days of the two of us at JAG HQ are over. Times have changed – OUR situation has changed. We have to be prepared to adapt with them. There are rules."

"Rules are made to be --." He didn't finish his thought. "That doesn't mean when the orders come through for Japan, Iceland or … or … or New Jersey that we have to roll with them. Buck up and take it." He stated. "We have come too far."

"We have come too far to let different duty stations ruin what we have and might have in the future."

He exhaled and let his irritation go with it – as much as he could. She was right. He dropped his gazed and rubbed his hands over his face. "It won't."

"Then what are you so upset about?"

"I hate not being in control. I hate not knowing what to expect from this admiral. I hate that we are forced to deal with this right now. All I want is some time …"

"Time to get your bearings?"

"Yes." He reached out and took her hand. He realized that that was what she had been asking for when they decided to wait to try to have a baby. "Can't things stay status quo for just a little while?"

Harm actually anticipated that everything would change in four to six months. Mattie would be back with her father and only seeing him (them) every other weekend. He would have asked Mac to marry him and she would have been done with her six months of hormone therapy. Yes, Harm expected that everything would be different in a few months. But different duty stations would screw those plans all to hell.

"For just a little while longer?" He asked again.

Mac smiled and squeezed his hand. "Apparently not."

He smirked. "I guess I should have known that."

"What else is bothering you?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I wish you wouldn't be so willing to pack your bags." He said trying to be serious but not overly dramatic.

"It may not be me packing, Harm."

"It shouldn't be. You have worked hard at JAG - I have too many blotches on my record. It should be me." He stated chivalrously.

"It should be." She smiled broadly.

He cocked his head. "I wish you wouldn't be so willing to help me pack mine."

"I'm not, Harm." She leaned in. "I am really not." She pulled him to her for a kiss. It was a very loving tender kiss.

He responded well and was moderately reassured.

"I just don't see a way around it." She continued. "We are both too close to our twenty to quit."

"One of us could get an assignment out of JAG but still stay in Washington - at the Pentagon, the White House, wherever."

"Harm, those positions are not like apples, you can't just go pick one."

"We have enough connections, one of us ought to be able to draw something."

"It better be fast, I think Admiral Schnarr is going to move quickly on this."

**0900 EST – Monday**

**JAG Headquarters**

All JAG personnel were assembled in one of the courtrooms including the new Lt JG's. Admiral Schnarr stepped through the doors at 0900 sharp, with Jennifer Coates following along after her.

"Attention on deck." Coates called.

The assembly came to attention.

"At ease." The admiral stated when she reached the bench and turned to survey her people.

"Good morning. I have had a chance to review all files and to speak with each of you. I understand that under Admiral Chegwidden you were quite the family. I hate to break up a family, but you will find that I run things a little differently than he did. First and foremost, I must commend you all on the exemplary record this office holds. You handle more cases with less personnel than any other military branch. Our budget is smaller and our research facilities are antiquated – at best. Please congratulate yourselves. I am honored to have been chosen to serve with this group. However, it is the SecNav's wish that this office be utilized for only the highest profile cases, leaving the minor ones to their duty station's JAGs. Therefore cuts must be made. Those of you being transferred have been given your orders and have a week to report."

Harm and Mac didn't dare look at each other, but they had heard nothing from the admiral or anyone all weekend. A weekend that they did not part company and viewed as maybe their last weekend together in a very long time. It was very romantic in spite of the cast on Harm's arm.

The admiral continued. "I am sorry we won't get to serve with each other on a daily basis, but believe me when I say that I have every confidence in you in your new assignments and I will be checking in with you from time to time. The rest of you will remain at your current positions – with some shuffling of offices and desks to allow for a more cohesive workflow. Petty Officer Coates will be in charge of getting that taken care of. I would like to introduce the three newest members of our team, Lt. JG Carroll Clark, Lt. JG Samuel Chance and Lt. JG Lillian Dorn. These three will be paired – as partners – with the three seniors. I expect each senior and lieutenant to form a team – a partnership. Seniors you will treat these lieutenants like they are your apprentices, you will mentor them to one day take your place. One more person I would like to introduce is our civilian liaison for information systems. His name is Kent Voss and he will be here for a short term analyzing our systems and designing and implementing plans for improvement. Please give him your complete cooperation and try his suggestions before you decide that they don't work." The admiral laughed.

A nervous laugh rippled through the group.

"Please take the next forty-five minutes to discuss amongst yourselves these changes. I want you back at your stations at 1000. There will be a watering down at …" She looked at Jennifer.

"McMurphy's." Coates helped.

"McMurphy's on Friday night to welcome the new and send off our people." She was about to dismiss them. "Oh, one more thing. Commander Turner has submitted and I have accepted his resignation. This event on Friday will also serve to send him off to civilian life. That is all. Dismissed."

She picked up her folders and strode from the room.

Small groups broke up to discuss the changes.

Harm and Mac just looked stunned. Turner approached them. "Congratulations you two, you got your wish." He clapped Harm on the shoulder and whispered, "Be careful what you wish for."

Bud joined them. "Looks like it will be the three of us." Bud smiled up at both Mac and Harm.

Harm was still stunned. "Matoni?" He asked.

Turner nodded. "And I stepped out … not sure if it made any difference. She was ready to send me back to Groton."

"You resigned your commission?" Mac asked.

"Varese and I are getting married." His face finally broke into a Cheshire cat grin.

Congratulations were exchanged.

"When did all this happen?" Harm asked.

"This weekend." Sturgis's smile could not be contained.

"You just popped the question and decided to up an quit?" Mac was surprised. It was so unlike Turner to do something so spontaneous.

"Well, I have my man Rabb here to thank." Sturgis explained.

Mac and Bud looked over at Harm.

"Me? What did I have to do with it?" He was still reeling from all that had happened that morning.

"After our conversation last week – I started thinking and then Varese and I started talking … one thing led to another."

Harm and Mac exchanged a look. They started thinking and they started taking and their 'one thing that led to another' was them spending the weekend together convinced that they would be parted soon. They were trying to build a few more memories that would carry them through the days, weeks and months ahead.

"So what is the plan?" Harm prodded.

"Varese has family in Chicago and my father wants to go back there. We decided that if she were going to be touring, then we wanted home base to be home and home is Chicago."

"Are you going to manage her?" Mac asked.

"Probably … I am a lawyer you know." He laughed. "But mostly I want to take care of dad … and we want to start a family of our own."

Harm clapped him on the shoulder. "Can't believe that you would quit the Navy – I thought you were a lifer."

"No, it was never really my dream. It was Dad's dream."

More congratulations were shared. Harm and Mac did not have a moment alone to discuss the lucky hand they drew before it was time to report back to work. Immediately they were called into a staff meeting.

Rabb, MacKenzie and Roberts were seated on one side of the table. Clark, Chance and Dorn were seated opposite. Schnarr walked in.

They all came to attention.

"As you were." She stated sitting down. "She looked down one side of the table and then down the other. She was satisfied with the line up. "Take a look at the person sitting across from you. Meet your new partner."

Commander Harmon Rabb  Lieutenant JG Carroll Clark

Colonel Sarah MacKenzie  Lieutenant JG Samuel Chance

Lieutenant Commander Bud Robbers  Lieutenant JG Lillian Dorn

The admiral spent minutes passing out new assignments (some pulled from Mattoni and Turner) and others were new. She discussed her expectations and her requirements. She was instigating a Monday staff meeting at 0800 to discuss the strategy for the week and a Friday meeting at 1700 to discuss the progress made. She expected that they would make arrangements to be at both meetings and to come fully prepared. Further her door was open, and would leave it to them to decide if she needed to be advised about some new turn of events outside of those two meetings.

She suggested that the JG's go find Petty Office Coates for their desk assignments etc. She wanted a moment to speak to the seniors.

When they were alone, she started in. "I want you to know that you three were my choice to stay in this office. Your records are exemplary and your legal work – while not always by the book is some of the best I have seen. You three have served under Admiral Chegwidden for eight years. I presume that in that time you have become very close as officers and as friends."

Harm thought that that could apply to a number of situations not just to his new relationship with Mac. Them being God parents to AJ, them staying behind when Bud was injured, etc.

"You have worked yourself into a routine that is comfortable for you. While that routine will be changing, and some of it will be hard to understand or accept, I expect that it will not reflect in your work. Please know that you will not be paired together. Opposing each other in court consistently can take a toll on your personal relationship, but I do not expect that with you three. Again, you have worked together for years, have opposed each other across a courtroom in the past and served the Navy's interested impeccably."

They did not respond but rather nodded their agreement and gratitude.

"I don't anticipate that the four of us will be friends even after eight years. That is not my style. I believe that the personal lives of those people under my command are just that – personal." She let her eyes rest on Mac. "I will respect your privacy as I expect you to respect mine." Mac felt the weight of that comment and was grateful that she knew little about the details of Gates and Schnarr. "You are my senior officers and I expect you to behave as such – no one knows the rules and regs better than a JAG. Should a situation arise that would cause your personal life to interfere with your work life, I expect you to bring it to me before I hear about it. I am your commanding officer and I will support and defend you to the end. Don't make me regret that. Further, you will set the example for the junior officers and the enlisted personnel. There will be some new faces and some missed faces, but all of them will look to you for leadership before they look to me. You will provide it for them. Are we clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. One more thing – the days of this office being used and abused by … other government agencies are over. Don't ask for and don't expect those types of assignments. Questions or concerns?"

"No ma'am."

"Does anyone have anything to contribute?"

Harm looked at Bud and Mac and then back at the admiral. "Welcome aboard, ma'am. We look forward to serving under your command."

"Thank you." She stood up. They followed suit. "Let's get to work, people." She nodded crisply and left.

Bud looked at Harm and Mac. "This could be interesting." He smiled. "It could be good." He was just grateful that he didn't have to go home and tell his pregnant wife they had to move or that one of their close friends was moving. He left.

Harm sunk down into his chair. Mac sat down next to him.

"What the hell?" He said.

"Guess we got all worked up for nothing." She smiled.

"I'll say .. but that last bit about knowing the rules and regs … was that for us? Is she inviting one of us to step down?"

"I don't know … I don't think so … but we are going to need to talk about working together – set some ground rules."

"Don't start about not seeing each other at work."

"We are going to have to be careful … above reproach."

"We have done it in the past Mac, we will do in the future."

She smiled at him. "Yes, we will."

**End of Chapter Two**


	3. 3

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Three

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Three - What IS Behind Door Number Two?**

**1315 EST **

**French Bistro**

**Falls Church, VA**

"So, baby doll … how's your love life?"

Mac nearly choked on her tea. "You are asking me?"

Gates loved shocking Mac. "Of course I am asking you. You are the woman IN LOVE and with the MAN OF HER DREAMS … living out one of your harlequin fantasies."

"I wouldn't say …"

"So Harmon THE RABB is not the dream date you thought he would be?" Gates challenged. "The reality is a little bit more like a JOB than an ADVENTURE, eh?"

"Harm and I are fine." Mac stated emphatically, maybe a little too emphatically. "It's you that needs to talk your love life."

"Me?" Gate mocked effrontery. "I have no love life."

"Evidence to the contrary." Mac declared.

"Nothing to tell here, sweet pea." She laughed. "So has the Rabbster popped the question? Or are you two past that?"

"I don't want to talk about Harm and me." Mac stated.

"Why not?" Gates leaned in. "Trouble in paradise? Come on doll, you can tell me – I am a licensed - if not a practicing - psychiatrist"

"We are fine." Mac declared though her eyes shifted and her shoulders slumped enough to let Gates know she was not as sure as she was trying to lead Gates to believe.

Gates noticed. "Fine as in FINE or fine as in _fine_?" She asked.

"I don't know what the means." Mac waved her away. "What about you and the Gunny?"

"The Gunny?" Gates was thrown. "You mean Vic?" She could not contain her sly smile at the thought of Retired Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez.

Mac nodded grateful to have finally gotten her off the subject of Harm.

"Vic is … Vic is … Vic is 110 all American red blooded male …" Her eyes sparkled. "Damn, he knows how to treat a lady … in more ways than six, let me tell you."

"GATES!"

"You asked." She laughed. "I can't believe you worked with him for years and you two never …"

"A little stickler called RANK." Mac reminded her.

"A little stickler call RABB." Gates corrected.

Mac changed the subject again quickly. "I thought you and the Admiral were …"

"AJ?" Gates got a far away look in her eyes. "AJ is … wow … How do I describe him?" … You never hooked up with him either? Jesus, what are you a nun?"

Mac flashed back to the time the admiral almost kissed her. "Rank … chain of command … rules ... regulations."

"Guess that's why I would never have made it in the military." Gates nodded and looked past Mac. "Wow … AJ. He is a man among men … and I know men." She smiled warmly as she thought of him. "He is fascinating, absolutely fascinating. I could listen to him talk about anything … and you know me, getting me to shut up and listen to anyone who isn't paying me is a monumental feat."

"So which one are you dating?" Mac was getting frustrated. These were her friends, her co-workers that Gates was talking about them like … like … well, she was not giving them the respect that Mac wanted her to. They were no pieces of meat.

"Listen to you … what the hell is 'dating'?"

"Gates, these are friends of mine and they are going into business together." She stated seriously. "I don't want you playing one off the other for your own amusement."

"Have you always been such a prude?" Gates asked.

"I am serious." Mac was.

"You are always serious, you need to lighten up a little … boy getting sober sure has popped your balloon."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means; you used to be a lot more fun." She reached out to take Mac's hand so she wouldn't pull away – physically or emotionally. "You need to lighten up a little. Try to have some fun in life. Look at me – I have plenty of fun and I'm clean and sober."

It didn't work, Mac pulled away both physically and emotionally.

"Honey, you know I love you." Gates cajoled.

Mac nodded.

"Baby, come on. You have to admit, you are a bit of a control freak."

"I need to be." Mac averted her eyes.

"You needed to be … needed … past tense … Look at you now … a Colonel in the marines, a lawyer and a damned fine one … respected and … and you have been sober for what … eighteen years? I think you have mastered that demon. You can let loose a little on the reins."

Mac shook her head.

"Mac?"

"I fell off a few years back, been sober for six years and five months."

Mac wanted to tell her the number of times she wanted to drink during the aftermath of Sadik Fahd. She wanted to tell her that again it was a struggle every day as she drove past the liquor store or the bar on the way home. It was a struggle when Clay was in her bed, making love to her with alcohol on his breath and a glass on the nightstand. She wanted to tell her if it were not for her being a 'control freak', she would have fallen back off the wagon and there was no telling who or what would have gotten her back on not after all the she suffered at the hands of that man. She wanted to tell her that Harm – his love and acceptance - had eased the struggle, but she was terrified of staying that out loud. She did not want to replace one obsession with another. She didn't want to make Harm responsible for her not drinking. Mac was responsible. Mac was in control.

Gates watched as Mac's face painted with six different shades of pain. She moved closer to her. "Honey, I'm sorry. It was incredibly insensitive of me … and I – of all people - should know better."

Mac nodded and gave her a week smile.

"I want you to be happy, Sarah." She wrapped her arm around her. "I want you to have everything you want and deserve in life. I am so proud of you. Look how far you have come … and from where we started?"

Mac eyes were tearing up.

"Don't you know you are my hero?" Gates said playfully but seriously.

Mac wiped at the tears in her eyes and smiled through them. "If you say I am the wind beneath your wings, I think I will throw up."

"I have always hated that song." She leaned back still keeping her arm around Mac.

"Me too." Mac smiled through her tears.

"Hated that movie … hated that song … hated everything about it." She laughed. "And I love Bette. Hell, I would listen to her do scales."

Mac nodded slightly.

"But you are, darling." Her voice caught. It was Gates' turn to tear up. "You are … I don't how … I can't under-… you are ..."

"What?" Mac had not seen Gates break down like that, not in many years.

"Nothing." She smiled and forced a smile. "I just love you and I have missed so much of you in my life." Gates vainly wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Mac was back; her eyes were dry – well damp.

They were silent for a moment.

"Gates?"

"I never called you back." She burst out. "It was my turn and I never called you back."

Mac shook her head … this was from years ago. "Gates?"

"You called … you were drunk … babbling something about Chris … I think he hit you and you were scared about having a baby with him … he was too much like your father … it was all you talked about when you were drunk ... baby this, and baby that … I didn't call you back."

"I don't remember." Mac has sincerely forgotten how she lost touch with Gates, but had assumed that it was her own fault. Her life was pretty blurry back then.

"I do. … I was so mad … I needed to be mad …mad at everybody … I was mad at you."

"Mad at me?"

She nodded. "I screwed up." She laughed sarcastically. "Literally … I had just found out I was pregnant … I didn't want to get married and have a kid … not that Isaac had any intention of marrying me … I wanted to go to school … I didn't want … I didn't want what you wanted."

"Honey?"

"You were married, I wasn't … you wanted a baby. I didn't. I couldn't ask for your help … I couldn't talk to you … I couldn't deal with you and your needs … I never called you back." She took a deep breath. "I am so sorry."

"Gates, don't … honey … don't … I was so messed up … it took me months to sober up and two years in the marines before I even thought I could call you … call you to apologize … it was my fault … by then I had lost track of you. I'm sorry … I am sorry I wasn't there for you."

They hugged and cried in each other's arms for a moment. Gates finally pulled back. "This is ancient history … we were kids." She pulled a tissue from her purse to wipe her eyes.

"We were kids." Mac confirmed wiping at her own.

"No more apologies … no more living in the past … particularly that past … agreed?"

"Agreed."

They each took a few deep breaths.

"They will never let us back in this place." Gates laughed.

Mac shrugged. "What made you think of that?" Mac asked after a moment.

"Your man Rabb."

"Harm?"

"Asked me how I lost track of you for eighteen years." She laughed and wiped away the last of the tears insuring that her mascara was not running. "I'll give him one thing … he can sure ask some pointed questions."

"He asked you that? When?" Mac was confused.

"A few weeks back … when we met at that Chinese place in Georgetown."

"Right, when he saw you with Victor."

At that Gates laughed out loud. "How can this guy have such deep insight into one thing but be shallow as a pie pan in another?"

"The paradox of Harmon Rabb, Junior." She smirked. "How could he have worked beside me for eight years and not known how I felt about him?" Mac looked like she was making a major point.

"Well, that is easy." Gates laughed. "You're a prude."

"I am not a prude." Mac stated.

"Lady S, you are a prude whose mind is in the gutter. You see me getting to know both AJ and Vic and you assume I am sleeping with them?"

Mac shrugged a yes. "You were practically drooling when you were talking about Gunny and you went to Boston with AJ for two nights."

"And they only have one hotel room in that whole town, right?"

"Well."

"Baby, I may be a little wild ... but this is not the sixties." She smiled. "Free love isn't free anymore … it comes with a blood test and signed affidavits from past lovers … kind of takes the spontaneity out of it."

"Well … I mean … that is not an issue for you or AJ or Vic … and … well … men and women of a certain age …"

"Are we at that age already?" Gates laughed. "I thought I had another decade to go before I was THAT AGE."

"What about Gibbs?"

"Gibbs?" Gates was taken back. "Rabb … need to have a talk with that boy. Maybe he is the prude." She looked back at Mac. "First of all, I am not a red head … Gibbs is a sucker for red heads … thought about dying it for him when we first met, but ... nah, Gibbs and I are old dinner companions." She explained a little more. "I helped him … professionally … with a friend of his about a year ago and we discovered that we liked talking to each other … that is all. We are comrades."

"So you are just having dinner with these men?"

"Dinner, dancing, horseback riding, baseball … AJ said he was going to take me fishing when he gets the cast off his leg and we are going to go scuba diving. Vic is going to teach me how to shoot."

"That's it?"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, babe." She laughed. "To be honest, since you came back into my life, I have more men to chose from than I ever had in the past. Still can't believe you chose Rabb over AJ or Vic."

Mac ignored her last dig on Harm; she was relieved momentarily. "You know they are going to want more. … Eventually they are going to want more."

"Cause I am such a catch?" She thought it was silly.

"You are quite a catch, Gates." Mac confirmed. "What happens then?"

"Not crossing any bridge until I am right in front of it." She waved it away. "Who knows … maybe it won't be an option for me. Did you ever think of that?"

Mac hadn't. It never occurred to her that maybe AJ or Gunny were just in it for the company and would choose to not want to pursue a relationship with Gates. 'Pursue a relationship?' Mac thought. 'My God, I am a prude.'

"So enough about me … tell me ... how is your love life?" Gates stated again.

Mac sighed. Gates was like a dog with a bone, she would force Mac to talk about it.

**1623 EST**

**Roberts Residence**

"So, how's your love life, Mac?'

Mac sunk down on to the couch. She could not believe she had to go through that again – and not with Harriet.

"Fine, the question is how are you doing?"

"I am good." She smiled infectiously. "I am great. I missed this staying at home and nesting when I was pregnant before."

"You look healthy."

"I have never been healthier – eating rights, moderate exercise and lots of rest – as much as I can with two boys under my feet."

"That's fantastic." Mac nodded and reached out to gently caress Harriet's swelling stomach. "Do you know yet, boys or girls?"

"We are going to wait to find out." She leaned into keep her voice low. "Honestly … I would love two more little boys, but I think Bud wants a girl and a boy."

Mac nodded.

"What about you Mac? You thinking about having a baby?"

Mac smiled tentatively. "Thinking about it."

"For now?"

"For now." She confirmed.

Harriet was satisfied with the answer and decided to move on. "I am worried about Bud."

"What is going on with him?"

"He hates going to work."

"What? Why?" Mac had to admit she talked to Bud rarely at work anymore, only slightly less than she talked to Harm – at work.

"He doesn't like the new admiral – he thinks that she thinks he is stupid or something."

"Harriet, he has to know that is not true."

"No he doesn't." She looked at Mac quickly. "And he says he can't talk to you or Harm anymore."

"Why not?"

"Well he is either going up against one or the other of you and … he worries."

"He can't think that we would break a confidence." Mac was concerned.

"No, I think he is more worried that he would put one or the other of you in a position where you would have to keep something from the other."

"That is just silly." Mac stated.

Harriet shrugged. Sometimes Bud was silly.

"You have to know that nothing has changed for us - professionally."

Harriet shrugged. "Bud knows that but he wouldn't want to be the cause of anything to come between you two."

"Harriet, Harm and I are professionals and we can distinguish between work and … and … and not work." She nodded. "We are fine."

"Are you?"

"We are." Mac reached out and pressed Harriet's hand.

"Mac, you two don't look fine."

Mac was taken aback.

"Honestly – I am telling you this as a friend, as someone who knows and loves both of you … you two look … flat. Like all the air has gone out of you."

"What?" Mac defended. "That is just not true."

"Mac, there was more spark between you at the fourth of July picnic where you two said less than three words to each other than there has been in the last several weeks."

**2020 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

"We'll need to file the brief --." Harm was in mid-sentence when he opened the door to see Mac standing on the other side.

"Hi." Mac said quickly realizing that he was not alone.

"Hi." He answered with a private smile he used only for her.

"Colonel." Came Carroll Clarks voice from the dining room.

"Lieutenant." Mac nodded to the Lt JG.

Carroll Clark was in a t-shirt and jeans – rephrase – a TIGHT t-shirt and jeans with her hair down. She was sitting at Harm's dining room table with files, law books and dirty dishes from dinner spread out in front of her.

Harm was still in the uniform of the day (same as Mac) except his tie had been loosened slightly. "We were just finishing up, come in." He stepped back to let her in.

"I don't want to interrupt." Mac needed to pretend like she was expected. "I can come back, or we could do this tomorrow." She didn't want to let the JG think she just showed up willy-nilly. She did not look to Harm to give her an excuse, but she hoped that he would be smart enough to do it on his own.

"No, no, right on time. Come in, come in. The lieutenant and I were just wrapping things up. Can I make you some tea?" He was good – casual and clear. Nothing telegraphed, nothing that could be misinterpreted by his protégée. He was not giving anything away and he was keeping his lies simple … the first rule in any collusion.

"We had to work late." Carroll explained. "Harm cooked us dinner … it was fabulous … lobster ravioli."

Harm smiled at Mac. Dinner was leftovers. He had made the lobster ravioli for Mac two nights ago after they put Mattie on the train. It was actually their first quiet dinner together in weeks. It was a very romantic evening … they were celebrating him getting his cast off early. They got a good jump on the physical therapy that his arm would need.

"The commander is an excellent cook." Mac smiled at Carroll again not trying to imply anything other than this chick was not the first person Harm had cooked for.

"OK … lieutenant." Harm said. "Proceed with what we talked about and I will catch up with you tomorrow morning after the interview."

"I would like to join you for the interview." She said with a little too much sugar on her tongue.

Harm started closing the law books and folders and organizing the mess on the table. "We will need to divide our efforts if we are to be ready for court the following morning."

Still Carroll was not moving.

"Thank you for working late this evening, I will try not to make a habit of it." He was dismissing her as politely as he could.

Carroll finally stood and stretched … displaying her … shall we say 'wares'? "I don't mind … I have a lot to learn … about more than cooking."

Harm nodded.

Lieutenant JG Carroll Clark had a hell of a lot more than 'a lot' to learn … she had to learn it all. If Harm were asked, he would have said she hadn't cracked a book all through law school. Working with her was worse than a nightmare, but he was trying … he was trying to do what was expected, to not rock the boat and to not draw any attention to himself. Why? That didn't sound like the Harmon Rabb we have come to know and love. So why? He was doing it for Mac … so they could continue to work together … well at least work in the same office even if they weren't really working together.

All they were able to have in the past few weeks were chance meetings in the break room, the occasional lunch and then there were the few times that they had the opportunity to go head-to-head in the courtroom. He liked that best. At least then he was sitting three feet away from her, he could look at her, talk around her and he could try to out think her. It was a weird kind of foreplay (in Harm's mind) to spend his days trying to think like she thought and to think of ways to beat her. He had to admit that the more intimate knowledge he had of her both helped and hurt his abilities as a lawyer. He knew her moves better and could anticipate them, however he became distracted – at times - listening to an argument she was making and missed an objection or two. It would be a little bit of a struggle, but he was up for it.

They kept their courtroom life and their private life separate … almost to a fault. Harm did not talk about his JG and she did not talk about hers. They did not comment – in the off hours – about the new policy and procedures. They were going out of their way to make it work. All it severed to do was water down the work they were doing and sadly it watered down most of everything else too.

The kettle whistled to tell all that the water was hot. Mac reached over and took it off the burner and he opened the door for Clark.

"Good night." He stated clearly. "Thanks again for working late."

"Good night colonel." She nodded to Mac. "Good night **_Harm_**." She smiled and left.

Harm watched her go and closed the door behind her. Without giving her a second thought he turned his attention again to clearing the table. "How are you?" He asked casually.

Mac had watched the whole exchange. "She likes you … **_Haaarrrm_**." She let his name roll off her lips as Carroll just had – well a little more emphatically.

"Huh?" Harm was not listening.

"She is flirting with you."

"Is she?" He really hadn't paid any attention to the female wiles of Lt JG Carroll Clark.

"Yes Harm." She said loudly. "You need to be careful."

He looked back at her. "Why? I haven't done anything wrong."

"Nor do I expect that you will … but she is prepared to pick up any crumb you drop." She nodded.

He shook his head. She was overreacting.

"You might want to keep this little mentorship at the office." She warned.

He smiled broadly at her. "Jealous?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You want me to be jealous of that little piece of fluff?"

"I just want to know why you aren't." His eyes flashed playfully.

"Because I trust you?" She offered.

He shook his head and dumped the dishes in the sink.

"Because I know you well enough to know that you are not going to throw your career away on a fraternization charge with some blonde-haired blue-eyed playmate of the month who batted her lashes at you."

He leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. Still not the answer he was looking for.

"Because you know that if you did do anything with Lieutenant JG Malibu Barbie I would slice you into little pieces and feed you to my fish."

He laughed. "You don't have any fish."

"I would get some just to feed you to them."

"Just so long as you aren't jealous." He smiled and went back to doing the dishes.

"Tea?" She asked still waiting for him.

"Sure … water is hot." He nodded to the kettle.

Mac finally felt it. She was no longer a guest in the house. Now she was making her own tea. At least she wasn't darning socks yet.

A little while later Mac was sitting on the couch checking her messages and Harm had finished cleaning the kitchen and tidying up the dining room table. He came over and sat down in the chair next to her. It had still not been revealed why Mac was there, but in Harm's mind she didn't need a reason to come over at any time of day or night. So there was no reason to ask. The fact that Mattie was out of town meant she was staying all night – at least he assumed she would stay all night.

He was making notes in a file.

Mac was still retrieving her messages. "Had some weird conversations today." She said casually.

Mac was still processing Gates' questions Gates. It hadn't ended with 'How was your love life?' With Gates it never ended with one direct question. Mac had to admit that the situation she found herself in was not what she had expected. Then Harriett swooped in and – popped her balloon (sorry). Was it a plot? Was it a plan? Was it just a coincidence? Was Venus aligned with Mars? What was the real answer? How was Mac and Harm's love life?

So how was their love life?

Honestly? They had fallen back into a version of their friendship mode. It was better than it ever had been but it was also – dare I say routine. They ran together every morning and spoke on the phone (if they couldn't be together) the last thing every night. The got together as often as time and work would allow for dinner or whatever. They were doing what a normal working couple would do.

But HOW were they doing?

Personally their discussion topics were limited. Often Mattie was around which naturally and expectedly cramped their private time. However, she helped more than she hurt. They found that they agreed about a lot of the parental decisions and they liked being together as a family unit – it opened some doors that otherwise would have been left closed. So that took care of the present. Neither one was comfortable talking about the past as yet (still too many wounds to heal, explanations to be given and apologies to be exchanged) – not to mention – the past was past, both wanted to move on. The future was still a little too scary to discuss. There were next logical steps to come to terms about (marriage, kids, living arrangements, duty stations) but they would be HUGE steps. This time was for baby steps and maintaining the status quo. They were getting their bearings. That's what they asked for. Time to get their bearings. (Be careful what you wish for.)

The big problem – rather biggest (as not to imply that it was a HUGE or insurmountable problem just something that needed to be addressed) was that they were trying so hard at the office to **NOT** reveal their personal connection that their personal connection suffered. It was understood that the admiral didn't like idle chit chat at work. There was very little of a personal nature – for anyone – discussed within the hallowed walls of JAG anymore. No laughing, no playful banter, no respectfully submitted dissenting opinions, no sharing of information nor any casual consultations between attorneys related to current cases or investigations. It was all pretty dry. Most of the attention was focused on the JGs. They were the admiral's pet project. Her teacher side was showing through and flavoring the office. They were also swamped. Down two attorneys spread them all pretty thin. So there you have it. A lot of work, very little time to process or play together and overcompensating was their biggest problem.

"With whom?" He didn't look up.

"Huh?" She asked.

"With whom did you have these weird conversations?" He was still making notes in a file.

She didn't answer. She was listening to a message and making notes. "I need to return a couple of these." She said putting down her phone.

He looked up. The SOP for that comment was for the other person to excuse himself or herself. "Ok. I'll go take a shower." He folded his file and got up.

She grabbed his hand before he could get too far away. "Hey." She smiled playfully at him.

He leaned down and kissed her. "Hi … I'm glad you came by."

"Me too."

He stroked her cheek and retreated toward the bedroom.

"For the record." She called after him.

"Yeah." He looked back at her.

"You are going to have to seriously make up to me."

"Oh really … why is that?"

"You fed my leftovers to another woman."

His smile could not be contained. "Funny … I already had a plan for that … was plotting it since I pulled the tupperware out of the fridge."

"I see." She laughed.

"You will indeed." He nodded toward her phone. "How long do you need?"

"Five minutes."

"Five minutes it is."

True to Mac's word she was done in four minutes and forty-seven seconds.

Typical for Harm, he was out of the shower in fifteen.

That gave Mac ten minutes to think … to think and reflect … to think and reflect and formulate some questions … to think, reflect, formulate questions and start an agenda.

He came out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around him whistling some damn tune that Mattie had been playing over and over.

Mac was seated cross-legged on the bed. She had changed into shorts and had a folder in front of her.

"Thought you were done for the night." He stated drying his hair with a clean towel.

"I am done with work."

"So what is that?" He gestured toward the file.

"Something we need to discuss."

"Discuss?" He turned away. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

"No." She was firm. "We need to deal with this tonight."

"Oh?"

"This isn't working for me, Harm."

**End of Chapter Three**


	4. 4

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Four

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Four - Moving It To The Next Level**

**2056 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

Mac had ten minutes to quietly reflect on her day – ten minutes that Harm had given her as he extended his shower – ten minutes to think … to think and reflect … to think and reflect and formulate some questions … to think, reflect, formulate questions and start an agenda. Ten minutes - enough time to really ask herself what Gates and Harriet had asked: 'How was her love life?'

Harm came out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around him whistling some tune that Mattie had been playing over and over.

Mac was seated cross-legged on the bed. She had changed into shorts and had a folder in front of her but it was not open.

"Thought you were done for the night." He stated drying his hair with a clean towel.

"I am done with work."

"So what is that?" He gestured toward the file.

"Exhibit A."

"Exhibit A?" He turned away. "Building a case?"

"I am."

"For or against."

"That is a matter of perspective."

"Isn't it always." He laughed. "Can it wait until tomorrow?"

"No." She was firm. "We need to address this tonight."

"Tonight?"

"This isn't working for me, Harm."

He tossed the towel he was using to dry his hair into the hamper and focused a guarded attention on her. "What is not working for you?"

"None of it."

"None?" He was surprised and disturbed. He would not have guessed that she was unhappy with EVERYTHING. "None of what?" He challenged.

"Well, not 'none'." She corrected. "But not enough."

He sat down on the edge of the bed away from her. "Not enough of what?" His irritation was growing. He had stood at the ready of her picking just this kind of fight since they got together – but it really threw him for a loop that it was that night.

"I don't expect that we will resolve this tonight, but I want to raise the issues and get us thinking about resolutions."

He got up and moved to his dresser to pull out some boxer shorts. He quickly slipped out of the towel and into the boxers before he turned around to meet this discussion. "So you believe there are resolutions?"

"Of course there are – I just need your help to figure them out."

"Well … fine." Score one for Harm's side. There were resolutions and he would be a party to them. So whatever wasn't working for her was not fatal to the 'US' they were in. "What's in the folder?"

She shook her head. She would not reveal what was in the folder just yet. "I have a question to ask you first … it was asked of me several times today."

He nodded for her to ask away, but stayed standing.

"Harm, how's your love life?"

He couldn't help it – a laugh burst out of him. "What?"

"I am serious … how's your love life?" She restated.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Why would it be a trick?" She asked in earnest.

"There is no way I can answer that question and be right." He defended.

"This is not about right or wrong … this is about personal experience. We need to determine how far apart we are."

"Exactly … there is no way to answer that question."

"I promise – I am not setting you up." She restated.

"Mac – for God's sake – stop game playing, if you has something you want to say … then say it."

"Fine." She took a deep breath. "I miss you, Harm."

He cocked his head. "I am right here." Men can be a little dense at times.

"I miss you and the way we used to be."

He shook his head in disbelief. "Used to be when?"

"A year or more ago … before Loren Singer's death, before Paraguay … before we said we loved each other."

He sat down. "You miss what? The bickering? The fighting? Or just the fight for the top?"

"Exactly." She stated. "I miss the fight for the top."

"You can fight me for that any time you wish." He should have added 'in bed' but kept that too himself. He got up and started to walk toward the kitchen. Now he thought the whole conversation was silly – female silly.

Chauvinist thy name is HARMON RABB Jr.

"Don't walk a way from me, Harm. This is important."

"I am not walking away … I am going to the kitchen." He was just not as invested in this topic as she was. "Should I put coffee on? Is this one of those all night deals?"

Mac chose not to get angry. If he was not taking the conversation in the spirit in which she had started it that was Mac's fault. She was being a little too evasive. She would have to lay her cards on the table first. This was her issue – she needed to go first.

"This has Gates written all over it." Harm said as he came back into the bedroom with two bottles of water. "You were supposed to have lunch with her today – I guess you made that date." He put the water on the end table and slid on to the bed next to her.

"I had lunch with Gates." She confirmed. "Why don't you like her?"

"I do like her." He lied. "Why doesn't she like me?"

"She doesn't dislike you." She stated. "It wasn't just Gates. Harriet says that we have lost something too."

"Harriet too? Women – when they get together men should run for cover."

"Don't do that." She scolded. "Don't be like that … it is really not attractive."

"I don't want to talk about Gates or Harriet or what their impressions of OUR relationship are." He stated. "Tell me what isn't working for you and we'll fix it." He reached his long arm out and traced a gentle touch down her thigh.

She softened at the caress. "I am serious about this, Harm."

"Baby, you don't have to tell me – I see it in your eyes." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers.

She smiled reluctantly. "Don't call me 'baby'."

"What is in the folder?" He mumbled as he turned her hand over to bring her palm to his lips.

"Harm." She moaned as he moved up to her wrist and forearm. The conversation was taking a turn. "Harm."

He smiled up at her. "This still seems to be working for you."

She pulled her arm away. "That is one area that is working just fine."

He leaned back. As long as there was nothing wrong with their sex life … he was pretty clear that he could deal with the rest.

"Harm we have to make a change … do something … we are in danger of …" She lost the words she was thinking.

"Oh what?"

"Of losing ourselves and what was good about us." She explained.

"Mac." He pulled her hand back. "I think we have just proven that what is good – dare I say great about US – is not in the past."

"Don't you want more?"

"You bet I do." He again reached for her hand. "As much as I can get."

"Harm … I am not talking about that …" She pulled her arm away. "We are more than that." She looked down on him. "At least I think we should be and I would have thought you would have too."

He rolled off the bed. "What is the problem Mac? I am doing everything I possibly can. We wanted to continue to work together – so we are – by the grace of Admiral Schnarr. I am grateful every day that I get to see you and talk to you – even if only about the weather and the coffee, but we get to talk – and sometimes I even get to have lunch with you."

"Harm." She tried to stop his tirade.

"We want to continue to work together – so fine – I am not rocking the boat, not drawing attention to myself. I am following the rules – not making waves. I am one squared away sailor. It is killing me – but I am doing it – doing it for you – doing it for us. But I am doing it."

"So am I." She said calmly but with enough force to get him to calm down. "That is the problem – it is not us."

"And?" That was an obvious statement in his mind, so why say it.

"Harm – please don't tell me that you haven't noticed that the quality of work has gone down."

"Whose mine? Shit yeah, I have to do it all myself. Clark is not a partner, she is an audience." He ran a hand through his hair. "The JAGman investigations that are being done are next to worthless. I don't know who is doing them, but there are more holes than a target ship and I am not allowed to reopen them."

"My point." She agreed. "Why don't you say something?"

He fixed her with a you-can't-be-seriously-asking-me-that-question look and shook his head and looked away.

"Because you don't want to rock the boat." She answered for him.

"And there is no reason to piss the new admiral off. She has only been there for three – four weeks."

"How long before you challenged Chegwidden?" Mac asked.

"Ah – well that was different. I wasn't trying to maintain a low profile."

"Harm – you are anything BUT low profile. I love that about you."

He smiled – she used the word 'love' – it always made him smile. "You aren't either. Why aren't you challenging Schnarr?"

She shrugged. "Same reason."

He sat down near her. "So work sucks - what does that have to do with us?"

"Damn near everything."

"Everything?"

"Harm you and I have been at JAG for eight years – on and off."

"Part of the reason we wanted to stay there."

"Agreed. Our courtship was as investigators, partners and opposing counsel on any number of cases. How much of what we know and admire about the other came out in open court? I fell in love with a litigator who would pull out all the stops to make his case and look for the truth, one who would challenge me, bait me, ask me the difficult questions and force me to defend my answers." She took his hand. "Recently I watch you in court and something is missing."

"Something **IS** missing." He confirmed.

"Did I do that?" She asked sweetly.

Harm grinned at her. "No Delilah – you have not zapped me of my powers. … Well only at night – but I am revived in the morning."

She shrugged the sexual innuendo off. "Then what?"

"Maybe I am just older. Maybe older and wiser means not fighting so hard."

"You don't believe that."

"What do you want from me, Mac?" He stood and stepped away from the bed. "God, there are times when you confuse the hell out of me." He was again feeling like she was accusing him of something. "You said that there would never be an 'us' because of the fight for the top – so I stop fighting, and now you are saying that the fight was all that was good about us."

"That is not what I am saying." She corrected. "Why does it have to be one or the other – why can't we have both – why can't we have it all?"

"Because it doesn't work like that." He shook his head and looked away.

"Why not?" She pleaded.

He relented. "I don't know." At the moment he didn't know. He just remembered asking himself that same question over and over and over after Mac made her declaration in Paraguay. He was not about to say 'because you said so.' Harm was growing.

She was quiet for a moment. "If this is what working together means – that we flatten out – water down our beliefs and convictions all in the name of working in the same office." She lifted the folder and waved it as an example. "If these are the conditions we have to deal with … then maybe it would be better if we had different duty stations a million miles apart."

Harm felt his ire crawling up his spine – he was not about to lose her in his daily life. "What is that?"

"This?" She handed him the folder.

He opened it and started sifting through. It was full of printouts from the Internet of bed and breakfasts in Vermont. "I don't understand."

"That is an example of the romantic weekends that we are NEVER going to get to take – not as long as we are at JAG together as it stands now."

"I don't get it." He looked up at her.

"We were supposed to go pick up Mattie on Labor Day – take a day or two for ourselves?"

"Yeah, so."

"So I have the duty that weekend."

"Trade it with Bud." He was confused why this was a problem – damn Mac could be so dramatic.

"There will be no switching of duties." She mimicked Schnarr's credo.

"So we'll go another weekend."

"Harm – as long as we are at JAG together, we can not take time off together – no early Fridays, no late Mondays … no vacations."

"Wait … wait … wait … You are switching arguments. Just what is the issue?"

"We have several."

"Primarily."

"Primarily – I don't like what we – you and I as individuals - have become under Schnarr's rule all in the name of keeping a low profile."

"Fine – agenda item number one. What else?"

"Working with you is cramping our personal time – we are two of a three man group … we can't let Bud pick up our slack all the time because we are at the beginning of a relationship. He has a pregnant wife and two kids."

"I agree that Bud will begin to feel like a third wheel – but that is something that is not in our power to change."

"Isn't it?"

"Mac?"

"Why haven't we challenged the admiral's polices?"

"We are back to that?" He ran his hands through his hair. "What do you think we should challenge?"

"Seniors not working together, JAGman investigations being done by the JAG on sight, three seniors at JAG who barely have time to speak to each other much less consult on a case, partnered with JG's that can barely spell JAG much less understand what it takes to get the job done."

Harm looked frustrated. More than three times a day in the past several weeks he had wanted barge into the admiral's office and tell her it wasn't working, but he held back. He bit his tongue and he sucked it up and he did what he was ordered to do – for once – for Mac – for the US he was a part of.

"You don't agree with them." She continued. "You don't believe that they serve the Navy or JAG and you admit that your ability to do your job has been severely hampered."

"So do you."

"And why haven't I addressed my concerns with the admiral?" She asked rhetorically.

"Low profile?"

"Exactly." She nodded. "We need to go back to the way things were."

"You want to stage a coup d'etat?"

"It is not a coup -."

"No, in the Navy they call it a mutiny." He laughed. "I should file charges against you for inciting a mutiny – Article 94 – you could be hung from the yardarm."

She smiled. "Harm, Isn't it our responsibility - our obligation to question orders or policies that we find – wrong – if not strictly unlawful?"

"You are heading into some dangerous water there, marine."

"Harm, we are her leaders, her seniors. We are supposed to set an example."

"So what are you suggesting?" He sat down on the bed next to her.

"Why don't we go back to the old ways?"

"Respectfully submitting dissenting opinions to the admiral and arguing with each other?"

"I don't choose to look at it as arguing, I look at it as debating – spirited debating." She leaned forward. "Look – I have the Article 32 report in my briefcase that recommends a courts martial of a Lieutenant aboard the Patrick Henry. He is a – it not important at the moment – just know, they have the wrong man."

"In your mind … based upon what?"

"The interview I had with him."

"I was just given that case, I will be prosecuting."

"Did you read the file? The findings in the report are not conclusive."

He shrugged his 'yes'. The investigation was mediocre at best and it was a bit of a stretch to bring the Lieutenant up on charges.

"I want to suggest that you and I be allowed to conduct our own investigation and solicit Bud's help as well." Mac continued.

"How many Schnarr policies did you just violate?"

"All of them - I hope. But I need you and Bud to ACTIVELY back me up. We need to show her that we were a successful office before and the reasons why."

Harm nodded slowly. "I need to ask you something – two things actually."

"Go ahead."

"How will us working together help us get time off together?"

"She will need to bring in more lawyers – spread the work around a little bit. Aren't you sick of having duty every third weekend?"

"It has only been three weeks, Mac."

"What's your other question?"

"What are you fighting so hard to save something that is ultimately doomed?"

"What is doomed?"

"Us … we are ultimately doomed – why are you fighting so hard to save it."

**2109 EST**

**Madden Residence**

**Arlington, VA**

Victor walked Gates to her door. They were laughing and dancing and recounting the events of the evening. Vic was clearly very attentive to Gates. That night he wanted to take the relationship to the next level, he was hoping Gates wanted that too.

"Gates." A man stepped from the shadows after she and the gunny had passed.

Gates stopped laughing and turned quickly at the sound of her name. Vic protectively stepped between the stranger and Gates. If he had a weapon it would have been drawn.

"Gates." The man said again. "Who is this guy?"

Gates put her hand on Vic's shoulder. "It's OK, Vic." She said stepping up even with him. "It is only my husband – sorry EX-husband – but you could hardly call what we had a marriage."

Vic stood down but studied the man intently. Glenn was not a small man. He was clearly military or ex-military, but was not up on his PT. What Vic noticed about him was the fire and determination in his eyes. The man was at the end of his rope. He was liable to do anything. The smell of alcohol was strong too. It could have been because Vic hadn't had anything to drink that it smelled so strong, but Vic didn't think so. He had dealt with enough domestic violence cases in his career as MP and a Deputy Sheriff to know the signs and to know the exacerbating affects of alcohol.

"Gates, for Christ's sake."

"What are you doing here, Glenn?" Gates smirked. "Didn't think your wife let you out this late."

"Gates I have to talk to you." He scanned Vic. "In private."

"No." She answered flatly. "If you want to talk to me, drop a dime, but don't come by here like some crazed stalker." She turned away but turned back. "How much have you had to drink?"

"I have called a hundred times." He protested.

"Then you are dialing a wrong number." Clearly she had gotten all the messages and had returned none of them.

He stepped forward to grab her arm. "Gates, damn it, you have to talk to me."

That was a mistake. Gunny had him on the ground in a second.

Gates was not impressed. She hated this side of men: the violent, belligerent, aggressive nature of the male animal. "Whoa there Gunny." She tried to laugh it off. "Let the man up."

"Who the hell is this guy?" Glenn demanded with a face full of sidewalk.

"I am someone who is going to make sure you treat the lady with respect." Gunny wretched Glenn's arm up further and pulled him to a standing position. "Now apologize to Dr. Madden for coming by without an invitation and then I will escort you to your vehicle and you will not return."

Gates was livid. She could handle Glenn and didn't need some MACHO MARINE playing hero to her damsel in distress. "Victor, let him go!"

Vic loosened his hold but did not let go.

"Go home Glenn. Do us all a favor. Don't come back."

Glenn nodded slowly. He was not a beaten man; he had just lost that round. He pulled away from Gunny roughly, brushed himself off and stormed away.

Vic started to follow him to his car.

"Victor." She stopped him. As soon as he was out of sight Gates turned her attention to Vic. "You need to go as well."

"Gates?"

"That was a sight I never want to see again." She stated. "I don't go for those kinds Movie of the Week episodes."

"The man was out of control." Gunny defended his actions.

"You were the one that escalated the situation. You see why violence begets violence. He left when I told him to go. He would not have hurt me, he would not have touched me and I didn't have to lay a hand on him."

"I know you are a psychiatrist and that you talk people out of doing crazy stuff – but I was a sheriff. I know what can happen when the talking is over. I have the scars to prove it. That man was out of control."

"We are not trailer trash, Vic." Gates spit at him. "Glen was a highly decorated officer in the US Navy. He is educated and articulate. He is not some drunken wife beater – or even an ex-wife beater."

"You think domestic violence is a about money or education?" He was shocked that she would say something so stupid.

"Bottom line is it only got physical when you threw him to the ground." She pointed to where they had seen Glenn go. "He left when I told him to leave, you see?"

Gunny was about to respond.

"Look – I am not going to debate this with you tonight. I appreciate your need for that kind of intervention, but next time – don't."

Vic couldn't believe her reaction.

"Thank you for dinner and dancing." She dismissed him.

"Lock your doors, Gates."

"Thank you for your concern."

Vic turned and left. He could not help someone who did not want to be helped.

Gates did go inside and lock her door. She dialed Mac but there was no answer at her apartment. Gates figured that she would be with Harm and didn't want to disturb them. She was just about to head up the stairs to take a bath to wash off the last twenty minutes, when a loud pounding came on her door.

"Gates – your guard dog is gone, I saw him drive away." Glenn continued to pound on the door. "Let me in."

"Go away Glenn." She called through the door. "You're making a scene."

With one swift hard kick, Glenn had kicked the door in. The first thing Gates noticed was the fire in his eyes. She had never seen him so passionate about anything. The next thing she noticed was the weapon in his hand.

**Rabb Residence**

"We are doomed." Mac repeated. "You honestly believe that?"

"I was not prepared to talk about this tonight." He nervously looked away.

"Harm, what are you saying?"

"I am saying that I was willing to … lie low at JAG for a while because it wasn't going to last forever." He looked up at her. "I was trying to focus on more important things."

"Harm." Her voice was near squeaking.

"Mac, I am talking about us working together." He got up and moved away. "I wasn't prepared to talk about this tonight."

"Too late now, sailor."

He laughed a little and nodded. "Yeah, isn't it?"

"Harm, talk to me – quickly." She was letting her mind move too quickly to all the bad things that he could let fall out of his mouth.

"You aren't the only one that has been doing a little research." He went to the living room and came back in moments with two thick manila folders.

"What are those?" She asked.

He sat down across from her and dropped them down on the bed in front of her. "Before you open those, please know that I wasn't prepared to --."

"You've said that."

Harm flashed on the fight they had in Naples. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of that mess. "What I am saying is: I don't want you to get angry …annoyed …upset because this was not … brought to your attention …" He shrugged. "… I don't know … better. Know that you were 110 **considered** and I have **presumed** nothing."

She gave him a quizzical look and slowly opened the first folder. She flipped through the papers in it for a long moment before she looked up at him.

"These are real estate listings." She said with a little confusion in her voice.

"Yes they are."

"For houses in … Virginia?"

"Virginia and Maryland." He confirmed.

"Some of these are very nice houses." She held one up.

It was actually Harm's favorite, but there was no way in hell they could afford it. "Some of them are way out of price range." He smiled and took it from her hand and put it back in the folder. "It was just for research." He said again.

"Harm?"

"Mac … Sarah …" He couldn't find the words. "I wasn't prepared to discuss this tonight."

"Say something sailor." She entreated him still confused.

"Sarah, I love you … you confuse the hell out of me at times and God knows you challenge me … but I do love you. I want to try to figure you out … something I have no real hope of ever doing … but I want to spend the next thirty or forty years giving it a shot." He leaned back away from her. He was tripping over his tongue and nothing was coming out well. "I wanted to do this right … better … differently … but I needed a little more time."

"More time?" She asked.

"Sarah, I wanted to give you everything you ever wanted or needed from a man. We got off on every wrong foot there was. I wanted to change that for you … for us. But this … tonight … this mutiny you want to stage …" He smiled at her. "Wasn't in the plan."

"You had a plan?" She ignored the mutiny remark.

"Yeah." He looked pretty proud of himself and said casually; "Yeah, I was going to woo you, spend time with you, pay attention to everything about you, make you fall hopelessly in love with me, make you realize that you couldn't live a day without me." He grinned hoping he hadn't gone too far in effort to not be too serious. "Then, I was going to **ASK** you to marry me in **_some old fashion way_** and then … hopefully if I got the answer I hoped for … we would get married, buy a house, raise a passel of kids, and grow old together … maybe fighting for the top 'til the day we parted."

She was speechless.

"So you see why I say that we are doomed at JAG – not that I am assuming anything." He added quickly still worried that she was going to fly off the handle again. "We could not stay there if that plan had any hope of succeeding. One or both of us was going to have to leave – thought that it would be me. In fact I was going to start trolling for a new assignment here in Washington after Mattie went back to live with her father."

"You have given this a great deal of thought." She said calmly but clearly touched by the sentiment.

"I have … again - defending you on mutiny charges was not in the plan."

"Harm – it is not a mutiny."

"How will I tell our kids that their mother is in Leavenworth for trying to take over JAG." He laughed more out of relief that she didn't appear to be angry.

She laughed too. "It is just that I am not happy with the work that we are doing. We spend too much of our energy there, it means too much to us to do it wrong."

"No, no, you're right." He nodded. "So, we'll go with your plan?"

"Now you want to get in on this mutiny?" She laughed. "What will I tell our children?"

"Ha – we need to do what we do best – the kids will just have to understand that. I hate the idea of being less than we are even if the motivation is for a higher purpose. It doesn't feel right." He let his face melt into his trademark grin. "Besides, I miss the fight for the top too."

"OK." She closed the folders and handed them back to him.

He looked at her quizzically. He was waiting for her to make some comment about what all that represented. "Mac?"

"Carry on, sailor." She said nonchalantly. She got up and went into the bathroom.

"What does that mean?" He followed her with his eyes.

"It means you have a good plan there and I think you ought to follow it through."

His grin widened. "Good."

"One thing – about the plan." She called back over the running water. "If you don't mind a subjective comment."

"Please, by all means." He got up to put the folders on the dresser.

"I am already hopelessly in love with you." She leaned out of the bathroom and flashed him a quick smile. "But like I said … carry on."

**0233 EST**

**Chegwidden Residence**

**McLean, Virginia**

AJ had just fallen asleep. His cast was removed that day and now he'd be using a brace for another few weeks. It was better, the itching had stopped and he was able to take a real shower, but it still hurt like hell. The physical therapy had taken it out of him that day. The phone wrenched him to back to consciousness.

"Chegwidden." He barked into the receiver.

AJ? It's Gates.

"Gates?" He checked the clock by his bed. "What's the matter?"

I need your help. She took a pause. I need a lawyer.

"At midnight?"

I am at the Arlington Police Station. I have been arrested for shooting my ex-husband.

"Mac -?"

I can't call, Mac. She cut him off. AJ please … will you help me?

**End of Chapter Four**


	5. 5

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Five

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Five - Cell Doors and New Doors**

**0056 EST**

**Arlington Police Department**

"I am AJ Chegwidden." AJ stated after he had crutched himself up to the front desk.

"And that means what to me?" Asked the 22 or 23 man with the corporal stripes on his sleeve. He did not look up from the computer screen or acknowledge AJ in any appropriate way.

AJ took a deep breath and used a command voice that he had not used since he had retried – well actually LONG BEFORE he retired. "That means you are going to tell the detectives that Dr. Gates Madden's lawyer is here and show me to where she is being held."

The corporal looked up slowly. "Your name?" He was not impressed.

"AJ Chegwidden."

"Retired Admiral AJ Chegwidden." Said a man who had been pacing the lobby. "Navy Seal and until very recently … The Judge Advocate General of the United States Navy."

AJ turned to see Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs approach the desk.

"I suggest you do as he requested, son." Gibbs added with his standard impish grin. "He knows seven ways to kill a man, not leave a mark and get him self acquitted of all charges."

"And just who the hell are you?" The corporal snapped. Of course Gibbs had told him ten minutes earlier who he was and why he was there. Kids these days, no respect for their elders.

"Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS." He stared him down. "And if you ask real nice, I might just be taking this case off your hands."

"NCIS!" The kid waved him away and turned to call the detectives.

AJ focused his attention on Gibbs. "What does NCIS have to do with this?"

"Officially nothing – but they don't need to know that." He said. "The victim is Navy - - - which is how I got the call."

"Who is the victim?"

"Captain Glenn Schnarr. Navy Intelligence." Gibbs explained. "Also retired."

AJ now understood why Gates didn't want Mac involved. "Is he dead?"

"Not yet … but it doesn't look good."

Gibbs' cavalier attitude was really beginning to annoy AJ. "Do you know what happened?"

"'Professional courtesy' is not in these guys' vocabulary however I have someone at the scene, following the chain of custody of all evidence."

"Thought NCIS was not officially involved."

"Interested by standers – citizens for justice … if you will." Gibbs smirked.

"Whose side are you on?"

"Gates and I … have a personal relationship." Gibbs stated evasively. "Which is also why I got the call."

"She called you?" AJ wonder how many people was Gates going to throw into the mix.

"No." He took a sip from his coffee. "I hear things."

"Have you spoken with her?"

"No, they were waiting for her lawyer to show."

A detective approached AJ. "Mr. Chegwidden, I am Detective David Starsky. You can save the 'Where's Hutch?' comments." He added quickly. "I've head them all."

AJ and Gibbs shared a look like 'Who is Hutch?' These were men of action. Neither had spent much time in front of a TV – network, syndication or the upper cable channels.

"I suppose you want to see your client." The detective continued.

"I would." AJ confirmed.

"Don't worry … she is a smart cookie." The detective explained. "She started asking for a lawyer from the moment we showed up at her condo. She hasn't said a thing."

AJ nodded, that was an upside.

"Admiral." Gibbs called to him. "Tell her I will be back … please."

AJ studied him for a moment and nodded. He might need the resources of NCIS on his side.

Gibbs smiled slightly and left.

AJ and the detective disappeared behind the door marked PRIVATE. He was being led to an interrogation room.

"Detective, " AJ stopped him. "Can you tell me what we are dealing with?"

"Well it is definitely assault with intent – but who knows what the morning might bring."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning the vic is in critical condition, this might turn into murder one."

"Can you tell me what you have?"

He looked down at his notes. "At 11:23 Madden called 911, said her ex-husband had been shot. EMTs and police were dispatched to the scene. Schnarr was found outside the residence … on the sidewalk with a bullet wound in the left upper torso … barely conscious. Madden was administering first aide. The gun was in the apartment – on the counter. When questioned about what happened, Madden asked for an attorney … blah, blah, blah – It will be in the report … when I get around to it."

AJ's ire at not being treated with the respect he had earned in life was increasingly becoming an issue for him. Did he know seven ways to kill a man and not leave a mark? "Take me to Dr. Madden." He stated simply forcing any over reaction down.

Moments later AJ was seated in an interrogation room waiting for Gates to be brought in.

She was led into the room in handcuffs and looked wrung out. AJ nodded for the cuffs to be removed. Gates waited to speak until the officer had gone.

"AJ thank you for coming. I didn't know who else to call."

"You should have called me." He said calmly and almost like he meant it.

"How is Glenn?" She asked quickly. "They won't tell me anything."

"I understand that he is critical." He looked directly at her. "They will not file charges until they know for sure."

"Charges? You're kidding right?" She was still not clear on the gravity of the situation. "AJ it was an accident."

He didn't look like he believed her or didn't believe her; he needed more information. So much of Gates was still a mystery to him. He had no idea if she were the kind of person to shoot another person. Could she kill in cold blood or just plain blind rage? He needed more information. AJ was wise enough to know that a person – any person was capable of doing anything particularly if their life were on the line. But was this a kill or be killed scenario? Or was Gates telling the truth, was this an accident – plain and simple? Well, when guns were involved things were rarely plain and never simple.

"AJ do you believe that is was an accident?" She asked.

He had no reason not to believe her. Their time together was time for play and fun. They talked about music, Shakespeare, baseball and food. AJ was not looking for a lover, nor was he looking for another woman to break his heart. Meredith had done a pretty good job of that. Gates was wild like Meredith, but grounded and fun – truly fun. She had a lust for life and a very sharp wit. Gates was about companionship. He wanted someone he could talk to and someone's company to enjoy, someone that didn't want the rest of their lives, just the time immediately in front of them. Gates was that in SPADES. AJ didn't mind – well not so much – that she was also spending time with Gunny … and God know who else. He had no hold over her, nor did he want one. In the time that he had known her, she had never impressed him as someone who would lie and she was not the type of person to not take credit or responsibility for something – good or bad – that she had done.

"I believe you." AJ said directing her to sit down. "Tell me what happened."

"You are my lawyer, right?" She asked concerned for the first time that AJ may not have been the right person to call.

"I will represent you until we know what we are dealing with." He confirmed. "When we do, if a change needs to be made we will make it at that time."

"What kind of answer is that?" Her level of anxiety jumped about three notches.

"Gates, if this turns into a murder case, I will help you anyway I can, but I may not be the best man for the job."

"You have never defended anyone --."

"Yes, I have – in a military court." He explained.

"You think I am guilty." She accused.

"I don't know what happened. I have don't have enough information to have an opinion one way or another."

She started wringing her hands and pacing the room. "I can't believe this … I thought of all people you would give me the benefit of the doubt."

"Gates, calm down – I will help you anyway I can – trust me." He waited for her to look back at him. "Tell me what happened."

She finally sat down and took a deep breath. "I have to trust you."

**0126 EST**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

Admiral Janet Schnarr made her way down the corridor toward ICU. She was in uniform and had an air about her that made people step out of her way. She approached the nurses' station and asked for the doctor in charge. She was directed to a waiting room as the doctor was in with another patient.

A rumpled detective type looking man approached her, clearly not the doctor. "You are Mrs. Schnarr?" He said.

"Admiral Schnarr." She corrected.

"I am Detective John London, I would like to ask you a few questions."

"My husband is in critical condition, you don't think this can wait?" She did not look like a hysterical wife or like she was about to fold under the weight of the situation. In fact she looked cool, calm and collected.

"Yes ma'am it can wait." He stepped back. "However, it will only take a few moments and then I won't have to bother you again."

"I will make a statement, you can hold all questions for a better time." She fixed him with a glare that dared him to challenge her.

He didn't and held his pen at the ready.

"My husband and I separated two weeks ago. I have not spoken to him in all that time, but when you check his cell phone records you will discover that he has made several calls to me. I do not know where he is staying, nor do I have any idea why he would have been at Dr. Madden's residence. As I said, we were separated."

"Your husband and Dr. Madden were married?"

"I told you I would not answer questions."

"Does your husband own a gun?"

"Detective London, you need to listen when people speak." She pulled herself up to her full height. "I will not answer questions. If you will excuse me." She did not step away; rather she forced him to step back.

He turned back to her before he left the waiting area. "I hope your husband will be alright."

She had no reaction.

**0246 EST**

**Arlington Police Department**

"OK, Gates." AJ said. "Let's go over this one more time."

"Do you believe me?" She asked.

"I do." AJ said reassuringly. "One more time, OK?"

She nodded and took a deep breath. "From the top. Victor was walking me to the door."

"Time?"

"Sometime around 9 PM. Glenn came out of the shadows. He had been waiting for me. He had been drinking. Victor and he got into it."

"Gunny restrained him when he tried to grab you."

"Spin it however you want." She was still slightly annoyed at that whole situation. "Glenn reached out to catch my hand, he didn't raise a fist to me. Victor did not need to 'put him down.'"

AJ was not about to point out to her that the subsequent events proved that Gunny was more accurate in his assessment of what Glenn was capable of doing. "So you sent him away and then Gunny left."

"Yes."

"Then what?"

"I went into my house, made a few phone calls."

"Did you talk to anyone?"

"No, and I didn't leave messages. I picked up a little, fed the cat … you know stuff. I was headed up the stairs to shut it down for the night, when Glenn came back and knocked at the door. It must have been nine-thirty - quarter to ten"

"Did you let him in?"

"No, I told him to go away and sober up."

"But he got in."

"Yes, I must have left the door unlocked." She lied; a stupid lie that could be easily disproven by the physical evidence.

"He had the gun in his hand."

"Yes, but he wasn't going to use it. He just wanted to talk."

"Gates people don't carry guns to talk with."

"He wasn't going to use it." She repeated. "He said it wasn't loaded."

"Clearly that was wrong." AJ took her hand. "Gates, I know you are trying to play this whole thing down as a major misunderstanding between two rational adults, but the man is lying in the hospital and he may die and it looks like you shot him leaving your house. You could be facing a murder charge."

"That is not what happened."

"That is not how it looks."

Gates ran her hand through her hair. "I'm exhausted. Can I go home?"

"Not yet." He waited. "So, Glenn was drunk, he came back, got into your house and had a gun."

"He just needed to talk to me. His wife threw him out and he wanted to talk."

"When was the last time you saw him, before last night."

"Saw him? I haven't actually seen him in over three or four years."

"But you have talked to him on the phone."

"He called me about three weeks ago – maybe two. He and Janet were having troubles." Gates remembered the actual date he called. It was the day after she had run into Janet at JAG.

"Did he call you often since your divorce?"

"Every six or eight months – maybe twelve to fourteen months." She shrugged. "It was not often – it was usually when he started a new therapy or group. He would call, apologize, tell me that he … well it doesn't matter, he would apologize and tell me that he and Janet were working on their problems. I viewed it as a therapy session – one that I couldn't bill for."

"Is that what he wanted to talk about last night?"

"Yeah."

"So other than a phone call three weeks ago, you had no reason to expect him to show up at your house."

She looked uncomfortable with that statement.

"Gates."

"When he first called, he told me he was leaving Janet and that he wanted to try to give us another shot. I told him in no uncertain terms – NO. By the end of that conversation, he was planning on trying marriage counseling again with Janet. I guess it didn't work, because he started calling me almost every day – sometimes two or three times during the day. I didn't answer, nor did I return the calls. Finally, about five days ago I told him to stop calling me. He flew into a rage. Told me that Janet had thrown him out and wouldn't talk to him either. Again, by the end of the conversation, he was calmed down and was going to get into his own therapy and work it out with Janet – somehow. You see; I can always calm him down. That's why he calls me. I should have been his shrink, rather than his wife."

"Gates what aren't you telling me."

"Quite a bit."

"Gates."

"Look, Glenn has some issues." She hoped it would be enough, but AJ waited. "His a borderline … has severe personality disorder … paranoid … he has PSD … panic attacks … he's alcoholic and prescription drug abuser … hell, he is firing on all five axes. It is impressive that he gets through a day. What do you want? He was in Navy intelligence. They don't know what that kind of work does to the human mind. It is sick and twisted. The man is to be pitied."

"What did he do for NI?"

"He worked in cryptology … he was a computer and math genius. I suppose he still is." She exhaled loudly. "One thing he is not … he is NOT dangerous."

"Yet he brought a gun to your house."

"It was an accident. He was leaving, he was handing me the gun – for safe keeping … it went off. It was an accident."

"Let's hope he lives long enough to verify that story."

**0751 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

Mac stepped off the elevator with a spring in her step; she was going to get a jump on the day. She hadn't felt this good in … well … ever … as least not sober.

She had been up for hours – well she had been AWAKE. They had been awake. That morning there was an unanimous decision to forgo their morning run for more … shall we say … horizontal physical … physical … can't call it training, because they were both well trained – it was more like practice. And as we all know, practice makes perfect.

They had made love well into the night after their conversation, agreement and Harm's disclosure of his 'plan', but when morning came, she wanted more. Harm – never one to back down from a challenge – was more than delighted to comply.

"You're incorrigible." He whispered softly into her ear when she woke him up at 0500 with a kiss.

"You encourage me." She whispered back.

Considering the lack of sleep and the morning activities, it was amazing that Mac made it to work on time, much less early. But she was happy and happy people are more productive. It was those happy thoughts that were written on her face when she ran into – quite literally – the admiral in the break room as she went to make coffee.

"Excuse me." She said backing off. "Good morning, Admiral." Even sight of the admiral could not shake Mac's good mood, besides she had a plan.

"Getting an early start today, colonel?" She stated in her usual cool manner.

"Yes ma'am." Mac tried not let it show that her 'early start' was already hours old.

The admiral took her cup and left.

Mac didn't notice her mood or her demeanor; she noticed nothing out of the ordinary, not the circles under the admiral's eyes or the fact the she did not make eye contact. Instead all Mac saw was the perfect opportunity to broach the subject of the JAGman investigation on the Patrick Henry. She didn't need to wait for Harm, and they could talk it over with Bud later. Mac was confident that everything would turn out as planned.

She knocked on the doorframe. "Admiral, may I speak with you a moment?"

"Enter." The admiral looked up. For all her gruffness, she was actually a very good listener. She made decrees and expected them to be followed, but she was true to her word, her door was always open. "What is it, colonel?"

"Ma'am about the incident on the Patrick Henry, Petty Officer Wallace Grinds."

"Yes, good." The admiral interrupted. "I would like you to reopen the investigation."

Mac's plan had been turned back on her. She didn't know how to respond.

"I believe there were several leads that were missed." The admiral continued. "I have put the Article 32 on hold. I'll inform the captain to expect you and Lt Commander Roberts on the morning COD."

"I am a little confused." Mac stated honestly.

"Going against my own policy, aren't I?" She stated simply.

"Yes, ma'am."

The admiral got up and went to the window. "Colonel, I tried something and it didn't work. I accept that." In a distant voice almost as if she were talking to herself she added. "I need to take responsibility … fix what I can, and let go of the rest."

Mac waited.

Schnarr turned back to Mac. "I appreciate that you, the commander and the lieutenant commander – indeed the entire staff – tried to make it work."

"Yes ma'am."

"I actually expected a lot more resistance, but the professionalism this staff has shown has been greatly appreciated."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"We will go back to the tried and true method. The JGs will need to learn from the bottom up." She started shuffling flies on her desk. "I am pulling Matoni back and will be bringing in three others – to start – including Commander Manetti. You three will continue to be the seniors, but I expect that you will spend very little time here. You are used to that – TAD's I mean."

"Yes ma'am." Mac did not know how to respond.

"I would have gone over this with the three of you this morning, but … well you won't be here."

Mac's impression of the admiral was changing. She was not a rigid, egocentric, megalomaniac. She was a leader challenging her people to do their job with different tools. When it was discovered that the tools were flawed, she changed back. Mac was impressed.

"We will schedule a briefing when Rabb and Roberts arrive."

"Yes, ma'am." She said. "Thank you."

"Thank you, colonel." She smiled oddly. "I'll expect your reports to be filed daily – e-mail is fine."

"Yes, ma'am." Mac nodded. "Ma'am, Commander Rabb has a great deal of experience with this type of situation."

"Yes, I know … the pilot, lawyer, poster boy of the USN. Fine, include him in your investigation, but he will need to do it from here. I can't have all three of you TAD at one time." What she didn't saw was that she would be taking a few days off and needed Harm to run the office.

"Thank you, Ma'am."

"One more thing, colonel." Schnarr took a deep breath. "I will continue to expect that personal associations between officers in this command remain outside of the work environment."

Mac wondered if she knew something about Mac and Harm or if she were referring to something else. "Yes ma'am."

"Gossip, scuttlebutt and office intrigue have no place here." She fixed Mac with a hard glare. "I won't tolerate it. I expect my officers to set the example."

Mac was still a little confused.

"Do you agree?" The admiral forced an answer.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." She looked down. "Dismissed."

**0833 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Mac's Office**

Mac was on the phone making the arrangements to get to the Patrick Henry – which meant a drive to Norfolk and several other connections that needed to be arranged. Harm walked in quickly and shut the door. He looked bothered about something. Mac didn't notice, she was still reeling from her 'victory' with the admiral, though one could argue she didn't win anything; it was given to her.

She put her hand over the mouthpiece. "Score one for our side." She smiled.

He looked confused. Did she already know? She couldn't. He had just gotten off the phone with AJ and was tasked with the job of breaking the news to Mac that her best friend was about to be arrested for assault, possibly murder. "Mac, I need to talk to you."

"Bud and I are going to the Patrick Henry. The investigation has been reopened." She said triumphantly. "You will be in on the investigation from here."

"What?" Mac couldn't leave – not today. Gates needed her.

"We leave in an hour." Mac's attention was back to the phone. Apparently the person she was holding for got back on the line. "Yes … thank you … we'll be there." She hung up and smiled brightly at her lover. "Morning. There has been a policy change." She got up from her chair. "You should have been there --- it was great."

"Mac, what are you talking about?"

"The admiral changed her policies. No more JG's, we are doing the JAGmans. The admiral has reopened the investigation on the Patrick Henry and Bud and I are going." She looked out to the bullpen to see Bud walking in. "We leave in an hour. Admiral's orders."

Harm looked over his shoulder toward the admiral's office. "Is that right?" Was the admiral just trying to get rid of Mac?

"Yeah, score one for our side." She said again. "I didn't even have to ask." She decided to not let him believe that it was her amazing powers of persuasion that accomplished the feat.

"It was her idea?"

"100"

"How did the admiral seem to you this morning?" He asked.

"Fine." She thought about it for the first time. "I guess she seemed a little distracted and maybe … I don't know … a little contrite."

"Mac, there is no way to tell you this so I am just going to say it."

Mac could not brace herself for what he was about to say.

Harm knew that so he said it quickly – like removing a band-aid. "The admiral's husband was shot last night outside Gates' condo. Gates was involved."

The air leaked out of Mac's happy balloon as she slowly let the words and their meaning sink in. After a moment, Mac folded into her chair and looked to Harm, ready for more information.

"He is critical – but he is not dead." Harm wanted to add 'yet' but chose not to. "Gates is at the Arlington Police Station with AJ. I just got the call. They are waiting to file charges."

Mac listened to the words but could not respond. So many realities were flooding her:

Gates' ex-husband was Admiral Schnarr's husband.

He had been shot and could die.

Gates would never shoot anyone.

Gates hated guns.

AJ was with Gates.

Gates was in jail.

Mac needed to get to her – to talk to her.

The admiral knew before they spoke.

The admiral had given her orders that took her out of the country.

Mac needed to leave in an hour.

Mac needed to leave in an hour on an assignment that the admiral had just given her that would keep her away from Washington. The orders were given the morning after her best friend was involved in the shooting of the admiral's husband.

Then came the questions:

Did Mac really have to go?

Was the admiral sending her away because of the investigation or because of this new … development?

Personal issues were to remain outside the office, huh? They had no place in water cooler talk or in orders given, right?

Who was going to get Gates out of jail?

Could Gates really shoot anyone?

Would he live?

Gates shot the admiral's husband?

WHY? What happened?

"Mac?" Harm was getting nervous. Mac was normally not this quiet when this kind of information was thrown at her. She usually clicked into Marine Lawyer mode and was thinking and asking a bunch of questions, formulating plans, deciding strategies. She was one of the most decisive women he knew – at least about work – always about work – never about him, or relationships in general.

Jennifer Coates knocked on the door and opened it quickly. "Excuse me, sir, ma'am. The admiral has requested both of you."

"Thank you." Harm looked back at Mac.

Mac's eyes locked on his. How was she supposed to deal with the admiral now? What was she going to do about Gates? How could she possibly leave?

Mac's phone rang. She turned it over quickly and saw the caller ID – GATES.

Jennifer spoke again. "I am sorry, she said ASAP."

Mac looked like a deer in headlights. Harm took over.

**End Chapter Five**


	6. 6

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Six

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Six - Locking The Doors Down**

**0859 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

Bud and Mac walked out of the admiral's office headed toward their own to make ready to leave for the Patrick Henry. Harm remained; he had a request for the admiral. Schnarr had announced that she would be out of the office for several days; Harm was given orders to act as JAG during the admiral's absence. He wanted to change those plans – not her time off, just his assignment.

"Something more, commander?" The admiral asked looking at the papers on her desk rather than at Harm.

"Yes, ma'am." He waited for her to give him leave to speak.

"Go ahead." She said after a moment.

"Ma'am, I would like you to reconsider and send me to the Patrick Henry instead of the colonel."

"Because you are more qualified to lead this investigation?" She said over the top of her glasses.

"No ma'am." They both knew why Harm was asking to go in Mac's stead, but she was daring him to say it out loud.

She leaned back in her chair and pulled her glasses down to the end of her nose. She looked like his fifth grade math teacher. Harm hated his fifth grade math teacher. "Then why should I send you?" She fixed him with her trademark-withering glare, hoping he would stand down.

"There is more than one agenda being addressed in this assignment." He said ambiguously, bordering on the insubordinate and returned her glare with one of his own.

She broke eye contact first. "I need you here during my absence." She took her glasses off and tossed them on the desk.

"As I am sure you are aware, the colonel is qualified to act as JAG, ma'am." This was the first power of wills between the new admiral and the commander. At the moment Harm was holding his own.

"I am aware of the abilities and deficits of all my people." She challenged again.

"Yes ma'am." He again pushed his agenda. "Ma'am, there are extenuating circumstances – as you are well aware – that would be better served if I were to -."

"Is this your own idea or were you prompted by someone?" She was trying to determine if Mac had asked Harm to run interference for her.

"I was not prompted, ma'am." He told her flatly, he opened his mouth to ask again.

She cut him off. "Denied." She stood up to pack her briefcase.

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am." It wasn't a question.

"Denied."

Harm would not let go. "Ma'am -."

Again she cut him off. "My orders stand, commander." She glared at him. A subordinate had not challenged her in years. She didn't like it and she wasn't used to dealing with it. She lashed out. "I know your history, commander. You and I are NOT cut from the same cloth. You let your personal feelings rule your actions. It makes you impassioned, tenacious and daring but it also makes you a bad officer. You should consider yourself lucky that you were not under my command in your youth; you would not be wearing that uniform today." At least she had no illusions that she could have molded Harm to be a better officer or leader.

"My history, motives and military status are not at issue here, ma'am." He declared. "Furthermore, it is impossible - even for the best of commanding officers - to separate his or HER personal feelings completely."

She studied him for a moment. She didn't like him, and it was true that if he had been under her command nine years prior, he would have been cycled out. But there was something about his desire to serve, protect and put himself or his career at risk for something he believed in that she had to admire. She gave him a little bit. "Has it occurred to you that I chose not to send you on this assignment for a reason that would be best for YOU and not me?"

What she was really asking was: could she have assigned Mac this out of town duty for Mac's own best interest? That maybe it would not be good for Mac to be in the thick of this mess with Gates. It would last longer than the days away on the Patrick Henry, but maybe it would be best for Mac to let the dust settle before she got involved.

It hadn't occurred to him that the admiral might have Mac's best interest at heart. Harm restated his original request. "I would like you to reconsider and send me instead of the colonel."

"Request denied." She snapped her briefcase shut. "I will check in three times a day – 0900, 1300, 1700. Please be prepared with a brief report. That is all. Dismissed."

Harm stood for a long moment deciding what he should do. If he pushed his agenda any further it would not help Mac. The admiral was immovable. "Aye, ma'am."

**On the Road To Mac's House**

Harm caught up with Mac half way to her apartment. She had left JAG quickly to go home and pack. He called her on her cell.

"_MacKenzie." _She barked without looking at the caller ID.

"_Mac, pull over."_

"_What?"_

"_Pull over. I am right behind you."_

"_I don't have time for this, Harm." _

"_Mac, pull over."_

She ended the call and pulled into the parking lot of a Starbucks. She got out of the car, slammed the door and stormed back to meet him.

"What are you doing?" She demanded.

"I want to make sure you are OK?"

"OK?" She was shocked that he would ask. "Are you really asking me if I am OK?"

"OK … Ok … you aren't OK."

"Look, I got to go." She turned away from him. "I'll deal with this later."

"What this?" He was hoping that somehow she hadn't turned her anger on him. It wouldn't be out of character.

"Gates … I'll deal with Gates when I am on the road. But right now I have 23 minutes before I have to meet Bud."

"Go see her." He said simply clearly ignoring her comment about time.

"I don't have time." She shot back over her shoulder.

"Go see Gates." He grabbed her hand to stop her.

"I have my orders Harm." She pulled her hand away.

"I will get you out to the Patrick Henry by morning."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am acting JAG, right? I changed your orders." He stepped back.

"You can't do that." She stated.

"So I didn't change them, I just altered them a little." He smiled at her. "Go see Gates. I'll find a way to get you on that COD, OK? Trust me."

She shook her head. "Harm, this is crazy."

"This whole thing is crazy." He was being gentle with her. "Go see Gates."

"If the admiral finds out--."

"We'll deal with it. You will not be able to do your job if you don't talk to her first."

She shook her head. "I'll call her. It will be fine. AJ will take care of her." She looked away.

"Mac, please just go see her. You know you won't rest until you talk to her face to face." He gently turned her head toward his. "Don't worry about the admiral or your orders. I'll get you on the COD – if I have to fly you out there myself, I will get you out there."

He was being so sweet. He knew what she needed – even more so than she did – and he was the one man that would make it possible for her to have it. She relaxed a little bit. "This was such a great morning." She said sadly, longing for the top-of-the-world feeling she had up until 45 minutes prior.

"It was a great morning." He agreed. He leaned against the car and pulled her around in front of him and into an embrace.

That was also exactly what she needed. She felt all the tension – well most of the tension in her body release. She folded into him.

"It was a fantastic night followed by a great morning." He whispered into her ear and pressed her more tightly to him. "Better than great."

Mac normally would not tolerate this kind of PDA particularly when they were in uniform, but these were not normal circumstances. "I love you." She said.

"I know." He said smugly with his cocky grin. "We don't have much time. Go see Gates and call me when you are through."

"Thank you." She didn't pull from his embrace.

"Go." He pushed her gently back. "Go on now … I have some calls to make, strings to pull, favors to collect on." He smiled at her easily. "Go."

She returned the smile and nodded slowly. She went back to her car. Before she got in, she turned back to look at him. "I really do love you."

"Back at you." He smiled.

**Seven Hours Twenty-Nine Minutes Later**

Mac was climbing aboard a marine transport plane out of Andrews that would take her to Germany; from there she would pick up another plane to Naples; from there she would meet the COD to the Seahawk, to a Helo to the Guadalcanal, then another out to the Patrick Henry. Baring unforeseen circumstances she would arrive about the same time as the COD albeit with no sleep at all. At the moment she didn't think she would sleep; too much was spinning in her head.

She had gotten into see Gates and was with her when charges were filed.

After brief hugs and standard 'how were you doing?' and 'how was Glenn doing?' questions, Mac got right to the heart of the matter. "What the hell happened?"

"And I thought I was direct." Gates laughed. Per her typical, Gates would not appear vulnerable or needy in front of Mac.

"Gates – honey, I don't have a lot of time. I need you to tell me what happened, and what AJ is doing to get you out of here."

"Well, last things first – until they file charges, we can't do anything to get me out. They will hold me for that full 24 hours." She smiled at Mac. "It's OK. AJ is doing everything he is supposed to be doing. He is really very wonderful."

"Where is he now?"

"Talking to a judge. Apparently, since I am now not gainfully employed they believe I pose a flight risk."

"So what happened?"

"It was an accident. Pure and simple."

"Gates … the man had a gun at your house, there is nothing plain or simple about that. What happened?"

"He came over. He was drunk. He needed to talk. He was very upset. I talked him down. He was leaving. He was handing me the gun for safekeeping. And it went off. It was an accident."

Mac shook her head. There was more to it than that.

"Mac, I am telling you the truth."

Mac reached out to take her friend's hand. Gates pulled back reflexively.

**Bethesda Naval Hospital**

Glenn opened his eyes. The nurse was there to see it. She called the doctor immediately. They were not expecting him to wake for hours.

Detective John London was standing in the back of the room.

The doctor spoke loudly to Glenn. "Captain Schnarr, can you hear me?"

Schnarr looked confused at first.

"Do you know what day it is?" The doctor asked.

Glenn met the doctor's eyes.

"Do you know where you are?" The doctor pressed.

"Hospital." Schnarr squeaked out.

"Please, don't try to speak." The doctor said which begs the question, why was he asking all those questions.

"Do you remember what happened?" London's voice cut through the room.

"Who are you?" The nurse snapped. "You can't be in here." She was ushering him out.

Schnarr squeaked something else out.

"What?" London asked. "Do you remember what happened?"

"That bitch shot me." Captain Glenn Schnarr looked directly at the detective as if he knew who he was.

"Captain?" The detective asked again.

"She shot me."

**Arlington Police Station**

Mac cocked her head at her friends recoil. "What is going on?"

Gates shook her head and closed her eyes. After a moment she pulled a fake smile and again affirmed that that it was an accident and that was all there was to it.

"Why did you pull away from me?"

"I am tired, all right?" She snapped a little too quickly. "I am tired of being handled." Her hand went to the collar of her shirt and rubbed her chest just below the collarbone.

"Gates?"

Gates got up and stepped away.

"Gates honey, what happened?"

Gates' eyes started to fill with water.

Mac stepped closer to her. "Gates, did he hit you?" She asked gently.

Gates could not meet Mac's eyes. "He is not violent." Her voice cracked.

"Gates?"

"It was an accident." She said again, then with a great deal more force she screeched, "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

Mac turned her to face her. "Gates?"

She shook her head.

Mac slowly opened the collar of Gates' shirt. There was a large bruise on her neck and chest that looked like hand or thumb prints. Mac looked up at her but Gates looked away. Mac took her arm to lead her back to the table. Gates yelped.

"Gates?" Mac was now seriously concerned. "Did he hurt you?"

Gates finally met Mac's eyes. She was pleading for her to stop asking questions without saying anything.

"Gates, did he rape you?"

Gates was no longer able to hold the water in her eyes back. "He didn't mean to."

"Gates!" Her voice was gently and safe.

"You can't tell anyone … no one … you have to promise me … no one."

Mac was stunned. She didn't know how to respond.

At that moment Detective Starsky walked in with AJ Chegwidden right behind. "Gates Madden, I am placing you under arrest."

"The charges." Mac barked in good lawyer marine mode.

"Attempted Murder … you have the right to remain silent …"


	7. 7

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Seven

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Seven - Old Doors, Hidden Doors, Locked Doors**

**0900 ZULU (0400 EST)**

**USS Guadalcanal **

Mac was exhausted. She hadn't sleep on any of the transports. Normally she would have had no trouble catching naps here or there, but every time she closed her eyes she heard Gates in her head.

"_You can't tell anyone … no one … you have to promise me … no one." _The second time Gates said that, she added_, "Not even Harm."_

Not even Harm. Easier said than done. It was an unreasonable request from Gates but time, location and the situation did not afford Mac the latitude to debate the issue at least not to her satisfaction – meaning she did not have enough time to get Gates to change her mind.

Mac was waiting for her last transport that would take her to the Patrick Henry. She had no idea how she was going to get any work done that day – between time zone changes, traveling, lack of sleep and just plain 'other things on her mind'; Bud would have to pick up the slack. She felt guilty about that, but it could not be helped.

"Colonel." A young petty office called to her. "We are ready for you."

"Thank you." Mac got up and grabbed her gear and her helmet. She was about to board the helo when she realized she was the only passenger. "This is it?"

"Yes, ma'am." He smiled at her. "Officially we are delivering medical supplies to the Henry. Which reminds me." He handed her a box of band aides. "Can you see that the corpsman gets this?"

"I don't understand." She shouted back.

"Commander Rabb, ma'am." He gestured for her to board without further explanation.

Mac smiled. Harm must have pulled some pretty long strings to make this happen.

"You should be arriving before the COD does, ma'am."

"Thank you."

She boarded and strapped herself in. She let her mind wander back to Harm. Their parting was strained, that was her bad.

"_Promise me you will let this drop_" were her last words to him, at least on the Gates subject. Hours later she knew that she was not going to be able to keep her secret from him. Gates would have to understand that. Gates may be her oldest friend, but Harm and Mac had been through so much, secrets were not an option. He would understand and keep the secret with them; that is if Mac couldn't convince Gates from revealing what really happened. Until then, she had to trust that Harm would 'leave it alone' until she got back to explain it to him in person. Trust, it was so nice to have trust with Harm. She had always trusted him with her life, trusting him with her heart took a little longer – OK a LOT longer, but trusting him with her deep dark secrets … well that was a whole other kettle of fish. But they had that now or were getting very close to having it. "Times have changed." She thought to herself. "Thank you JESUS."

**1025 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

Harm didn't hear Jennifer knock, enter or call his name.

"Commander!" She said raising her voice.

He looked up surprised to see her at the edge of the admiral's desk. He had gotten off the phone with Admiral Schnarr ten minutes prior – she demanded more information with fewer words. Brevity thy name is Schnarr. When he reported that both Bud and Mac were on their way to the Patrick Henry (leaving out the fact that they were traveling separately and would arrive at different times), she said something cryptic.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, commander."

He was not sure if she were sending him a message, a warning or commenting about someone else, but it gave him pause.

"Commander." Coates said again "Are you all right?"

"Fine." He said quickly. "Fine, Fine. Thank you." He took the files he had requested from her. "As you were, Petty Officer." He ordered.

Coates slipped quietly from the room. She knew Harm better now and knew that if he needed her, he would ask.

As soon as the door was closed, Harm returned to his thoughts. Truth be told, he was no longer thinking about the admiral or her cryptic comment, he was thinking about Mac. Their parting was strained … at best it was strained; at worse it was a fight that had been put on hold. He tossed and turned all night wishing he could speak with her, regretting his choices, fearing her reprisals, but needing to know the truth, the truth she would not tell.

The day before, he had left work early and picked her up at her house to drive her out to Andrews. She was quiet for most of the thirty minutes it took to get to the base. She had spoken in short brief sentences but had given almost nothing away about her interview with Gates though she had been there most of the day. She had seen Admiral Schnarr at the police station. They didn't speak, but Schnarr was now aware that the 'orders' had been altered. There was going to be some version of hell to pay when all this was over. Neither cared about that.

Harm was trying to let her find her own words, but time was running out. Soon she would be on the first of many transports that would take her away for days thereby ending any opportunity they would have of speaking about what happened in private or without the aid of some communication device.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked a little too harshly. "How's Gates?"

"She is fine." Mac stated. "Gates is always fine."

"Did she do it?"

Mac turned to face out the window.

"Mac?" He asked again. "Did she do it?"

"It was an accident." She said to the window. "He was handing her the gun for safekeeping, it went off. It was an accident."

"She expects you to buy that?" He said a little too flippantly. He still didn't like Gates and Harm almost always wore his feelings on his sleeve.

Mac eyes flashed in anger as she snapped her attention back to him. "Yes she does." She said with a force that nearly blew him from the car. "And I expect you to BUY it to."

"Mac."

"Gates does not lie."

Well, Mac would not lie – at least not to Harm, not after everything they had been through together. He knew that, but he also knew that that explanation was too far fetched. He assumed that Mac was not thinking rationally. She was not looking at this situation objectively. She was too close. He would have to be her voice of reason … of reality. "Everyone lies, Mac." He lobbed back at her. "Particularly when his or her ass is on the line."

She put up her hand to stop him. "Harm, leave it alone." She ordered.

"Leave what alone?"

"Leave Gates alone, leave this incident alone – there is no reason you need to be involved at all." She shook her head.

"Too late." He gave her a condescending smile. "I'm in."

She glared at him. "No."

"If you are in, then I am in." He was a little too cocky and a little presumptuous with his position as her 'significant other.'

"And I am asking you to stay out."

"Mac." He argued.

"Why do you care … you don't even like her?"

"I like her … " He protested. He reached over to take her hand. " … well enough to want to help her out of this mess."

Mac shook her head. The words were false in her ears.

Harm made a better case for himself. "Regardless of my feelings for Gates, I love you, she is your friend, I want to help."

"I won't have you saying anything negative about her." She turned away. "I won't fight with you about her."

"Mac, how well do you really know her?"

"No, Harm." She held up her hand. "Stop NOW!"

"Mac, I'm on your side."

Mac relented. She knew Harm was trying – the only way he knew how, but this time his help was unwelcome and would cause more damage than good. Mac gave her word to Gates; she had to respect her friend's wishes even if she didn't agree with them. "I know …I know you think you are helping, but you aren't." She scolded and he looked hurt. She backed off a little; she wasn't mad at him. She was mad at the situation. "Harm if you want to be on my side – then trust me. Leave it alone."

"I can help." He asserted. "I want to help."

"There is nothing more that needs to be done." She stated. "Let AJ handle it. Please. We are already in enough trouble with Admiral Schnarr."

Harm did not agree and he really didn't give a rat's behind about Admiral Schnarr.

"Promise me you will let this drop." She entreated.

Harm nodded but did not actually promise he would. She couldn't press him for the verbal promise because they needed to get her to where she had to be or she would miss the transport. She trusted that her request was enough. Harm did not see it that way. Their parting was stiff and strained with no kiss. Of course they were in uniform and not in a place that was conducive to lovers taking their leave from each other, but there was a definite divide between them. They would have to work that out while she was gone and more so when she was back.

Coates pulled Harm back to current again. "Commander, Victor Galindez is here to see you."

He stood to greet the Gunny. "What did you find out?" He asked once they were alone. Harm had called Victor on the drive back from Andrews. He was not going to let this thing with Gates rest, in spite of Mac's request.

"Nothing useful." He stated calmly. "But I found something pretty damaging … the good news is that I doubt the DA will be able to get his hands on it."

**1118 EST**

**Arlington Police Department**

Detective London was still typing his report; he had been at it all night. With NCIS and JAG involved his captain wanted to make sure all the "i" were dotted and "t" were crossed. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. Typing reports was the part of the job he liked least – actually it was torture for him every time. He was a frustrated novelist, but creative writing had very little to do with report writing. It was very difficult for him to report only facts and ALL the facts. More often than not he found himself selecting the facts he wanted to include which would force a specific conclusion. It was not his job to 'conclude,' that was for the DA.

"So?" Asked his partner Starsky who had gone home early and wandered in late – AS USUAL.

"So what?" London replied craning his neck. He never liked his partner.

"So what happened?" Starsky pushed.

London wanted to say something snide like 'why don't you wait for the movie', but chose to answer in short sentences. "She made bail and will be released in an hour."

Starsky picked up the report and read. London was too tired to care. "You spelled 'alleged' wrong … there are two 'd' in Madden … the neighbor's name is 'Jane' not 'Janet', Janet is the wife … the wife really hadn't seen him in weeks? Interesting." He looked up from the report to his partner. "The weapon has no serial numbers on it?"

"Not a one." He was annoyed that he was the source of information for his in-name-only partner.

"Well, she did work for the CIA … probably picked it up from them." He tossed the report down on the desk. "You know she claims that the weapon was his, not hers."

"Next page." Gesturing to the report that his partner was too lazy to finish reading.

Starsky sat down and leaned back in his chair as if he had earned a rest. "She claims not to know how the door got broken."

"He says the door was kicked in when he arrived." London reported. "Suggested that the other man might have done it."

"Other man … she didn't say anything about another man."

"I know."

"Did you ask her?"

"Said he was there, never entered the residence and left."

"Who is he?"

"She will not give up his name. Says he has nothing to do with the 'accident'."

"Accident … accidentally shooting your ex-husband … who the hell is going to buy that?"

London threw himself forward in his chair. He was frustrated. "I can't disprove it."

"She has been charged." Starsky defended.

"That may have been premature." London glared at him. Starsky was the one that pushed through the filing of the charges. "Until we have all the forensics and maybe even afterward, Madden's account of the incident is just as likely as Schnarr's."

"So … it is a case of he said - she said?" Starsky didn't care. "Who do you think they are going to believe … a decorated retired Captain in the Navy or some washed up shrink who was fired from the CIA? Come on … America loves the military and pretty much hates the CIA." He laughed. "It is a slam dunk."

London shook his head. "You're a real piece of work Starsky." He took a long drink from his warm Coke.

**1800 ZULU**

**USS Patrick Henry**

It had been a very long day. Bud did his part and most of hers. He was such a good lawyer. Mac chided herself for being surprised at that. He had always been a good friend; that was never in doubt. He left her alone in the quarters they were assigned as an office to give her time to rest and make some phone calls if she needed to.

Mac had tried to get through to both Gates and Harm; she was unable to. Mac thought back to her second meeting with Gates that day.

After the charges were filed and Gates was booked, Mac had another opportunity to meet with her alone. She tried to talk some sense into her.

"Gates if he assaulted you …"

"He didn't."

"What do you mean 'he didn't'?" Mac couldn't believe that Gates would deny it.

"Look … it got a little rough … but he was drunk and really upset." She looked back at Mac. "You know how it is … I am sure I provoked him."

Mac lost it. "I DO KNOW HOW IT IS, Gates … there is nothing that you said or did that could have provoked him to hit you or --."

"You don't believe that." Gates suggested.

"NOTHING." Mac affirmed. There was plenty she could have done to make him mad, but hitting was never acceptable … and rape – Mac could barely think about it. "For God sake you are a doctor … a psychiatrist … you know better than that."

"Mac."

"Gates."

"Think about it logically." Gates screeched. "If I say he assaulted me, then they will say I tried to kill him. I didn't … it was an accident."

"Self defense?"

"He was outside my house … he was leaving … the truth is that it was an accident, it doesn't matter what happened before."

"It matters, Gates."

"Baby, look, I love you for caring … but it was my fault. Let me deal with it."

"What are you talking about? None of this was your fault."

"It will be fine." Gates assured her.

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it won't be."

"Honey, honey, honey … Glenn will tell them it was an accident … and then we can all go home."

"Glenn is the one that said you shot him." She was surprised that Gates did not know that. "He made a statement … they haven't been able to get him to shut up. He said that he was invited to your house, that you have been calling him for months, that the weapon was yours and that you shot him when he tried to leave."

Gates looked shocked. It hadn't occurred to her that he would lie – lie HELL, it hadn't occurred to her that he would make up such a pack of lies.

Mac urged her again. "Gates, look … I hate to be so crude but … he assaulted you … if he raped you … there is physical evidence that we need to get. Time is of the essence. Please let me take you to the hospital."

"No!" Gates was horrified.

"Gates please."

"I said NO." She screamed. "NO means NO. People need to learn to understand that."

"Gates."

"No, I won't do it."

"Gates, I will be with you every step of the way."

"No." She was firm. "It didn't help last time." Gates stood up. "I won't go through that again. Never again." She looked back at Mac. "It was an accident. He was handing me the gun, it went off … it was an accident." Gates wiped at the tears, which would not be held back.

Mac's jumped as the sound of the phone yanked her out of her thoughts. She wiped at the tears that had been unconsciously sliding done her own face. She needed a few deep breaths before she could pick up the phone.

"MacKenzie." She said with a near steady voice.

"Your call to Falls Church is going through now." The operator said.

"Thank you."

**1825 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

Harm sat at his own desk. He didn't like working out of Schnarr's office.

"Commander?" Jennifer's voice came from the doorway. "Do you need me to order you some dinner?"

Harm did not look up. "No, thank you. You can secure and go home Jennifer."

"Are you sure?"

He looked up at this woman who was becoming so much more than a friend; she was an ally. "Go home, Jennifer. Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can. Mattie will be back on Monday night."

"About that, sir." She still had to call him 'sir' at the office though he would not have pressed it if she didn't when they were alone. "Will you be going to get Mattie this weekend?"

"No, she is going to have to take the train."

"Mattie hates trains." Jennifer offered.

"She'll live." Harm smiled. He had had that discussion with Mattie yesterday.

"Sir, I could go get her if you want."

"You want to drive to Vermont?" He had a sneaking suspicion that Mattie had put Jennifer up to this. "Did Mattie ask you?"

"No, sir. And … well … well, I wouldn't do it in one day … I thought we would leave on Friday afternoon, come back Monday."

"WE?" Harm smiled. "Who is 'we' paleface?"

"Jack and I." She said softly.

"Ah, the infamous Jack." Harm leaned back in his chair.

"You met him, sir."

"I did indeed, Petty Officer." Harm tried to look disapproving but he couldn't. Jack was a very good man and would make a fine officer one day and God knows Jennifer deserved a weekend of fun with a man who would treat her well. He nodded. "You aren't taking your car." He warned.

"No sir."

"And Jack's truck won't do."

"No, sir." She agreed.

"I suppose you thought you would take the Lexus."

"The thought crossed my mind, sir." She smiled at her plan being so easily seen through.

He grinned. "Fine. Secure early tomorrow and have a good time." He waved her away. "Be careful driving." He called almost as an after thought.

"We won't get a scratch on her." Jennifer promised.

"I don't care about the car, Jen … I care about the people inside."

She smiled. It was the truth. Harm thought of her as family, just as much as he thought of Mattie as family. "Thank you."

"Again, it is I who am in your debt."

"We'll settle up one of these days." Jennifer smiled and left.

Harm made a mental note to call the bed and breakfast that Mac had wanted to go and get them a room. He didn't want to think about what would happen in that room, but … He laughed to himself. He really was like an older brother. He made another mental note to call Jack when he got home to remind him to be a gentleman.

Harm went back to the files in front of him – they were both from the CIA and marked confidential. The Gunny still had connections. One label read: "Schnarr, Glenn Alan, Captain, USN", the other read "Madden, Joyce Carroll Gates, MD".

After his conversation with Victor that morning, Harm wondered if he knew Gates at all. His chivalrous side was coming out again. Harm hated to see women hurt.

He needed to review the part that Gunny had told him about that morning. He flashed back to what the gunny had said.

"This isn't the first time she was involved in an 'accident' where a man nearly died." Gunny stated casually.

Harm was stunned.

Gunny explained. "When she was eighteen there was a vehicle/pedestrian incident with a one Leonard Schwartz."

"Gates was in the car?" Harm pressed.

"Yes, sir. Schwartz didn't press charges. The injuries were minor and there were no credible witnesses. Gates claimed that she was just trying to leave the house they were at and he jumped in front of the car. It was an end of the summer party apparently --- lots of drinking and drugs going on. You know how it is."

Actually Harm had no idea how it was. He did not live the normal high school life with big parties and he never did drugs. "That's it?" He said hoping that it was.

"Originally she had claimed that he raped her, but she withdrew that complaint too."

"The police didn't pursue it?"

Gunny felt the need to defend the police involved. "It was a date rape situation, sir. It is sad to say, that until recently most of those reports were never filed or pursued." Gunny looked uncomfortable with this knowledge. "It was almost twenty years ago, Harm. It has no bearing on what happened the other night."

Harm thought for a moment. He thought that it might. He switched gears back to the present. "What evidence did you find at the scene?"

"Not much. They didn't release the location until an hour ago. When I finally got in … the door had definitely been kicked in, there were signs of a struggle and the neighbor claims that she heard loud voices, but they had stopped an hour or more before the gun shot was heard."

"What about Schnarr?"

"Schnarr's file is pretty thin, but he worked for Navy Intelligence for many years. I'll keep digging."

"Thank you Gunny."

"Harm, you need to know something else." Gunny said.

"Go on."

"I was there when Schnarr first showed up."

"Excuse me?"

"Gates and I had gone to dinner. I was dropping her off. Schnarr came out of the shadows. He was waiting for her, he was drunk, he was agitated. I made him leave."

Harm studied him for a moment. He realized that the Gunny felt responsible. "I guess he came back."

Gunny looked down, guilt written all over his face. "I guess he did."

Harm went back to the file in front of him. It was Glenn Schnarr's file. Harm needed to know more about that man. The phone rang and made him jump.

"Rabb."

"Hi." Came Mac's voice on the other end. "I'm sorry." She said quickly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He responded back.

"I do. There is something I need to tell you, but it will have to wait until I get back."

"Ok." He said carefully. "How long?"

"A few more days – though maybe not. Bud did some great work today."

"He learned from the best." Harm gloated.

Mac took a deep breath. "Harm, I really appreciate you trusting me and leaving this thing with Gates alone." She said. "It means so much to me that we have trust."

Harm froze. Somehow he felt the need to hide the files on his desk as if she could see it over the phone. He didn't know what to say.

"Harm, did you hear me?"

"I did. I do trust you Mac. I love you."

"I love you too." She sighed again. "Hey, I need to sleep. I'll try to check in with you tomorrow."

"Ok."

"Go home, it's late."

"Soon."

"Thank you." She said again.

It tore through him.

She hung up. Harm stared at the receiver in his hand. "Damn it." He said to the room. This was going to be bad. He needed to prove his case. The only defense he would have with Mac was finding out what happened with Gates and Glenn that night and getting Gates off. If she were guilty, which he believed that she was, there would be nothing he could say to Mac. He didn't respect her wishes. How much damage was this going to cause? How much ground were they going to lose? "Damn it." He said again.

**USS Patrick Henry**

Mac threw herself into her rack. She tried to stop her mind from spinning but it wouldn't be stilled. She was brought back 18 years to the party at the Walker's house an event that she had blocked from her mind all this time. She remembered getting dressed and going with Gates. She remembered that Chris was going to meet them there and Mac was pretty mad at him for showing up late with the LaConte twins. She remembered that Gates was pretty messed up, but then again so was she. She didn't see Gates and Lenny go upstairs, she didn't see Gates come down the stairs or notice that her blouse was ripped or that she was crying. She was passed out in the back of the house when Gates took the car and Lenny got hit. Chris got Mac out of there before the cops showed up. Three days later, Gates was on her way to Pasadena and they stopped talking. Mac let the whole event fade to the back ground in her mind. She had troubles of her own.

Gates filled in the holes for Mac from that night, the night her son was conceived. Mac was horrified and guilt ridden.

**2111 EST**

**Madden Residence**

Harm eased the broken door open and stepped over the yellow police tape that was lying on the threshold. "Gates?"

He was met with silence.

"Gates? Are you here?" He called again.

"Living room." Came the reply.

Harm stepped into the room. Gates was on the floor by the sliding glass door. He hair was wet and she was wrapped in a bathrobe. She had one cat in her lap and another meowing and demanding to be pet. There was a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and a package of Red Twizzlers sitting next to her.

"What brings you by, Rabb?" She said not looking up, but taking another pull from a piece of licorice.

"Wanted to check in - make sure you were OK."

"Couldn't be better." She said casually.

The one cat – a big black monster of a cat with huge ears – jumped off her lap and went to investigate the intruder. Harm squatted down and scratched the cat behind the ears. The cat seemed pleased.

"He likes you." Gates said sloppily leaning her head against the glass stuffing more licorice down her throat. "Guess even a cat can be wrong." She said under her breath.

"Who is this?" He asked.

"That's Moose and this …" She picked up the smaller orange tabby, curled her close to her chest and kissed the cat's head. "This is Kibbix – my angel."

"Hey Moose." Harm focused his attention on the black cat that was now rubbing against him leaving black cat hair on his white uniform.

"Did Mac make it on time?" Gates asked.

"She did." He was not about to tell her that Schnarr was aware of the whole turn of events. She didn't need that tonight. He stood up and moved to the chair near her. Moose padded after him. "She is very worried about you."

"No she' not … at least she didn't tell you that." Gates was sure that Mac had said nothing to Harm.

"She didn't have to." He pushed back. "I know Mac very well. I know when she is worried."

He probably did know Mac better than she did. Gates drooped her head over and grabbed the Jack. She offered the bottle to Harm.

Harm weighed the best course of action and took the bottle from her. He took a long hit.

"Whoa there, Commander." She said. "Save some for the rest of us." She took the bottle back protectively and took a hit without wiping off the rim.

"Thought you quit drinking." He stated.

"Thought it was about time I reminded myself why."

"Working on a hang over?" He said simply.

"You know it." She took another drink.

"Where are you staying tonight?"

"Here."

"Nope."

"Excuse me?"

"You are not staying here." The front door was broken, the furniture and walls were covered with dusting powder and the place was a wreck. "You are staying at Mac's." He declared.

"Don't think so." She slurred. "Not leaving my babies, not tonight."

"We'll take them with us." He said without hesitation. "Let's go."

"NO!" She yelled a little too emphatically. "I said NO … I mean NO." She was now screeching. "NO MEANS NO."

He settled back and motioned for the bottle. He took a smaller hit. "OK, but I think you are making a mistake."

"Am I?"

"Mac has cable … with seven channels of HBO." He laughed.

"Great … a hundred and ninety seven channels with nothing on."

"Her place is clean and the door actually locks."

"What are you doing here, Rabb?" She asked harshly.

"AJ told me that you refused to stay with him."

"Can't be discovered living at my lawyer's house … bad form."

"Come on, get your stuff, get dressed … you can stay at Mac's."

"Why are you pushing this?" She was not angry so much as curious.

"Trying to be nice." He stated simply. "You don't make it easy."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, commander."

"I have heard that." He stood up. "Get your stuff."

Gates tried to stand up, but needed the wall and a helping hand from Harm. "Whoa … guess I am not driving."

"No, you aren't." He laughed. "When did you eat last?"

She thrust the Twizzlers at him. "Dinner."

"We'll stop and pick something up on the way."

"Why bother, I am just going to throw it up later."

"We are leaving the Jack here."

She pulled away from him, about ready to argue with him. A wave of nausea took her. "Probably a good idea."

"Probably." He took her arm again to steady her.

"You are just full of good idea's, aren't you Rabb?"

"Sometimes." He was helping her toward the stairs.

"Have you always been this tall?" She looked up at him and laughed.

He did too. "For a while now."

"I don't like tall men." She commented as she stumbled up the stairs. When she got half way she turned around. "Why are you here, Harm?" She was thinking that Mac had betrayed her trust and sent Harm over to be her guardian.

"Because you need all the friends you can get right now."

"Are you my friend?"

"If you'll let me be."

"Yeah, whatever." She stumbled up the stairs.

Harm found her about ten minutes later pass out on her bed. He went back down the stairs and made himself comfortable on the couch. Well as comfortable as he could with two cats sleeping on him.

END CHAPTER SEVEN 


	8. 8

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Eight

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Eight - Not All Doors Are Locked**

Madden Residence 

**Gates' Bedroom**

"_Gates – your guard dog is gone, I saw him drive away … Let me in … Damn It LET ME IN! … You will talk to me, Gates … Just who the hell do you think you are?… GET OVER HERE … Do you think you can just drop me … drop me from your life like I am nothing … like what we had was NOTHING! … I won't put the gun down … NO … Do you think I would shoot you? …I won't shoot you … NO!"_

Gates jerked to consciousness. She tried to sit up, but her muscles would not respond. All she could see was the ceiling; the tiles were spinning. She shut her eyes tight to block out the images, but then the voice took over the safety of the darkness.

"_Shut UP! … SHUT UP! … You will have to listen to me … I am not going to let you ignore me … I am not one of your psycho agents … SHUT UP … I AM DOING THE TALKING … I am not dirt under you finger nails … I won't let you get rid of me so easily … You aren't going to get a away with this … SHUT UP … JUST SHUT UP … I am sick to death of all you shrinks and your psychobabble … your psychobabble and your medications… you are the ones that are crazy, not me … well I showed you, didn't I? … I dumped the meds down the toilet… all of them … STOP … STAND STILL … I am not going to hurt you … SHUT UP! … Damn it Gates, don't make me do something you'll regret!"_

Gates rolled over pulling the pillow closely to her chest. Her shoulder still had a dull ache from where she had been slammed against the wall. She rolled to the other side taking the pillow with her pretending the pain in her other side was not so bad either. She was dizzy and sick and tired … so very, very tired. She didn't have the strength to fight them, not again, not tonight. There was no staving off the onslaught of the memories – not in her weakened condition.

"_I am not going to hurt you! … I am not leaving … yeah, I stopped taken all those drugs … they were killing me – making me CRAZY … making me forget … I couldn't think straight … Now I am clean and sober, just like you … thinking clearly… HEY … GET BACK HERE … you aren't calling anyone ... PUT THE DAMN PHONE DOWN … Who do you think you're going to call, huh? … The men in the white coats? … Janet?… she doesn't care … she threw me out … THE EMT's? Are you kidding? … I DON'T NEED TO RELAX … I AM TOTALLY RELAXED … It is you … YOU that needs to relax. … stop … Stop … STOP … SHUT UP, just shut the hell up … You took my life from me, you bitch … you turned my wife against me … SHUT UP … STOP … GET OVER HERE ... STAND STILL … STOP … Do you think I am going to let some little cunt like you ruin my life? … NO … No, I won't allow it … STOP … SHUT UP … DON'T FIGHT ME … you aren't going anywhere…. Damn it – don't make me hurt you … don't make me KILL you!"_

Gates tossed the pillow across the room. She tried to get up, but ended up on the floor. Caught between the wall and her bed, too weak to help herself, she was trapped. She was forced to hear – to relive what she was so desperately trying to forget.

"_I won't hurt you, Gates … I won't kill you … I won't ever turn my back on you … You were my wife …you loved me … you promised to love me 'til death … we are bonded through eternity … connected … we are one … Janet? … Ha, Janet never understood … Janet will never understand … the only thing Janet loves is that uniform … the fool … all those medals and ribbons won't keep her warm at night, that I know for a fact … that's what Janet will never understand … that's what made her crazy … Janet never loved me the way you did … stop … stop struggling ... sit down … don't say another word … Shhhh … honey, shhh … Shhh, baby."_

The cooing of his voice still sent a shiver down her spine. She remembered that cooing from when they first met, it had sent a shiver of desire, uncontrollable desire. The way he spoke to her, the way he looked at her, the way he touched her – in the beginning – was so intense, so intoxicating, so erotic. He charmed her with that cooing. The other night, when he used that voice, it sent a shiver down her spine again, only it was a shiver of disgust. She pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped it tightly around her.

"_Do you remember … do you remember how it was between us … do you remember New York? … The weekend in Atlantic City … the mornings we stayed in bed … champagne and orange juice and breakfast ala mattress… it can be like that again … better … stop … you are so beautiful, baby ... God you smell so good… I have missed you … so much … I ache for you ... I won't hurt you, baby … sure I'll put it down, sure … I don't need it, I never needed it … it wasn't for you baby, it was for your guard dog … I could never hurt you, would never hurt you … 'no' what? 'don't' what?… you don't mean that ... your skin is so soft ... I used to dream about just touching you ... we were so good together … we can get back all we lost … it could be better than it was… better … we had it all ... remember ... remember ... remember ... we had it all baby… we can have it again … you know we can … shhhh … I am the only man you ever loved … say it… say you love me … tell me you love me … tell me that I am the only man you ever loved ... you ever wanted … no one …no one gave it to you the way I did … tell me … say it … SAY IT!" _

Gates hit the wall with her fist and let out a weak cry. She was safe, it was days later and Glenn was in the hospital, but it was like it was happening all over again. She fought hard against the desires to hate, to loathe, to despise. She wanted to hate him, but she could not reconcile in her head how he was that night and the man she thought she knew.

"_Stop crying … you love me … say you love me … you told me you would love me forever … this is what you want … what you have been waiting for … Gates? … Honey? ... Don't cry, baby ... I didn't hurt you… Gates? … Gates? … baby? … Oh God, what am I doing? … what am I doing? … I'm sorry … Oh, God, I am sorry … so sorry …I love you … I didn't want to hurt you … you made me do it … this is what you wanted … you wanted me to … oh, God, I am sorry … I am so sorry … Gates, I love you."_

Gates pulled herself from her memories with Glenn's words – harsh, tender, desperate – and the sounds of his sobbing still ringing in her ears. How many times could she relive that scene? How had it all gotten so out of control so quickly? She wanted to hate Glenn, but she couldn't. He was a sick man, a very sick man who needed her help and her understanding. But how could she possibly give it to him now?

She crawled back up on the bed and dug herself in under the down quilt. Safe and warm in the darkness, Gates broke down – broke down completely. She let herself feel all of it – ALL OF IT. The sobbing, the weeping, the gut wrenching cries came from a place that she rarely let loose and never in the light of day. She quite literally cried herself to sleep.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 0501 EST 

**Madden Residence**

Gates eased her way down the stairs cursing each and every step under her breath. How she hated those stairs, even on her good days. Her hair was slicked back still wet from the shower and she wore her favorite pair of sweats with YALE across the chest – a gift from an agent who she 'saved' and sent back for a PhD. She made her way to the kitchen in need of water, coffee and aspirin – in mass quantities and in any order.

Gates would – on occasion – resort to this type of one-night binge drinking. It never lasted more than one night and more often than not ended with her head in the toilet. It was self-indulgent self-pity that was inflicted on no one but herself. She was OK with that. Usually it was Vodka or wine (Champagne was her favorite) and would typically not take her too much time to recover the next day. This time was worse. The Jack Daniels did her in. Damn Jack. Praise Jack. He did his job. Reality – too much reality – was blurred out for just a little while (her main goal).

However, the part of this whole ritual that Gates had forgotten (and always did forget) was the waking up still drunk part. Gates hardly ever slept through the night as it was, but with alcohol in her, she would not make it past 2AM. Her usual middle of the night anxieties were enough to keep her awake for an hour or so, but with alcohol mixed in there was no getting back to sleep – at least not a restful sleep. So what she hoped she would forget; became super real in her mind. Everything seemed so much worse in the middle of the night, so hopeless. In her case there was not much lower she could go from reality, but she found a way.

When she woke that morning it was to Glenn's words, Glenn's slurs, Glenn's violence, Glenn's protestations of love and remorse. It was crashing down on her, over and over and over. She could not force it away. Weakened by the alcohol she finally allowed herself to cry – to remember and cry. The Jack had not blurred it enough, in fact it made the edges that much sharper. "OK, Ok, enough already …I yield, I yield." That was when she forced herself from her bed to the bathroom. She needed to void her self of so much more that the whiskey and the twizzlers, but whatever was in her stomach was all she had control over.

She passed by the living room but did not notice Harm. Sleep finally took him around 0300 or 0330. He hadn't heard her, not that he would have done anything if he had. What could he have done? If what happened to her was what he thought happened to her, she would not turn to another man for comfort; even a friend and especially not a boyfriend of a friend that she didn't like to begin with. But Harm was there to make sure no outside demons could get to her.

When the refrigerator door opened, both Moose and Kibbix were up. Kibbix jumped down silently from Harm's lap, but Moose leapt from Harm's chest to the middle of the living room floor. The thump could be heard blocks away.

"Ugh." Harm grunted in his sleep.

Gates looked into the living room and tried to focus on the couch. It seemed normal, but there was something different. She squinted her eyes enough to see that there was a man on the couch. 'Who is that?' She thought. Her mind flooded with possibilities. Her first thought was Glenn, but she quickly forced herself not to think that. Then maybe AJ or Victor, but she honestly didn't remember seeing either one of them after she got home. They both had called – a couple of times, as did Gibbs, but she didn't speak to any of them.

She tried to focus; she tried to remember what happened. The memories would not come through all the fuzz and buzz in her head. She studied the form on the couch. He was in uniform and it looked Navy. She could not see or recognize anything else. Moose slammed up against her leg, she lost her balance and dropped the coffee can on the floor. The man on the couch sat up quickly.

"Gates?" He called looking around.

It was Rabb. Gates had absolutely no recollection of him from the night before. "Yeah." She answered back.

"What time is it?" He strained to see his watch.

"Not a clue."

"How are you feeling?" He rubbed his eyes.

"Terrific."

"Got a little headache?" He tried to be cute.

She was finally annoyed enough to take control of it. "What are you doing here, Rabb?" The volume of her voice sent throbbing pain through her head. She leaned back against the counter.

"Keeping an eye on you."

"Didn't do a very good job." She said under her breath.

He came over to the counter. He saw how unsteady she was. "Sit down, I'll make the coffee."

"Did something happen that I am not aware of?"

"Like what?" He picked up the coffee can from the floor.

"When did you get appointed my babysitter?"

"Come on, sit down before you fall down." He said gently turning his attention to the coffee.

"I can fall down, Harm." She barked at him a little too loudly and sent a fresh wave of pounding through her head. She recovered enough to pull herself over to one of the chairs and sat down. "I can fall down." She repeated more softly. "And I don't need anyone to pick me up."

"You are a real tough one, aren't you?" He pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and grabbed a glass from the sink.

"I can take care of myself."

"Facts not in evidence." He regretted that as soon as the words were out.

"Go to hell." She spat at him.

"Where's the aspirin?" He placed the water and glass in front of her on the table.

"Purse." She nodded toward her bag that was hanging on the back of the door.

He handed her the purse without digging around it in for the aspirin. "Can you eat?"

"Oh, please." She swallowed hard. "If you are trying to kill me, shoot me."

"Not my MO." He said quickly and regretted that too. "You need something to eat."

"Got to give me a couple of hours."

"Toast?" He opened the refrigerator. "Of course there is no bread."

"Just the coffee." She squeaked out. "How about a Diet Coke."

"Water."

"How about a little hair of the dog?"

"That's a plan." The coffee was ready and he poured her a cup. "Cream? Sugar?"

"Black." She was rubbing at her temples.

Harm poured himself a cup and joined her at the table.

She took a guarded sip. "Wow … didn't know my coffee maker made espresso."

He smiled and shook his head. "You have got to have an opinion about everything."

She took another sip. "I really don't care who wins the election in November."

"Terrific."

"Didn't say I wasn't gonna vote, I just don't care who is gong to win."

Harm leaned back in his chair and studied her for a moment.

"What?" She was confused.

"Small talk?" He asked. "We are really going to make small talk?"

"Not up for much more at the moment."

"I want to help you, Gates." He blurted out.

"Help me what? Stay awake for a week? This coffee is sure gonna do that."

He chuckled at the wall she had put up and shook his head.

"I don't need your help." She stated. "I have AJ." The problem with AJ was that he really didn't believe her. Didn't believe that it was an accident. Gates knew that. AJ knew that she knew and Harm knew that AJ didn't believe her.

"AJ is a good lawyer." Harm confirmed.

"Very good." She echoed like she knew or was at least trying to convince herself that she knew.

"He is a little out of practice defending a client on an attempted murder charge."

"Where as you …"

"Where as I have more current experience."

"I see." She switched to water. "Ambulance chaser." She said loud enough for him to hear.

He shrugged and smiled.

"Let's see how this thing plays out." She leaned back. "If I need to appeal, I'll consider your offer."

"I would hope that it wouldn't get that far."

"I was hoping that we could avoid a trial all together." She offered.

"Too late for that, I think."

She nodded. "Yeah, well Glenn needs to change his story … to the truth."

"Is it?" He took his opening quickly. "The truth I mean."

"You think I shot him? You think I tried to kill him?" She laughed. "Funny, most lawyers don't want guilty clients."

"Guilt is not a black and white issue. There are extenuating circumstances." He said with his usual cock sure attitude that tipped his hand.

She studied him for a moment. "You think you know something."

He shook his head.

"Mac told you that it was an accident."

"Yes, she did."

"As did AJ."

Harm nodded.

"What is it you THINK you know?" She burst out at him. She was not in good enough form for this cat and mouse game.

"I know something happened here the other night. I know that Schnarr broke into your house with a gun and that in my mind means that whatever happened after that … how the gun went off – accidentally or otherwise … there was no premeditation on your part."

"Where did you get your information?"

"Look around this place." He waved his hands. "It is your house. He had no business being here. It looks like there was quite a struggle, the door is broken, and I don't think you are the type to keep a weapon – registered or not – in the house."

"His story refutes all of that." She leaned back. "You don't believe him."

"No." It was a simple honest statement.

"Have you ever met the man?"

"No."

"So you have no reason to believe that he would lie."

"I have more reason to think that you were the victim not the perpetrator."

She paused for a moment, anger crawling up her spine. "What did Mac tell you?"

Harm's face washed with concern. "She told me to leave it alone."

"Have a hard time following orders, commander?"

"I want to help." He offered.

"Jesus, you just can't walk by a damsel in distress can you?" She laughed. "You got this whole need-to-be-the-hero thing going on … I can help you with that."

"Good, we can trade services." He flashed her his smile.

She waved him off. "Go save a kitten from a tree … I don't need your help … more over I don't want it."

"Gates, you've got to trust somebody."

"And that somebody should be you." She stated. It was not a question; it was more of a 'don't be ridiculous' comment.

"Other than Mac … there is no one else that will go to the wall for you the way I would." He waited. "Ask anyone. That is my MO."

"Anyone? How about your CO? What will she have to say?"

"I don't know." He said. "This is not about her, or my position at JAG."

"What's it about?"

"You. I want to help you."

"Why?" She was annoyed. "You don't even like me."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

He didn't have an answer for that. "Blame it on my Superman complex."

She laughed. "That is the first thing you said that I believe."

He gave her a look of final request. "For Mac, let me help you."

"For Mac? She told you to leave it alone."

"And she meant it." He looked worried. He was still unsure how he was going to deal with Mac when she found out. "But Mac is too close to you, she is not thinking clearly and neither are you."

"And you can because you and I are not close?"

"I can be objective."

"Facts not in evidence, counselor." She lobbed back at him.

"Touché." He took a slow breath. "Let me help you Gates."

She eyed him suspiciously.

"Tell me what happened and I promise, I will do everything I can to protect you."

She considered for a moment. "If you want to help me, then you have to believe it was an accident. He was handing me the gun for safe keeping, it went off."

Her voice was strong and clear and she made direct eye contact. Harm had interviewed plenty of people in life. He could tell if someone was lying or not – at least he could usually tell. She was not.

"It was an accident." He confirmed. "OK – So why would Schnarr lie?"

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X**

0925 EST 

**JAG Headquarters**

Harm cell phone was ringing when he walked in from the admiral's office.

"Rabb."

"You just couldn't leave it alone, could you?" Mac blasted him.

"Mac, It's Ok."

"No, Harm it is everything but OK."

"Gates and I talked, she is going to let me sit second to AJ … if it gets that far."

"Harm, you don't get it. I don't care if your intentions were pure as gold. I asked you to leave it alone, and you didn't. That is all there is."

"What does that mean?" He tossed back at her.

She was silent.

"Mac? What does that mean?"

"It means that I can't trust you." She said flatly.

"Mac --."

"It means that you don't trust me." She hit the final nail in. "It means that we do not have what I thought we did."

"That is not true." He defended.

"I think it is." She took a breath. "Did you ever stop to think about me? Did you even consider my wishes?"

"Of course."

"Did you ever stop to think about what this would mean for us?"

"For us?"

"Harm, we are working on something … something that could last a life time … did you ever consider that? Trust is a fragile thing. It is more fragile than love … what do we have if we don't have trust?"

"Mac."

"If I can't trust you out of my sight –"

"Mac … this is not about trust … actually, yes it is … you trusting me to do what I think is right."

"And to hell with what I think is right?"

"No."

"I am a fool. I am a total idiot. I thought you would change. I thought you had changed."

"Mac please … can we talk about this?"

"Oh we will talk about it … you can bet on that."

"When are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tell me when you'll be in, I'll be there to pick you up."

"No." She snapped. "I am going to see Gates first. I'll call you."

"Mac, please."

"That's it Harm. That is it for now. I am so angry with you I can't see straight. It is a good thing I am not there. I am not sure what I would do."

"Mac."

"No, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up with out waiting for a response.

Harm slumped down in his chair with the phone still to his ear. She hung up on him. She must be livid. She hadn't done that in years. He spied his open drawer with the two folders in it from the gunny. He slammed the drawer shut. He was the idiot. He was the fool. If he had just waited until she got home, everything would have been fine.

After a moment, he made a call. "Gunny, It's Rabb. I need to get these files back to you … where? … I'll be there. Thanks"

Too late, Rabb. There is no use locking the barn door, the horse is already gone. The next thing he had to do was figure out how to get her back.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 1000 EST 

**Madden Residence**

Gates had just gotten off the phone with the guy who was going to fix her door. She had been on the phone all morning. She was actually feeling better – physically as well as emotionally. Her conversation with Harm did not go as badly as she thought it would. He was actually a nice guy and was at least making a good show of believing her story, more so than AJ. He even took her out for a greasy breakfast before he left to go to work. Then the phone wouldn't stop ringing: first AJ, then Gibbs, then Mac.

In her conversation with Harm that morning, she never got a good feel for Mac's role in his being there. Mac didn't ask him to watch over her, at least not directly? It wasn't Mac's idea? Gates was sure of that. After her conversation with Mac, she knew. Harm did it on his own, and there would be hell to pay. She had to admire Rabb for that. He would risk the wrath of MacKenzie to do what he thought was right? Got to give him credit for bravery if not brains.

Mac did not question Gates about it, but Gates was a pretty good listener even when she was doing most of the talking. Mac was livid. Gates knew that she was going to have to step in and help Mac come to terms with it. She could do that. After all, Gates never should have asked her to keep anything from Harm. It wasn't fair to Mac. If Mac had told him, the chances were better than even he would have stayed in the background and waited until he was asked. Yeah, Gates would get though to Mac when she was back the next day.

She had to cut her conversation with Mac short because Victor came by. Her conversation with Victor was more strained. He offered his help, but he was guarded and standoffish. There was a part of Gates that thought he was acting guilty. It occurred to her that he might feel responsible. She did everything she could to NOT let him feel that way. He left shortly after getting a phone call. Gates didn't know who it was from, but she was sure that it didn't need his immediate attention. He just used it as an excuse to leave.

She was picking up the condo, when a knock came to her open door. She thought it was the repairman.

"That was fast." She called from the kitchen.

When she got to the door, Janet Schnarr was there, hat in hand. "Can we talk?" Janet asked.

"Not sure we have anything to say to each other." Gates said evenly.

"It wasn't an accident." Janet said quickly.

Gates stood rigid in the doorway.

"And I know you didn't shoot him."

Gates' tried to look away.

"He tried to kill himself, didn't he?"

Gates stepped back into the house leaving the door wide open. Janet followed.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**End Chapter Eight**


	9. 9

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Nine

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships**

**Chapter Nine - Somebody Open a Window**

1000 EST 

**Madden Residence**

Janet Schnarr was standing in Gate's doorway, hat in hand. "Can we talk?" she asked.

"Not sure we have anything to say to each other." Gates said evenly.

"It wasn't an accident." Janet said quickly.

Gates stood rigid in the doorway.

"And I know you didn't shoot him."

Gates' tried to look away.

"He tried to kill himself, didn't he?"

Gates stepped back into the house leaving the door wide open. Janet followed.

Janet waited for Gates to sit and sat down near her.

"What do you want from me, Janet?" Gates asked after a long moment.

"I need your help." She said quickly. "Glenn needs your help."

Gates laughed and shook her head. "What more can I do? I said it was an accident."

"I want you to tell the truth."

Gates looked away. Gates was not sure she knew what the truth was anymore.

"It is the only way."

"Way for what?"

"The only way that he will get the help he needs."

Gates got up in search of the Jack Daniels.

"Gates, I'm sorry about this."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" She called back from the kitchen. "You had nothing to do with it."

Janet went to the sliding glass door and looked out over the back deck and tiny 'yard'.

Gates found the bottle and came back in with two glasses. She offered Janet a drink. Janet nodded.

Gates poured – no ice, no nothing – neat, as they say. The women drank – no toast, just a brief acknowledgement that they had each suffered at the hands of Glenn Schnarr.

"Do you want to know something funny?" Janet offered.

"Yeah, make me laugh." She said sarcastically.

"The moment after Glenn and I got remarried – and I mean less than three minutes after the JOP said 'husband and wife', he took off … for five days." She laughed. "We never made it to the honeymoon – second honeymoon." She took another sip. "Anyway, he came back … eventually … hung over, dirty and smelling of a woman. I was sure he was with you. Even accused him of it."

"He wasn't with me." Gates defended.

She shrugged. "Oh, it doesn't matter now." She looked up at Gates. "That was the first time he hit me – well – pushed me. Glenn is a pusher, a shover, a manhandler – not a hitter. He was very proud of the fact that he never hit a woman in anger." Janet snickered at the ridiculousness of that comment and how it was even more ridiculous that she had been agreeing with it for all those years.

Gates sat back.

"Anyway, he came back. We fought and he shoved me into the stove." Janet revealed a burn scar on her forearm. It was well healed, but it looked like it had been a very bad burn. "Dinner was ruined and that gave him reason to leave for another three days." She took a breath and pulled her sleeve down. "He was very sorry when he got back; down right penitent."

Gates nodded.

"I could deal with the pushing." Janet continued. "But his words – his vile hateful wrath was more than I could bare. It wasn't Glenn – it was a whole other person. It was as if I never actually knew him. He called me things too ugly to repeat, but the words still ring in my ears."

Gates looked sad but didn't know how much she could really help this woman, nor was she particularly motivated to help. "What is the funny part?"

Janet laughed sadly. "Well, the funny part is that when he left – left for the second time – I actually hoped he was going to you. I wanted you to 'steal' him back." She laughed again. "That time, however, I was not going to put up a fight. You could have him."

Gates knew it wasn't funny and that it was killing Janet to have to admit this after all that time. "Why are you telling me this?" Gates asked gently.

Janet studied her for a moment. "I don't know. … I guess I thought you would understand."

Gates nodded. She did understand.

"There is no one I can talk to about him." She brushed at her eyes as if she were worried she might cry. "Everyone else sees Glenn the charmer. They think he is funny, impassioned, smart, kind, generous, loyal, and the kind of person they would love to be loved by." She laughed. "They have no idea how devastating his love – his kind of love can be."

Gates' heart went out to her. She had never thought of it from Janet's perspective. Glenn could be the most exciting, thrilling, loving man – and he could be a bastard. How would Gates' life have been different if she had won the battle for Glenn?

"He has gotten worse over the years – as you know." Janet continued. "I know he has kept in sporadic contact with you."

"He has."

"I also know that you counseled him to work out his issues with me."

"I counseled him to get counseling." Gates felt accused of something. "I thought he loved you, I thought you loved him."

"Love." She snorted. Janet refilled her glass and moved away. "Love." She looked back at Gates. "Glenn was the only one." She offered. "The only man I have ever been with – the only man who ever made me feel … like I don't know what … beautiful, desirable, special – you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Gates did.

"And when he loved – he loved with his whole being – heart, soul and body." She looked like she was about to cry. "But when he hated, he hated with the same force."

Gates took another thoughtful drink. She absent mindedly rubbed at one of the bruises Glenn had given her.

"He hit you – shoved you, didn't he?"

Gates looked up in shock.

"You need to tell them that. You are a psychiatrist Gates. You know he needs help."

Gates nodded.

"He needs to be locked away from people." Janet pushed. "So he can do no more damage to himself or others."

Gates did not want to hear that. She was not an advocate for mental hospitals.

"You know I am right." Janet continued. "He was never this violent – at least not with a gun – but he has gotten worse since he resigned his commission – dangerous, suicidal. Maybe he was hoping that you would kill him."

"Janet."

"You don't know him now. There is no telling what he could do. He could have killed you. He is manic and happy one moment and sobbing the next – then he gets mad." She shrugged. "And then there are days – weeks, months that will go by where everything will be fine."

"What sets him off?"

"This last time it was my running into you at JAG. I shouldn't have said anything."

"In the past."

"Anything … from an advertisement in the mail to something one of his doctors said or didn't say. Any number of things. But something will cause him to go off his meds. I shouldn't have cut him off like that – but I just couldn't take it any more."

"Why didn't you divorce him years ago?"

"Divorce? Do you honestly think that he would have stayed out of my life? He didn't stay out of yours." She shrugged. "No, I said better or worse, sickness and heath – I meant it. Glenn needed me, and for long periods of time, things would be OK." She coughed. "I buried myself in my work and hoping against hope that the next doctor would be the right one."

Gates motioned for her to join her on the couch.

Janet was done talking about herself. "Look, I know he tried to kill himself and you struggled with him for the gun."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me."

"He told you that?" Glenn had begged Gates not to tell anyone. To say it was an accident.

"He had to when his story fell apart under my …."

"Cross examination?" Gates offered with a smile.

"If you will." Janet smiled back.

"So you tell the police."

"I have. They don't believe me. You need to tell the real story, and when faced with both of us and the facts – he will have to tell the truth."

Gates nodded.

"I also think you need to file assault charges against him."

Gates panicked, she took another long drink. She couldn't go through that.

"Gates?" Janet asked gently.

Gates shook her head. "No."

"Gates, did something else happen here?"

Gates again rubbed at her arm but would not look at her.

"How badly did he hurt you?" Janet looked her up and down for visible signs of bruising. She saw nothing obvious, but there was a fear, a dread in Gates eyes. Janet had to believe was something worse. Glenn used sex to get what he wanted. It all of a sudden occurred to Janet – what if it wasn't working. What if Glenn's charms and cooing, weren't working. Would he use it as a weapon? Could he force himself on someone – someone he once loved? She had to ask. "Gates, did he rape you?"

Gates got up and moved away.

Janet followed her but did not touch her. "Oh, Gates. I'm sorry."

Gates turned to her with a forced strength. "Yeah, me too."

Janet inched closer to her like she would put her arms around her for comfort.

Gates stepped back. "I will tell them that he pushed his way into my house, that we fought, he threatened suicide, I turned to call the EMT's and he was out the door. When I caught up to him he had the gun to his mouth. I grabbed for the gun, pulled it away – but it went off, hitting him in the chest. I will tell them nothing else." She fixed her with a stare. "Nothing."

Janet wanted to fight her. She was now angry. She wanted Glenn punished for what he had done – yes what he had done to her over the years, but more importantly what he had done to Gates. "Do you think you are protecting him or me?" Janet asked.

"This isn't about either one of you … for a change. This is about me!"

Janet was thinking of her next argument.

Gates needed to get back to business. She would deal with her pain later. "I can't get into see him. They won't let me."

"No, they won't. Have your lawyer talk to his. Have him bring a statement." She said simply. "Do you have a lawyer?"

Gates looked victoriously sheepish (if that is possible). "I have two."

"Oh?"

"Retired Admiral AJ Chegwidden and Commander Harmon Rabb."

Janet looked like the wind had been completely taken out of her sails. "I see."

Gates waited for her to say something else.

"All the civilian lawyers were booked up this week?" She said caustically.

"AJ and I are friends and Rabb just stepped up."

"Because of MacKenzie." She nodded. She didn't KNOW about Harm and Mac, but she knew that they were at least friends. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway."

"What doesn't matter?"

"When this gets out, I will have effectively lost any authority I had to lead them. I knew it the day I saw you at JAG. Just thought I could handle it. Now I know I can't."

"I don't see it that way." Gates said.

"You have never served a day in uniform – you have skirted around the military for years – your parents, two of your husbands, but you have never held a command position. You have no idea how important respect for your commanding officer is."

"No, I guess I don't."

"It wouldn't have worked with me at JAG regardless. That unit is so enmeshed, I am not sure anyone could step into the role of Chegwidden." She looked down. "Probably need to break the whole office up and start fresh."

Gates thought about what she would say. "I don't know them that well, but it seems to me that the criteria for being accepted are pretty low and once you are in – you are in for life."

Janet shook her head. "I am going back to the academy. It is where I belong."

"Protected in your ivy covered walls?"

"Think you are looking for the Ivory Tower metaphor."

"You need to give your people a little more credit. They all have skeletons in their closet, and everyone knows where everyone else's bodies are buried."

"Talk about mixing metaphors."

"Even AJ had a few old bones lying around, and he led them very well for nine years."

Janet shook her head.

"Talk to AJ. I'll have Rabb take care of that thing with Glenn."

The handyman arrived to fix the door. The discussion was over.

Gates walked Janet to her car.

"Gates, if you reconsider – I think you should reconsider, and file charges against him. I will help you in anyway I can."

Gates laughed. "I can't begin to tell you how many people are offering me their help and how much I don't want or need it."

"Don't be so strong that you get brittle and break. Accept the help that is being offered."

"Thank you." Gates said simply. "No, thank you."

"Ok."

The women parted, no longer as enemies, but as wounded people who now understood each other a little better.

Gates picked up her phone, pulled a card from her pocket and dialed. "Hey Rabb, are you ready to go to work? Earn that retainer I gave you … What? I didn't? … Well consider yourself retained."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 1815 EST Bethesda Naval Hospital 

Harm marched down the hall late for his meeting with Glenn Schnarr, Schnarr's lawyer and Detective London. He was armed with Gate's statement taken earlier that day and strict instructions to get him to withdraw his statement and agree to have himself committed to the psych ward. Oh yes, London needed to drop the charges against Gates too.

Gates had told Harm the "story." She told him about Glenn's utter desperation, the suicide attempt, about the struggle for the gun and it going off. Harm had barely enough to go on. Then she told him about Janet's involvement and Glenn's confession to his her. Still it wasn't enough to force Glenn to change his story, if he wasn't willing.

Finally, she reluctantly told him of the assault confirming his suspicions. Harm pressed gently for the details, but Gates stood firm: he broke into her house, and 'roughed her up' and that's all. Harm knew there was more, but didn't feel he needed her to say it out loud. He encouraged her to press charges against him. She said 'no'. Harm convinced her that he might have to use that threat in order to get Schnarr to agree. Gates understood that, but told him she would not file, regardless.

Harm asked why she did not ask AJ to handle the meeting with Glenn and his lawyer. Her simple answer was "Rank." Glenn retired as a captain; AJ was an admiral. Glenn had issues with rank. The real issue for Gates was that she didn't want to have to deal directly with AJ about the assault and her first set of lies. She still had hopes that they could have a relationship.

Glenn had been moved to a private room. He was recovering quickly. When Glen was faced with three men, and both Janet and Gates' statements, he folded – just as Janet expected that he would. He was reluctant to agree to enter a psychiatric ward, but his lawyer assured him that it was only temporary – for evaluation and to regulate his meds.

London said the charges against Gates would be dropped.

The lawyer and London were discussing the final points.

"Is she OK?" Glenn asked Harm quietly.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, is she OK?"

"She will be fine now that she doesn't have to face unfounded charges." was Harm's not so short answer.

"I love her." Glenn stated as if he were defending himself.

Harm gave him a skeptical look.

"I have always loved her, she is special." Glenn continued. "I thought she loved me – I thought she wanted me the same way … I never meant to … I mean, if she had said 'NO' … but she never did … I didn't … I wouldn't."

Harm felt that defender-of-women side of him tense up. The man all but admitted to sexually assaulting Gates – to raping her. Harm had suspected as much, but did not push Gates on it. Confronted with her attacker and knowing that he would not be punished for his crime, Harm wished he were not lying sick in a hospital bed. "You assaulted her, Captain. You assaulted her in the vilest way a man can assault a woman."

"Did she say that?"

"You said that." Harm corrected. "That is not love. That is sick. Get the help you need."

The lawyer came up when Glenn tried to defend himself. Harm looked the lawyer in the eye. "Make this deal stick – or I will personally lock your client up and I will throw away the key."

Harm called Gates and told her that the deal was made and that the charges were dropped. She thanked him.

"Is there something else, Rabb?" She asked.

"If you change your mind and want to press charges-."

"I won't."

"If you do."

"I won't."

He slowly let the breath he was holding out. "All right."

"Thank you."

Harm hung up. There was nothing else for him to do. At least now he understood why Mac had been supersensitive to his involvement.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 1510 EST 

**Madden Residence**

Mac drove back from Norfolk with Bud. Bud was exhausted and deserved a rest. He had done a heck of a job on the investigation. Even he was impressed with himself. Mac drove to let him sleep and because it would give her time to think, unfortunately it was probably too much time.

From the road she made a quick call to Gates, enough to find out that things were resolved and of Harm's involvement. Mac was still very angry at Harm, but her first concern was getting to her friend. The call netted her one other vital piece of information: Gates had been alone for nearly twenty-four hours. She needed to debrief with someone – someone she could trust. Gates didn't actually say that, but the relief Mac heard in her voice when she told Gates that she was hours away was almost tangible.

Between the call and actually arriving to the condo, Mac started questioning her ability to provide that trusted someone to Gates. She was feeling very guilty over what had happened back when they were eighteen. Mac cursed herself and only gave herself a minor excuse in the alcohol and Chris. Gates needed to take a little of the blame – not for the incident naturally – but for not telling Mac what happened. There would be a lot for these two old friends to discuss.

Mac couldn't go empty handed. She stopped at the store and bought close to $100 worth of stuff - stuff that didn't make any sense: pasta and vegetables, cookies and cheese, pretzels and oranges, diet coke and ice cream, steak and tortillas … and whip cream … lots of whipped cream. On her way to the cash register she passed the candy aisle. Twizzlers – they ate them as kids. She bought three bags each of black and red. She was disgusted to discover that they now sold grape and chocolate.

Mac arrived. It was stiff and uncomfortable at first. Gates was not prepared to open up completely and Mac was trying to be strong for her. After a period of time of them trying to meet on some level, Mac finally broke down.

"I'm sorry. Oh God, Gates. I am so sorry."

They folded into each other and cried like girls. Over the next several hours they processed everything, they ate everything, and they apologized for things that they had no control over. They explained, they enlightened, they remembered and they corrected misconceptions. But what they did the most was catch up … truly catch up with all that they had lost over the years. The last couple of months was nice ground work, but it was this night – this night of truth and honesty and raw emotion that brought these best friends, best girl friends back to each other. They had rediscovered sisterhood, love and trust. Gates told Mac things that she wasn't even aware of herself, and Mac … well Mac did the same.

Sometime around ten or eleven they got to the subject of Harm. Mac was still angry with him – rather she was freshly reminded of her anger at him.

Gates took pity on her. "Don't be, baby."

"What?" Mac was surprised that her friend did not understand why. "He is arrogant, self-centered and totally convinced of his own superiority."

"I will give you that." Gates laughed.

"But what?"

"Well, angel – I don't know how to tell you this…"

"What?"

"Well"

"Well what?"

"He is a good man, Sarah."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get me wrong and I will deny it tomorrow --- but he is a good man … and he loves you."

"What?"

"He loves you, baby." Gates took her hands. "He came here when he knew he shouldn't, he wasn't asked nor was he wanted. But he was here for me. He was here for me FOR YOU. It wasn't about me; it wasn't even about what I had gone through – and there is a part of me that thinks he knew, I don't know why or how, but I think he knew. Anyway – he did what he could do – he came for you – because you couldn't – he did for me what I wouldn't ask for."

"I told him … I asked him to leave it alone."

"I know honey, and I know you did that for me. I should never have asked."

"What? Why?"

"I will give you that his HERO side can be really annoying … but he means well."

"That is hardly the point, Gates."

"The point is, I never should have asked you to keep my secret."

"What?"

"You know I am right." She contended. "If you were not under such time pressure, you would never have made that promise.

"Harm and I are not joined at the hip … he doesn't need to know everything."

"Honey, I told you some things that had to affect you and you need to have someone to process them with – who better than your partner in life. I shouldn't have asked you to not say anything."

"He shouldn't have pushed."

"That is true – but it is not the end of the world."

"How can you be some calm about this?"

"Because I have had some time to process all that has happened. And Rabb sticking his nose in where he wasn't invited – in the grand scheme of things – was pretty minor. In fact … dare I say it … it was helpful."

"Helpful?"

"I didn't need to confess to AJ. I don't know if that will ultimate help or kill a relationship with him, but at the moment, I didn't want to face AJ. Harm was there and he was safe – he had no agenda with me."

"Gates."

"Look honey. I only know what you have told me about your relationship with him and the little I have gleaned from our times together, but did you honestly expect him to stay out of it?"

Mac shook her head in disgust. "No. No, I didn't. He always does this kind of stuff."

"And?"

"And nothing, he gets away with it every time. He doesn't follow orders and he gets given a medal. It is really annoying." She looked away. "He needs to know that this is unacceptable in a relationship."

"Sarah, just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean that either one of you have changed." She took her hand. "You can't be mad at him for being who he is."

Mac relaxed. "Yes I can." She had a smile on her face and a glint in her eye.

"Be careful with that, honey. It might just come back and bite you in the butt."

"I will let him apologize to me." Mac grinned. "Let him apologize A LOT."

"You can lose at that game, doll." She added, "You don't want to lose a good man."

"Yeah." Mac said with a far away look. "He is a good man, isn't he?"

"He is no Brad Pitt, but … I think you should try to hang on to him."

"Yeah … maybe."

"Why don't you go find him? He is probably going crazy wondering where you are."

"He knows where I am, I will talk to him tomorrow." She stated firmly.

"Mac, I love having you here, but I am exhausted. I need some sleep."

"Do you want me to stay the night?"

"No, honey. I am fine. Really. I'll clean up a little and go to bed … maybe take a long hot bath."

"That sounds nice."

The women parted after some more chit-chat. They made a lunch date for the next day. It was Sunday and Gates knew a great place for brunch. She suggested that Mac invite Harm, and she would invite AJ. Mac suggested that they wait for another time to have that celebration. With several more hugs and declarations of love and friendship, Mac left. Gates was grateful for the solitude, she felt alone and lonely, but lost that 'alone in the world' feeling she had just hours before. Mac and she would never lose touch again and neither would ever consider themselves alone in the world.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 2313 EST 

**MacKenzie Residence**

Mac drove home. She thought about going to Harm's, but she was exhausted and needed some time to clear her head. She wasn't trying to punish him; it was just that eight hours of processing everything from the past eighteen years with Gates had taken a lot out of her. She would call Harm when she got home. Make sure he knew that things were fine – were going to be fine – and that they would have their discussion the next day. It seemed reasonable, even logical to her as she drove home.

She let herself into her apartment: lights were on, a fire lit in the fireplace and music was softly coming from her stereo. There was a huge arrangement of flowers on the coffee table and a brand new Navy Sweatshirt and pants lying next to it. She looked to the dining room; the table was covered with files and law books. She dropped her bag and walked toward the kitchen and was surprised by Harm coming out with a fresh cup of tea.

"Hey." She said.

"Hi." He answered back. "I didn't hear you come in." He stepped toward her as if to give her a hug, but she remained where she was. He stepped back.

"What are you doing here?" She asked evenly.

"I assumed you would want to spend the night in your own apartment."

"And you assumed I would want you here." She rapped back at him.

He didn't respond. He didn't want to fight with her, but he had a feeling that there would have to be some discussion before they could get back on track.

"How long have you been here?" She fingered the files on the tabled. They were the ones that she and Bud had put together.

"16 – 1630." He put his tea down and took a seat. "Just after Bud called, debriefed me and gave me the reports. You two did some great work."

"Bud did most of it."

"I can see the influence you had on this investigation – you both did some excellent work."

"Thank you."

"Are you hungry?" He asked. "I stopped at the bistro you like and got a couple of things to go. I could warm them up for you. Do you want some tea?"

"No, thanks. We ate." She realized that maybe he might have been waiting for her – he was OBVIOUSLY waiting for her, but maybe he waited dinner. "But go ahead if you are hungry."

"I'm Ok. Picked at some salad." He started folding up the files and books. "Not very hungry."

She turned to the living room and nodded toward the flowers. "What are those?"

"Nothing … just a Welcome home. I missed you."

"And the sweatshirt?"

"The other one finally gave up the ghost." She had been wearing a sweatshirt of his for the past several months. It had been washed more since she got her hands on it than it had in the ten plus years he owned it. She had complained about his pants being way too long for her, so he got her some new ones.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Thought they might have been an apology."

He crossed to the living room and picked up the card he had gotten and handed it to her. "Nope, just a 'welcome home.'"

She read the card. It was very sweet, but there was nothing to imply that he was apologizing. "Thank you."

He nodded.

"It has been a very long day." She said. "I need to take a long hot shower and go to bed and sleep."

He nodded. She was dismissing him. "Ok … Yeah, Ok, sure." He had to assume that she was so angry that she didn't want to fight. 'Fine.' He thought. But he didn't believe she was only upset with him. So much had happened, she could be angry a lot of things. So she needed to take whatever it was she was feeling out on him, he could handle it. He was strong enough to take her anger, her silence, her dismissal. It was for the night, not forever – and he could do that for her.

He walked past her to get his coat and to gather up some of the files.

Mac caught his hand before he could get to the table. "Harm?" her voice cracked.

He stopped immediately at her touch and turned back to look in her eyes. They were filling with tears.

"Stay." She squeaked. "Please stay with me … hold me." She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

He wrapped her up in a protective embrace, held her as tightly as he dared. In moments he felt her start to weep. He knew it was about Gates, about all women, and what they go through in life –particularly those women who suffer at the hands of men. Mac certainly had her issues with men from Eddie, to Chris, to numerous boyfriends to Sadik. Harm had even caused her more than a day's grief. Yes, Mac had suffered at the hands of men, but he hoped that she had never nor would she ever have to experience anything like what Gates had. As long as he was around, she never would. He led her over to the couch and curled her up in his lap. He rocked her and soothed her and let her cry. He shed a few tears of his own.

After a while she calmed herself. He continued to hang on. To let her know that he would be there for her.

"I don't know where that came from." She said defensively. She pulled her self to him more tightly. "You know that I am still upset with you." There was a tear stained smile on her lips.

He stroked her hair and down her back. "I know."

"And you know that you were wrong."

"I know that that is up for discussion."

"So you won't admit it."

"I'll admit to not being forth coming with you about what I was doing or planning on doing."

"Hardly an admission of guilt."

"I don't consider myself guilty."

"You know Harm, most men, at this point would apologize, admit they were wrong and let the woman win."

"I am not most men." He said triumphantly. "And you forget that there is another side to this thing that we need to address."

She leaned back so she could see him. "Oh?"

"Why couldn't you trust me with what Gates had told you and why did you get so irate?"

She nodded slowly. "I suppose there is more to discuss, isn't there?"

"Yes there is."

"I don't think I can go through it tonight." She sighed.

"We can do it another time."

"What I really need … what I want … is to sleep … sleep in your arms knowing that you are watching out over me."

"I can do that." He said.

She looked up into his face. "You don't have to win your points tonight? You would really be willing to table this whole thing for later?"

He stroked her cheek and combed her hair back behind her ears. "Sarah, we have the rest of our lives to pick apart who did what, when, where and why and who was more wrong and who was more right … I expect that there will be a lot of bumps like this along our road."

"There always have been."

"Yes. So this I will promise you … I will never pass up a night of holding you, of feeling you next to me, of waking up next to you."

"Why?" She asked carefully.

"You really have to ask?"

She nodded.

"Because that is all that is important. All the rest of it – being right or wrong – that is just filler."

"It used to be very important – it kept us apart for a long time."

"Yes, yes it did. I hope I have learned my lesson there. Being with you is all that is important. I won't compromise myself – nor would I expect you to – but I hope we have both learned that ego, and who is right are unimportant when it comes to … love."

"It could be gone in a second." She got a distant look in her eye. "I was reminded how quickly life can change."

"I imagine you were."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Gates' life changed again these past couple of days." He looked down. "She is something else, isn't she?"

"'Something else'?"

"How she could understand and forgive Schnarr for what he did … I don't have that kind of forgiveness in me."

"Yeah, she is something else."

"I couldn't do it."

"You might if you had been through what she had." Mac offered knowing that Harm had an amazing about of forgiveness in his heart.

"I doubt it. I still want to nail that bastard to the wall!" He relented. "But I won't. It is not my call."

Mac reached up and touched his cheek. "You have grown, Commander Harmon Rabb. The man I met lo those many years ago would rarely back off a fight for what was right – it was all so black and white for you back then."

"Maybe, maybe to a certain extent it was and it still is … but there are a lot more shades of gray in my life."

"And in your hair."

"HEY!"

"Can I take credit for a few of those?" She combed her fingers threw his hair.

"You better." He pulled her to him. He didn't want to kiss her. Well, he wanted to, but he didn't want to push that kind of agenda – that kind of sexual agenda that night. He needed Mac to know that it was about love and not sex. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply.

"It is good to be home." She said after a moment.

"It is good to have you here." He pulled back. "Go take your shower, and I will shut it all down for the night." He kissed her forehead and helped her up.

Mac stood in the doorway to her bedroom watching Harm shut off lights, tend to the fire, and close up the files on the table. He hadn't realized he was being watched.

"Hey." She called to him.

He looked up and a gentle smile came across his face. "What?"

"Join me?" She asked.

He closed one more file, turned the light in the dining room out and walked over to take her outstretched hand.

"You are a good man, Harm." She said wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing her lips close to his.

"I try to be." He wrapped his own arms around her waist and pulled her close. "Don't always succeed."

"More often than not." She brushed his lips with hers. "Thank you."

He smiled. "Thank you." He returned.

She pulled back slightly so she could see his eyes. "So you think we have the rest of our lives to pick apart who is right and who is wrong?"

"MORE right and MORE wrong." He corrected. "It is a matter of degrees."

"Oh, I see." She smiled. "And you will never take a pass on a night with me?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Good." Her smile turned sly. "I think we need to talk more about that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." She kissed him softly. "Yeah, I think we need to talk about all of that some more."

"Our agenda is filling up." He kissed her back.

"We have the rest of our lives, right?"

"Right." He was wary.

She slid her cheek neck to his and whispered in his ear. "How is that plan of yours coming along?"

Harm finally caught her game. His face melted into a soft smiled. "It is coming along … well, very well … better all the time."

"Need any help?"

"Can always use your help."

"Good answer." She pulled herself from his embrace and took him by the hand toward the bathroom. "With me, Commander."

'To the end of time, Colonel.' Harm thought, but kept it to himself – for the moment.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**End Chapter Nine**


	10. 10

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Ten

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships By LizD**

**Chapter Ten - CLOSE THE DAMN WINDOW**

**0600 EST**

**Rock Creek Park – Jogging Path**

"YOU DID WHAT!" Mac stopped mid-stride and bent over slightly to catch her breath.

Harm stopped a few paces away and turned back to her. He was out of breath as well. "Keep your voice down."

She looked up at him panting. "Repeat what you just said."

"Mac if you are not going to --."

She gritted her teeth and tried to keep her voice low but emphatic. "Harm, I can't believe this … you had Gunny pull her CIA file?" She was stunned. "What the hell were you thinking?"

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun was out, the air was crisp; it was the end of summer. The Washington DC area was between the residual-hurricane rains that had been pounding the area for weeks. Though it was early in the AM, there were many Washingtonians out running. Harm and Mac were far from alone.

They had had a very quiet night – exactly what each of them needed. They took a shower and cuddled sleepily into each other in bed afterward. Neither actually wanted to make love – literally – but there were so many more ways of making love than having sex. They didn't want to talk. They just wanted to be close to the other. They each had quite a bit to process from the past few days and it was easier to think when they were in the same space and not half a world apart worried about the next meeting. They stayed in their own thoughts and let sleep take them when it would.

Mac woke around 0500 to Harm's tossing and turning. It made her anxious. He normally slept like a log; she even flattered herself into thinking that she calmed him down. He had told her repeatedly that he never slept better than when she was beside him, apparently not always. She wondered what was making him so restless. Was it the 'discussion' that was put on hold? Was it this thing with Gates? Or the admiral and her reaction to Harm's involvement? Maybe it was Mattie. She was due back the next day, school was about to start and soon Harm would be sending her back to live with her father. Maybe it was something she was unaware of. How was he affected by the information he gathered over the last couple of days? He said he had some things to talk about too. He was a little too quick to avoid the discussion the previous night. His rigid stand that he did not feel guilty nor was he about to apologize was like him, but the fact that he did not feel the need to lord it over her was not. Was that growth or something else?

When Mac suggested that that they should go for a run, Harm readily agreed. There was something bothering him but he couldn't put his finger on it. Running usually cleared things up; cleared things out for him.

They made ready and walked to the park in companionable silence – well not actual silence, but with very few words spoken. They stretched and opted for a particular path, one that would take them completely around the park. After the first mile or so the silence was becoming deafening. Harm's head didn't clear and Mac anxiety was rising.

"Mattie will be back tomorrow?" She asked. She knew exactly when she would be back, but needed to say something.

"Yeah." He knew that wasn't enough of an answer. "I talked to her yesterday. She and Chloe are taking Jennifer and Jack horseback riding today, but they will leave first thing in the morning."

"It was nice of Jennifer to offer to go get her."

"It was." When Schnarr had appointed him acting JAG indefinitely, she also pulled his leave for the weekend. "Jennifer has been great. Did I tell you that I got her a room at that Bed and Breakfast you wanted to stay in?"

Mac gave him a rather quizzical look. "Well, I guess someone should be having a nice weekend."

Harm felt a sting. He knew she didn't mean it like it sounded, but it sounded like things were about to get worse.

"Should we plan a weekend away?" He asked tentatively tripping over every syllable.

"Should we?" She was now confused.

"I mean we should."

"Right." She was clearly annoyed.

Harm grabbed her arm and stopped them in mid-stride.

"What's the problem?"

"That was my question to you."

"I asked you first."

"Oh please." She moved away from him quickly getting back into stride.

He watched for a moment and ran after her. "What is going on Mac?" He said when he caught up to her.

"You are avoiding me."

"How can I be avoiding you I haven't been more than three feet from you since you deigned to show up last night?"

"Since I what? Look just because I didn't come running home to you --." She broke off in mid-sentence. She wasn't going to let it turn into a fight, not after how well the previous night had gone. "We need to talk."

"Agreed." He stated. "So talk."

"Here?"

"Here and now … what? Are you worried that I might run away if it gets too sticky?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"That has always been your MO." He countered.

Mac thought for a moment and decided that the running path was as good a place as any to have this discussion. And the fact that they were both mobile might keep it from getting too out of control. You can't really STORM away from someone if they are running right next to you.

"Fine." She said calmly. "We'll talk – and run."

After a few paces where she had not said anything, he asked, "So you want me to start?" The best defense was a good offence.

"You have an issue you'd like to bring up?"

"Yeah … want to get back to the trust thing you were talking about."

She glared straight ahead but waited for him to continue.

"Why didn't you trust me with what Gates told you?"

"You didn't give me time."

"Time for what? Time to decide that I could be trusted? Mac you have known me for nearly nine years … longer and better - I might add - than you have known Gates."

"Ya know what Harm? I have known you longer and maybe slightly better than Gates. Still I should have known that you couldn't keep your promise. I should have known how much you hate to be kept in the dark. What is it about you that feels the need to intrude --"

"Oh so now I am intrusive … I go out of my way to help you … I keep an eye your friend because I know you can't … and I offer the services that I can provide … but that is considered intrusive."

"Your help was not asked for – and in hindsight it was cleared up without very much from you."

Harm shook his head. This was unbelievable.

"It is not that it was not appreciated," she relented. "Gates was very grateful."

"Mac you are going to have to choose a side of this debate."

"What was your point?" She asked.

"My point was – if we are in this … this … this relationship and we want it to last, shouldn't we trust each other?"

"Yes – I would hope that we would." Clearly she thought he was making her point, rather than his.

"MY POINT is … my question is … why do you shut down when faced with a crisis?"

"Shut down?" The whole MIC MESS rose up in her face. She felt her stomach tighten.

"Yeah, why don't you turn to me? Ask for my help? Ask for my support? Lean on me."

Mac was confused by the question. She never thought that she didn't. Harm was the only one she has ever counted on.

"I know it is your nature to handle things by yourself, but you aren't alone anymore."

"I turn to you … I rely on you … I count on you … I don't understand how -."

"Yeah, you turn to me, rely on my – but only after you have figured out what you need – what you want."

"You are splitting hairs here Harm." She scolded. "Now you are saying that I don't turn to you fast enough."

"I don't know what I am saying … all I know is that when faced with a crisis … you told me … your first reaction was to tell me to stay out of it."

"Which you couldn't do."

"No."

"Why?"

"Why?" He pulled up short and waited for her to stop and turn. "Why?" He shook his head. "Because I love you, Mac. I don't like to see you in pain and I want to make things better for you. Is that really so hard to understand?"

She looked down. No, it wasn't hard to understand. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry … I want to know why you don't --."

"I do … it is not you, it's me … I'll work on it." She reached out to take his hand. "We'll work on it."

They smiled weakly at each other and started to run again in silence.

Mac started thinking about the day – the day she left for the Patrick Henry. She remembered what Gates had told her. The shock of the incident, the disclosure of being raped was very difficult for Mac to hear. But the biggest shock was Gates telling her about the Lenny Schwartz incident of eighteen years prior. Mac was there and she didn't know. She let her friend down – her best friend. She was so out of it that she didn't know that her best friend has been raped – date raped – by someone they both knew. How could Mac have been so selfish, so self-involved, so completely out of it? She was shamed.

She was reeling from that news when Harm picked her up and took her to the airport. Mac was dealing with her own guilt and culpability in events that happened before she knew Harm. The fact that she wasn't aware enough of her best-friend-in-all-the-world's pain was very difficult to accept. She didn't see it the day of or the days after that. Mac was horrified with herself. She could blame it on the alcohol or youth – but in the end, she let her friend down. And now, to top it off, when her friend needed her again, again she is not there. Mac was dealing with a lot in that thirty-minute drive to the airport and telling Harm the whole sordid ugly story – past and present - just didn't fit in. It took her the fifteen some hours of hopping transports and being lost in her own memories before she was able to even think of telling Harm, but by then she was too far away. It was not the kind of thing to talk about on the phone.

She cleared her throat. "Harm, the reason I didn't tell you was because of something Gates had told me that I was having a difficult time dealing with."

"The assault?" He asked gently. Harm knew enough to know that he would never understand what a woman has to live with who has experienced a rape … nor would he understand what a woman feels who fears that might happen.

"Not just that." Mac was still having a difficult time finding the words.

"That it wasn't the first time?" He offered.

"Not the first time?" She was confused. How did he know?

Harm had said too much, but it was too late to turn back. "When she was eighteen … Leonard Schwartz."

"How did you know about that?" She asked, more confused than accusatory.

"I did a little investigating." He said sheepishly. "It came up."

"Where?" Mac knew that it should never show up on a report anywhere. It was one of the things that she and Gates talked about the day prior. Everything was expunged.

"Gunny got a copy of her file."

"Gunny?"

"Yeah, I asked Gunny for help and he pulled Gates' and Schnarr's CIA file."

Mac stopped mid-stride. "YOU DID WHAT!" Mac bent over slightly to catch her breath.

"Keep your voice down."

"Repeat what you just said." She demanded.

"Mac if you are not going to --."

"Harm, I can't believe this … you had Gunny pull her CIA file? … What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking like a lawyer." He defended. "It is what I am."

"I can't believe this."

"What?"

"This is unbelievable."

"What?"

"Where do I begin? You had no right to dig into Gates' past."

"I was trying to work out a strategy for defense for when she went on trial for attempted murder."

"You were not her lawyer … you had no right." She stated clearly and with no UNCERTAIN terms.

"I just asked Gunny -."

"Gunny … I can't believe you dragged Gunny into this … I can't believe you asked Gunny to do your dirty work for you … I can't believe he did it."

"I think you are overreacting."

"Did it occur to you that Gunny and Gates were dating? That … that … that maybe it was WRONG to ask him to investigate?"

"I was trying to help."

"I don't know what say … you know it was wrong."

"It may have been presumptuous, but not --."

"To say the least …I don't know what to say … I can't believe this." She turned away from him. "Do you know that Gates didn't even read MY CIA file?"

"You don't know that."

She turned her attention back to him. "Yes, I do … she told me … and she would not lie."

"All she did through this whole thing was lie, Mac."

Mac looked away. Sometimes the truth hurts.

"I didn't lie, Mac."

"I can't talk about this now. I need a little time to let this sink in."

"So you are going to run away again … turn away … first thing you do … pull away."

She was forcing herself to not lose it. "Harm, we can't process this right now … we can't talk about this … I don't even know what I am supposed to think about it."

"So talk to me … work it out with me."

"I can't … not right now."

"Damn it Mac."

"I'm sorry Harm – we'll have to work this out at another time." She turned and walked in the opposite direction.

"When?" He called after her."

"I don't know … I really don't."

"Don't walk away from this, Mac."

She turned and glared at him. "I am not walking away from anything other than this moment … this conversation at this moment."

Harm was done. He hadn't done anything really wrong and he was tired of being castigated for it. "You know what … FINE … take all the time you need … I just hope I am still interested when you are."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly that." He started to run on.

"Where are you going?" She called after him.

He mumbled something over his shoulder that she was unable to make out. She thought about running after him, but she chose to run the other way. She needed to think.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**0915 EST**

**MacKenzie Residence**

By time she had gotten back to her apartment he was gone: no note, nothing, just gone. It was no wonder, she must have walked around the park two or three times giving him a chance to come back. It continued to amaze her that she could be so furious with him and yet be so miserable without him. She decided that he was right. That she shouldn't have pushed him away again, that they needed to work through this issue together. She made up her mind, to shower, change and go to him to hash it all out. She was not prepared to lose him – lose what they had – over this, over Harm being Harm and Mac being Mac. They had come to far.

When she got done blow-drying her hair her phone was ringing. "Harm?"

"No baby, it's Gates." She cried into the phone.

"Gates what's wrong?"

"I spoke with Timo this morning."

"Your son?"

"I don't know what possessed me … but I told him."

"Told him what?"

"About Lenny … and Isaac not being his father. Mac I totally screwed up … Isaac has no idea where he is."

"I'll be right there."

Mac hung up and left. She left in such a hurry she forgot about Harm, about calling him, about saying anything at all. She didn't even realize that she left her cell phone on the living room table until she was half way to Gates' house – when thought to call him. She would call when she got there. Little did she know the wreck that would greet her.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**1818 EST**

**George Washington Hospital**

Harm sat in the waiting room wringing his hands. He had long since given up hearing from Mac. He called her when he first got the news and several times after that. No answer and no call back. He got more irritated that she would not return his calls. How could she be so petty at a time like this?

What time was it? Crisis time – family crisis time – extended family crisis time.

Harm arrived at his apartment sometime after nine AM that morning. He cleaned from top to bottom (he had some pent up energy). There were many trips to the dumpster and sadly he blew a fuse, which meant a trip to the hardware store. Around noon, when everything was in working order again, he got a call from the DC police. Tom Johnson was in an auto accident. He was taken to George Washington Hospital. He might not make it.

Harm had been at the hospital since shortly after he got the call … he didn't even bother to shower or change. He finally got a hold of Mattie some time around 1400 but there was not much news to tell. She would be back in DC in two to three hours. He was hoping that Tom was out of surgery by then, but he had little hope that he would be awake enough to talk to Mattie.

They actually didn't take him into surgery until after Harm had spoken to Mattie, so she was not aware that there was internal bleeding or any of the other reasons they needed to open his up. Harm hated giving that kind of information to her over the phone so he chose to wait.

Just before Tom went in, he was conscious enough to speak to Harm.

"Take care of our girl." He said. "Tell her I love her."

Harm had such mixed feeling when it came to Tom. He didn't like him and would never truly respect him. The man abandoned his daughter. Harm could never reconcile himself to that. He understood the alcohol and guilt issues, but that was only intellectually. Harm would never truly forgive Tom. The Tom problem for Harm currently was that fact that he had to help Mattie to forgive her father. It was part of being a good parent, a good friend. He had to help Mattie, to be there for her in ways that he didn't like or accept – but understood.

Now he was faced with the prospect that Tom might die. It would mean that Mattie could stay with him, but at what cost? Harm refused to think that way. Tom had to live if only for Mattie's sake. She could not lose another parent.

The doctor came and met Harm in the waiting room.

"He survived the surgery, but it is still too soon to tell."

"What now?" Harm asked.

"We wait. We are moving him to post op and then to ICU. You should go home and get some rest, it is going to be a long night and he won't be awake for hours." The doctor didn't say it but Harm heard it – 'if he does wake up.'

Harm shook his head. "His daughter will be here in a couple of hours. She will want to see him."

"There will be no visitors, Commander."

"She will want to be here."

"I understand. No promises. But I will see what I can do." The doctor nodded and walked down the hall. He looked wrung out; the surgery must have been very bad.

Harm sat down slowly and dropped his head into his hands. He didn't even have a clear idea of the extent of Tom's injuries and what the prognosis was if he survived. He was so lost in his thoughts he did not hear Mac walk up.

"Harm?"

Harm looked up and saw Mac standing near him. He leaned back in his chair and put his head against the wall. She sat down and put her hand on his arm.

"I am sorry … I just got the message." She said comfortingly

"Messages." He pointed out that there were a few.

"I know, I'm sorry. I left my phone at home … it doesn't matter … how is Tom?"

"He is out of surgery. They won't know anything for a while."

"What happened?"

"Car accident … some kid ... just got his license … crossed over the center line … it was his birthday today."

"Is the kid alright?"

"Died at the scene"

"Oh my God." The weight of the situation just landed on Mac. Tom might die.

"But the three people in the car with the kid should be alright." Harm continued. "Two were treated and released, the other will be kept over night for observation. Neither Tom nor the kid were wearing safety belts and neither car had air bags."

She squeezed his arm. "Does Mattie know?"

"She is on her way here – they are a couple of hours away." He got up and moved to the other side of the room. He was getting restless having to explain this all to her. He would have to do it again for Mattie.

"What is going on, Harm? What are you thinking?"

"I am thinking a hundred different things, Mac."

"Like what?"

"What am I supposed to do with Mattie when she gets here? … How can I comfort her and tell her it will be all right when I have no clue if that is true or not? How can I help her lose another parent? What am I supposed to say to her?"

"You will know what to say." She reassured. After a long moment, she asked "What else?"

"What am I supposed to do with the fact that there is a part of me that thinks that Mattie would be better off with me?"

She knew immediately what Harm was thinking. She knew that he did not wish anything bad to happen to Tom, but the reality was … if Tom were gone, Mattie would stay with him. "Harm you are not wishing Tom dead."

"No, just out of the picture."

"Harm …"

"What if he does make it … he will need a very long time to recover … and therapy … am I supposed to take him on … take care of him … for Mattie … and what does that do to --?"

"To what?"

He shook his head.

"To us?" She offered.

He sniggered. "Us? You and me? Hell Mac, after this morning I am not even sure what that means anymore. We are so far apart."

"Far apart?"

"Mac we are not even in the same league … much less ballpark."

"What does that mean?"

"It means simply this … I am ready … ready to go all in … to marry you and fight it out with you for the rest of our lives … I am ready … will never be more ready … I have let go of that lifeline, Mac … but you … nah, not you … you aren't ready … you aren't even close …I shouldn't be surprised … timing was always bad with us … but, you are no closer today than you were six months ago. Your first reaction is and always will be to push me away. What am I supposed to do with that? How can I live with that? How can I hope to make a life with someone who is just waiting for the stakes to be high enough to push me away for good?"

"Harm, that is not what I am -."

"No … no more … I can't do it … not right now."

"Harm, I am sorry about this morning. I am shouldn't have ended the conversation. I should have stayed and talked it out with you."

"Mac, bottom line is I needed you today … not just with thing with Tom but this morning … I needed you to be there … I said as much, I asked as much … but it didn't matter. You just couldn't do it. Not for me … and not for us … not even for yourself."

"Harm, please-."

"Harm?" Mattie's voice came from behind them.

Harm turned and went to her immediately. He wrapped her up in an embrace.

He looked up at Jack and Jennifer. They were there too soon; they had to have been driving over the speed limit. "I told you to drive carefully."

"Harm – Harm I am here in one piece." Mattie defended them. "How is my father?"

Harm and Mattie walked down the hall. Mac watched as Harm explained as gently as he could to Mattie about her father's condition. Mattie was a strong girl; she could handle a lot. She was tough and brave. She folded in to Harm's arms and cried like a baby.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**2125 EST**

**George Washington Hospital**

Harm was sitting alone outside Tom's room. The doctors had let Mattie in to sit with him. He still had not woken up, nor was he expected to. They were encouraging everyone to go home and get some rest. Jack and Jennifer did. Harm had told Mac to go too, but she wouldn't leave.

She came up from the cafeteria with water and a banana. She sat down next to him.

"When was the last time you ate anything?"

He shrugged. "Yesterday … I think … this morning … I don't know."

"Can I get you something?" She offered him the banana.

"No. Thanks." He stood up. "This is driving me crazy."

"Let's take a walk." She got up and took his hand.

He followed. He didn't know how but Mac had maneuvered them through the halls, stairs and elevator and got them outside. It was a crisp night. Harm was still in shorts and a t-shirt. He shivered a little at the cold air. They walked the grounds and wound up in the garden. He took a seat on the bench. Mac knelt down in front of him.

"She is being so brave." He said.

"She is a brave girl … she has been through a lot in her young life."

"She shouldn't have to deal with this."

"No, she shouldn't."

He looked down at his hands.

Mac sat up on her knees so she was almost eye-to-eye with him. She took his hands in hers. "Whatever happens, we will see it through together." She said confidently.

"Yeah … sure … thank you." He clearly didn't believe her but appreciated the sentiment.

"Harm?" She touched his cheek to get him to look into her eyes. "Harm, I am not looking for a way out. "

He looked down.

She tilted his head back so again he would look in to her eyes. "I am not looked for a way out." She repeated. "I love you and I am … committed and … ready to do what it takes to make us work."

"It won't be easy."

"It never has been … but we are clearing the path to a future for both of us … all of us … and if that means Mattie or Mattie and Tom … then so be it."

He nodded.

"Harm, I love you."

"I know."

"Harm?"

He pulled her into an embrace and held her very tightly. He so much wanted to believe her. He so much wanted to believe that they had a future together. But at the moment the future was very dark, very out of focus.

"Harm?"

"I love you too, Sarah." He said. "We'll be all right. We'll be all right." He let that loop in his head hoping that if he repeated it enough he would begin to believe it.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **


	11. 11

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Eleven

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships By LizD**

**Chapter Eleven - Not Just Any Portal In A Storm**

**0011 EST**

Rabb Residence 

Harm let himself back into his apartment. He had spent the last forty-five minutes talking and listening to Mattie. Somehow he had convinced her that it was OK to talk about what she was scared of. Actually, to be honest, it was Mac who convinced Mattie to talk. Mac was the one who gently prodded her to not lock her self up, to not shut her feelings down, to not be strong and brave, but to share her feelings. Mac of course offered her shoulder, her ear, her attention, but Mattie needed Harm.

"Is she OK?" Mac asked from the darkened corner of the couch.

Harm looked over, he did not expect her to still be there, but was appreciative that she was. "She amazes me every time I talk to her." He came over and sat down next to Mac but did not lean back. "She will be OK … but-."

"But everything is so up in the air."

"Yeah."

"She is lucky to have you."

"Thank you … I feel pretty lucky to have her." He looked over at her. "To have both of you." He rubbed his hand down her thigh, let it rest on her knee briefly and then pulled it away.

Mac was grateful for the gesture; it meant that he was not closed off to her – at least not completely. She placed her hand on his back and rubbed down his spine. He was still so tense. "Why don't you take a shower, put something warmer on and I will make you some dinner."

"You're going to cook?" He half turned toward her and smiled.

"I will 'warm up,'" she corrected. "Go on."

"I am too tired to eat." He leaned back on the couch and covered his face with his arm. "I need to call the hospital."

"I just did … no change."

"They gave you that information?" He craned and rubbed at his neck trying to work out a kink.

"Told them I was your wife." She said softly.

He lifted an eyebrow and looked at her sideways. "Did you?"

"Yeah."

He shrugged slightly but made no other reply.

"Go on … you will feel better after a shower."

He stretched and his old bones creaked. "You are probably right." He hoisted himself up and moved toward the bedroom. "Will you still be here when I get out?" He looked back.

She nodded thinking that that was what he wanted, but then thought that maybe it wasn't. "Is that OK?"

"Sure." He climbed the steps to his room and disappeared into the bathroom.

Well it wasn't the warmest invitation she has ever received but on the other hand it wasn't a dismissal.

Mac sat there and listened to him for a long while. Things were obviously still strained between them. There was so much left unsaid. Mac would not own all of it, but definitely more than her share. She wondered if she should stay, if maybe he needed sometime by himself. Instead she chose to believe that if he did need some space, he would have told her.

The night before had been amazing, an amazing step forward in their relationship – at least that was how Mac saw it at the time. She had spent the better part of nine hours being strong for Gates. She held it together in front of her and put her needs first. She let Gates be vulnerable, needy and irrational – traits that Gates rarely showed to anyone. It was the right thing to do, but it took everything Mac had to give. The reason she hadn't called Harm was because she had no idea what mood he would be in. The last conversation was in anger and over a telephone – her anger and his immobility, but Mac knew him well enough to know that he could very well have worked himself up into quite a lather waiting for her return. He may have even turned the tables and chosen to be angry with her – cut her off at the pass so to speak – particularly since she chose to see Gates before she dealt with him. But the plain and simple reason she didn't call was that she was not prepared to fight with him – at least that night. She needed time to recharge her own batteries before she stood up against him. A phone conversation would have to do. That way she could guard against any need he might have to push his agenda, or to force her to back down.

What she really needed was his love, acceptance and understanding. She didn't want an apology or a justification; she didn't even want to discuss what happened. She was still bothered by his actions, but she knew that one conversation would get everything out in the open and they would be back to where they were – both would apologize and both would win some points. What she wanted was the 'fight' to be over. Someday they would have a kind of shorthand when it came to disagreements, but that was a few days off – more like a few years off. What she was wishing for as she drove home from Gates' house was to put everything on hold – to pause the action to allow her to draw strength from him. Then they could fight. As unreasonable as that need was – it was what she wanted.

When she walked through the door of her apartment his presence centered her. She was immediately reminded of how much she needed him. His total lack of animosity and unconditional understanding was a gift to her. He knew what she needed. The flowers meant he was thinking of her and he loved her. The sweats were just nice and thoughtful – even though he had probably had them in his car for more than a week. The carry out dinner meant he was taking care of her, and the fact that he waited patiently and productively all day for her to come home, with no resentment meant that he understood her in more ways than she had given him credit for. He was there to give her the love, acceptance and understanding that she so desperately needed. They were in sync.

However the morning that followed showed that they could easily and without additional incident fallback out. It wasn't all Harm; Mac felt it too. The scene in the park was awful … more like the OLD Harm and Mac, not the new couple they were trying to become. That morning they continued to avoid addressing the issues until they boiled over. Opting for running rather than talking – that was not right. Maybe with their history of misunderstandings and unspoken feelings, Harm and Mac were not ready for that extended a 'pause in the action'.

So another crisis had befallen them. Another day had gone by where nothing was completely said or understood. Mac was worried that waiting for the right time to have the discussion would only make things worse. She didn't want to go through another fight like they had that morning, but it was after midnight. Both had a very long day. TOO BAD. It was important that something be said and something else needed to be understood – maybe even more important than sleep. They needed to find common ground, to say what they needed to say, apologized for mistakes made and accept apologies given before they gave too much more of themselves away to other people or let any more time pass. It needed to be done or at least started before they went to sleep that night. Mac wondered if they would be sharing a bed.

"Thought you'd be 'warming'." Harm called from the bedroom.

Mac pulled herself from her thoughts and went immediately to the kitchen. "Forgot your are the master of the five minute shower."

"You can take a sailor off a ship, but you can't --.'

"Convince him that there is more than five gallons of hot water?"

"Something like that." He stepped back into the main room pulling a sweatshirt on over his head. He surveyed the leftovers Mac was attempting to warm up and shook his head. They were from three days ago ... they were still good, but not very appetizing.

"Would you rather have a sandwich or eggs?" She asked.

"Nah, I am not that hungry … it will be fine." He pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge. What he needed was a good stiff drink, but since Mattie moved in he didn't keep any hard liquor in the house. He sat down at the island to watch Mac.

She was making a real mess of things, partly because she wasn't a very good cook and party because she had other things on her mind.

He finally too pity on her and laughed. "You have many other skills, Mac. You don't need to know how to cook."

She only half smiled. "I do, huh?"

He nodded and took another sip from his beer. He wanted to say that she would still make a wonderful wife someday, but it felt too pointed and not funny.

She put the plate down in front of him.

"Thank you." He tasted the lukewarm pasta and shrimp. Not good – not Mac's fault – but it was not good. He did feel better having a little bit of something in this stomach though.

"Harm, I know you are tired … I know you have had a very long day … we both have… but can we talk … just to get a few things cleared up … between us? Not everything – but ---"

He took a deep breath and another swallow of the beer. "We probably should."

Without missing a beat she started. "I am sorry … very sorry that it took me so long to get your messages today. Please believe that it was not intentional … I was not trying to punish you or whatever. I left my phone at home by mistake … I called you here and left a message … I thought you didn't … I didn't want to …" She dropped off not saying that she thought it was he who was not returning her phone calls. "But you must have already been at the hospital."

He looked over at the answering machine – there were at least four messages that he had not picked up – one of them could have been from her. He took another bite of the pasta. "Where were you?"

"With Gates … she had another crisis … she told her son about … well about what happened … not with Schnarr … the other thing."

"Her son?" Harm didn't realize she had a son, and if he knew he had forgotten.

"Yes, that time with Lenny Schwartz … well it produced a child."

"I didn't know." He said simply.

"I thought you would have." Mac didn't say it sarcastically, but there was strain in her voice. She was surprised that Harm was unaware of Timothy Schwartz. It had to have been in her CIA file.

Harm realized why Mac was a little tense. He had spent most of the morning thinking about that whole Gunny/File mess. He had had a chance to look at it from all sides. It was the first item on his agenda for the next time they talked, but then the thing with Tom happened. "Ok … wait, let's address this other thing first."

"Other thing?"

"Yeah, with me asking for Gunny's help and getting the file."

Mac waited.

"I was wrong. I'm sorry."

Mac nearly fell over.

"Getting her CIA file was like using a sledgehammer to tack in a nail … I shouldn't have done it – I shouldn't have let Gunny."

"Why did you?"

"It wasn't my intent that Gunny would pull that file … I asked for his help to gather information on Gates and Schnarr … I was looking for strategies to help her. I was convinced that she shot him and I wanted to know what the prosecution could possibly dig up to support that. I was trying to out maneuver … the DA. When he showed up with that …and some good information, I couldn't help myself. Don't blame Gunny – he always did go the shortest route to get the most amount of information."

That actually sounded reasonable to Mac. "Why Gunny?"

"I thought he was the safest choice … since I knew him, and he knew her … that we could keep the information close … quiet … the other part didn't register … apparently it didn't to Gunny either."

"Does it now?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"I can't speak for Gunny." He said defensively. "Mac if I hadn't learned about Schwartz – well – I don't know how to say this … but it justified Gates shooting Schnarr – and that was before I thought that Schnarr had done --- what he did. It doesn't matter … I mean of course it matters, but … the incident with Schwartz added fuel to the fire – the DA's fire."

"You thought she was guilty."

"Her story didn't fly. Mac … and as it turns out … it was a lie."

"Why did you go there?"

"Honestly? I had talked to AJ, he said that she was agitated and upset but refused to stay with him. He told me that she was bound and determined to go home even if the lock on her door was broken."

"But why did you go there?"

"I thought she shouldn't be alone." He said weakly. "I was concerned."

"You don't even like Gates."

"Stop saying that, Mac."

"It's the truth."

"Mac, it is not a matter of liking or not liking … she is … what? Family. If she were not your friend would I give her the time of day? Yeah, but not much more. But because she is so important to you, she has to be important to me. I went there because I knew you would if you were in town."

"Gates said that you were very good to her."

"She didn't say that."

"She said that you accepted her story and were willing to pursue it from that angle which was more than AJ was willing to do."

"I had to. She gave me no alternative." He took another sip from his beer. "And AJ would have – eventually."

"She said that your coffee could keep Rip Van Winkle up for 100 years."

He shrugged and pushed the plate away from him. "I'm sorry – about the file, about bringing Gunny into it – I am sorry." He was hoping to put an end to this part of the discussion. "I will apologize to Gates when I see her."

"I think she has other things on her mind." Mac offered.

Harm turned and leaned his back against the counter and nodded for her to continue.

Mac proceeded to tell him of her day dealing with Gates. She suggested that the events with Schnarr were finally taking a toll. She was having a very difficult time accepting what happened, she was reliving the experience, confusing it with what happened when she was eighteen, feeling guilty, responsible and she was drinking again. She told him of the conversation that Gates had with her son and his subsequent disappearance. By the end of the day – before Mac had gotten home to get any of Harm's messages – he had been found and was safe, but there was a lot of crap to be dealt with.

For the reader the short story of Lenny/Gates/Tim/Isaac was this: Gates had left for Pasadena three days after that Walker's party. Five weeks later she discovered she was pregnant. Her aunt – the woman she was living with – convinced her to call Lenny and confront him, make him take responsibility - at least financially. Gates didn't want the child – she couldn't deal with the conception and she damn sure was not going to raise that child with Lenny in his/her life. She was planning on having an abortion and wanted Lenny to pay for it. Eventually she did call Lenny, but Isaac answered the phone. Isaac was four years older than his brother and home from college for the weekend. In a fit of anger – Lenny would not come to the phone - Gates told Isaac of her situation. Isaac confronted Lenny, who of course denied the whole thing – said it never happened and that the baby was not his. He actually suggested some really nasty things about Gates, which Isaac did not relay to her. Instead, Isaac convinced Gates not to have an abortion, convinced his fiancée that they should adopt the baby. And that was what happened nearly seven months later.

Gates had very little to do with Tim for the first few years of his life – then she became a visiting aunt. Lenny and Isaac had not spoken in eighteen years; they no longer acknowledge that they were brothers. Lenny had never attempted to connect with his son. When Tim was nine or ten, he discovered that Isaac's wife was not his mother. It was then they disclosed that Gates was but they let him to continue to believe that Isaac was his father. Tim was a very well adjusted child at that point. He loved his stepmother and he was learning to accept Gates. Over the next seven years, Gates and Tim had developed a very close bond – not really mother/son, but close. For her to have disclosed the events surrounding his conception and blurting out that Isaac was not his father – was totally unexpected and unacceptable. For Mac, it showed that Gates was not handling the incident with Schnarr as well as she was trying to make everyone believe. Mac spent some time on the phone with Tim's stepmother and things were heading toward a reconciliation, but a few people would be needing come serious couch time and the doctor would not be able to heal herself.

"That is a hell of a day." Harm said motioning for her to sit with him at the counter.

She took the stool next to him. "Yeah."

"Gates is alright?"

"No, but she will be."

"And the kid is home?"

"Yeah, when I left Gates and he were talking."

He nodded. "You needed to be there." He understood that she really cared about doing the right thing that day and not calling him back was about being involved in something else, and not about ignoring him.

Mac shrugged. She was grateful in a way that she did not know about Tom, because she would have been torn. "Harm, about this morning … our fight … I'm sorry."

"Me too." At that he walked to the living room, stopping to grab another beer from the fridge.

She followed along after him, but took the chair caddy corner from him rather than next to him.

He waited for her to speak again.

"Harm, I am not looking for a way out … if anything I am looking for a way in."

He snorted a laugh into his bottle as he took a sip. "The front door not good enough for you?" He suggested. "Jesus, Mac with all these doors and windows you ought to be able to find someway in."

"Harm, my … my needing time to think things through on my own is not about you … it is not about not trusting you … it is about me …about how I deal with things."

Not enough for Harm.

"You have to know me by now … you have to know that I don't talk about something that I haven't thought about. It is my nature."

"I know your nature is to push me away."

"I push everyone away." She corrected. "But I am not doing that with you … I am not. It was different. It is different."

He shrugged; it didn't feel different.

"It is not what you are thinking. Yes, I was angry, I was livid, but it wasn't about walking away from you or from us. I knew we would fight it out – come to a resolution. There was no danger to us." She said triumphantly.

Harm couldn't believe she was saying that. "Mac, you challenged what our relationship was based on, you challenged the trust we have in each other, you said words to the effect of … we did not have what you thought we had … those are pretty damning. It sounded pretty 'dangerous to us' – the US you said would never be."

She rolled her eyes. She was never going to be forgiven for that statement. "Harm, have you ever – in all your life – said something that you didn't mean because you were hurt or scared or … or …"

"Angry?"

"Yes, angry."

"Maybe once." He smiled, "… or twice."

"Then you know … when that happens, you apologize. --- I'm sorry … I am telling you right now, I'm sorry … I never intended to end things with us … in fact I think that … that the confidence I had that we would see it through was what allowed me to get so angry."

"Well this seems like a trick … how the hell am I supposed to know if you are mad enough to walk away or so mad that you are going to stick it out. … Women!"

Her eyes flamed. "Don't do that, Harm. Don't fall back into your cocky macho misogynistic male …bull -."

"Seriously Mac … I don't get it."

"I knew you wouldn't understand." She started to get up to walk away.

He grabbed her hand gently and asked sincerely, "Help me to understand."

She relented and sat back down. She took a deep breath before she continued. "Harm, I was angry at you but also had a lot of other things I was dealing with … I was venting my frustration in your direction and you made it safe for me to do that."

"I made it safe for you."

"Yes. You have to know what that means to me. Do you know how important that is in a relationship? Do you know that in the past if I were to …" She lost her words.

"Vent."

"Whatever … vent at you, you would kick it back in my face. And the same for me."

"The old fight for the top."

"Exactly." She thought he finally got it, but maybe not. "Don't you see that the fight and last night was a major step forward for us?"

"This morning felt like old times." He corrected.

"What happens now will let us know if it really was or not. If maybe we are moving too fast or --"

"How do you figure that?"

"Harm to truly be safe with another person – for me and probably for you – we need to be able to experience the feelings we're feeling with out fear of reprisal … we can't check them, temper them, water them down."

"What – because we love each other we can inflict serious pain on each other?"

"No, that is not it at all – a relationship is not 50-50 all the time. Sometimes it is 60-40 or 30-70 or 1-99 … you see? We need to fill in for each other … when I am out of control, you need to be stable and solid … and vice versa. That's what happened with us."

"What happened?"

"That phone call? … And when I got home from Gates? … I was truly able to experience what I was feeling and you … you made it safe for me to do that."

"How?"

"You were constant and steady … you never told me to calm down … you held your ground … you didn't get angry back. The next time I saw you, you were waiting for me patiently to come home with flowers and open arms. You could have stewed and gotten defensive, you could have pushed your side as soon as you saw me, you could have tracked me down and not given me the time I needed for myself. You gave me space, but not too much." She laughed. "You bravely waited where you knew I would go … it would have been a safer bet to wait at home – to wait for me to call you – to force this discussion before we were ready to have it, but instead you met me head on."

"It was the longest afternoon I have spent in a while … well that was before today." He rubbed his face with his hand. "But I suppose you have a point."

"Which point?"

"As I waited for you, it never occurred to me that you might walk through the door and kick me out. I knew you were going through some serious stuff and that you might need someone to lean on. I wanted to be that someone – I hoped I would be that someone – that was more important than wining the argument."

"Seeing you in my apartment made me know that we were on the right track." She took his hand. "Thank you for that."

He shrugged and shook his head. He was not sure what he had done, but apparently it was the right thing to do.

She smiled. "It is not easy for us, is it?"

"Is it easy for anyone?"

"Relationships are a challenge and we have both been alone for so long … "

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Mac."

She chose her words carefully. "Are you really ready to take the next step?"

He put his other hand on the two of theirs. "I won't push you into something you are not ready for … I am not going any where." He let a slight smile cross his face.

"Neither am I." She smiled back at him.

Very slowly he leaned in and kissed her softly. She deepened the kiss.

He pulled back before it got too far. "Are we OK?" He asked sincerely looking for the answer. He didn't know if this was just the first round, or if they actually had put the last couple of days – at least their crap from the last couple of days behind them.

"Yes … we are great." She wondered if he felt the same. "What do you think?"

"I think … yeah, I think we are just fine." He relaxed a little. "Does it get easier?"

"I have no idea … but right now … I don't care … if someone told me that it would be like climbing Mt. Everest everyday … I am not sure it would make me change my mind."

"Change your mind?"

"I want you Harm, I want us … we have earned it and we deserve the best."

He grinned. "I am the best?"

Her smile matched his, and she shook her head. How could she say 'don't let it go to your head' without some awful come back from him. Instead she kissed him – kissed him well.

"There is one thing good about fighting." He added.

She kissed him again preventing him from saying the words 'make-up sex'.

With a groan he lifted her up into his arms, carried her into the bedroom and never broke the kiss.

From the living room we heard him ask. "Mac – please tell me that you have experienced feelings with me more often than when you are angry."

"Shut up, Harm." She laughed.

Harm gave a little gasp.

"Did you experience that, flyboy?"

"I really hate when you call me that."

F-A-D-E---T-O---B-L-A-C-K

F-A-D-E---T-O---D-A-W-N

Harm and Mac were wrapped up in each other asleep. The early morning sunlight was just cresting the windowsill. They actually looked very contented.

The phone broke the moment.

On the second ring, Harm pulled himself from her embrace and answered the phone. She leaned back away from him.

"Rabb." He said. "Yes … … … … thank you." He hung up.

"Tom?" She asked.

"Yeah." He looked to the door. He needed to get to Mattie.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**End Chapter 11**


	12. 12

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Twelve

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

**Old Friends, New Relationships By LizD**

**Chapter Twelve - Sliding Doors**

1521 EST 

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

"Accused and council will rise." Judge Sebring stated.

Harm and Petty Office Wallace Grinds rose and came to full attention.

Sebring turned to the members. "Senior member will announce the findings."

A young petty office stood, cleared his throat and read from the paper in his hand. "On the charge and specification of destruction of military property, Petty Officer Wallace Grinds this courts martial finds you - guilty. On the charge and specification of dereliction of duty, Petty Officer Wallace Grinds this courts martial finds you - guilty. On the charge and specification of …"

Harm kept his eyes forward until all five charges were read. He felt the young petty officer standing next to him losing his strength. He wanted to say something - to bolster him up, but there was nothing to say. His client was guilty and Harm had failed to find a way to save him. He would be discharged and sent to Leavenworth.

" … thank the members for their service. Sentencing will be at 0900. We are adjourned." Sebring banged the gavel.

Harm looked to PO Grinds. There were tears in the young man's eyes. Harm gave him an apologetic face and offered his hand. The petty officer turned away and was led out of the courtroom by the bailiff.

Harm slowly stuffed the papers into his briefcase. He hated losing, but more than that, he knew he didn't give this case his usual 100 attention. While it was true that the kid was guilty, and against Harm's advice he refused to take a plea, but it was also true that Harm had other things on his mind. He could have done a better job.

"I'm sorry, Harm." Mac's voice came from the side. He hadn't realized she was still there. "But your client was guilty."

"What does that have to do with anything?" He snapped back at her.

"Is this the first time you weren't able to convince the members to let a guilty person go free? Why, I think it is." She was not smiling she was annoyed that he was taking it so hard.

"Are you gloating?" He asked with a slight edge to his voice.

"Why would I gloat? A young man is going to Leavenworth for making a series of really bad decisions that nearly – single handedly - destroyed an aircraft carrier and killing her crew in a time of war. Why would I gloat? Because I won?"

Harm gave her a sideways glance.

"That is your style, Harm, not mine. Justice was done."

"Isn't it always?"

"Not always." She couldn't count the number of times that Harm played on the members sympathies, romanced them and convinced them that although his client was guilty – he should not be held accountable. How many times was she the prosecuting attorney for such theatrics? How many times was she made to look like a hard ass, by-the-book marine bitch trying to send the poor, poor whoever to jail for serving his country? BAH! She turned to walk away.

"This never would have happened if …"

She turned back to him. "If what? If you were in top form … if you weren't so distracted? You could have gotten your guilty client off if only you weren't so pre--."

"Say it a little louder Mac, maybe you can prosecute me for dereliction of duty."

"Harm – grow up. If you didn't think you could handle this case, you should have recused yourself."

"Do you think I was derelict?"

"No, your client was guilty, you advised him to take the plea bargain – he chose to put his fate in the hands of the members --."

"And me." Harm added.

"Fine … Think what you want to think. Feel sorry for yourself if you want to, but that kid got what he deserved. I'm done." She put up her hand to stop a retort from him and strode from the room.

Harm sunk down into his chair. He didn't want to fight with her. God knows they hadn't had much time together in past four weeks. He was so focused on Mattie. Sadly Mattie didn't want that much attention focused on her.

"Commander?" Jennifer Coates called from the door. "You wanted me to remind you that you have an appointment at 1630."

Harm checked his watch. He would probably not have enough time to go home and change and get to the meeting. "Great … I am going to be late … Damn it. Coates, if the admiral is looking for me --- you don't know where I am and my cell phone is dead." He breezed past her on the way out.

"Yes, sir." She watched after him and shook her head. He was taking Tom's death harder than Mattie was.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X**

**1719 EST**

**Madden Residence**

Arlington, VA 

Mac knocked on the open door and let herself in.

"Gates!" She called. "Gates are you here?"

There was no response.

"GATES!"

"Right behind you doll." Mac turned to see Gates struggling with some groceries – a lot of groceries. "You know you could have helped."

"Sorry, I didn't see you."

"Your story." Gates said with a bright smile.

"What is all this?" Mac took a couple of the bags (plastic – not paper) and started pulling out cans and boxes of all kinds of stuff.

"Stocking up for a long cold winter." Gates joked.

"Seriously."

"Seriously?" Gates smiled broadly. "I got a job."

"That's great. Did you find a office – going into private practice?"

"You are looking at the newest Special Agent for NCIS."

"What?" Mac was surprised. "Doing what?"

"Profiler."

"Are you qualified for that?"

Gates looked ashamed that Mac would even suggest such a thing. "More than … I trained as behaviorist … it was what I did with the CIA for the first eight years. Never liked clinical."

"I'm sorry, I guess I don't understand all the ins and outs of that kind of work." Mac tried to recover. "So you will be working with Gibbs?"

"No. He has a profiler on his team – such that she is. I'll be working in an entirely different area." She said over her shoulder. "But yes, he got me the job."

"He may have gotten you the interview and given a good recommendation, but … you got the job yourself."

"Yea, well … whatever. It's money rolling in and I don't have to listen to people whine at me for forty hours a week." Gates continued to put her groceries away.

"Well, that's great … we need to celebrate."

Gates opened her arms to show all the food she just bought.

"No, No … I mean take you out and celebrate."

"Can't tonight, doll. Got a hot date." Gates smiled.

"Oh ho?" Mac got a sly grin. "Do tell."

"Well, don't know how hot it is, but AJ asked me to have dinner with him."

"Really." Mac sat down waiting for the dish. "First time since …?"

"Since … Yeah. We've been talking again … we've had lunch a couple of times. I don't know. I just like his company."

Mac still thought of AJ as a hard-nosed gruff SEAL. She rarely pictured him at play and never thought of 'enjoying his company.'

"He and Gunny hung their shingle out last week." Gates continued.

"Yeah, Gunny came by and gave us a bunch of cards." Mac smiled. "I was going to say it ought to keep them off the streets – but now I worry about the streets of Washington."

"Heard that." Gates confirmed. "Anyway, I guess they got their first check today."

"What is going on with you and Victor?"

"Not much. He calls to me occasionally, but I guess his interest has waned."

"And yours?"

"Gunny was really never my type … you and I talked about this before … he needs some young thing that is going to crank him out a couple of kids and be home for him darning socks and baking casseroles."

"I think he is a little more open minded than that."

"Maybe, but it wouldn't have worked for us." She turned to put some milk in the refrigerator. "It doesn't matter anyway, I am not looking to get married again anytime soon."

"Heard that." Mac repeated.

Gates turned quickly to Mac. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing … I just understand about not rushing toward something that has a fifty percent success rate."

"You can't base your marriage experience on what you and Chris had."

"Your experience is not better – 0 for 3 … I just don't see any reason to rush into anything."

Gates shook her head. "Miss Sarah - my love … you have everything you want – everything you have EVER wanted – in arms reach and yet you still pretend like it is not yours to have. What is wrong with you, girl?"

"Nothing."

"Come MacKay … reach out and take what is yours."

"For one thing - it isn't in my reach … at least not at the moment."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's Harm … He is pretty focused on Mattie these days – as he should be. The poor girl-."

"Yeah, the poor girl just lost her father … it was horrible … it was an accident. It is sad and it is unfair … SO WHAT?"

"So what?"

"So what does that have to do with you and Rabb?"

"It means that Harm needs to make some adjustments."

"Not just Harm." Gates said.

Mac did not respond.

"She won't be there forever Mac --- she is going to go to college, have a life of her own."

"In a couple of years."

"So Rabb is going to put his life on hold until then? And expect you to do the same?" It frustrated Gates to no end that Mac was so willing to accept less than she deserved.

"No, but it just happened." Mac looked nervous and uncomfortable. There was something else she felt she needed to say, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to give it credence.

"What?" Gates saw the conflict in Mac and prodded.

"What what?"

"What? What are you thinking … what is going on?"

"I am not sure."

"What are you sure of?"

"I have not seen Mattie – well seen to talk to, spend time with – since the funeral. Each time I show up at Harm's apartment, Mattie has homework to do or she makes some other excuse to leave. We invite her to dinner, but …"

"But what?"

"Nothing … I am probably just being over sensitive."

"What?" Gates would not let go.

"I don't think she likes me."

Gates joined Mac at the table. "Why do you say that?"

"It's just a feeling I get … the way she looks at me … I don't really know how to describe it."

"How was your relationship with her before?"

"Well … I don't know really … it was fine, I guess. Most of the time I spent with Mattie also included many other people Harm, Jennifer … who knows. We have never really talked – just the two of us."

"Well, that will have to change." Gates stated matter-of-factly. Then she asked one of those pointed directed give-a-person pause questions that Gates is famous for – rather infamous for. "Did you not push a relationship with her cause you knew she would be going back with her father? There was no reason to get to know her cause she was going to be leaving?"

"What does that mean?"

"Baby doll, you have abandonment issues … getting close to someone who you know will leave is scary for you … hey, I am just asking the question … seriously, why get close to a kid who is on her way out?"

Mac shook her head. "Thought you hated clinical work."

"This is not work."

"Oh right, this is fun – having a great time here."

"Look, all I am suggesting is that maybe there is something to this – not all on Mattie's side – you two never took the time to know each other before - you both have abandonment issues - now that you are forced to – you are resisting."

"Great."

"On the other hand, you might be too sensitive and whatever is going on with Mattie may not have nothing to do with you."

"Is this how you make your living? You could be a politician."

"It's called hedging your interpretation." She smiled quickly. "What is Rabb doing in all of this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is he allowing her to leave? Is he not forcing the issue?"

"He doesn't see it as an issue. I have not brought this to his attention."

"Why not?"

"He has enough on his plate … he is trying so hard with Matte … I didn't want to put more pressure on him."

"Yeah, because Rabb is such a delicate little flower … he would break under too much pressure." She said sarcastically.

"Come on Gates … this is new for him."

"It is new for all of you." Gates corrected. "Hey … he invited that girl into his life … it was his decision and you helped."

"That doesn't mean that he knew what it would entail … he needs my understanding and my patience … I am the adult … Mattie needs him."

"And the hell with your needs." Gates took a breath. "Just because you are the least affected by Tom's death and can see things more clearly than either Rabb or Mattie doesn't mean that you weren't affected."

Mac looked away.

"When was the last time you two slept together." Gates pressed.

Mac looked up – it still took her by surprise ever time Gates asked those kinds of questions. "A long time" was Mac's simple answer. She remembered it specifically. It was the night of their last real talk … the night they agreed they didn't want to be alone any more … the night before the morning they got the news about Tom.

"And you are OK with that?"

"No, of course not … but it is only temporary. We see each other ever day … he is very attentive … we talk a lot."

"About Mattie?"

"Mostly … and work and other things."

"But for all intents and purposes your relationship is on hold … you are back to being friends."

"Our relationship is what is it … we support each other. He needs my support right now." She defended. "Don't you think that is reasonable?"

"After four weeks? No."

Mac shook her head.

"Let me ask you something … do you love him?"

Mac thought of many ways to answer that question, but there really was only one right way. "Yes."

"And you are sure that he loves you?"

"Yes." Mac never questioned that although after she made her answer she wondered if she should question it.

"Final question … this is for all the points and the Broyhill dinette set … Do you still want to have his kids and do all that growing old together stuff – or is this latest development the out you have been looking for?"

"GATES!"

"Answer the question."

"I don't want out." She said softly but confidently. It had crossed her mind once or twice that maybe this was a sign – yet another sign – that they were not meant to be together. But each time those thoughts came she pushed them away. She would accept the HOLD in lieu of ending it. She would accept what she was given. Harm was the man she wanted in her life and if she had to wait, she would wait … for as long as it took.

"Good." Gates smiled. "Does the fact that Mattie will now be a permanent fixture in Rabb's life – in both your lives – a full fledged member of the Rabb/MacKenzie/Johnson family unit – has that change anything?"

"Of course it changes things."

"About your feelings for him?"

"No." Mac stated emphatically.

"So you have told him that you want to get married and all of that crap?"

"No." Mac said weakly. "I sort of suggested that we wait a little while. And then Tom died."

Gates shook her head. "What about your feelings for Mattie? Have they changed?"

"I like Mattie … I like her a lot … I probably would love her if she gave me a chance to get to know her." Mac protested.

"Or if you took the chance."

"OK … yes … I see that I should have been more proactive in that relationship. But I don't think she wants me to be part of -."

"There are many reasons why Mattie may beg off from spending time with you or you and Harm … maybe she is jealous … maybe she is just feeling a little out of place … maybe she doesn't like you … maybe she doesn't like herself. Being a teenager sucks for any kid … and this kid has it good compared to some. At least she has someone in her life that gives a shit about her. Does she have two someones?"

Mad nodded.

"Then give the kid a break. She just lost the last link to the only relationship you can't divorce out of … she needs to know that she is a part of this blooming family just as much as you and Rabb are and that you three need to stand behind each other and hack out a path for the three of you together."

"That is what Harm is trying to do."

"Keeping you out of it is no way to do it."

"He is not keeping me out."

"You are not included … is that his fault or is that yours? And don't you dare blame Mattie."

"I thought you were MY friend … I thought you would be on my side." Mac was feeling attacked.

"Baby, I am on your side, I am more on your side than you are."

"It sure as hell doesn't feel that way."

"Honey, if you want to be a part of that family … then you need to take on your share. You can't lay this … this … family discord at Mattie's feet or even at Rabb's. All three of you are in this, and all three of you need to address it and work it out."

"In time."

"How much time? Will time change things or make it worse?"

"I don't know … we are just in a holding pattern -."

"You people and your HOLD BUTTONS … for God's sake … MOVE THE HELL ON."

"Gates."

"Look Mac … you are the one that said wait with Rabb … he can't wait with Mattie. Time and tide, Sweet-pea, wait for no man, woman or child."

"I know."

"Yes you do, Sarah --- you know what you want … you know the answers … stop asking questions and stop waiting for the right place, at the right time, for the right reasons."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1818 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

Harm let himself in and went immediately to the bedroom to change out of his suit and tie. He didn't notice Mac sitting at his desk.

"Hi." She called after him.

He turned quickly to look at her. "Hey. Did we have a date?"

"I didn't think I needed a reason to come over here." She said without much tone to her voice.

"You don't." He continued to change. "I just wasn't expecting you."

Mac nodded and folded the files she had been working on. "Where did you take off to today?"

"I had a meeting."

"A meeting?" She asked. "A meeting with whom?"

He came down and headed toward the kitchen having changed into shorts and a t-shirt. He was planning on going for a run. "Can we talk about this when I get back, I missed my run this morning." He pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a short sip.

"Sure." She leaned back in the chair. She would not push the discussion into a fight.

"I am not putting you off." He continued on his way to the door. "But I want to get back before the sun goes down."

She didn't move. "The sun is down, Harm."

He looked out the window. The sun was down. "So it is. I won't be long. I need to pick Mattie up at Susan Smithfield's at 1930. We are going out for pizza, do you want to join us?"

"Sure."

"I'll be back in a flash." He said as he opened the door.

"Harm?" She called after him.

He stopped by the door impatiently waiting for her to say what she had to say.

"Nothing, have a good run."

He smiled sweetly and left.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**Running Path**

**North of Union Station**

Harm hadn't missed his run that morning. He hadn't missed an opportunity to run two or three times a day in the past two weeks. It was the only time that his thoughts and the pressures of his life didn't feel like they were suffocating him. Supporting Mattie through the death of another parent was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Truth to tell, he was terrified – well Harmon Rabb Jr. does terrify easily, but he was definitely out of his element – permanently 'out of his element.'

Ever since the petition for her started nearly a year before, there was a little voice inside of him saying that it was a bad idea; that he could not give her what she needed. What she needed (in his mind) was a nurturing loving woman – a female – a mother. He was a single man, with a single man's needs and a single man's life. He liked being in the Navy, he liked not having to answer to anyone – personally. He liked being able to come and go and having no one making demands on his time. He liked working hard and playing when he wanted to. Up until Mattie came into his life he had not been willing (or able) to commit to an adult woman much less a child – the hell with a woman, he was able to commit to a plant or a fish. So taking on a child – a pubescent female child who needed more time and attention than a wife, a girlfriend or a plant was a major stretch for him. Talk about jumping into the deep end …

When Tom showed up sober and it looked as if he and Mattie were reconciling, Harm felt a great deal of relief. He would never admit it, but it was true. It was not that he didn't love Mattie, it was not that he wouldn't have risen to every challenge, met it and exceeded it just to have her stay with him. It was just that with Tom around he wouldn't have had to shoulder the burden a hundred percent, he wouldn't have to be held completely accountable for the mistakes. But now? Now Mattie was his without question, without debate – he was the only one there for her to look to – to rely on. No one would fight him for custody now – even the aunt and uncle weren't interested enough to offer Mattie a place to stay. No, she was his and there was no one, no one to share it with. Well, Mac but Mattie hadn't signed on for Mac, and Mac hadn't signed on for Mattie – well in all fairness Mac hadn't signed on at all, but he was hoping, he was planning. OH! His plans … Oh well, 'best laid plans of mice and men -.'

Since the funeral Harm was discovering something about himself – not really discovering – it was more like experiencing an irrational fear that kept him awake at night. His time with Mattie, the constant struggle with Mac, the permanency of the change foisted on to his life and his stated desire to change it still – he was convinced that he was not built for the domestic life. He wanted it, he yearned for it and even went out of his way to find it, but was he any good at it – could he live up to what all that would mean? Was he reaching for something that was just not his to have? Or was the loss of his youth – growing up, taking on grown up responsibilities what was scaring him. Peter Pan was going to have leave Neverland. Could he really do that? The fear of screwing up was real … but so were the desires to try. He had to try … he wanted to try. And God knows now he had a girlfriend and a daughter … soon there would be other grown up things he would have to deal with. Well, Rabb as the sayings go: "be careful what you wish for" and 'too much of a good thing…'

What confused Harm the most was what he was supposed to be doing for Mattie. For all intents and purposes, Mattie seemed to be taking Tom's death well. She had made all the arrangements for the memorial, she and Jennifer had cleaned out Tom's apartment and donated all his belongings to the rehab center and she asked Harm to take her up in SARAH so she could spread Tom's ashes over the woods outside Blacksburg as she had done with her mother's ashes. She was fine – or at least she seemed fine. It probably hadn't hit her yet, but she was going on with her life. She was going to school, seeing friends, she even continued to go to AlaTeen meetings. Her schoolwork was better than it ever had been and she was reading constantly – anything from HARRY POTTER to Chain of Command: The Road from 9/11 to Abu Ghraib. She was taking an interest in things she never took an interest in before: debate club, chess club, the yearbook committee, the election in November. She was trying to join the JROTC program at school; she had said that she wanted to be a pilot – like her 'old man' and was looking into the Naval Academy.

With all of that, Harm and Mattie did not spend much time together. Most of the time she spent with Harm was when he was shuttling her from place to place. A few days ago she started pressuring him to give her driving lessons. She would be turning sixteen in November and wanted to have her driver's license and was talking about buying a car. She was looking into finding a place to work after school and on weekends so she could pay for it. They rarely ate together and didn't really do anything fun – not that Harm hadn't offered. But Harm still remained at home, hoping that she would come to him. He wanted to be around for her. He even asked requested no TADs. Mac and Bud picked up some of that slack.

If Mattie was fine, Harm was anything but. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, as he never had before. The living arrangements were supposed to be only temporary. Now that Mattie and he would be permanently attached, he needed to look for a house in earnest. Mattie was turning sixteen and would be going to college in a couple of years – Harm had no money for that (he wanted to give her more options than just the Naval Academy). Not to mention health care, clothes, food, allowance – she had not been taking much from him over the summer, not since her dad came back into her life, but Tom did not leave much inheritance. Harm needed to pay off the house in Blacksburg. It was the only legacy that Mattie's mother had left and he would not let Mattie lose it. Tom's medical bill was staggering and he left a huge debt from the six months he spent in rehab. The insurance from the accident would pay for much of that, but not all. Tom had left other debts – not exorbitant but enough to give Harm pause. Harm had never been in debt a day in his life. He never owed money to a credit card for more than the grace period nor had he ever made a car payment. The money from his savings account was depleted when the trip to Paraguay came up and he was never able to put any of it back. Since Mattie had moved in he had been paying rent and a half, food, clothes etc. etc. etc. How was he supposed assume Mattie financially and the rest of it too?

"Rest of it"? Rest of what?

He was thinking about Mac. If he were to ask Mac to marry him, if she actually said yes, and if they were lucky enough to have a family … how was he going to provide for her, a baby (or two) and Mattie all on an O-5's salary? Sure, Mac would put in her share – she actually had higher base pay than he did – but still that was not enough to live in a 'style' that he wanted them to live in. Mac shouldn't be saddled with paying half of the cost of Mattie's college and if she wanted to stay home to raise the children for a couple of years she ought to have the opportunity. Of course this all presumed that Mac would be interested now that he was the permanent guardian of a fifteen year-old girl. Maybe Mac wasn't ready for that much family that quickly. Harm and Mac got together after Tom and Mattie were beginning their reconciliation. Mattie living with Harm was supposed to be temporary. Every other time he had brought of the subject of marriage, she had implied – hell she stated - that she wanted him to back off from his plan. Maybe she was expecting to be more ready to pursue such a plan after Mattie had returned to live with her father. Well, that plan had changed. Mattie wasn't going anywhere. Could Mac handle that?

That is a world of worries sitting squarely on Harmon "Atlas" Rabb's shoulders. So he ran – ran from or to didn't matter – he just ran. The run was the only thing that kept all these thoughts, concerns and worries from pushing Harm to the breaking point.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**2002 EST**

**Pizza Napolis**

**Capitol St**

Harm and Mac waited for their pizza. Mattie had begged off from dinner. She said that she had eaten earlier and needed to get some more work done on the project that she and Susan were working on. Mac noticed, but thought she would deal with one "Rabb" at a time.

"You OK?" Harm asked.

"I was going to ask you that." Mac leaned back.

"I'm OK." He smiled and reached to take her hand. "Good to have you all to myself for a little while." He leaned in and kissed her quickly. "Sorry about today … in court … I haven't been sleeping well." He squeezed her hand. "I guess I don't like sleeping alone."

"You guess?"

"I know for sure."

"We should do something about that." She said evenly. She needed to judge his reaction.

If he had one, it was quickly dismissed by arrival of the pizza.

"Harm, we need to have a little conversation."

"About?"

"About what is going on with us." Mac said sincerely.

Harm felt the muscles in his shoulders start to tense. He had been trying to hold everything together, the pressure had been building and he felt it about to burst. Was she about to break up with him? He took a quick sip of his beer and tried not to show his strain. "Us?"

"All three of us." She added.

"What do you mean?"

"Harm you can't keep dividing your time between us … it will drive you crazy and no one will get what they want in the end – especially you."

"What do you want?"

"Harm – I want to be a part of your life – I want to be a BIG part of your life."

"Good." He reached for her hand again.

"I don't just want my piece of it." She pulled her hand away slowly.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Mattie is part of your life – in some ways I understand that she has to come first."

"First? This is not a ranking system."

"I am just saying that Mattie's needs are more critical at this time – she just lost her father."

"I am doing the best I can." He defended.

She reached out to grab his hand. "Harm, I know you are … all I am suggesting is that you let me help – you and Mattie … let me be a part of that."

"Have I kept you out?" He was confused.

"Honestly … yes."

"How do you figure that?"

"Harm have you noticed that Mattie and I haven't spent more than thirty seconds in each other's company for weeks? Not since Tom's funeral."

He hadn't noticed.

"If we invite her to dinner – like tonight – she has other plans or needs to do her homework."

"Doing homework is something that parents all over the world have a difficult time getting their children to do – is that a bad thing?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Harm, have you noticed you divide your time between us. If you are doing something with Mattie, you are not doing something with me – it is understood."

"What is understood?"

"That you don't include both of us."

"We lead busy lives Mac, it is hard to get –."

"Harm, stop. You know that's not true."

"What do you want me to say? … I'll do better."

"It is not about doing better … we are all in uncharted territory here. I just want to help – help Mattie, help you, help all three of us."

"I know you do."

"Do you realize I don't even know how you are dealing with all of this?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"What do you mean?"

"Tom's death affected you – us – is a big way."

"Yeah, so."

"So … " She ran her hand through her hair. The words weren't coming. "This is why I am not a shrink."

"Say what you are trying to say … don't couch it in psychobabble." He said quickly.

"How are you handling this?" She said softly.

Her voice some how touched a soft spot – a soft spot that he thought he had locked off for a time. His first impulse was to brush it aside, to say that he was fine, that he was just trying to be strong for Mattie. But that wasn't true – there was so much he had to tell her, to discuss with her, but he was so afraid that he had already lost her because of Mattie. The look in her eyes and the softness of her touch let him know he hadn't lost anything. He genuinely felt the earnestness of her question. He needed to give her the real answer.

"Well, I tell ya, Sarah – it sure shot my plans all to hell."

He said those words with so much pain and so much disappointment that she had an overwhelming desire to hold him, to make it better for him. She smiled weakly. "Let's get out of here." She rose and took his hand.

**XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Moments later they were walking down the street, away from where they parked the car. She had linked her arm around his waist forcing him to wrap his arm around her shoulders. They walked in silence for a while until they came to a little park decorated for Halloween.

"Halloween is a month away." Harm protested.

"Nothing wrong with preparing for the future." Mac turned to him. "Harm, I don't think your plans were …"

"Shot to shit?" He offered.

"They will need to be altered slightly … but I don't think any plan worth the hope it's pinned on can't stand a little altering."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying it was – and still is a good plan – and I think we ought to start pursuing it."

He shook his head. The ambiguity was becoming too much. "Ok … Ok … I need plan simple words … my head hurts from trying to out think everyone."

"I'll remind you you said that one day." She laughed quickly and then got serious. "Your plan was to buy a house."

"Yeah."

"Well, I think that we should start looking. The living arrangements with the three apartments, is becoming unreasonable."

"Three?" He was still not sure about what she was saying.

Mac felt her courage falter … what if he didn't want to marry her anymore. What if taking on a teenage daughter permanently was all he could handle and their future would have to be put on hold for a year or more. She sucked it up in good marine fashion and forged ahead. "Yeah – the three of us should look for a house."

For the first time in a month Harm felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't an oncoming train. He sat down on the bench. "Ok. But you know that brings up a bigger issue."

"Our duty stations." She said quickly cutting him off from the other big issue that it brought up.

"Well, that too … but I have been doing a little thinking on that."

"You have?"

"Yeah, in fact I had a meeting today to that end."

"A meeting?"

"Yeah, with Dewey, Lawson and Cohen."

"The law firm?"

Harm nodded.

"You interviewed with a law firm?" She was amazed.

"It wasn't an interview and it just sort of came up … it was more of an informational meeting to see if either side would be interested."

"And?"

Harm nodded. "They do a lot of government contracts … Northrop Grumman is their biggest client … it would be honest … relatively honest work and I would be home at nights and on the weekends … very little travel."

"You'd hate it."

"They would more than triple my salary." He said as if that made up for it.

"You got so far as to talk about salary?"

"It came up … there was no official offer."

"Harm … you would really take an early out? You are so close to your twenty."

"I would stay reserve … keep my designator … gotta fly." He flashed her his big toothy smile. "And you could stay at JAG – for as long as you wanted to."

"I can't believe you got so far as have an interview." She was still shocked and ignored his comment about staying at JAG 'for as long as …".

"I haven't made any decisions, and I was going to talk it over with you, but it came up just today … got the call before court and went right after."

"Harm, it's OK … I understand … I am just surprised is all." She shook her head. "They called you out of the blue?"

"Not really, I had spoken to Robert Lawson during the Grinds investigation. We got off the topic a little. I guess I made an impression."

"You usually do." She smiled. "Triple your salary, huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it will come in handy with a teenage daughter who will be heading off to school soon and a house … " He wanted to add a wife and a baby, but he didn't feel that confident.

"And a wife and a baby." The words left her mouth before she even knew it.

He waited a half a second. "Looks like I am not the only one with a plan."

She searched his eyes, hoping that she hadn't gone too far.

"So?" He said.

"So … what?"

"So tell me your plan." His eyes lit up.

She felt safe to play. "I would prefer to think of it as OUR plan." She leaned into him hoping he would kiss her.

He didn't. "Tell me."

"Me?" She wasn't sure what he wanted.

"Yeah, you. Tell me your plan."

"My plan is to grow old with you. My plan – OUR plan – is to raise our children together. To help Mattie become the best woman she can be. My plan is to is to know that whatever comes at us in all our tomorrows, we will face it together."

"Are you asking me to marry you?" He took her hand.

"Would you say 'yes'?"

"I don't know." He grinned. "It's all so sudden."

She smiled back at him. "Take your time to think about it … you have ten seconds."

"I don't need any time … I would say 'yes.'"

"Good to know." She started to get up but he held her back.

"Sarah Jane MacKenzie – get back here."

"Jane? It is not Jane."

"Well I can't marry you if I don't know your middle name."

"You'll have to find a way." She teased.

They kissed to seal the plan.

"What made you change your mind?" Harm asked.

"Change my mind? What makes you think that I needed to have my mind changed?"

"Well … you have been the one putting the brakes on since we got together."

"I have, haven't I?"

"So, what changed … when you found out I was going to be a rich corporate lawyer who could keep you in the style you would like to become accustomed?"

She nodded. "Right, it is your money that I want … no. And I still think that part of the plan needs some serious discussion."

"Not tonight … tonight I want to stick with this part of the plan." He kissed her again. "So what changed?"

"Over the past four weeks … since Tom's death I have been asking myself … trying to give my self reasons for us to wait. I thought that maybe Mattie would need more time to deal with how her life has changed … and you … and me … but to be honest, I think it was just putting the inevitable on hold and actually allowing none of us to move on."

"What else?"

"I couldn't get away from was the fact that everything could be taken away from us in an instant … with no warning … so waiting is just tempting fate and wasting time."

He understood.

"I guess I finally understood that if you know the answer, you need to stop asking the question."

"Sounds like something Gates said."

"I am sure she did." She looked at him. "I am not suggesting that this all happen tomorrow, but that we need to start going in that direction. We need to discuss it with Mattie and start making plans – real hard and firm plans."

"Good." It was. It felt really good.

"And Mattie and I need to work some things out."

"I have every confidence in you, Mrs. Rabb."

She smiled and shook her head. "Don't go there."

He pulled her to him and kissed her.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**2245 EST**

**Johnson/Coates Residence**

**North of Union Station**

Mattie was typing her next entry into her journal. The last entry was dated more than a month before. It was the day she left for Vermont.

October 7, 2004 It's been a long time … 

_My dad died. _

_Wow … that is the first time I wrote it out. Thought about my dad a lot today – must be why I am writing. It came up in group again today – they think that I am angry with him. Angry with him for dying and for leaving me again. Maybe … who knows. I miss him so much. He was so different than he was when I was a kid. He talked to me like I had a brain in my head and not some brat that was always in the way. He was doing so well. He was up for a promotion. We were making plans to live together again – we were even talking about going back to Blacksburg. Damn it._

_At least he wasn't drunk behind the wheel and the accident wasn't his fault. Funny, isn't it? He kills my mother in an accident and someone else kills him in an accident. Like he was supposed to die the first time, but didn't. Weird. I have probably been watching too much X-files or that stupid movie … Final something or other. Whatever, it doesn't matter._

_I'm glad I got a chance to tell him good-bye --- tell him that I loved him. He looked so sad. I hope he knows that I am OK. I wish I could believe that he and my mother were somewhere together. I just don't. I miss her more now that Dad is gone. _

_I miss you Mom!_

Harm does what he can. I know he loves me and I know he is trying – I just wish he wouldn't try to hard. I wish he would just leave me alone. Things are fine. I am fine. I like living with Jennifer – hell I almost never see her anymore now that she and Jack are together. She is only home during the week. I have the weekends to myself. It is really nice. Harm is always just down the hall if I need something … but I never do. I like the quiet. I like living alone. I forgot how much I did. I am better on my own.

_But Harm is OK. He is a good guy. He's out with Mac tonight. I can't tell what is going on with them. They are always running hot and cold. There is something up with Mac. She looks at me funny like she is expecting me to break down in tears or something. I don't know. I wonder if she really likes Harm at all. She is always picking fights with him and dissing him in front of everyone – showing him up in court. I don't even know why he likes her. But he goes all moony eyed when she is around. Yuk. If that is love you can have it, just so long as I don't have to see it. She is probably over there right now. I could break in on them – send her packing – but forget it. I don't want to know. Harm's a good guy – he tries too hard, but he is a good guy. I guess Mac is all right too. I don't know. I don't care as long as she leaves me alone._

Got a lot done today. Susan can be such a chore. She is never prepared for class and if we fail this project it is going to be because she didn't pull her weight. But I am acing the tests and doing a whole ton of extra credit. I should get my 'A'.

_Got a new English teacher today. She threw out all the assignments that we had done this semester and said that we would start fresh. _

_I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING CHANGING. _

_I wouldn't bet that the sun would come up tomorrow. All I want is to be still, quiet … to be left alone. Is that too much to ask for? _

Probably … I don't even get a say. Screw it … Ok enough for now. More later.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X END CHAPTER TWELVE 


	13. 13

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Thirteen

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

Old Friends, New Relationships Chapter Thirteen - Slamming Doors 

**1630 EST**

Johnson/Coates Residence 

Mattie stormed into the apartment and threw her book bag across the room knocking over the lamp, a vase and a couple of soda cans that were on the end table. She marched into her bedroom and slammed the door so hard the pictures quaked on their hooks. Something hit the wall; the sound of shattered glass and a very loud expletive was heard from behind the closed door. Then there was silence. This was not the first time Mattie had flown into a rage. It was hard to know what set her off each time, but it was best to stay out of her way. Luckily – for her – no one was home – not Jennifer, not Harm and not the newest freeloader knows as 'the fiancée' who had been squatting on her newly claimed territory like she had a right.

Harm had had the discussion with Mattie (a week prior to this book bag throwing scene) about his relationship with Mac. He told her that they had been talking about getting married. When he asked her how she felt about that, Mattie said she was happy for him. She said that it was about time. She smiled and almost congratulated him. Harm did everything he could to assure her that nothing would change immediately, but that the three of them should start looking for a house and that he was going to have to think about changing his duty station or retire from the Navy altogether. (One thing Mac and Harm did agree on was that it would be wisest for Mac to stay at JAG.) He explained to Mattie that he was ready to move on but was unsure in which direction he should go. Mattie didn't see it that way, she thought Mac should go, but didn't voice her opinion. Mattie took all that information in with a smile and used encouraging words. Harm thought the conversation went really well and reported back to Mac. Mac was somewhat less than heartened. Mattie didn't sleep that night. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the house in Blacksburg. It was the first time in months – six months or more – that she felt homesick – really homesick. Even when she and her dad had been talking about moving back there, she didn't want to leave Harm, she didn't want to be back there. Now she did.

Several days later Harm was given orders to go to Italy. Mattie asked if she could go with him, but sadly it did not work out. Mac tried to make arrangements for she and Mattie to get together for dinner or a movie she even included Jennifer and Gates, but Mattie's schedule was booked. Mattie tried to get out of it citing all kinds of obligations that she had, but in the end Harm backed her into a corner and convinced her to go.

Please keep in mind, dear reader, that neither Harm nor Mac had confronted Mattie about her 'attitude' (that was Mac's idea, she HATED when people accused her of having a bad attitude – something that happened often when she was Mattie's age) but also keep in mind Mattie hadn't technically said anything against Harm, Mac, the marriage or the three of them living together. If anyone were to take her words at face value she would have sounded supportive and pleased with the newest development (hence the reason this writer had not chosen to repeat them here).

In any event, a lunch date with shopping was planned. Mac focused all her attention on Mattie and what she was doing and how she was feeling about everything from school and boys to her father's death to the kind of house that would be good for all three of them. Mattie's responses were short and sweet, as deep as a paper cut and about as painful. Toward the end of lunch Mattie asked one pointed question that took Mac by surprise.

"Why do you want to marry him?"

Somehow Mac knew that the standard answers to that question were not going to be acceptable. Mattie was asking something else. She was probably asking more about timeliness. Why marry him now? Mac had been putting the relationship on hold for nine years, why now? Why now when Mattie needed him, did Mac have to intrude?

"Because for the first time in my life I understand what it means to love and be loved unconditionally." She replied. "I want to honor, respect and share that with the people in our lives."

Mattie didn't like that answer – actually she didn't understand the answer - but regardless she didn't ask or allow Mac to explain. Lunch was over; there would be no shopping. Mattie would be polite and civil to Mac and nothing more. She was resolved.

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**1818 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

North of Union Station 

Harm was still TAD a week later. Jennifer had invited Jack over for dinner. Mattie was included but she begged off and was hiding out at Harm's apartment. She was waiting for his nightly 1630 call. He was always ten to fifteen minutes late. That night he was early.

"Harm?" She answered picking up the phone on the first ring.

Hey honey, what were you doing, sitting on the phone?

"Yeah, when are you coming home?"

In a few days.

"How is the case going?"

It is over; I won. She could hear the pride in his voice.

"I knew you would. So why aren't you coming back?"

Got my orders today to go to the Seahawk to do my quals. He explained.

"What?" Mattie's heart sank and she felt a burning sensation in her stomach.

Yeah, I am due. I had forgotten until Jennifer called me today.

"Jennifer knew?" She quickly looked toward the door. Why hadn't Jennifer said anything?

Well I assume that Admiral Schnarr told her to call me and remind me. It's was either do them now, when I am a few hours from the Seahawk or come back in a month to do them."

"Right … of course … it only makes sense to do them now." The pain in her stomach was burning.

I will be home before you know it.

"Yeah, sure … what's a couple of extra days?" She stood and paced the room.

That's my girl. So what are you doing?

"Homework. I should get back to it."

You can't take a couple of minutes to talk to me?

"Sure, sure … what do you want to talk about?" She sat back down and put her free hand on her abdomen.

Mac told me you two had lunch.

"Yeah."

Mattie?

"Yeah, we had lunch … it was good … we might go to a movie or something … I guess, since you aren't gonna be home for a while." She lied and the effort it took to keep her voice light and even was painful to say the least.

Harm was silent for a moment worried about broaching this subject from such a distance. He had to. Mattie … would you tell me if you were upset about something? Yep, that's our Harm, direct and to the point. NOT.

"I am not upset about anything."

OK … if you are sure? Dodged that bullet.

"I am sure."

Can I ask you to do me a favor?

"Sure, I guess."

Would you give Mac a call and tell her that the files she is looking for are in my top left drawer.

"Ok." Mattie pulled open his top left drawer. They were the two folders filled with listings for houses.

Maybe Mac will take you out for a dinner.

"I already ate."

Then dessert. She is waiting for the call, but I can't make it – only get one call and I wanted to hear your voice.

That should have made Mattie smile, but it didn't.

So you'll call her … do you have her cell number?

"I have it, I'll call her when we hang up."

How's school going?

"Fine."

Did you turn in that project that you and Susan were working on?

"No."

Why not?

"Susan didn't do what I told her to do … it wasn't finished. We failed."

I'm sorry. I know how hard you worked on it.

"Yeah, well it doesn't matter … next time I am going to do it all myself."

I don't think that is the point of working in a group.

"The point is to get a good grade."

They were silent for a moment.

"OK, I gotta go … I am getting another call." Mattie said.

Mattie … I love you.

"Love you too."

See you soon.

Mattie hung up. There was no other call. She felt the tears welling up in her throat and eyes and didn't want Harm to know. She looked at the phone in her hand for a long time, hoping he would call her back. There was so much more she wanted to say to him. She felt the hole in her gut getting heavier. She was just about to let herself go and breakdown into unchecked sobs when she heard someone's key hit the lock.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath and turned back to the laptop in front of her.

Mac entered. "Hey." She was surprised to see Mattie there. "I was just about to stop by … wanted to see if you up for dinner."

"I ate." Mattie said gruffly and forced her stomach not to growl. She couldn't remember the last time she ate – anything of substance anyway. "Oh, here." She shoved the files at Mac. "Harm just called, said that you wanted these."

"That's why I am here." Mac took them and leafed through one of them.

Mattie pretended to work on the computer … she was not actually doing anything at all.

"Have you looked at these?" Mac asked.

"Why would I?" Mattie retorted.

"Because they involve you."

"Harm was looking for a house for you two … not me."

Mac paused for a moment. "Is that really what you think?"

"I don't have to think it, I know it." She shot back at her. "He likes this place … I like living down the hall … we weren't going to move until you -. It doesn't matter."

Mac sat down at the island away from her. "I'll bet it feels like that to you, doesn't it? That I am ruining things?" Mac couldn't believe what she had just said … but for the moment she wasn't a thirty-six year-old woman she was a fifteen year-old kid trying to make sense of the world.

Between the burning in her stomach and the ache in her heart, Mattie spoke unchecked. "Look I know that you were both just waiting for me to go back with my dad … and I am sorry that is not gonna happen … sorrier than either of you are … must put a crimp in the plans … but it is not my fault … not my choice."

Mac chose not to respond right away. In truth she was thinking about how to respond and trying to figure out what Mattie was really trying to say.

"You kill me." Mattie said shutting her laptop down. "A year a go you had nothing nice to say to him and couldn't get far enough away from him … you threw that Webb guy in his face every chance you got … do you have any idea how much you hurt him? No, of course not, you were nowhere around. … And now … now you want everything … and he is willing to give it. … If that is being adult …" Mattie's venom trailed off.

Again Mac took a long moment. Finally she determined a tactic. "It's a real Catch-22, isn't it?"

Mattie shook her head. If she had ever heard that expression she had forgotten it.

"Do you want to know why Harm and I were finally able to get together after eight years of knowing each other and never being able to get past a certain point?"

Mattie shrugged. She didn't really care.

"It is because of you."

Mattie said nothing, but her expression said it all. She was not to BLAME for Harm and Mac.

"Yep, it is true." Mac continued. "It is all because of you." She smiled slightly. "I am actually a little jealous … well a lot jealous."

"I don't want to talk about this." Mattie stated.

"Fine, run away … it is what most people do … Harm and I could write a book on running away … but let me tell you, someday you will have to stop running … today or ten years from now … that part is up to you."

"I am not running away from anything … I never have." She moved toward the door.

"That's not how it looks from the cheap seats, Mattie."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I care about you … as much as you will let me."

Mattie studied her for a moment. "I don't need a mother, Mac." She barked.

"I don't believe that, and neither do you." Mac said quickly. "But I don't want to be your mother … I want to be your friend."

Mattie looked away.

"Do you know why?"

Mattie was silent.

"Because I don't have many friends … and friendship is something you work at … Harm and I can tell you all about that too … and finally … I need all the friends that I can get."

"Yeah, whatever." She opened the door.

"There is one thing you will have to accept, Mattie … we are a fact in each other's lives."

Mattie's anger flashed in her eyes.

"It is the truth … at this point Harm would not let either of us go, nor would either of us let him go… those are the facts."

"So."

"So … the only control we have over the facts in our lives is how we respond to them."

Mattie looked confused or annoyed, regardless she didn't want to discuss anything with Mac.

Mac needed to reel her in a little. "I'll give you another fact … I am an alcoholic, like your father."

"Yeah, so …"

"Like your father, I have chosen not to let that disease control my life. Does it mean that I can do whatever I want to do? No. It means that ever day I need to remind myself that I have a disease that I need to maintain control over. Everyday."

"Yeah, so…" Mattie repeated.

"I could be depressed or angry or bark at the moon because I have this disease … I could be resentful, I could lock myself away and hide from the world where drinking is encouraged. … I could give in to temptation – on occasion – and with the year I have just had, being drunk through it would have smoothed out some of the rough edges – made it worse, but I probably would have forgotten most of it. But I didn't. …"

"What has that to do with anything?"

"It is about perception, Mattie. It is about perception and how we act and react to the facts in our lives. It is about accepting the facts of the world and making the most of them." She waited but Mattie said nothing. Mac took a chance. "You can choose to dislike me for any number of reasons --."

"I don't dislike you."

"I could be resentful that it took some fifteen-year-old kid to change Harm into a man that I could spend the rest of my life with and knowing that that kid will always be included in our lives, but I am not."

Mattie waited.

"Don't you think it hurts my feelings to know that he didn't loved me enough to … to ... to …"

"To say it?" Mattie offered.

"Exactly. It took you, it took nearly losing each other six different ways and you to get him to admit that he loved me."

"What did it take for you?"

Without missing a beat, Mac had her answer. "The freedom to say it when I knew he would not turn and walk away from me … and I only knew that because I knew he would never turn and walk away from you."

Mac knew that that explanation was way too simplistic. That the relationship between herself and Harm was much more complicated than she was making it sound. But it was true that Harm changed when Mattie came into his life. It was also true that Mac looked at him differently since he took on the responsibility of a fifteen year-old girl. It was also true that there was a part of Mac that was jealous and resentful that it took that kind of change before he could be real and honest with her. But she was also resentful and mad – at herself - that it took losing another man and a health issue for her to finally allow him in.

Mattie shook her head. She didn't really believe what Mac was saying.

"So you see Mattie … I could be resentful, but instead I am grateful. You did for me what I could not do for myself and you didn't even know you were doing it."

Still Mattie said nothing.

"Do you want to know something else? I love you for that … I mean I don't know you as well as I want to … but I love you for what you have brought to Harm's life and now mine. And I hope you will let me … get to know you, I mean."

Mattie shrugged. Her stomached growled loudly.

Mac heard it. "Well, I got what I came for." Meaning the files but probably also meant stating her peace. "Now I need to get something to eat. I am starving." She got up and passed Mattie who was still standing in the doorway. "If you would like to join me, I would appreciate the company. I have never really liked eating alone … I suppose I could go home and have cold cereal … I suppose … if I have to."

Mattie looked down.

Mac had tried. "OK, well maybe next time."

Mac took the elevator and walked to her car. As she was making the U-turn she noticed Mattie standing on the street. She pulled up next to her and rolled down the window on the passenger door.

Mattie leaned down. "Where would you go for dinner … if you had some company?"

"Anywhere but pizza." Mac said quickly.

"Thai?" Mattie offered.

"Perfect … could use some great –."

"Curry" the two of them said in unison.

Mattie climbed into the car. Mac did not take it as a victory as much as she took it as a good sign. The door was open.

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**1301 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

Court was done for the day. Bud had asked for and was granted a continuance. Mac needed the time to prepare a better defense, but luckily it was the other side that was feeling like their case was not going to hold up.

She had missed a call from Harm. She quickly checked her e-mail. He had sent a quick note.

"Hi, Quals going well. Have one more round to do, then I should be home. A couple of days tops. Don't worry. Love you, Harm."

She re-read the note several times. '_Don't worry'_, what did he mean? '_Don't worry_.' Why would she worry? He was in a war zone; there were all kinds of increased activity from Israel, Pakistan, Chechnya, Iran, etc. etc. etc. He was being thrown off the deck of an aircraft carrier at ungodly rates of speed, flying around looking for God knows who, and then trying to land on a little strip of ship in the middle of an ocean, catch one of three wires so he doesn't fall into the ocean with an F-14 strapped to his back. Why would she worry? Mac? Worry about Harm's flying? Don't be ridiculous.

But why would he say 'don't worry'? Harm would never say that. It was assumed that he would be fine – hell HE assumed it. Why would he say 'don't worry' unless there was something to worry about? Mac wished she still had a friend at DOD, she needed to know where the Seahawk was and what was going on around there. How could she find out?

"Colonel." PO Coates called from the door.

She was pulled out of her thoughts. "Yes."

"May I speak with you, in private?"

"Sure, please … close the door."

Jennifer came in and sat down. "I just got a call from Mattie's school."

"Is she all right?"

"In a manner of speaking. I mean, she is fine, physically. Too good probably."

"Jennifer, please."

"Evidently during debate class, she threw a book at her adversary. It hit him in the chin and he had to have three stitches."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jennifer searched Mac's eyes for a moment trying to decide if she should break Mattie's confidence. "Mattie has had a little trouble controlling her temper lately. She flies off the handle – a lot and usually something is thrown … a brush, a pen … something small and it is usually directed at the wall."

"She threw a book at a student?"

Jennifer shrugged. "I know exactly how she feels, I did the same thing when I was her age."

Mac thought that she knew exactly how Mattie felt from just a few months back. She chose not to disclose that little fact to Jennifer. "So the kid needed stitches?"

"Yes ma'am. Anyway, she has been suspended for three days and there will need to be a parent teacher conference before she is allowed back into debate club." Now came the part as to why Jennifer was there. "Ma'am, this is out of my area and since you and …"

"Thank you Jennifer, I will take of this." Mac said quickly. Mac knew for a fact that Mattie wouldn't want her there, but Jennifer was right. This was out of her area. This was Harm's area and Mac would have to pinch hit for Harm until he got back and Mattie would just have to deal with that.

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**1348 EST**

Mattie's High School 

Mac walked through the front doors to the principal's office. She passed Mattie who was sitting outside the office and only made a slight nod to acknowledge her.

"I am here for Mattie Johnson." She told the woman behind the desk.

"And you are?"

"I am Lt Colonel Sarah MacKenzie … I am –"

"You are not listed on here." The woman snapped. "Where is Commander Rabb?"

"The commander is TAD … he is out of the country."

"What about Jennifer Coates?"

"The petty office was unable to come. I am ---" Mac found it very difficult to say that she was Harm's fiancée particularly because Mattie and Jennifer were the only two people who knew about that development. She took a deep breath. "The commander and I … Commander Rabb and I are engaged to be married … I am here for Mattie."

"I can't release her to you … the commander needs to update his files."

"May I speak with the principal?"

"He will tell you the same thing. She has been suspended for three days, and I cannot release her to you."

Mac looked back over her shoulder at Mattie. Mattie was not happy that Mac was there, well honestly she would not have been happy if anyone were there, but it would have been much easier with Jennifer.

"The principal?" Mac forced.

The woman rolled her eyes, made a phone call and a few moments later Mac was escorted into the principal's office. Mattie was unable to hear what was being said, but fifteen minutes later Mac was standing in front of her instructing her to gather up her stuff.

"What happened?" Mattie asked.

"You will be back in school tomorrow, you will apologize to the student you threw the book at and the debate team and you owe the teacher a five page essay on Roberts' Rules of Order."

"I will not." Mattie stood up.

"Mattie, you and I can fight about this all night if you want … but don't for one minute believe that you are going to win."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Mattie snapped. The principal and his assistant were watching.

Mac lowered her voice and got in Mattie's face. "I am the one who just got you out of a three day suspension. I am the one who made sure that you are not taken off the dean's list. Opinions are great, and spirited debates are fine, but if you can't play by the rules, if you can't remain in control then it doesn't matter how right you are – you are dead wrong."

"But --."

"But nothing."

"You wouldn't understand." Mattie understood that Sam Benson should not have made that remark about Navy pilots being wussies - bombing from thousands of feet in the air – as compared to marines down in the trenches. "I knew you would take his side." Since Mac was a marine and all.

"Let's try to remember what is important here, Mattie."

"Important? I know what is important."

"Apparently you have forgotten."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Your education is important, your record is important, your ability to discuss rationally is important." Mac's voice was quaking. "And Harm is important. He is finishing his quals today – does he need to have you and your inappropriate behavior on his mind? I think not."

Mattie hadn't forgotten and she had been thinking about him all day, which was part of the reason that she got so upset during the debate.

"With me." Mac stated forcing Mattie to follow her out.

It occurred to Mattie that Mac was not angry so much as she was scared.

Mattie caught up with her outside near the car.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She repeated. "So what … he is doing his quals? What is the big deal?" Mattie knew exactly what the big deal was. She was concerned about him too.

Mac turned on her heel and looked Mattie directly in the eye. "Have you forgotten that we are a country at war? Have you forgotten that Harm's is a naval aviator? Do you think that he is just out there playing some computer game? He is running missions – there is live ammo strapped to his plane. He is not up there playing a friendly game of capture the flag or running scrimmages with other pilots."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that he is out there in the real world doing real stuff." Mac turned away from her to get into the car. She forced herself not to say 'doing real stuff that could get him killed.'

"He is a good pilot, Mac."

Mac waved her off.

"He is the best." Mattie pushed she was saying it more for her own sake than for Mac's. "Nothing is going to happen to him."

Mac wanted to argue with her. Mac wanted to tell her about the number of times Harm cheated death. About the time that he dumped his plane into the ocean and if it weren't for some very good luck and something beyond her understanding, he would have died. She wanted to cite the statistics of the number of people dying every day in Iraq, Afghanistan and all over the world. She wanted to remind her that it was dangerous enough crossing the street, but to purposely put him self in harm's way was tempting fate. Mac was scared. She was terrified. She had good reason to be. Every other man she had loved had died (faked or otherwise), what makes Harm so different? But worse for Mac, she could not tell him that. She could not ask him not to fly. She had to suck it up and keep in bottled up inside. This thing with Mattie touched a nerve that was already frazzled. It made her realize that she was so dug in with him that she was not prepared to go back to being alone. And to think, they hadn't even bought a house yet, pledged their vows … nothing much had changed; yet everything had changed. That scared her even more.

She shouldn't have said anything to Mattie. She shouldn't put her fears on a kid who had more than enough fears of her own. "You're right Mattie. Harm is a good pilot … he is very good … but you will still need to apologize tomorrow and you have an essay to write on Roberts' Rules of Order. Let's go."

Mattie stood for a moment deciding what she wanted to do. She decided not to push Mac any harder. She slumped down into the seat next to her.

"Put your seat belt on." Mac ordered before she put the car in gear.

They drove in silence for half the distance to Mattie's house.

"I'm sorry." Mac said.

"What for?"

"I am sorry that Harm is not here to handle this."

Mattie looked out the window. She thought of several different responses. "I am sorry there was something to handle." She said softly.

"Yeah." Mac nodded.

"Still … you did good." Mattie smiled.

"Meaning?"

"Jennifer couldn't have gotten me out of suspension and I don't think Harm would even have tried. What did you say to Mr. Pandlum?"

"I pointed out the merits of your argument and suggested that you weren't actually throwing the book at that kid, you were just offering it as evidence to prove your point." Mac laughed.

"Well done counselor."

"I have my moments."

They drove in silence for a little longer. Mac broke it again. "Mattie, have you ever thought of taking up kick boxing?"

"Huh?" That comment felt like it came out of left field.

"Yeah, kick boxing. It is very aerobic and it feels really good when you hit something."

"Or someone." Mattie offered.

"Yeah." Mac had an evil grin. "Interested?"

"I might be."

"Well, I have the afternoon off … I could take you to the gym and show you a few moves."

"I have an essay to write." Mattie stated hoping that Mac would let her out of the essay.

"You do, but you could get it done after dinner."

Mattie studied Mac. There was something about this offer that didn't feel so 'out of the blue' so 'altruistic'. There was something behind it. But Mattie decided to run with it anyway. "OK."

"Good." Mac nodded. "Good."

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**MacKenzie Residence**

**Georgetown**

Harm quietly let himself in to her apartment. It surprised him to see how messy it was. He had never been to her apartment before when everything was not exactly in its place. She had apparently been working at home. He silently slipped out of his flight suit and eased open the door to her bedroom.

Mac was lying on her stomach facing away from him. The blankets were pulled down and she was wearing a tank top and shorts – normal attire – she wasn't expecting him. 'Stunning' and 'perfect' were the two adjectives that leapt to Harm's mind. Oh yeah, there was some ego stroke in there too about how she was his … but he didn't put words to it.

She appeared to be sound asleep. It all of a sudden occurred to Harm that maybe waking up a marine by crawling into bed with her might not be such a good idea. Did Mac keep her weapon under the pillow? Under the mattress? He chose to brave it.

Very carefully he climbed onto the bed. He brought his lips to the nape of her neck, which netted him a sleepy moan. He then kissed her shoulder, which netted him a sleepy stir and a moan. Finally he ran his fingertips down her arm and pulled her palm to his lips. Nothing until he softly called her name, "Sarah? Sarah?"

She moved slightly back into him, pulling his arm around and hugging it to her chest. "Hey sailor … Come here often." She said as a smile crossed her face.

He rolled her over onto her back and smiled down into her sleep face. "Not often enough."

"You can say that again."

He kissed her with one of those sailor-home-from-the-sea kisses.

Mac was all of a sudden overcome. Tears were streaming from the corners of her eyes. She couldn't stop them; she couldn't check them. She couldn't even articulate why. They were tears of joy and of relief and something else. He was home, safe, sound and in her bed.

"Hey, Hey … honey, what's all this?" He asked, surprised by her display of emotion.

She pulled him to her and held him very tightly. "Just hold me for a minute."

"Guess you missed me, huh?" He was still being a little to cavalier.

She pulled away from him and wiped at her eyes. "You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow."

"Yeah, well … I needed to get home." He kissed her again. "I have been away too long."

"Yes, you have."

Mac was again over come with emotion, this time Harm held her as tightly as he dared. As gently and as tenderly as he could he convinced her, without words, that he would always come home to her – if he had any say in it at all.

Several hours later, Harm came in from the kitchen with two bottles of water and slid back into his place next to Mac.

"Have you seen Mattie?" Mac asked as she snuggled back into him.

"Came straight here … but I thought I would be there this morning when she goes to school."

"You are going to leave me … so soon?"

"We have a little more time."

"We do." She closed her eyes tightly.

"Did you and Mattie find any houses?" He asked casually.

"Honestly … we didn't look." She answered as directly as she could. "Think Mattie and I need a little more time."

"She told me about what happened at school the other day."

"Yeah, well." She was waiting for him to criticize her.

"Well, you did more than I would have. I would have let them suspend her."

"You would not." She turned to look at him. "For God sake Harm, you don't let the guilty go to jail, why would you let your daughter be suspended for sticking up for Navy pilots."

"She hurled a book at someone Mac."

"Not something that we can't appreciate."

"Hence the kickboxing?" He asked.

"Hence the kickboxing … she is pretty good."

"Great, now I have two woman in my life who can kick my ass."

Mac looked up at him with a sly smile. "I prefer more gentle forms of persuasion."

"Oh?" He smiled back. "Oh really."

She kissed his jaw and nuzzled into his neck.

He loved it, but knew that it would come with a price. "Just what do you want to persuade me to do?"

"Nothing too painful … nothing that you wouldn't want to do on your own."

"I doubt that." He tried to kiss her but she pulled away from him.

She leaned over the edge of the bed and pulled out a listing for a house from the pile that was next to her bed. "I want this one." She said with a little pout that was so un-Mac-like – but too cute for words. Harm was a goner.

He took the listing and tried to read it in the dark. He couldn't. He reached his long arm over to switch the light on. He took one look at the house and switched the light back off. "In your dreams, doll." He crumpled the listing up.

"Hey." She pulled the crumpled paper back from him and smoothed it out. "It is the one I want."

"It's good to want … it builds character … I can't afford it." He tried to take it from her, but she held it away.

"We can … the two of us can … I have more than enough for a down payment … enough to keep the mortgage within reason."

"What do you mean by that?" He was curious.

"Harm, I have been saving for a house for most of my adult life … I don't live pay check to pay check like you do … I have some money put away for a rainy day."

He wasn't surprised that she had put money away, he was just surprised that this was the first he was hearing about it. "How much RAIN are we talking?"

"We could get through a tropical storm or two." She evaded.

"Sarah MacKenzie … you have been holding out on me."

"Just wanted to make sure that you didn't just love me for my money."

"That is just one of the reasons." He pulled the listing back from her. It was actually his favorite house too, but it was totally out of reach so he never gave it another thought – well it WAS totally out of reach – but now? Maybe not so much.

"So?" She snuggled into him.

"Well, I suppose if it is the one you want … then we should look at it in the light of day."

"We have a few hours 'til daylight." She cooed.

Harm let paper fall off the bed and wrapped her up. "Coming home to you is …"

Words failed him.

She didn't let him try to find them.

They didn't need words like 'I love you', 'I need you', 'I missed you.' What they were experiencing was beyond words.

FADE TO BLACK


	14. 14

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Fourteen

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

Old Friends, New Relationships 

**Chapter Fourteen - But You Egress**

**0821 EST**

**SecNav's Office**

**Pentagon, Washington**

Harm waited impatiently in the SecNav's office. He had refused the offered coffee four times, water, juice or croissant twice and accepted the secretary's assistant's apology once every ten minutes since his arrival promptly at 0745 – the scheduled time for his command performance.

Secretary Sheffield finally breezed into the room.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Commander. My breakfast meeting with Secretary Rumsfeld went long." Name dropper.

Harm stood at immediate attention. "Yes, sir."

"As you were, commander. Would you like some coffee? Water? Juice or a croissant?"

"Nothing, thank you, sir."

"Please, please … sit down."

He sat back down waiting to hear why he was summoned at midnight to be at the SecNav's office less than eight hours later.

Sheffield thumbed through the stack of phone messages he had been handed on his way in, ignoring Harm for the moment. He finally dropped the stack on his desk, clearly nothing vital. "So commander."

"Yes sir." Harm sat up in his chair.

"Tell me just what the hell is going on at JAG." He demanded.

Harm was the proverbial deer caught in headlights.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**0821 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Fall Church, VA**

Gates had just dropped Mac off from their weekly – well what was becoming weekly – breakfast. She was just about to pull out of the parking lot when she saw Admiral Schnarr driving up. Gates double parked her car and approached the admiral.

"Janet." Gates called to her.

The admiral's countenance didn't change upon seeing her old rival. "Dr. Madden."

"Back to formalities Janet?" Gates asked with a bright smile.

"What brings you to JAG?"

Gates glanced over to where Mac had entered the building. "May I speak with you?"

"Do we have anything to speak about?"

"We do."

The admiral nodded to the empty tables. In moments they were seated and the admiral was waiting for Gates to say her peace.

"How are you Janet?" Gates asked.

"Dr. Madden, I don't need a session."

"Do you need a friend?" Gates offered.

"Excuse me?"

"Janet, I think you and I could have been friends … if things were different with us."

"Who are you trying to kid, Gates?"

Gates laughed. "Apparently not you. … How are you Janet? Seriously."

Janet looked away acknowledging some people in her command arriving for duty.

"The last time we talked you suggested that you thought you could not lead this group." Gates said. "I am glad to see that you are still here. That you have found a way."

"Nothing has changed. I am waiting for my orders to come through."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"Why?" She looked back to the building. "Is the colonel counting the days until I am gone?"

"Don't be so paranoid, Janet." Gates made grandiose looks over her shoulder and then hunched down as if she were going to whisper a secret. "I have heard nothing about you … from …" She looked around again. "… from THEM." She grinned at the ridiculousness of it.

Janet was mildly amused – mostly by Gates' antics. "What puts you in such a good mood Gates?"

"Why not? It is fall. I love autumn in the east … the air is crisp, the leaves are changing, we are getting ready to recharge our batteries … it is so invigorating … I feel so alive … out west the only way you knew the seasons were changing was when the license plates changed color."

The admiral stood up. "I have work to do."

"Let me buy you a cup of coffee, Janet … come on old times sake."

The admiral was finally done playing the game. "If you want to know about Glenn, call his doctor."

"I don't. I want to know about you."

"Why?"

"Call it sisterhood … call it survivor bonding … call it whatever you want … I want you to know that you are not alone."

"You know nothing about me."

"Hence the reason for the question."

"Gates." She shook her head. This woman was exasperating. "Go away."

"Have I ever told you that I was a psychiatrist? … That people actually talk to me about all kinds of stuff. … I will be taking their secrets to the grave. … I am not a gossip. … I have more integrity than any six people you know?"

Janet finally smiled. Gates had gotten through. "That is quite a claim, doc."

"Needed to reel you in some how." Gates got serious. "Janet, I don't think you should leave JAG. I think dealing with real people and real issues is good for you … don't lock yourself away in books and case studies, theories and students. Students are only motivated by the grade. You deserve to live your life. These people … this job … can help you do that. It is time for you to get dirty, girl. Mix it up in the real would with the rest of us."

Janet was not moved. "Thank you for your opinion."

"It is not just an opinion, Janet … you have a chance to make a better life for yourself. Don't go backward … never go backward."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**SecNav's Office**

"I asked you a question." The SecNav pressed.

Harm shook off the shock. "I don't know what you mean, sir?"

"Commander, I have known you for years and known about you for longer than that – your reputation is infamous. So don't play dumb with me."

"I am sorry sir, to what are you referring?"

"Am I misreading the signs? It has been quiet, all too quiet from that office recently. I thought that was a good thing." Sheffield moved around his desk to pick up some binders. "The reports that I am getting are well written, well organized." He handed them to Harm. "Everything seems to be working like clockwork at JAG HQ – I's are dotted, T's are crossed, coming in on time and under budget too. Hell, I haven't seen ZNN mention JAG on a news report since AJ left. … It's amazing … So tell me commander, just what in God's name is going on over there?

"I am sorry, sir, but it all sounds like things are going along smoothly."

"Then why is Admiral Schnarr requesting a transfer back to the academy? Why has she requested it every week for the past six weeks?"

"I was unaware that she had, sir." Harm was truly surprised.

"What is the explanation?"

"I am sure you have asked her that, sir."

"I have … oh yes I have … I don't like her answer."

"I have nothing to add to that then, sir."

"The work is good and there have been no incidents. Is it the personnel?"

"Not that I am aware of sir."

Sheffield got a nasty grin on his face. "Why have I not heard about some damn fool stunt you have pulled? There has been nothing since … July? … Yes, yes, yes, it was July … Afghanistan in July when you had your last near death experience … CIA sponsored no less. Of course you saved the world for democracy once again … but the last four months have been quiet. Is the admiral covering up for you?"

"No, sir"

"Because it would be very hard for me to believe that you have reformed under Admiral Schnarr's command."

Harm said nothing.

Sheffield nodded and went back behind his desk. He needed to make a big play and needed the power of his position to do it. He fixed Harm with a look to intimidate. "Does this have something to do with the Glenn Schnarr shooting incident?"

Harm did not react – externally.

"I understand there were a number of JAG personnel, alumni and friends involved in that event."

"Yes, sir."

"And you played a pretty important role." He pressed.

"I was assisting Dr. Madden's counsel until the case was dropped." Harm's answer needed to be short and sweet.

"Is this … Dr. Madden … is she in the Navy, commander?"

"No, sir."

"Are you thinking of opening a private practice?"

"No, sir."

"In the future it would be wise to handle the cases you are assigned and don't go looking for freelance work."

"Yes, sir."

Sheffield was not getting what he wanted. "Your opinion of Admiral Schnarr, commander."

"A fine officer, fair, balanced, impartial, knowledgeable and open minded. Willing to try new things and able to admit when a strategy is not working … a good leader."

"She is no AJ Cheggwidden." Sheffield taunted.

"I would not like to see them go toe-to-toe on a point of law, sir."

"Schnarr is exacting and precise."

"Yes, sir."

Sheffield had one more tactic to try. "JAG is a pretty tight group … how is she fitting in?"

"Fitting in, sir? Admiral Schnarr is our commanding officer … it is our responsibility to fit in with her."

"Is that your opinion commander or is that the general consensus of the staff?"

"Navy Regs, sir."

"Yes, yes they are … so you can think of no reason why the admiral would prefer the academy to JAG HQ?"

"No, sir."

Sheffield was again annoyed at Rabb and his loyalties. It was impossible to know who he was protecting or why, but the SecNav didn't get what he was looking for. "Thank you for coming in, commander."

Harm came to an immediate attention. "Sir."

"Dismissed."

"Aye Aye, sir."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**0945 EST**

**MacKenzie Office**

**JAG HQ**

Harm sat on Mac's desk, closer to her than a co-worker should sit.

"So he just wanted to know about the admiral?" Mac asked leafing through a file as if that were the subject of their discussion.

"That's it. I guess she has requested a transfer back to the academy."

"Why?" Mac looked out into the bullpen to be sure that no one was watching them. "The shooting?"

"My guess."

"Interesting."

Harm smiled and lowered his voice. He was done talking about the SecNav and Schnarr. "Actually what I find interesting colonel, is the perfume you are wearing." He took her hand in his and ran his fingers over her wrist and subtly brought them to his nose. "I can't place it."

"Can't you?" She pulled her hand away but briefly waved her wrist near his nose.

"Hmm … it is not the one I got you."

She shook her head.

"Something new?"

"And very expensive." She smiled. "So you like?"

"Oh yeah … not that you need perfume to attract me … you know that I am already hooked."

"Never hurts to set the hook well."

"Until you get that piece of paper in your hot little hand?" He asked playfully. He liked that she wanted to marry him; it boosted his ego.

"A piece of paper won't hold us for life." She again stole a glance out to the bullpen. She lowed her voice to a seductive whisper. "That takes work."

"Work, eh?" He grinned. "Never one to shirk my duty." He leaned in and lowered his voice to match hers. "How about we go home for lunch, let me see if I can name that scent?"

Mac blushed and was about to lean into him and whisper a challenge back.

"Excuse me, Colonel." Admiral Schnarr was standing in the doorway.

Both Harm and Mac came to immediate attention.

"As you were. Commander, may I speak with you?" The admiral asked. "When you are through conferring with the colonel."

"We are done here, are we not Colonel?" Harm said failing miserably to pretend like nothing was going on.

"Yes, commander." She could not say anything else. They were caught; there was no reason to pretend. Maybe it would just go away.

"Good." The admiral said. "Commander, five minutes, my office."

"Yes ma'am."

The admiral left. Harm eased back down onto the desk, slightly away from Mac. "I just screwed up didn't I?" He asked softly.

"Yep." She nodded.

"You helped." He was slightly affronted that she let him take all the blame.

"You started it."

"You put that perfume on this morning."

"That's what you get for leaving me at 0500."

He gave he one of those trademark looks that said 'duty called.' He got up and moved toward the door. There was only one way to deal with the direct questions about to be asked of him. It was something that he was prepared to deal with for a long time. Sadly he had hoped that it would have been on his terms – but oh well. He looked back over his shoulder. "So does that mean lunch is off?"

"Get through the next fifteen minutes, and we will talk about lunch."

"If I get through the next fifteen minutes, we will do very little talking at or about lunch." He grinned and left.

Mac shook her head. It was nice. His playful sexy side was nice – different, a little arrogant and sometimes off putting, but definitely something that she would enjoy – hopefully for a long time to come.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**Admiral Schnarr's Office**

Harm knocked. The admiral waved him in. "Close the door." She ordered.

He did and came to attention in front of her desk.

"At ease, commander."

Harm did as he was ordered.

"I understand you were summoned to Secretary Scheffeid's office this morning."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I see." She paused before she asked the next question. "Were you discussing that meeting with the colonel?"

"I mentioned that I had gone and the subject of the meeting, not what was discussed."

"You know my position on gossip."

"Yes ma'am." He said quickly. "I don't believe our conversation would have been considered gossip, ma'am."

"No, what I witnessed was fodder for gossip not gossip itself."

Harm did not avert his eyes, but did not respond.

She nodded slowly accepting his silence as her answer. "The scuttlebutt around the office is hard to ignore, commander." She looked away, "Not that I have heard it, but when you have been around as long as I have you pick up on certain signs."

"Yes ma'am."

"You understand to what I am referring?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know the Navy's policy on such an affiliation."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And I am sure I don't have to explain mine."

"No, ma'am."

"To that end …" She left it open for Harm to fill in.

"To that end you will have my resignation on your desk by end of day."

She nodded sadly. "It has gone that far?"

"Yes, ma'am." Harm said confidently. "But let me assure you there has been no impropriety."

"Other than that scene I just witnessed in the colonel's office."

Harm glanced down before responding. "Yes, ma'am. I am sorry for that. It won't happen again."

She studied him for a moment and saw real remorse in his words. "I believe you, commander." She helped him. "You are both fine officers, outstanding lawyers and investigators and you make a very good team."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Apparently a good team in more ways than one."

"Yes, ma'am."

"May I ask why you will be requesting separation?"

"The colonel's record is …"

"Unblemished?" The admiral offered though she didn't agree. "Well, you both have a little bit of a spotted past, but I see your point."

"Yes, ma'am."

"My question was more about you, commander. Don't you want to stay in the Navy?"

"Yes, ma'am. However I need to stay in Washington more. My daughter … my ward has been through enough in the past couple of years, I would prefer not uprooting her at this time."

"I am sure you have other reasons for wanting to remain in Washington."

"Yes, ma'am."

"As does the colonel." She added.

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know that there are many duty assignments in Washington that could use someone with your … background."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"I can't promise you anything, commander, but I will make a few phone calls on your behalf."

Harm was surprised by her generosity. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Don't resign, commander. The Navy can't afford to lose even one good officer."

"Again, thank you, ma'am."

"I will expect your request for reassignment by end of day, and until the transfer has been arranged I expect you and the colonel to continue to show me and this office the utmost respect and decorum."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you. Dismissed."

Harm remained.

"Is there something else commander?"

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am."

She leaned back on her heels. "You know that is not generally something I do."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go ahead."

Harm took his eyes off the point on the wall and looked right at her. "Ma'am, I think if you were to leave JAG, the effect would devastating. Under your leadership, this office has pulled together as a team, something that was sorely lacking in the past year. Please don't assume that I am saying that Admiral Chegwidden was in anyway a poor commander. Rather – well, events that were beyond anyone's control came very much to center stage. It affected the entire office. I regret the part I played."

Schnarr made no reply. She knew all about the Singer murder investigation, Paraguay, and Rabb's resignation and his reinstatement. At least now it made more sense why Rabb went and why things got so bad after they came back.

"In any event, I am sorry that I will not be serving with you. It has been and honor and a privilege." He came to full attention.

She paused for a moment to really hear his words. "Thank you, commander." She smiled. "I still can't let both of you stay nor can I assure you a position in Washington." The admiral didn't take compliments well.

Harm looked back at her. He was about to clarify his position, when he realized she was kidding. Was that the first time the admiral has shown any kind of personality? Must have been. "Yes, ma'am." He smiled back at her.

"Dismissed."

"Aye, Aye." Harm did an about face and left.

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X **

**NOONER Noonish EST**

**MacKenzie Residence**

"Harm?" Mac called from the doorway.

Harm's shoes and other articles of clothing made a path to the nearly closed door of the bedroom – where his jacket was hung.

"Harm?" She called again as she eased open the bedroom door.

On the bed was a little picnic from her favorite lunch place, Harm was lying on his side covered with a sheet and her tray of fragrances sat in front of him. He was sorting through them.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Well I have ruled out these." He pointed to the group of bottles pushed off to the left. "And I think I have narrowed it down to these four." He picked up another bottle. "Well five."

"Screw the perfume, Harm."

"Not quite what I was thinking." He said sniffing another bottle. "This isn't it." He added it to the group on the left.

"Harm, what happened with Schnarr?"

"Come here." He waved her over to him and then noticed that she was still in uniform. "You are over dressed, colonel." He turned his attention back to the tray as he reached his hand out to her. "Come here … I need another whiff of the original again."

She sat down on the bed away from him and started unbuttoning her jacket. "Harm --- what happened?"

"Nothing … well nothing unexpected." He reached behind him and handed her the letter he had written. When she took it, he captured her arm and pulled her wrist to his to inhale the fragrance. "Hmm … I don't think it is the perfume at all, I think it is you. Your own natural scent …kind of musky, kind of wild … sexy." He kissed her wrist. "I know which one." He said giving his attention back to the tray.

She slipped her arm away as he was diverted. "What is this?" She opened the letter and read. "She is making you quit." She looked back over at him.

He showed her the bottle he had chosen.

She shook her head not really paying attention to his choice.

He put the bottle on the left side and continued to sort through the remaining three. "I offered."

She continued to read. "Reassignment? A transfer?"

"I offered to resign, she suggested that there might be another position in Washington."

"And if there isn't?"

"I'll quit."

Mac started to get up from the bed, but he stopped her. "Mac, we don't have all day … I have a deposition at 1330."

She shook her head. "This is all very nice … this little seduction scene you have created, but I am not in the mood."

"I can fix that." He pulled her palm to his lips and then started working up her arm. "I've got it." He turned back to the tray and picked up one of the bottles. "This one?"

She shrugged and nodded. At that point she had forgotten what she put on that morning - agreeing with him was the easiest way to get him to move off that topic. "Yeah, sure fine … I don't like this at all Harm. We need to talk about it."

"Baby, we have talked about it until we are blue in the face."

"Don't call me 'baby.'"

"Mac we agreed that that one of us would have to go and that one should be me … for very practical rational reasons." He moved the tray to the nightstand.

"I can't think of one." She got up and took off her jacket and hung it on the back of the door.

"You have more room for advancement there, your record is clean … very nearly clean … you are already senior counsel … and when … when you need to take time off … it would be less stressful if you were to leave and go back to a place you know and are comfortable with."

"Why don't you just say it?" She snapped at him. She started unbuttoning her blouse.

"Fine … it will be easier for you to go through a pregnancy and a maternity leave from a place that you have seniority than any new duty station you are assigned to."

"What if I can't … we can't?" The blouse was also hung on the back of the door. She was wearing a lace camisole that he loved.

"That is not an option, honey."

"Stop with the 'honey' and 'baby'." She smiled quickly. "And if you even dare to call me 'lamb chop' and I will toss you through the window."

"Mac? Sarah? Or should I just call you Colonel?"

"I think that it is unfair to you to give up your career at JAG for something that we are not sure of." She kicked off her shoes.

"I am not leaving to be a short order cook, Mac." He picked up a cherry tomato from the salad. "Though I would make a damn fine one."

"I am sure you would." She agreed. "But that is not the point."

"So what is the point?"

"The point? The point is …" She turned to him pulling her hair free and shaking it loose.

Harm had been watching every absentminded seductive move she made. She had no idea how much she was turning him on – undressing while in a heated discussion … oh God this was so much better than court. That last move with the hair nearly did him in.

"The point is that I don't want to be there without you." She unzipped her skirt and slipped it off and laid it neatly on the chair.

That took Harm by surprise – she was so casual – so unembarrassed. Not that she should be embarrassed – she had NOTHING to be embarrassed about. But this was probably the first time she just simply undressed in front of him. It all of a sudden didn't feel sexy it … it felt … comfortable, normal, common. She was undressing in front of him with the intention of 'doing the deed' yet she was taking like they were in a normal – albeit impassioned – discussion and taking the time to make sure that her uniform would be wearable.

Mac went on. "Harm we have worked together for nearly nine years … at times it can be exasperating, at times it can be frustrating, at times it can be better than sex."

That flattened Harm's already deflated balloon particularly because she didn't realize what a slam that was to him – well, them.

"I don't want to lose that … it is who we are." She continued pulling her slip over her head. "It is how we met and how we relate to each other." She sat down on the edge of the bed to roll down her panty hose.

The scene all of a sudden took on a very surreal quality to Harm. He sat up and pulled the sheets more tightly around him.

"I don't want to turn into the dual career couple … dual career family. You have TADs, I have TAD's … we see each other less than once a week. You going your way and me going mine …"

Mac kept talking unchecked. Harm's life flashed before his eyes … not his past, but the future she was painting. The late nights at work with one at home waiting for the other, the missed dinners, the constant apologizing for being late or having to cancel until the apologizes would be understood and taken for granted. The recounting of each other's day, the new co-workers, who goes first, who had a worse day, until finally it would be too much effort to explain what happened at work – something that had been a shared experience would now be two separate worlds. If they had kids – if they were lucky enough to have kids – there would midnight feedings, the sick watch, or afternoons racing to soccer practice, dance class, whatever. What does that mean? It means that there will be a division of labor. They would take shifts with the kids. Then there would be even less time for the two of them. All he saw was that for the next eighteen years they would both be like two exhausted ships passing in the night. Too exhausted to focus on each other. Lovemaking would be limited to holidays and special occasions or worse still become sex – just sex, to fill a need not a desire – Saturday nights after the news when the kids were in bed. Or worse still, it could become a chore. If she weren't able to get pregnant right away, it wouldn't be about romance, sweet romantic rendezvous (planned or spontaneous), fulfilling a desire or passion or even the romantic notion that their love was so strong it could create a life. It would be about checking cycles, temperatures and concentrating on conception – where the end became more important than the means.

"Harm?" Mac called for the third time.

He was pulled back to reality, the current reality not the future reality. She was standing at the edge of the bed in her bra and underwear. God she was beautiful. Would she always be beautiful to him? When her hair started graying and the lines in her face became more pronounced? Would she still find him attractive as he aged? That had already started – the graying, the lines, the aging (mostly on his part) – they were not spring chickens anymore, not like they were ten years ago. Harm thought to promise him self that no matter what happened in their future, he would always remember to treat her like a lady, like a woman, like his lover. He would not take her for granted or to treat her casually. 'Gates!' He flashed on Gates. She had warned him about that months ago. He thought again to make the promise when he realized how impossible that was to promise. No one knows what the future holds. He closed his eyes anyway, and told himself to remember what he was feeling at that moment. It was the dread of losing the fire - not just physically or sexually but also intellectually – that they could lose the fire in their relationship if they took it for granted. He told himself to remember that fear and keep it alive in his mind and to act everyday to not let that fearful future become a reality.

"I am just saying that I don't want us to become ordinary … you know … pedestrian." She waited for him to respond. Nothing from him. "Harm, are you listening to me?" She asked.

He stood up to face her. He studied her face, her hair, her eyes. He let his fingers explore the contours around each feature and comb through her long hair (he loved the long hair). "Honey, baby, lamb chop." He smiled at her. "I may not have been listening but I was hearing you." At that he pulled her mouth to his and kissed her. He kissed her deeply and with the passion of a man in love – now and for the future. He was sealing his promise.

Mac went weak kneed. He held her up. "Is that supposed to be an answer?" She asked.

"Mac … Sarah … my beautiful Sarah … the fact that we are both worried about becoming … pedestrian – you called it pedestrian?"

Mac nodded.

"Ok pedestrian … means that we have better than even odds." He kissed her again. "I like those odds." He released her and walked around the bed looking for his boxers.

"Harm, where are you going?"

"We have to go back to work."

"Work?" She was shocked.

"Yeah, that thing that is better than sex?" He pulled his pants on.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I understand and you know … you're right." He shrugged. "Well not wrong, anyway."

"Harm? What about … lunch?" She waved to the food on the bed.

"We'll take it with us."

"Harm?" She opened her arms wide to point out that she was standing there next to naked – at his request.

"What? You want a five minute roll in the hay?" He smiled and ducked into the bathroom with his shirt and tie.

"RABB!"

"Thought you wanted more than that." He called back. "Come on, get dressed … I have some reservations to make."

"Reservations?"

He came back out and opened her closet. "Yeah … was thinking … water, ocean, sunset …maybe a sunrise." He pulled out that green dress. "Make sure you pack this and the stilts that go with it?"

"Pack?" She asked. "What am I packing for?"

"Well if I tell you that … it won't be a surprise." He kissed her quickly and slapped her on the behind. "I gotta go." With that he grinned and left.

Mac stood there for a moment dumbfounded. After she was sure he was gone, she looked around the empty room and smiled. "I don't know what the hell I am worried about … the last thing the two of us are going to get is pedestrian."

Harm's phone rang. He forgot it on the nightstand. She picked it up to check the caller ID. It was a 249 area code … Maryland. Whoever it was, he wasn't in Harm's phone book. He can leave a voice-mail, Mac would take the phone to him and she smiled to herself thinking about the ransom she would demand.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1616 EST**

**Outside The Rabb/Johnson/Coates Residence**

Mattie got out of Mrs. Smithfield's car and waved them away. There was a young man sitting next to the door with a backpack and a duffle. He stood up at her approach. He was – in Mattie's mind – quite possibly the best looking person she had ever seen in real life. He was tall, blond, blue eyed and he took her breath away.

"Hi." He said trying to get her attention – well trying to get her to speak to him, it was clear that he had her attention.

Mattie took a moment to find her voice. "Hi."

"Do you live here?"

"Yes." She was chiding herself for not being able to form complete sentences.

"Does Harmon Rabb … Commander Harmon Rabb still live here?"

"Yes … he is my father."

"Your father?"

"Well my guardian." She corrected.

"Harm is your guardian?"

"Who are you?"

"Josh, Josh Pendry." He stuck his hand out to her. She took it reluctantly afraid of what the physical contact would do to her. "Harm was my father's best friend. They were in the same squadron."

"Your father is a pilot?" Mattie asked.

"He was killed in an accident ten years ago."

"Oh." Mattie didn't feel comfortable bonding with this gorgeous hunk of boy over the death of her father. That would come later.

"What is all this?" She pointed to the duffle bag.

"Oh, I ran away from home. I am hoping that Harm can help me get into the Navy and into flight school early. I am going to be a pilot like my father."

Mattie nodded. She may have heard every fourth word. He was just so cute she couldn't concentrate.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1745 EST**

**Rabb Office**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

Harm never made it back to JAG after his deposition. He had to run down some leads and interview a few more people. He had no idea where his phone was which made it very difficult to stay in contact.

"Hey." Mac called to him when he walked into the bullpen. "Where have you been?"

"Running around like a chicken with my head cut off." He lowered his voice. "Did you find my phone at your apartment?"

She grinned. "What would your phone be doing at my apartment, commander?"

"Give it up, colonel."

"I have every intention of surrendering your phone."

"But?"

"But there will be a price … I just don't know what it will be."

"The sky is the limit."

She liked his answer and pulled out his phone.

"Commander?" Coates stepped up to them. "Sir, Mattie has been calling for you and the admiral is waiting to see you."

"Thanks, Jennifer." He saw the admiral come out of her office with some files.

"I will see you now, commander." She said to him.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Harm." A frantic voice called from the door of the bullpen.

Everyone there turned to see a disheveled woman who clearly had been crying.

"HARM!" She threw herself at him forcing him to put his arms out and then around her. "He's gone, Harm. He is gone. Have you seen him? He said he was coming to you." The woman broke down in sobs the likes of which were rarely seen in a JAG office.

Harm looked back at Mac. She shook her head and crossed her arms. He had no idea what she was thinking.

"Who is that?" Jennifer whispered to Mac.

"That is Annie Pendry." Mac stated mater-of-factly. "Harm's old girlfriend."

Jennifer looked surprised. "Really?" She was not impressed with this out of control woman.

"Commander." That Admiral called to him. "First thing in the morning." She was not pleased; she wanted that woman and her hysterics out of her office.

"Yes, ma'am." He said quickly. "Thank you, ma'am. Annie, Annie, calm down. Let's go to my office."

Annie allowed her self to settle enough for Harm to lead her out of the bullpen. He looked back at Mac with a pleading look that unmistakably said 'Help me.' Mac put up her hands and shrugged. This first part was for Harm to deal with but she would be there for the rest. Make no mistake, Mrs. Annie Pendry … Lt. Col. Sarah "Lamp Chop" MacKenzie would not be far.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

End Chapter Fourteen


	15. 15

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Fifteen

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

Old Friends, New Relationships 

**Chapter Fifteen - The Great Escape**

**0713 EST - Friday**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

"Mattie is gone." Jennifer said with a mixture of panic and guilt in her voice.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Harm moved passed her toward Mattie's apartment.

Jennifer followed after him. "I mean gone … as her bed has not been slept in … packed her bags … gone."

"Did she have to be at school early?" Harm asked trying to contain his worry.

"She took her toothbrush."

Her laptop was gone, clearly some of the clothes from the closet were removed and the bathroom was cleaned out. He quickly scanned for a note, but there was nothing. He headed back to his apartment. Panic – and something else – something like guilt – was setting in.

"When was the last time you saw her?" He shot over his shoulder as he moved passed her.

"Last night … around 1930 … she was online with someone … I think it was Josh."

"Josh? Josh Pendry?" Harm hadn't realized that Josh and Mattie were still in contact.

"Yes, sir. They have been on the phone and online for the past two weeks, I thought you knew."

"How the hell would I know?" He barked at her and was immediately sorry. He apologized with a look.

Jennifer nodded, she understood him.

**X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X**

Two weeks prior Josh Pendry had shown up on Harm's doorstep. Mattie was the first to meet him. That night when Harm came home with a hysterical Annie Pendry he found Mattie with Josh in her apartment – talking, apparently they have been talking all afternoon. Harm was not happy with Josh, nor was he happy with Mattie for not calling him immediately. The fact that he didn't have his phone was not at issue – they didn't reach him. In Mattie's defense she did try through Jennifer, but she didn't leave the message that Josh was there. It became a talking point for Harm and Mattie – neither side won that argument and it was left unsettled. Both Harm and Mattie could be pig headed at times.

With some intense mediation from Harm, Josh finally agreed to go home with his mother and finish school. The subject of the navy and flight school was tabled until his graduation. Harm counted it as a victory. Mac was a little less confident in the strength of that agreement.

In the years since Annie left so unceremoniously, she hadn't changed, her position on Josh hadn't changed and Josh had grown up to be a willful, insolent and determined young man. Well, actually he was still a boy – he had all the maturity of a seventeen year-old brat. He was smart and daring, but had no discipline. His good looks let him get a way with a lot and he used it to his advantage every chance he got. Mac thought that he was probably a little like Harm at that age. The largest difference was that Harm always had respect for his elders particularly his mother, something that Josh was sorely lacking. Annie had never remarried but had had a revolving door of men running through their lives. Josh had never forgiven her for forcing Harm out. Honestly Josh held it against Harm for many years, but recently he had realized that it was not Harm's fault – well not entirely his fault. He also realized that Harm could help him. Josh was a user.

Annie had taken to calling Harm every day or so. It was usually after some fight that she and Josh had. Annie's opinion of Harm was flipped when she discovered that he had taken on Mattie. She was impressed and felt that he might finally understand what she was feeling as a parent. Annie of course knew about Harm and Mac's relationship, but didn't seem to care. Harm didn't do anything inappropriate but didn't he shut her off either. It was slowly becoming a sore spot between Harm and Mac. Mac's opinion – as it always had been of Annie Pendry – was that she needed professional help, some 'couch time' as it were. Mac's bigger issue was Harm 'the hero'. Harm could never walk away from a woman in distress. Mac knew that about him, but this was the first time that it felt wrong – really, really wrong. She convinced herself that it was not jealousy that she was feeling; she trusted Harm and she rationalized that if Harm had wanted Annie or a woman like Annie (read: a woman unlike Mac), that he would have stayed with her years ago. But all those arguments fell flat in the face of Harm taking her calls day or night and each call from Annie, netted a call back to Josh. In Mac's mind, Annie was not looking for a save from the crisis; she was looking for a save from her life and who better than Hero Harm. Mac saw that much more clearly than Harm did, but had kept that opinion to herself.

Harm and Mac discussed the Annie/Josh problem superficially. They were dealing with their own personal issues: duty stations, the house and Mattie. The Admiral had accepted Harm's letter requesting transfer and then nothing. She had made no other mention of it and things were status quo at the office. Harm and Mac were on better than their best behavior and working very diligently. They gave the admiral no reason to reprimand them. Neither Harm nor Mac wanted to push the idea of his transfer, so they were just enjoying the time. There was enough work and enough lawyers to go around, so it was not necessary for Harm and Mac to be put on the same case as either a team or as opposing council. It was a little unnerving to know that the orders could come through at any moment, but they were moving ahead with the other plans.

Sadly the house they wanted was already in escrow by time they got to it. So the hunt began again. Secretly both were a little glad that they had lost out on the house. They would have had to move on it too quickly and it would have really put a strain on them financially even with Mac's savings. Neither of them wanted to over extend themselves financially with so much else up in the air.

The biggest concern was Mattie. She was pulling further and further away emotionally – physically she was there (albeit minimally and only when asked repeatedly). She would join them for dinners and she even spent a half-day looking for houses with them. Mac was disappointed that little had changed between the two of them. She had really thought that they had made some major break through. In many ways they had. Mattie at least talked to Mac about something other than school – they continued to train together a couple of times a week. The concern now was Harm and Mattie. Ever since his return from Quals Mattie was distant. Harm tried to talk to her about it, but she continued to profess that nothing was wrong, that she was just busy with school. Harm asked her if she were worried about him flying and she said 'no', but there was something in her eyes that said she was terrified of losing him too. Mac pointed out that it was the old 'leave before you get left' syndrome. They both understood that philosophy. Harm tried to get her to talk about it, as did Mac, but she wouldn't admit to anything. Harm had no idea how unhappy she was until the morning she left. He had no idea that she had chosen Josh Pendry to confide in.

**X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X**

"So she didn't say anything to you?" He asked Jennifer.

"No, sir. Nothing." Jennifer felt very guilty. "I went to bed early last night, sir. I am sorry."

"Jennifer it is not your fault. You shouldn't have to baby sit her. Mattie has a mind of her own."

He was saying that more to himself than he was to Jennifer. Harm was feeling very guilty. Between Mac, Annie, Josh, work, the house etc, Mattie falling through the cracks sat squarely on Harm's shoulders. It wasn't like he didn't care or wasn't interested enough. He asked. He tried to talk to her. She kept pushing him away. He thought he was giving her space to deal with things in her own way and in her own time. He trusted that she would come to him when she was ready. How could he have been so wrong?

The frantic phone calling began. Harm's first phone call was to Mattie's cell – no answer (Jennifer had already tried that – she reminded him again about Josh). His second was to Annie – she was not awake yet, but a quick survey of the situation showed that Josh was gone too and so was his car. Annie broke down. Harm was in no mood to deal with her hysterics on the phone – he would deal with her in person. He sent Jennifer to work and headed toward Maryland. The third call was to Mac. She was already at work. She had an early morning meeting with a client but could clear her calendar and meet him in Maryland in an hour or two. Harm's next call was to the police, they would not take a report for another fifteen hours. Harm finally called the admiral. He knew how much she frowned on having personal issues infringe on work time, but in this case it could not be helped. The admiral was very understanding – in her own way. She would have Bud and Mattoni handle his caseload (luckily he did not have anything big on his plate) and told him to take all the time he needed. She was also very accepting of Mac's request to secure for the day but expected her back on Monday.

Mac, of course, took the initiative to call Chloe. Mattie had told her nothing but apparently whoever "J" was (she did not have a full name) – Mattie was really hooked on him. Chloe suggested that she call Susan Smithfield. Mac did and found out that Mattie hadn't been in school since Monday and wasn't expected until the following Monday. A call was immediately placed to the principal of the school who confirmed that she was not in school. When grilled by the colonel as to why this was not brought to Harm's attention, the principal said that Mattie had provided a written excuse signed by 'Commander H. Rabb Jr.". That was not going to go over well with Harm.

**0956 EST – Friday**

**Pendry Residence**

**Maryland**

Mac got to Maryland shortly after Harm did. Annie was crazed and worried.

Harm and Mac exchanged a quick hug.

"Everything OK with the admiral." It was clear that he was trying to maintain his cool, but it was becoming impossible.

"Fine … what is going on here?" She looked over at Annie who was talking to someone on the phone.

"Apparently she and Josh had a major blow up last night and she grounded him. She discovered that he was still taking flying lessons, had forged her name, taken money out of her account and skipped school to do it."

"How did she find out?"

"Josh went up yesterday and nearly crashed the plane. There was some damage done on the landing and the owner wanted Annie to make restitution."

"Was he alone?" Mac lowered her voice.

The question took Harm by surprise. "No, had a girl with him … but we don't know who … you are not thinking it was Mattie."

Mac nodded.

Anger and irritation flashed in his eyes. "Mattie was in school yesterday."

Mac shook her head. "She hasn't been in school for three days."

"THREE DAYS!" He bellowed. "Why wasn't I notified?"

"She apparently turned in an excuse signed by you."

"ME?" Harm nearly lost it. Mattie would never have done that on her own – in Harm's mind - this was Josh's influence. He turned his attention to Annie. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Mac grabbed his arm. "Harm."

He looked back at her and pulled his arm away roughly.

"Harm, that won't help." She said calmly.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

Annie got off the phone. "I gave the information to the police."

"Information?" Mac asked.

"The description of his car." Annie explained sheepishly. Harm had just gotten done admonishing her for giving him a car in the first place.

"But we don't know when they left." The disdain in his voice was tangible. "Annie hasn't seen him since last night around 2100 when he slammed his door in her face."

"Harm - enough." Mac needed him not to take this out on Annie – everyone needed that. "Have you checked his room?"

"For what?"

"Check his computer … look at his e-mails … maybe they had planned this and could give us some clue as to where they are going."

The three went into Josh's room. Annie was talking a mile a minute saying nothing – well nothing useful. Harm tried to get her to focus and think about anything that she might remember that would give them a clue as to when he might have left, friends he might have confided in, anything. Annie was no help … Josh didn't talk to her.

Mac took a seat at the desk and booted the computer. Something caught her eye in the wastebasket. She pulled the basket out. What she saw shocked her. She didn't have time to think before Harm had seen what she had. He pulled the basket away from her and pulled out a condom wrapper from the trash. He held it up for Annie to see.

"That's not Josh's." She said quickly.

"Of course it's Josh's." He spat back at her.

"No, Josh is a good boy."

"HE IS NOT A BOY ANY MORE?" He bellowed.

Annie folded under his rage and again the sobbing tears came.

"For God sake Annie … Do you pay attention at all? … Do you live in the real world?"

"Harm." Mac said softly.

"He is seventeen Annie … Now he has taken off … with my daughter."

"Harm." Mac said again.

"She is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, ANNIE …FIFTEEN!"

"Harm!" She said again with a little more force.

"Damn it, Annie … you did this … all of this … you drove that boy to -."

"HARM." Mac grabbed his arm.

Harm threw her hand off roughly. "Stay the hell out of this, Mac!"

The words hit Mac like a slap in the face. Mac took the 'slap' but did not yield her ground. "Harm, take a walk!" She said sternly. "Take a walk now!"

His remorse was real. "Mac, I'm sorry."

"Take a walk, Harm. I mean it."

Harm did as he was ordered to do.

Mac turned her attention to the crumpled mess that was Annie. "How much money does Josh have access to?" She asked without much softness to her voice. Through the mumbling and the crying Mac was able to determine that Josh didn't have access to much money. His savings account had about $500. Mac suggested that she call the bank and find out if and when it was withdrawn and to check her accounts too.

Five minutes later she joined Harm outside. He was pacing with the phone to his ear. He was trying Mattie again. No answer. He wasn't about to leave another voice-mail – it would have been his fifth that morning. He hung up when he saw her.

"I am sorry." He said again.

Mac waved him off. She would not discuss his dismissal of her, not while there was a crisis still going on. But she was definitely not happy about it and it would be discussed at a later time. "We need to stop reacting and start thinking about this rationally."

"Rationally?"

"Mattie is not some precious piece of porcelain. She will not break. She was taking care of herself when you found her a year ago, I'll bet she can take care of herself now."

"Mac – you saw what I saw … she is --- SHE IS … they are …"

Mac really didn't want to deal with Harm's overprotective new father side. "Yes Harm, it appears that Mattie and Josh are having sex … well you know what? She isn't the first girl to lose her virginity at fifteen … she won't be the last." The words were a little to harsh and in his face. Mac apparently wasn't as 'over' the 'stay the hell out of this comment' that she would have liked to have believed she was.

"How can you be so matter-of-fact about this?" He barked.

"I don't know what you were expecting Harm. Did you think she would join a nunnery? Mattie is a passionate young woman, coming into her own-."

"SHE IS FIFTEEN."

"I KNOW HOW OLD SHE IS … she is almost sixteen … and she is in a lot of pain … losing a mother … losing a father … not knowing what the future holds … where she is going to be in six months … she is confused … she is lost and alone."

"She is not alone." Harm argued.

"Harm … trust me … I don't want to get into how the mind of a teenage girl works … but believe me when I tell you, I have a better handle on it than you do."

"Did you know she was having sex with him?"

Mac shook her head. "No … and to be honest, if I did … I am not sure I would have told you." That was mean, Mac didn't mean that.

"MAC – FOR GOD SAKE ---."

"YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN." She yelled back at him. "This is not the end of the world. We will find them, we will make sure they are safe and we will bring them home. That is what is important right now. We will deal with the rest of it later."

He shook his head. He couldn't believe this was happening.

Her voice got very soft. "Harm, I would have told you … or I would have encouraged her to tell you … I didn't know. I didn't know she was even in contact with him."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He nodded and looked away. "None of us knew … she was keeping us all at bay." He slumped down onto the edge of her car. "I trusted her … I never should have trusted her."

"Harm, again … she is not made of glass and you have to trust … if there is no trust, then there is no relationship. You didn't do anything wrong. Mattie is the one that screwed up here … but she is a kid, we have to allow for that."

"Allow for that?"

"I didn't say accept it or condone it … but we have to allow for it."

Harm shook his head. All he knew was that he was scared, angry and very, very guilty. "The hearing to have her permanently placed with me – with us - is coming up next week."

Mac nodded. She had thought about that too, in fact that was the first thing she thought of when Harm had told her that Mattie was gone. She also wondered if Mattie had that in mind when she left.

"The judge is going to ship her off to a home."

"Harm, let's not go looking for trouble … we have trouble enough already." She took his hand. "OK? First things first … we have to find her and bring her home."

Harm nodded. "What do you suggest?"

"First of all, I think we should get AJ and Victor involved."

"What? Why?"

"We need all the eyes we can get looking for them, we have to assume that they have at least a five to seven hour head start.

"They could have gone anywhere."

"I know. That's why we need their help … professional help … help from private investigators … the police don't work that hard looking for runaways."

Harm reluctantly nodded.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X 

AJ and Vic were called in. There really wasn't much to go on. The first place they checked was Blacksburg thinking that Mattie might have decided to hide out there for a few days. The police told them that the house appeared to have been vacant, but they would keep an eye out for them. They interviewed many of Josh's friends and the only thing they came up with was a vague reference to Josh saying that he wanted to go back to California or Alaska. Neither was much to go on.

AJ was working on getting satellite tracking on Mattie or Josh's phone (which required a little string pulling at NCIS – Gates was more than happy to help facilitate that) but both phones were turned off. Regardless, Harm called her cell phone every hour on the hour, hoping against hope that she might just pick it up.

It was determined that they probably had between $1500 and $2500 cash with them, and one of Annie's credit cards. The card had not been used. They had to know that if they did use it, it would give away their location. However, Harm was grateful that they weren't without money. It meant they wouldn't be living on the streets or accepting help from people who would not have their best interests at heart.

They had left Annie in Maryland with a friend late Friday morning. Harm could not speak to her without exploding, so Mac was the one who was relaying what little information they had back to her. Nowhere on Mac's agenda was getting Harm and Annie to reconcile – selfishly or not – she would not facilitate that. Mac also believed that Annie had pushed Josh to this. That relationship – Josh and Annie – was going to need a long time to repair, if it ever could be. Mac was hoping that Harm's part in that was now over.

The first real "break" – if you can call it a break – was an e-mail from Mattie. She had the courtesy to e-mail Harm and tell him that she was fine and that she would call when they got to where they were going. The e-mail was sent early Friday morning – Harm got it late in the afternoon. She didn't mention Josh by name, but it was clear that that was who she was with. Josh did not e-mail his mother. That put the search back on the road. They put it out over the wires in all 48 states so that every police department would be alerted to Josh's car. The problem with that was that unless they were pulled over, or in an accident (please God no) they could be in a police parade and might be ignore

The second break came very late on Saturday afternoon. Harm again was calling Mattie's cell and someone answered. Mattie had left her phone in the bathroom of a MacDonald's in St. Louis Missouri. AJ convinced Harm that he needed to stay in Washington, that she had probably moved on from St. Louis and there was no reason to double up the efforts there. So AJ went to St. Louis to check it out. The odds of her still being there or gathering any other information were slim, but it was all they had to go on.

**2333 EST - Saturday**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

It was just over thirty hours from when Harm discovered that Mattie had gone. Sleep was not even an option for Harm. He had gone for a short run. He needed something to do; he was going crazy. Mac had wanted to go with him, but he asked that she stay by the phone. He had barely broken a sweat; he had not been gone more than fifteen minutes. He flopped down in the chair.

"It is not your fault." Mac said for probably the hundredth time since this all began.

"It has to be … there is no one else to blame."

Mac came up behind him and leaned down to rub his shoulders.

Harm buried his face in his hands and repeated his mantra. "She has to be alright."

"Mattie will be fine."

"She has to be … before I kill her."

Mac moved around and sat down in front of him on the coffee table. Her voice was calm and reassuring. "She is probably thinking right now about what a big mistake this whole thing was … and is trying to figure out how she is going to get home."

"How she is going to get home? All she has to do is call me … she knows that … doesn't she? Doesn't she know that there is nothing --." Harm stopped himself. The look on Mac's face was enough to let him know that it was not that simple. He took her hands in his. "Tell me what I am supposed to do."

"You'll know what to do." Mac reassured. "You'll know what to say."

"I don't know … I don't think so." Harm shook his head. "I just don't understand … it doesn't make any sense to me." He looked at her. "Can you help me?"

Mac smiled and squeezed his hands back. It was the first time since this mess began that she honestly felt that he would listen to what she had to say not because he had to, but because he really wanted to understand.

"I can tell you what I know – about me – how it was for me."

He nodded.

"Mattie and I are alike." She looked away. "I was so jealous of her."

"Jealous? Why?"

"You gave to her to freely what I wanted you to give to me … what I had earned and couldn't ask for… couldn't accept"

"Mac --."

"You were making the life that I had always wanted … without me."

"Mac."

She put up her hand to stop him – she wasn't telling him that to get consoled – it was just information. "When I first met her I flattered myself into thinking that you were helping her because I wouldn't let you help me; that you found an easier version of me to … to love and to care for."

He smiled. He hadn't really thought of it that way, but there was an element of truth to that that he could not deny. "Easier?" He asked. "It hasn't felt that easy."

"In some ways it is, and some ways it isn't. But it made me sad to realize how cold and distant our relationship had become. How my life had gone to shit and yours was moving ahead."

"All you had to do was reach out to me." He said.

Mac shook her head. "You didn't make it easy … in fact you made it pretty close to impossible." She waited until she saw acknowledgement in his eyes. "Don't do that with Mattie." She warned.

He looked down remembering exactly how difficult he had made it for Mac back then. "I won't." He was apologetic – after nearly losing Mac and this very real possibility of losing Mattie, he had learned his lesson. But he needed new tools to use. He was hoping Mac could provide them. "I just don't understand why … why she felt that she had to leave … that she couldn't talk to me … or you or anyone but Josh." His disdain for the boy was growing.

"I don't know for sure, but I can try … I can tell you what it was like for me … and maybe that will help."

Harm moved to the couch and pulled her with him. He wanted her close, he wanted her to know that he would listen, hear and not judge.

After a moment Mac started her story. "You know I started drinking – I mean really drinking – after my mother left."

Harm nodded.

The next part came out like a shot … like she had to say it quickly or she would lose her nerve. "Well with drinking comes partying … and with partying comes boys." She stole a quick glance at him and then looked away. "I was so starved for attention and so in need of love … that I confused the two." She meant love and sex …to a degree she had done that most of her life.

Harm understood and would not interrupt. He knew that this would be difficult for her to explain to him – to anyone, she had worked so hard to put this part of her life behind her.

She got a very sad look in her eye. "Are you sure you want to know this much about me? Are you sure you are still going to love me when you know all my dirty secrets?"

"There is nothing you can tell me, that would change how I think or feel about you."

It was not enough for her.

"Sarah, we have known each other through good and really, really bad times and we are still here – together – more together than we ever have been." He tilted her chin back so she would look him in the eye. "I love you – that doesn't change."

"Yes, but will you respect me in the morning." She was trying to make a joke but the worry and pain was real.

"I have never not respected you … I have disrespected you and been mean, nasty, petty and rude … but there was always respect."

She laughed. "There is some twisted Rabb logic in that." With a deep breath and braving the feared outcome she continued. "The gory details are not important, let's just say that before I knew what I was doing, I was in the middle of something that I didn't know how to get out of. I was only a little bit older than Mattie and a lot less mature. Chris was not the first, but he was the first to make me believe that he would give me a way out … out of my house … out of my life. " Mac got a very sad, far away look in her eye. "Chris made me feel loved."

She looked back at Harm. She could not tell what he was thinking or how he was taking her disclosure.

"Well, I thought it was love … at the time … I thought I was the most important thing in the world to him … for the first time in my life, I was important to someone … it was probably the most intense period of my life … hot, cold, up, down … and through it all I was maintaining an alcohol level of .08." She turned to look at him. "You wouldn't have had much respect for me then."

"You were young, we all do stupid things when we are young." He was so focused on not letting her be too hard on her self that he didn't really hear what he was saying.

Mac saw a way to shift the attention off her self. "You know … you and Mattie are a lot alike too."

"What do you mean?"

"Doing stupid things at a young age … like you taking off at age sixteen for Viet Nam in search of your father?"

"That was fool hearty and very dangerous." He agreed. "But I didn't see it that way at the time."

"Kind of like Mattie taking off with Josh."

Her bringing it full circle was a little quick for him. It snapped him back to reality and his fear and frustration started to take over. "I was going in search of something … of some one."

"So is Mattie … it is just not that defined."

He shook his head. It was not the same thing at all.

She had to rein him back in. "Harm … remember where you were at sixteen, and what you were feeling … everything was so much more intense back then… nothing was more important than what was right in front of you …if someone had told you that going to Viet Nam could get you killed, it wouldn't have meant anything to you … at sixteen nothing can touch you … but everything does."

"I never thought about the danger … even after-." He thought about the loss of Kym – had he ever told Mac about her? It was not the time for that. "It never occurred to me that I could get hurt or worse – all that mattered was finding my father." He explained. "But what is Mattie searching for … she is just a kid."

"A kid who had to grow up too fast … like you, like me. It makes you want to get out there that much faster. It wasn't safe for us at home … it wasn't safe being a kid … nothing was in our control."

"What do you mean by 'safe'?"

"For me is was my father … he had hit my mother … there was nothing to say that I would not be next, particularly since she was out of reach. It wasn't literally safe for me to be home – but it wasn't emotionally safe either – Chris made me feel safe … for a little while."

He understood that … he didn't understand his lack of "safety."

"For you it was your mom and your stepfather … that was not safe – emotionally safe for you. Your mom was moving on from your dad, something that you were not prepared to do. Was it physically safe? Sure, you had a roof and food and what ever you wanted. Did your mom and Frank love you – I am sure they did – I know they did and they wanted the best for you. But it was it was not enough for you. You needed something that was yours – yours alone. Your father – the man your mother left behind."

He nodded like he was trying on her theory to see if it fit. It some ways it made sense, in others it didn't.

"I had Chris – he was mine alone." She paused. "It is probably the same thing for Mattie. She just wants something that belongs to her – a love that is all about her … and sex at that age feels very real and very personal – and very much like love. Only in hind sight do we know how unreal and dangerous it really was."

Harm leaned back. This whole thing was hurting his head. "She has only known him for two weeks?"

"Two weeks is a lifetime when you are fifteen."

Harm cringed at the mention of her age again. She was so young. He was trying to see that Mattie at fifteen and Mac at seventeen and him at sixteen were all the same. In essence they were. "So what do I do … what do I say when I see her again?" He had to hold onto the belief that he would see her again soon – that she would choose to come home.

"Tell her that you love her … make her understand."

"What if I don't get the chance?"

Mac pulled him to her and wrapped him up in her arms. There was nothing to say to that. It was a very real fear that something could happen to Mattie, and placating words were not enough any more. She felt Harm tighten his hold on her. He was hanging on to Mac and Mac's strength – she was allowed to be the strong one for them. It was enough for Mac that he wanted her there, and needed her to get through this, that they would meet this problem and resolve it as a couple. His harsh words of the day before would be forgiven though he would continue to apologize for them.

**1813 EST - Sunday**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station**

It was a bad night for Harm. He paced most of it. Mac tried to get him to at least lie down, but he was too restless. She didn't sleep much either, but she stayed in bed to allow him the freedom of the apartment.

The calling started again that morning very early. AJ had found a hotel that they had stayed at on Friday night. There was nothing there that would point him in another direction. The clerk at the hotel didn't seem too impressed that he had rented a room to a couple of teenagers even after AJ had pointed out that he could be brought up on charges for that. There was an employee at MacDonald's that remembered seeing the car and recognized a picture of Mattie, but did not see her leave or notice the guy she was with. Someone else remembered that there were a couple of kids fighting in the parking lot, but didn't actually see them or the car.

At 1306 Josh's car was reported abandon on the side of the road in Albuquerque, New Mexico. AJ flew out immediately from St Louis. Victor would meet him there. It seemed pretty clear that they were headed to San Diego. Harm wanted to meet them at the other end, but again Mac convinced him that he needed to be at home – at least until they got something definite.

Mac had gone out to pick up dinner. They could have ordered in, but she needed to give him some time to himself – and she needed a little too. There were no actual plans of eating what she brought home, but it was something to do. She parked and walked toward the door. Around the corner came Mattie – walking. Her head and shoulders were down and the weight of the backpack had taken its toll. She looked tired and haggard. She looked up in time to see Mac watching her. Mac could not help but think that she looked scared but otherwise unharmed. Her heart went out to her. She waited for Mattie to approach.

"Hi." Mattie said tentatively.

"Are you ok?" Mac's voice was tender and caring and she reached out to touch Mattie's cheek.

"Yeah." Mattie's voice was near breaking. "How much trouble am I in?" She asked.

"Quite a bit." Mac pulled her into an embrace that Mattie only barely returned.

"Should I bother to talk to him or should I just keep on walking?" Mattie was defeated – she had screwed up the only really good thing in her life.

"Of course you should talk to him – he loves you very much – and you know what? So do I."

Mattie's weak smile said she wanted to believe it, but the look in her eye said she didn't.

"Come on." Mac led her up the stairs.

Mac opened the door to the apartment. Harm was lying down on the bed with his arms over his face. He looked up as soon as Mattie stepped over the threshold. He was up immediately but didn't want to advance on her too much. He didn't want to frighten her away.

"Are you OK?" He asked.

She nodded fearing that her voice would not work.

"Really? Are you really OK?" He searched her with his eyes to see if she were hurt in anyway.

"Yes." She croaked.

"You scared the hell out of me Mattie." He said.

The tears spilled over. "Can I come home?" She cried.

Harm immediately scooped her up in a tight embrace. "Of course you can, honey. Of course you can."

Through her tears she apologized and swore she would never do anything like that again. Harm just hung on to her as tightly as he could. It was not the time to discuss what happened or lay down ground rules for the future. It was a time to remind her that she was loved, in spite of the stupid things she has done and that she could always come home.

Mattie needed a shower and something to eat before they would have 'the discussion'. What she really needed was a good night sleep – they could have all used a good night sleep, but that would have to wait. Before she left to shower and change, she had told them enough to know that Josh and she split up in St. Louis – she had spent close to 22 hours on a bus getting back to Washington. Harm admonished her for not calling him then, he would have gone to pick her up. Mac understood why … Mattie needed time to think; sadly it was too much time. She also told them that Josh was headed to San Diego. He said it was to stay with friends, but she found out that they were people he had met over the Internet. He had never actually met them in person before.

Mattie was very embarrassed when she found out that AJ and Vic had been brought into this mess, as well as Gates and the services of NCIS. Harm did not give her a break on that. He needed for her to understand that what she and Josh had done was very serious. Mattie knew and would not let too much of the blame be placed on Josh. Although it may not have been her idea initially, she did agree to go.

Mac made the phone calls to AJ and Vic. They said that they would continue to look for Josh – now that they had better information. She called Gates and finally Annie. Annie would not get off the phone until she talked to Harm. He had nothing to say to her other than that AJ and Vic would continue to look for him but could not guarantee that they could bring him home. Josh would be turning 18 in April. It was only a matter of time before he took off again. By the end of the conversation, Annie had finally realized that Harm was still holding her responsible. She had driven a wedge to deeply between herself and her son, that controlling or reasoning with him was useless. He was reckless with his own life, but to bring Mattie into it was unacceptable. The last straw was the fact that Josh left Mattie at the Greyhound station in St. Louis. It was enough for Harm to write the boy off completely. He didn't know how he would deal with Mattie if she had wanted to continue to see him or stay in contact with him.

The reunion between Mattie and Jennifer was much like sisters though it was interesting to see Jennifer taking a hard line with Mattie. It was softer than Harm's was, but it was good that Mattie knew that so many people cared and worried about her.

**2200 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

Mattie came back to Harm's apartment. She had showered and changed and was feeling a little revived after lying down for a half an hour. She didn't want to push the discussion, but she also didn't want it to fester and weigh on them overnight.

She knocked and entered. Harm and Mac were sitting on the couch, clearly discussing the past few days and what was to come.

"I suppose you want to talk to me." Mattie said tentatively.

"You suppose correctly." Harm stood and motioned for her to take a seat in the chair.

Mac stood also. She was about to excuse herself. Harm reflexively reached out for her hand to prevent her from leaving.

"Mac, please stay." Mattie's voice squeaked. "I mean, would you please stay?"

They were a family. If Mac took nothing else from this conversation it was the fact that – regardless of legal documents and living arrangements – the three of them were a family – a family by choice.

"Should I start?" Mattie said bravely after they had all taken their seats again.

"Go ahead." Harm nodded.

"I am sorry … really very sorry. I didn't want to scare you … I can't believe that you got AJ and Victor, and Gates involved."

"We needed to find you."

"I'm sorry … I just …"

"Just what?" Harm pressed. Mac took his hand hoping it would rein him back in a little.

"It seemed like such an easy answer." Mattie continued.

"To what Mattie?" Mac used a motherly tone that she didn't even know she had. "An easy answer to what?"

"I felt like I was in the way … that you two … that I wanted to … I don't know … I just …" She didn't have a real answer – it was a feeling that she had. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Like what?"

"This hard … it wasn't supposed to be this hard."

Mac and Harm exchanged a look. No, it wasn't supposed to be that hard … it was supposed to be easy … but it never was.

"Mattie," Mac said softly. "I would like to tell you that it gets easier. I wish I could make you believe that the worst is over and in your case most of the really bad stuff is behind you … but the most important thing you have to know … I mean really know and believe … " She looked over at Harm.

"You need to know that you are not alone." He finished for her. "We love you Mattie and no matter what happened before or tomorrow or the next day … you have a home."

Mattie nodded slowly. It was be hard for her to accept that. So much of the drama in her life was foisted on Harm. He wasn't her father – hell he wasn't even related. He was just some guy – some nice guy – who saved her. A man who showed up out of nowhere and took her – and her problems – on and for no apparent reason. In the beginning it made more sense, he was alone and jobless, but now that he and Mac were working things out, his career was changing – again. All of that made her feel that he would have much rather had her go back to where she came from, but now he was stuck with her. She didn't want him to be stuck – she didn't want to be the sticking point in his life. She had no right to be there – other than that he had asked her to be a long time ago when his life was different.

"Mattie, " Harm continued. "When I met you – which seems like a long time ago – a lot longer than a year – and asked you to let me be your guardian, I meant that … I really meant that. It wasn't just for a period of time, or until you are eighteen, I meant it for good."

"But – but." Mattie stuttered. "But so much has changed. I was supposed to go back with my Dad and … and … and … you and Mac –"

Harm squeezed Mac's hand to allow him to respond. "Yeah, Mac and my relationship has changed – I thought you wanted that."

"I do … I did … I mean, I do … I am glad you finally did something about it … I don't want to be in the way."

"Mattie, you and I talked about this." Mac stated. "I wasn't kidding when I said that if it weren't for you, Harm and I never would have gotten together."

"I don't believe that." Mattie stated.

"You should." Mac continued. "Harm of course would never admit it." She smiled at him. "Has to maintain his macho image, but it is true."

Harm rolled his eyes. "Mattie, what is true is that we are a family now … the three of us … there is nothing that Mac and I discussed or planned – even before Tom died – that did not include you … and we need to start acting like that … we need you to be a part of this family. OK?"

"Ok." Mattie nodded. She had hoped that that would be the end of the conversation.

"Why don't you tell us about Josh." Harm said evenly. He was really trying to keep his emotions in check.

"What am I supposed to tell you?" Mattie immediately went on the defensive.

"We know that -."

Mac cut him off. "Mattie, what happed with Josh – why did you two split up?"

"He had all these plans … that at first seemed reasonable … but after a while they didn't."

"Go on." Mac pressed.

"You have to know that Josh's mom is a loon."

Mac turned her face away to hide her smile. Harm looked over at her, but didn't say anything.

"You really dated her, Harm?" Mattie asked. "She's a whack job."

Mac let a little burst of laughter come out. Harm let go of her hand.

"Annie is highly emotional." He explained.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Mattie, you have only met Annie once, and the rest you have heard from Josh … could it be possible he told you only one side of the story."

"I heard that she broke up with you 'cause you took Josh on a cruise – I mean what's up with that?"

Mac could not add anything constructive to this part of the conversation so watched as Harm squirmed on the hook – she could have lost that amused look on her face, Harm thought but that would have been too much to ask.

"There was a little more to it than that." Harm went on. "But it is enough to know that Annie and I had different views on many things. And to be honest, I should have been more sensitive to her …"

"Neuroses?" Mac offered.

"OK … that is enough." Harm looked back and forth between Mac and Mattie. "Annie has issues, but that doesn't excuse Josh – or his behavior – or taking a fifteen-year-old girl out of state!"

Mattie looked down. There was no response to that.

"Tell us about Josh." Mac asked again more seriously.

"He and I just hit it off … it was like we were thinking the same things. We talked everyday since we met, chatted on the internet for hours … he told me things that he never told anyone else, and I did the same."

"Like what?" Harm asked.

"Harm, that is not for us to know." Mac said hoping to give the kids a little privacy. "Why did you keep it a secret? Why didn't you tell either of us that you were staying in contact with him?"

"It wasn't a secret or anything." Mattie defended. "I don't know … it never came up."

Harm didn't want to accept that, but he did. "So it was Josh's idea to take off for California?"

"He said he was going, and I asked if I could go with him." She laughed. "We would never have made it in the hunk of junk he called a car."

"It broke down in Albuquerque." Harm told her.

Mattie nodded. She was thinking about the fight that she and Josh had about his car.

"Why?" Harm was still confused. "Why did you want to go?"

"I don't know … I just … it sounded like it was a good idea … we would get jobs … leave everything else behind." She looked up at Harm. "It was a bad idea … I didn't think it through, alright?" She admitted.

"It was a bad idea." He confirmed.

"I came back on my own, didn't I?" She said defensively.

"Yes, yes you did." He reached his hand out to take hers. "I am glad you did."

"So what is my punishment?" She asked in true teenager form.

"Well, I was thinking I would leave that up to you." Harm said. "Mac?" He looked over at her to see if she had a different idea.

"Actually that is a good idea." Mac agreed. "What do you think should be the consequences of …"

"My crime?" Mattie offered.

"That word is a little harsh." Mac said.

"There were several offenses, Mattie." Harm added. "Skipping school, signing my name to a note excusing you from school, sneaking out after curfew, not calling …"

"Leaving the state." Mattie added.

"Yeah, that one too." Harm was really trying not to scream and ground her until she was 35. "Lying."

"I never actually lied."

"Misrepresenting the truth then."

"I guess …" Mattie shrugged. "I have to be grounded … for a while … probably not allowed to use the Internet … for a while … I don't know … wash your cars for a month."

Harm shook his head. "None of those feel right, Mattie," he said. "It is not so much about punishment for the action as it is trying to understand and fix the cause."

"So what? You want me to see a shrink or something? Go back to AlaTeen?"

Harm actually hadn't thought of that, but it was a good idea. "What do you think about that? You have been through a lot in the past couple of years, having someone who knows how to help you make sense of it might not be a bad idea." He thought for a moment. "You know that I am here and that Mac is here to help you … but maybe we are all too close … maybe you need someone who is not part of this --."

"Family?" Mattie shook her head. "I don't want to talk to a stranger."

"Well, they wouldn't be a stranger for long."

"How long would I have to go for?" Mattie asked.

"That would be up to you and whoever you were talking to."

"Can I think about it?" Mattie asked.

"Sure." He said gently. "I am sure we will talk about this more than one more time."

"Terrific." Mattie was getting more comfortable being a teenager again. She was home.

"Until then, you are grounded and can't use the Internet." Harm stated in true father form. "In fact, you need to give up your lap top – you can only use it in my – or Mac's presence."

Mattie nodded though she was not very happy.

"And one of us will drive you to school and pick you up … everyday."

"Ok."

"Is there anything else you would like to tell us?" Mac asked.

Mattie looked uncomfortable. "No." She said weakly.

Harm decided the direct approach was needed. "Mattie we have reason to believe that you and Josh have had … sex." Harm nearly choked on the words.

Mattie's eyes got as big as saucers. That was one thing that she didn't want them to know about from the last several of days. She was really hoping she could have avoided that whole subject.

"We didn't." She said defensively.

"Can we talk about this?" Mac asked.

"Sure … if you want to … but nothing happened." Again she was a little over the top in her defense.

Mac continued. "We will assume that you know how it works …technically … from health class and from TV and movies … I am sure you have gotten a pretty good handle on the mechanics."

Mattie looked down and away, she SO much didn't want to talk about this.

Harm continued. "Can we also assume that you know about protection? … Not only to prevent pregnancy … something that should be planned by adults and not accidental … but also about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases."

"YES!" Mattie yelp. This was getting too hard.

"HIV and AIDS."

"Yes, I know about condoms."

The word condom used by his daughter - his fifteen-year-old daughter – made Harm very tense.

Mac went on. "Mattie, the physical relationship between two people can be very … fulfilling … it can feel like the most important thing in the world … but those feelings can be very confusing particularly to someone so young."

"We didn't do anything." She protested.

Harm and Mac were not willing to believe that, but they also did not want to challenge her on it at the moment.

It was Harm's turn. "Mattie, what we are suggesting is that you wait … wait until you are older."

"Until you are more comfortable in your own skin." Mac helped. "The consequences of having sex are too great and too life altering to enter into that kind of relationship so young."

"Ok." She shifted her seat. "Can I go now? I am really tired."

"Mattie, know that you can come talk to us." Harm said with a gentle fatherly tone. "Either together or separately … there is nothing that you can tell us that will make us not love you or support you – even if we disagree with you choice."

"Ok."

Harm continued. "Know that you can come to us with anything that you need to … call us anytime – day or night – and no matter where you are or how you got there, we will come get you."

"Yeah, Ok."

"You also need to know that I will shoot to kill anyone that tries anything with you." Harm said flatly.

Both Mattie and Mac looked over at him.

"Well, I will." He didn't see anything wrong with that statement.

"Harm that is hardly helpful." Mac looked a little disappointed.

"Just wanted her to know all the consequences."

"Can I go?" Mattie asked again.

"Sure, honey. Go get some sleep."

They all stood up. Harm reached out for her. She was going to give just the standard quick hug that teenagers give their parents when they are forced to, but Harm held on tight. She returned it.

"I love you, Mattie." His voice cracking. "I am very glad you are home safe and sound."

"I love you too." She squeezed him tightly again and waited for him to release her. She almost hoped that he would never let go. She felt the tears welling up again.

Mac came around the coffee table and hugged her too. Mattie held on to Mac's hand as the three of them walked to the door. Mattie looked up into Mac's face and Mac knew that she had something she needed to talk to her about.

"I'm gonna walk Mattie home. Ok?"

Harm looked back and forth between them. "Sure."

An Hour Later 

Mac came back to the apartment. Harm was still up, but he was shutting it down for the night. Mac went immediately to the bathroom and did her routine. When she came back to the bedroom, she had changed into a large t-shirt and shorts. She pulled her hair loose from the ponytail and shook it out. She walked around the bed to her side and slid in.

Harm watched every movement from the doorway. He was waiting for her to say something. She wasn't going to.

He took a deep breath, turned out the remaining lights and slid into bed next to her.

"I think we handled that … well." Mac said as she curled into his embrace.

"Time will tell."

"Yeah." She kissed his cheek and settled back down. "'Night."

"You are not going to tell me what you and Mattie talked about?"

"She wanted to know if she could talk to Gates."

"You mean as her 'shrink'?"

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I told her that we would have to discuss it with Gates. I also pointed out to her that Gates was a friend of mine – but that she would never break a confidence with Mattie – for me or you."

"Gates … she wants to talk to Gates?" He was at a loss.

"Harm, you know, I think that Gates would be good for her. She is honest and direct and won't pussy foot around with Mattie. She will talk to her like an adult and she will help her make better decisions in the future."

"Gates will?"

"Yeah, Gates will."

Harm shook his head. He was not as convinced of that as Mac was.

Mac was quiet for a moment. "Harm … do you remember the first time … I mean YOUR first time?"

"First time what?"

"The first time you … yah know … you did it."

"What?" He sat up and turned toward her. "Are you really asking me that?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think this is a very good topic of conversation."

"I told you about mine."

"Yeah … well that was different." He realized where this topic came from and looked to the door. "So … what? She and Josh."

Mac nodded.

"I am going to kill him." He said between clenched teeth.

Mac put her hand on his shoulder to pull him back down onto the bed. "She didn't like it … said she didn't know what the big deal was all about."

That seemed to settle him down a little.

"She is not anxious to do it again." Mac laughed. "She said 'all that pawing and groping' … she wondered why women liked it. She thinks it is embarrassing."

"I hope you impressed upon her that she shouldn't try it again."

"How do you expect me to respond? … I like sex."

"MAC."

"I do. I like all that pawing and groping"

"SARAH MACKENZIE."

"I told her that when she is older and with someone who really loves her and respects her … it will be different."

"Are you saying Josh didn't respect her?" He again looked to the door. "I am going to kill him."

"Harm."

"Teach him that NO means NO … and how to treat a woman … a girl … a female."

"Harm, would you stop." She sat up. "He knows what NO means."

"What happened?"

"She said NO … he was not happy about it … but didn't press her … the next day she got on a bus back to Washington."

"She said NO?"

Mac nodded.

"Well, good. Good." Harm settled back down. "Why did she deny it?"

"She was embarrassed."

"Does she know that you were going to tell me or do I have to act like I don't know?"

"She knows … she asked me not to tell you, but she understood when I explained to her that you already knew. She thinks you won't like her any more – respect her."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Poor kid."

"Yeah. Poor kid. She got in way over her head." She sighed. "But she will be OK."

"You told her that …"

"I told her that in a couple of days, when emotions have settled that you two really needed to have a conversation about it."

"She was OK with that?"

"Yeah. She won't be looking forward to it, but I think she understands that it is important."

"OK … Ok … good. … Fine." Harm was now worried about what he would say to her.

Mac got a twinkle in her eye. "So, come on tell me about your first encounter."

"No."

"Come on tell me."

"Mac, I don't think we should be talking about this."

"Why not … was it bad … did you embarrass yourself?" Her smile could not be contained.

"NO … jeez Mac … if you must know … I was 18 … and I rather enjoyed it."

"I'll bet. Who was she? Prom queen … cheer leader … one of your band groupies?"

"I don't want to discuss this."

"Hey … I told you."

"Actually you didn't tell me … you kind of dropped the subject."

"Oh yeah, guess I did."

"Yeah."

"OK … I am not embarrassed to say that the first time was … awful … painful, uncomfortable, weird and I felt really dirty afterward … I thought everyone would know … like there was a sign on my back … I hated it." She got a far away look in her eye. "I wonder if it is like that for all woman … girls?"

"I hope not."

"Well, if the first time is in the back of a VW Bug … it can't be a good experience." She got a far away look in her eye. "Ah to go back and do things differently. Next time." She looked back up at him with no shame. "So … who was she?"

Harm shook his head. "It is in the past … let's leave it there."

"Tell me."

He looked over at her. "Actually … she was older than I was … she was 23."

"An older woman, huh?"

"I was already at the academy … I was almost 19."

"Is that your defense?"

"I don't need a defense … it was her idea."

"I'll bet you flashed her that flyboy smile of yours … and she just couldn't help herself."

"I flashed that smile at you a time or two and you told me that it wasn't going to work on you."

"It didn't."

"What finally did?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah – tell me how I finally won you over." He turned toward her and brushed a few strands away from her face.

"It was your eyes … rather the light in your eyes … there were times when you looked at me that I thought I couldn't breath." Mac immediate flashed onto him looking at her in Sydney Harbor, or his look on the porch at the admiral's house, or the other night when he came home and slipped into her bed.

He pulled her close to him. "Do I still have that affect on you?"

"Yes." She said easily.

He kissed her and they folded into each other … all the first times forgotten, thinking only about the next time.

X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X - X – X 

**End Chapter Fifteen**


	16. 16

Title: **Old Friends, New Relationships**

Chapter Sixteen

By: LizD

Written: Late Summer/Fall 2004

**Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators. With love and thanks.**

Old Friends, New Relationships 

**Chapter Sixteen - The Last One Out**

**1156 EST – Saturday, October 30, 2004**

**Property For Sale at Swink's Mill and Georgetown Pike**

**McLean, Virginia**

Harm and Mac pulled up to a house set back off the main road. Mac got out of the car and was clearly not impressed with the sight before her.

"This is a great location, isn't it?" He hadn't told her where they were going.

"Harm?" She called over to him. "Why are we here?"

"Can you smell that fresh air?"

"You said you were taking me out for lunch."

"Right … lunch." He took a quick scan of the territory. "Not another house in sight."

"Harm … why are we here?"

"Just look at all the trees … the land … the lot is three acres … The Dranesville District Park is across the way there … that means no neighbors or subdivisions."

"Harm."

"Fantastic property … view of the water … have always wanted to have a little stretch of land that was all mine … reminds me of my grandmother's place … Have I ever taken you up there? … in Pennsylvania?"

"Harm."

"It is great … enough room give a person a chance to breath … maybe you can plant a garden."

"A garden?"

"Nothing fancy … just an herb garden, maybe a few tomato plants."

She shook her head and put a stop to it. "Enough, Rabb. Why are we here?"

"Come on inside … let me show you around."

She knew why they were there. He wanted to buy this firetrap. "No, Harm … no … this is not happening."

"You haven't even seen the view from upstairs."

"I don't care if this over looks the -."

Harm scooped her up into his arms and proceeded to carry her over the threshold of the house. He kissed her and put her down.

"No." She stated gently but firmly.

"You haven't even looked."

"I don't need to look …" Although she was looking around and there were some very charming aspects of this house. She wouldn't admit to it though. "This place is a dump."

"It is historic and needs to be respected and restored."

"No." She pointed out the door to the down stairs falling off its hinges.

"I can do this Mac … I can make this place everything you want it to be."

"Harm … no."

"Gourmet kitchen …"

"I don't cook."

"Master suite upstairs with a private bath."

She looked up the narrow stairwell and was unconvinced that anything MASTER could live up there.

"Enlarge the bathroom down here for Mattie … take out the wall over there and make a huge … living room … family room … whatever."

"No."

"The nursery could go in this room."

She shook her head.

"Or upstairs … there is room enough."

She looked out to the back and noticed the detached barn/garage.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Thought we could turn that into our offices … in case … you know … we need a home office for something."

She shook her head. Yeah his vision was grand, but it was too much. The best thing to do would be to gut the house … rather bull doze the house and park a trailer on it.

Mac's assessment was a little harsh. The house was actually livable, but it really did need some work.

"Just look around … they don't build them like this any more."

"For good reason, Harm … please … this is silly."

"Actually it is not." He got serious. "It is not silly at all."

"Harm." She was not being convinced.

He took her hands and led her over to the window seat in the living room with a lovely view of the un-manicured acreage. He sat her down (the wood creaked under her slight weight). "Would you at least hear me out?"

She wanted to say 'no', there was nothing that was going to change her mind, but in the end she nodded for him to continue.

Harm proceeded to lay out his plan. The house was a STEAL for the asking price – which they could bargain down further since it had been on the market for over a year. The three acres alone would be worth it. The house was a four bedroom, one and a half bath, single family home. It was a colonial style house originally built in 1878 with wide plank hard wood floors throughout, a fireplace and many other charms including window seats and the hand blown window-panes. It had not been updated or remodeled since the early sixties and was in great need of both. It needed new plumbing, new wiring, water and sewer hook ups (it was running on a well and septic tank), the floors and walls needed refinishing, the insulation needed to be replaced and thickened and the bathrooms … well lets just say the bathrooms – though in working order – would not fit the needs of this neo-nuclear family. However there was a fantastic claw foot tub on the second floor that Harm knew Mac would fall in love with. The floor plan of the house was very open considering it was a colonial … big open kitchen but the rest of the rooms were smallish. It was easy to see that the bedrooms could be enlarged without losing the integrity of the house. Harm's plan was simple. They would buy the house. He would take the most amount of time off that he could – unpaid if he had to – and renovate the house. He felt that working fulltime on the renovations, he could be done by the first of January – at least done enough for them to move into … if it took a little longer … it took a little longer. Finally they would get married and move in, finish the remodel … happily ever after. Simple.

Mac was unconvinced of the simplicity of his plan. "That is a lot of work for one man … in less than 60 days."

"I'll hire help. You can help … Mattie."

"Where are we going to get the money for the renovations?"

"I'll get a loan … use your rainy day money … we will refinance when we are done … put it all back … in case it rains."

"And the roof leaks."

"The house is sound, Mac." He implored pulling out an inspectors report to prove his assertion. "It doesn't NEED the renovations, it just needs a little refresher and a remodel will make it ours. It won't cost much with me as the architect, contractor and chief laborer … sweat equity and all."

Mac shook her head. It didn't sound feasible in any way, shape or form. But it was true that with renovation they would be getting a hell of a house. More house than they could afford but at a price that wouldn't limit their dining to hot dogs and beans.

The only house they had seen that they even thought was some place they could live was a $1.3 million dollar 4 bedroom, 3.5 bath on two acres also in McLean. It was a brick colonial-esque (1968) on two acres that had recently been renovated to include a gourmet kitchen with cherry wood cabinets and stainless appliances. It had four good-sized bedrooms, three bathrooms, three fireplaces a separate home office and an attached two-car garage with a mother-in-law suite over it (Mattie had already claimed that – like that was actually going to happen). The landscaping was mature and done professionally. There was a covered porch and a built in gas grill. It was nice. It was really nice. Sadly the owners that were vacating had decided to paint the walls red – a rich burgundy red, but red none-the-less. That could easily be changed. There were a lot of other touches that the owners had put in that just were not Harm/Mac/Mattie (i.e. wine room, finished lower level with bar, the kitchen was all electric – Harm would not cook with anything other than gas).

Harm, Mac and Mattie had all thought that that house was good – good enough. It was better than good, but it really wasn't any one of their styles. The fancy renovation done gave the place a very yuppy feel and the asking price was a little steep – it was A LOT steep. The twenty percent down would pretty much zap all of Mac's cash and still the payments would be a stretch to make. All the houses in their price range were not right either – too small, bad location, too close to the neighbors. They tried to picture themselves in several of them, but it was like fitting a round peg into a square hole – rather three round pegs into one square hole. This house hunting was not as easy as it had sounded.

Harm had found this 'fixer upper' by accident and something about it got to him. It occurred to him, that they would never find the house of their dreams; they had to create it.

Harm got down on one knee.

"Harm what are you doing?" She cried. "You are not going to beg." She laughed until she saw what was in his hand.

Harm pulled a diamond solitaire out of his pocket.

"Harm!"

"Sarah MacKenzie … will you marry me?"

"Harm … if I say yes to that, it has no bearing on this house." She warned.

He nodded, averted his eyes for a moment and then presented his case. "Sarah we have worked so hard to get to this place … this place in our lives … this place where we are open and honest with each other … where we work things out rather than run away … I have never loved and respected anyone the way I love and respect you. I want to grow old with you, I want to raise children with you and I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. There will be tough times ahead and I don't think that we will ever walk into the sunset happily ever after … but I wouldn't want that … not with you. You make me work harder. We are building a life together … we have been building a life together even before we knew it … let part of that construction be creating a home together … literally and figuratively."

She was moved by his sincerity.

"This house … this home … has survived more than a century of weather, people and God knows what all … it has history and it wants to have more … it is a little worse for the wear by it is still standing and still strong … that is us, Mac. We have history … we survived. A year ago our relationship was in ruins … no one would ever have believed that we would or could make it to this point … have the same faith in this house that you have in us."

She took a deep breath and looked around the living room. She was beginning to see what he was seeing.

He pressed her hands to get her to look back at him. "Say yes, Sarah … Say you'll marry me and share your life with me."

With tears in her eyes she said, "Yes."

He slipped the ring on her finger. It was beautiful – simple and beautiful. Not the biggest rock on the planet, but it could easily be seen with the naked eye from twenty feet away.

She leaned down and kissed him. He joined her on the window seat. "About the house?"

"Harm … I am not sure about that part."

"I know you aren't … but I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have some plans. Are you at least not dead set against it enough to hear the plans?"

She looked down at her at the ring on her finger. She didn't expect a diamond ring from Harm. For some reason she thought that it wouldn't be something he would do. She couldn't imagine him shopping for a ring, but then again she never imagined him shopping for a house. She never pictured him offering to create a home for her. Hell she never pictured him down on one knee asking her to marry him. Maybe her perspective did need changing.

"That's the ring my father gave my mother the night I was born." The words caught in his throat.

Mac looked back at him.

"They couldn't afford a ring when they got married. You know Mom has money and dad never did. He wouldn't take her money to buy her a ring. So when she told him she was pregnant, he saved up – actually did some work on the side just to give her something a beautiful as she was. At least that is the story Mom told me."

"Thank you." She was clearly touched that she was now part of the Rabb legacy, but was this something that he had just lying around in a drawer?

"Mom told me that when I was ready that she would have it for me. I called her a few weeks ago … after you asked me to marry you." He laughed.

"I never actually did." She played back.

"Hence the reason I had to ask you today … anyway … She had forgotten where she put it. She thought she had lost it or something. She even said she would replace it."

"She lost it?"

"Frank had it in the safety deposit box with my name on it." He smiled at her. "Should have had your name on it. It belongs with you, Sarah."

She looked back at her hand. The stone was perfect and it was the perfect size for her hand. It did belong with her. "It is beautiful Harm."

"Yeah. It is."

She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder. "So you have plans for this rat trap?"

He wrapped his arm around her. "You know me … the man with the plan."

"Well, you didn't plan very well … I need to eat. You promised me lunch."

"Oh ho … you think I would for get your stomach. Come with me, my love."

Harm led her up the stairs. They creaked loudly and Mac was again unconvinced that this place could be made livable. The view from the master bedroom was fantastic. Harm produced a picnic basket that clearly he had put there before he picked her up that morning. He laid out the blanket, settled her down on the corner and proceeded to pull out all her favorites.

"Pulling out the big guys, eh Rabb." She smiled taking a bite of the sushi.

"The way to a woman's heart --- well my woman anyway."

"You think you can convince me by feeding me well?"

"You always think more clearly when you have been well fed."

"Doesn't mean I will agree with you. It may mean that I will prove how wrong your ideas are."

"I know … nothing like a good spirited debate with my lover." He leaned over and kissed her … not just a little kiss; this was a kiss that was expected to lead to something.

She laughed and pulled away from him. "You're out of order counselor."

"Don't you find it a little exciting?" He pulled her palm to his lips. "In an empty house that could be ours …"

She shook her head 'no' but clearly she did find it very exciting.

"I'll bet you do, Mrs. Rabb." He tried to kiss her again.

She laughed playfully but got serious quickly. "Two things … we have to nip the MRS RABB business in the bud … I am a MacKenzie and always will be. Ok by you?"

"I don't care how you sign your checks or what name you use at Blockbuster video."

"Really? This is not some major ego blow to you?"

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. Honestly … he didn't care. Once he got her to say 'I do" she would be 'honey', 'baby', 'sweetheart', 'lamb chop' and 'MRS RABB' to him and that was all that mattered. He waved her off. "What is the other thing?"

"Mattie … you have a chance in HELL of getting her to see the 'potential' of this house."

"We'll just see about that." He kissed her again; she didn't protest as much as she had the last time.

Late that afternoon the family Rabb, drove back out to the house. Mac was only slightly more convinced that it was not a bad plan and might actually be – dare she admit it – a good plan. Harm had worked his magic on her and was actually able to get her as interested – not as much as he was, but interested. She had a few ideas of her own that he quickly incorporated.

Mattie's first reaction was 'yeah, fine whatever.' But they pressed her. She started looking around, did a little exploring by herself and came up with a few ideas that neither Harm nor Mac had thought of. In the end, she said – 'yeah, cool.' She was also very willing to help with the renovations. She could sand and paint with the best of them. Of course one of her ideas that was nixed quickly was that she wanted the barn/garage turned into her bedroom, rather than offices. That was not going to happen.

Mattie's only real concern was her school. By moving out of Washington to McLean, Virginia she would no longer be in her school district and she did not want to change schools for her junior and senior year. Harm and Mac both felt that they could figure out a way for her to stay at the school she was in, transportation would be a little tricky. That's when Mattie hit them with her idea.

"Well, I will be turning 16 in a couple of weeks … if I had my license, I could drive myself."

Harm and Mac shared a look.

"That is certainly something to consider." Harm said. "Thank you, Mattie."

"It would solve the problem." She pressed.

"Driving is not a right, you understand Mattie?" Mac said gently. "It is a privilege and a responsibility."

"I know … and I know I will need to get a job to pay for gas and insurance … and the car."

"We'll need to talk about this some more." Father Rabb tabled this part of the discussion. It would need a conversation with Mac and then a more serious one with Mattie, but for all intents and purposes it was resolved. They would make an offer on the house, and start the whole process. They were on their way and it felt good. It felt good for all three of them.

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**1130 EST – Monday, November 1, 2004**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, Virginia**

"You wanted to see me admiral." Harm knocked on Admiral Schnarr's open doorframe.

"Yes, commander. Enter."

Harm came in and waited.

After a moment she looked up and realized he was still standing. She rose. "I understand you won the Bell courts-martial. Well done."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you ma'am."

"I have also received your request for your 45 days."

"Yes, ma'am … I believe that I still have 45 days on the books."

"You actually have 60 days."

Harm shrugged. Somehow he thought that was a mistake, but the Navy so rarely made mistakes in that area.

She paused for a moment. "However … your orders have come through."

Harm stiffened. It has been over four weeks since he had requested a reassignment. He knew that the orders would come though eventually, but in the back of his mind was a sliver of hope that the rules would change and he and Mac would be allowed to work together.

"Yes ma'am." This was going to blow the plan he had for the house.

"I will be sorry to lose you, commander."

Harm found that an interesting statement. Why would she consider Harm's transfer as 'losing him'? Hadn't the admiral also requested reassignment? "You will be remaining at JAG then, ma'am?"

"You could say I bartered for it."

"Ma'am?"

She smiled at him. "Commander, while the Navy will lose a fine litigator with your transfer from JAG, the country will gain a thorough and accomplished investigator and zealous advocate, someone who speaks his mind and stands up for what is right – not selfishly but for the greater good."

He was confused.

"That is my expectation." She looked down on her desk and picked up the paper with his orders on it. "Upon the recommendation of the 9/11 Commission an interagency … agency has been formed. Three members from every agency – while working closely with their own - will work together to prevent terrorism at home and abroad."

"Including the military?" He was under the impression it would be an intelligence type group – FBI, CIA, NSA.

"Yes, Mr. Rabb. The intelligence community, the military, local law enforcement – as well as a number of others will all be involved. You have been assigned to that group. You will be based out of the Pentagon until suitable offices are found and will be one of the Navy's liaisons – along with Captain Hallow of Fleet Command and Captain Thurmond of Navy Intelligence. Trust me this will not be some paper-pushing, red-tape position." She smiled. "At least I know with you on it, it won't be."

"No, ma'am."

"You will be working with some pretty high profile people – some of these people have pretty big egos and clearly defined agendas. Some of these people you know and have dealt with in the past. Your group will also be under an intense microscope from the media and from congress. You will have no problem with that, I am sure."

"No, ma'am."

"Know that your agenda will be to keep the Navy's interests upper most in your mind, but you will not forget that the safety of innocents … Americans, American Allies or anyone not directly associated – at home and abroad is your primary goal."

"Yes, ma'am." He hesitated. "Who will I report to, ma'am?"

"That would be me." Came Secretary Sheffield's voice from the open door way.

Harm turned and his high hopes for this new position were dashed. "Yes, sir."

"Commander Rabb, you were not my first choice for this task force … hell you didn't even make the top ten."

"Sir?"

"But the admiral and I came to an understanding."

Harm looked back over at the admiral. What had happened? Had Sheffield agreed to the transfer for Harm with the proviso that Schnarr remain at JAG?

"You report January 17th …0700. Will you be back from you honeymoon by then?" The secretary said with a dry snide tone.

"Yes sir … January 17th … 0700."

"Good." The secretary added. "I will be watching you commander … very closely."

"Yes, sir."

Sheffield turned back to Schnarr. "Admiral … we have a meeting."

"It is in the conference room, sir." She nodded. "I will be right there."

The secretary left.

"Don't let him phase you commander."

"No, ma'am." He paused. "Ma'am…?" Harm was going to ask if she had agreed to remain JAG in order to get him this assignment.

"Let him think what he likes … I had already made my decision to stay before this opportunity for you came up."

Harm was unconvinced.

"When can I make the announcement?"

"If you please … may I have an hour?"

"Certainly." She nodded. "You will have the rest of the week to transfer your cases, you can start your leave on November 8, at 1800."

"Again … thank you."

"Make us proud, commander."

"Yes, ma'am."

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X**

1400 EST – Monday, November 1, 2004 

**JAG Headquarters**

Falls Church, Virginia 

Harm told Mac all that he was told at lunch. They were tentatively encouraged. Things were happening quickly for them now. They were actually becoming a little unnerved, but there was also a little excitement and anticipation that they were starting this next phase of their lives together. The fun part for them was that now they no longer needed to hide their relationship. So Mac put her ring back on. Harm loved seeing her happy and was delighted to have had something to do with it.

Harm and Mac stepped into the bullpen and noticed right away that most of the staff was there waiting for something. Bud stepped over to them.

"Sir, Ma'am." He said. "Do you know what is going on?"

Harm and Mac exchanged a look. Harm clapped Bud on the shoulder. "Looks like I will be leaving you, Bud."

"When?" Bud was shocked and surprised. Shocked that it was so soon and a little surprised that it had taken too long.

"Friday."

"Are congratulations in order?" He asked tentatively.

Mac nodded and raised her hand up for him to see. Bud's face lit up. He couldn't have been happier if it was his own engagement. He couldn't stop himself; he pulled Mac into a quick hug. Mac took the hug well. It only seemed right that Bud be the first to officially know. He had been through so much with them.

"Congratulations." He was so happy. "Harriet will want to see you, you know. She will demand it."

"We were planning on dropping by sometime this week."

"Great." Bud shook Harm's hand.

"One more thing Bud." Harm's bright smile was radiating. "Gonna need a best man one day soon, would you do me the honor?"

Bud was clearly touched. "It would be MY honor, sir."

"Stop calling me 'sir', Bud."

"Yes sir." He shook his hand again. Bud looked back over the bullpen and his face washed with concern.

"What is it?" Mac asked.

"Well, you leaving is certainly part of the reason we were all asked to be here, but that doesn't explain them." Bud nodded over to two female officers standing in the Admiral's doorway.

Harm and Mac followed his eye. Commander Caitland Pike and Commander Lillian Boxer (known only by reputation as La Barracuda) were talking with the admiral. Kate turned and made eye contact with Harm. She had a 'shit eating grin' on her face and nodded her 'hello.'

Harm was stunned and felt his stomach tighten.

Mac leaned in and whispered to him. "Did you know she would be here?"

"No." He croaked. And tried to avert his eyes, but the whole thing was odd.

The admiral stepped to the middle of the room. "I think everyone is here. I have a several announcements to make so please keep your questions and comments until the end. First – Commander Rabb will be leaving JAG. His last day is Friday. The commander will be one of the navy's representatives to the InterAgency Anti-Terrorism Task Force. I am confident that the navy could not have found a better representative." She talked though the murmuring. "Second – Commander Mattoni will also be leaving us. I have granted his request for transfer back to San Diego. His last day is also Friday. Commander, I hope you find the weather out there more to your liking."

The admiral and Mattoni smiled weakly at each other. She never liked him; he never liked her. It was a good thing that there would be 3000 miles between them.

"Finally, to replace the two commanders, I have transferred Commander Pike and Commander Boxer back to JAG HQ. Commander Pike is trading places with Commander Mattoni and Commander Boxer has just finished her third tour in Naples. Please welcome them both. There will be a wetting down at McMurphy's on Friday. That is all." She looked to Harm who in turn looked to Mac.

Mac was a little unprepared for these new developments, but nodded.

"I have one announcement to add, admiral." Harm said.

"Go ahead, commander." She stepped back.

"I am happy to tell you all that Colonel MacKenzie has consented to be …" He tripped over his words. He hadn't really planned on what he would say, but he knew for sure that she would not like to hear that she has consented to be "his wife." That was way too possessive … macho … misogynistic for Mac, but it was too late, he had started the sentence and he didn't know how to get out of it. "What I mean to say is …"

"We are getting married." Mac helped him.

There was a great cheer and a sigh of relief felt though the whole group. All of a sudden Harm's departure didn't feel like it was a bad thing. Nearly everyone approached and wished them well.

After the commotion died down, Harm noticed that Bud looked a little forlorn. "What's the matter Bud?"

"This is a nightmare."

"What?"

"This whole thing … it is like some surreal episode of Star Trek." Bud was shaking his head.

"What are you talking about?"

"I am surrounded by women." Bud cried.

"Bud?" Harm was still confused.

"The admiral, commanders Pike, Boxer, Manetti and the colonel … not to mention all the JGs and the Petty officers."

"Not all are female, Bud."

"I am left here all by myself." Bud ignored him. "Don't leave me here all alone." He cried.

"Well I don't think they are going to paint the walls pink or anything Bud." Harm joked.

"You don't know that sir … you have no idea how this will change things."

Mac stepped up. "What's going on?"

"Our boy Bud here is feeling a little out numbered." Harm stated.

Mac didn't understand.

"Chromosomally challenged." Harm added. "Y linked."

"I am working with a bunch of girls." Bud blurted out.

Both Harm and Mac laughed.

"No disrespect ma'am."

"None taken Bud."

Harm leaned in and whispered, but was loud enough for Mac to hear. "I envy you Bud … I have always liked serving with women."

Mac rolled her eyes.

Kate joined them. "Commander, Commander, Colonel." She smiled at them. "It is nice to see you all again."

"Kate – could have told me." Harm scolded.

"And miss the look on your face … I am only sorry that we won't be working together again." She looked to Mac. "Congrats Colonel … you finally bagged the elusive Harmon Rabb."

The hair on the back of Mac's neck went up. She was reminded about how much she didn't like Kate Pike.

"Interesting isn't it?" Kate said. "The last time I was here you had announced your engagement too … I hope it works out better for you this time."

"Kate." Harm interrupted before Mac had a chance to respond. "Bud here is a little concerned about working with women … all women."

"Don't worry, Bud." She smiled seductively at him and dropped her voice and octave. "We'll be gentle."

Bud's fears were not calmed. "Thank you, ma'am." He nodded and walked away.

"So, Rabb … looks like your case load and your office will be turned over to me." She smiled. "The admiral would like to see us in fifteen."

Harm nodded. "I'll be right there."

Kate's smile broadened as she looked between Harm and Mac.

"You do make a lovely couple." She sauntered away.

"Mac?" Harm asked.

"I am with Bud." She stated.

"What?"

"This doesn't feel like a good thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Kate Pike is back in town?"

He leaned toward her. "You look so beautiful when your eyes turn green."

"Harm … don't even try to play this game with me."

"Not that game, darling … when there are so many other games to play with you."

"Rabb!" Kate called from across the office.

"Right away." He looked back at Mac. "Should I invite her to dinner?"

"If you want to sleep alone." She warned.

"Dinner for two." He pressed her hand and left.

Mac was not pleased. Harm was enjoying this too much. Now Kate would be in her face. She was going to have to shut her down - again - and wipe that smile off her face. Good thing Mac was up to the challenge.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1645 EST – Tuesday, November 2, 2004**

**Washington High School**

**Washington DC**

Harm followed Susan Smithfield into the computer lab.

"She's right over there." Susan pointed to the corner.

Mattie's back was to the door. Harm approached her and noticed that it looked like she had a chat window was open. Clearly she was having a conversation with someone.

"Mattie."

Mattie flipped around at the sound of his voice. "Harm, what are you doing here?"

"That was my question to you." He took a seat next to her.

"I was just chatting with Chloe." She said quickly closing the window.

Harm nodded slowly. "You know what Mattie, you shouldn't lie – you don't do it very well."

"What?"

"You have been grounded from the internet … that means home and school."

"I didn't think it did." She said quickly.

He was disappointed with her answer. "Try again Mattie."

"This is my study hall. I am not missing class."

"Shouldn't you be studying then?"

She logged out of the computer, grabbed her books and moved away. "Did you just come here to check up on me?"

"No, in fact I came here to get information about driver's education … but I am not sure that is such a good idea now."

"What … cause I was on the Internet you won't let me get my license … this blows."

"Mattie!"

Mattie's cell phone rang. She looked nervous.

"You better answer that it might be important." He said evenly.

Mattie pulled the phone out of her pocket. Harm reached for it. She rolled her eyes and handed it to him. He checked the caller ID – "JOSH". He nodded and handed her back the phone. "I'll give you two minutes." He got up and walked out.

Shortly Mattie came out and found him leaning against his car.

"Talk to me Mattie."

"We were just chatting. There was nothing bad. We weren't doing anything wrong."

"Mattie, I think you know that I don't want you talking to him."

"Yeah, well … you can't tell me who my friends should be." She defended.

"Mattie, we talked about this."

"You never said that I couldn't talk to him … you never said that."

"I didn't know you wanted to." Harm had thought that that whole thing was over. "You had a fight … you took a bus home. You said NO." This was the first time Harm had acknowledged that Mac had told him what she and Mattie had talked about.

It made Mattie embarrassed. "And you and Mac have never had a fight." She screamed back at him.

"Ok." He said forcing himself to remain calm. "OK … clearly we need to talk about this … and we need to talk rationally … and be very clear."

"Are you going to give me that whole 'not while you're living under my roof' ultimatum?" She could be such a brat when she wanted to be.

"Have I ever?"

"I don't know … you could … before when you wanted me to stay you wouldn't have … but since my Dad … now that Josh and I … now that you are stuck with me."

Harm shook his head. "And you are stuck with me."

"I don't see it that way."

"Neither do I." Harm confirmed.

She looked away.

"Mattie, all the rules that you have to follow are for your own good … and we came up with them together. You were the one that suggested that you should not be allowed to use the Internet."

"You don't have any rules … you do whatever you want … you are gone most of them time … or with Mac."

"Mattie … stop … just stop … OK … just tell me what is going on."

"There is nothing **_going on_**." She protested.

"Really?" He said. "Cause the way you are acting makes me think that there is something going on."

"How do you THINK I acting?"

"Nervous, you won't look me in the eye … saying things that you know will get me mad … or make me feel guilty." He shrugged. "You are trying to provoke me."

"That's how you see it."

Harm had enough. "Mattie, I have only one question to ask you."

"I am not sleeping with Josh." Mattie blurted out. "I haven't even seen him. He is on such a short leash because of you, he may never be able to leave the state of Maryland and his chances of getting into the academy are gone."

Harm wrung his hands together and waited until that little piece of information had a chance to settle. He wanted to take up the Josh argument and Harm's role in Josh's lost future, but that was not the point of this discussion.

"My one question is this. The custody hearing is next week. Would you rather not live with me and Mac? Would you rather have someone else named as guardian?"

If Mattie were a balloon – she would have burst. That question shook her down to her toes and got her to lose that chip on her shoulder.

It killed him to have to ask her this, but he had to know. If he was going to spend the next three years chasing her around and forcing her to stay, then they needed to make a change. That would not be good for anyone.

"I love you Mattie … and I want you – I think of you as my daughter – even though I don't have a right."

"Harm – you do -."

"I want to be the one to teach you to drive … teach you to fly … pack you off to college … to see you blossom into the magnificent woman that I know you are going to be. I want to be the one that walks you down the aisle … and the one you bring your kids to visit on weekends and holidays. I have a lifetime of hopes and dreams for you and with you. But if you have other plans … if living with me is not what you want then …"

"I do. I want to stay with you." Her voice was thin and strained. "I came back." She protested. "I came back on my own."

Harm was very grateful that she did. He had not known what he would have done if they had found her with Josh in California and had to drag her home.

He continued. "It comes with rules, Mattie … and it comes with a commitment on all our parts. I am willing to commit to you for the rest of my life … Mac is too … are you ready to be part of a family? Do you want to be part of this family?"

"Yes." She was nearly in tears. "But you have to …"

"Have to what?"

"You have to respect my decisions too."

Harm nodded. She was correct; she was not a child. She was a young adult able to make her own choices in life … like her choice of boyfriend and how she was going to conduct herself – he meant conduct herself sexually, but he could not articulate that even in his own head.

"Mattie, you are right … I do … and I will … but you have to give me the courtesy of including me in those decisions. If you wanted to continue a … relationship with Josh, why didn't you tell me?"

"You hate Josh."

"No, no I don't."

"You don't like him very much."

"Mattie, Josh did something that was very reckless … taking you away in the dark of night was just plain wrong."

"That was my decision … you can't blame Josh for that … he didn't kidnap me … I wanted to go."

"Do you want to go now?" Harm asked.

"No. I want to finish high school and go to college. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to speak to Josh ever again."

Harm nodded. "Ok."

"OK?"

"Yeah, you are right … you can pick your friends, and I have to trust that you will do what you are telling me that you will do … and not doing what you are telling me you aren't. The fact that I catch you breaking the rules is hard to accept."

"I'm sorry."

"The fact that you lied to my face when you were caught, is hard to accept."

"I didn't … I didn't want you to get upset."

"You can see that I am more upset that you were lying."

"I won't do it again."

Harm nodded. They could do no more discussion in the parking lot at the school. This was a longer topic. "Let's go home … we need to talk about this some more."

"Harm?"

He smiled weakly at her and wrapped her up in a big hug. "I just worry about you and worry that I am not doing right by you … I love you Mattie … I want to do it right."

"You are doing fine, Harm." She was crying. She knew she had screwed up again and was worried about how many more times she could screw up and be forgiven. Poor Mattie, the stakes were higher for her. She was actually acting like a normal teenager, but because so much of her life was abnormal, this stuff got out of control. She was forced to grow up too fast – weren't a lot of us?

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1136 EST – Wednesday, November 3, 2004**

**NCIS Headquarters**

**Dr. Gates Madden's Office**

"Thanks for seeing me, Gates." Harm said taking a seat.

"I was free." She said suspiciously.

"Thank you anyway." He was a little lost as to how to begin. He hadn't really planned on seeing or talking to Gates about this, but he found in himself in the neighborhood of NCIS and decided to 'drop by.'

Gates cut him off at the pass. "Rabb, if you are here to talk about Mattie, you need to understand a few things … things that you were told before … but clearly need a reminder of."

Harm wasn't prepared for that. He should have been, he knew Gates well enough to know that she was not going to pull her punches.

"I will not break a confidence with Mattie … Mattie is my client … anything you say can and will be repeated to her the next time I see her … do you understand the rights as I have said them to you?" She laughed.

"Gates … come on … this is serious stuff."

"Yes, yes it is. Mattie needs to have my confidentiality … she needs to know that I am PAID to be her psychiatrist and I have her interest upper most in my mind. I am not her father, her mother or her friend. I have no other agenda then to help Mattie."

"You are Mac's friend."

"I am and that is why I didn't want to take Mattie on … it is not like I hung out my shingle and she showed up at my door soliciting my services … this was a special case."

"Why did you then … why is this a special case?"

"Cause I believe that Mattie is in crisis … and once this crisis is over then we can all go back to the way we were."

"Did you just tell me something you shouldn't have?"

Gates smiled. "Rabb, I will never tell you something I shouldn't have."

He shook his head. "Jesus, you make everything a challenge."

"You are not without your gauntlets, Harmy-boy."

"Granted." He leaned back. "So you won't help me."

"Depends, what you think you need help with?"

"How to keep Mattie away from Josh."

"Can't help you." She said quickly.

"Thanks a lot."

Gates took a different tact. "Rabb, you knew this kid … I have never met him … you knew his mother and his father."

"That was a long time ago … he is not the same kid he used to be."

Gates shrugged. "You used to like him."

Harm nodded. "There was a time that I thought I would have taken an active part in raising him."

"But?"

"But Annie got in the way."

"How sad that the mother got in the way of raising her son." She said snidely.

"Look, Annie has a right to do what she wants … if she wanted me out of her life, then so be it … She broke it off with me because I was not … following her rules … keeping Josh from pursuing his interest in the Navy and flying."

"You took him out on a boat when you knew that she didn't want you to – in fact you lied to her and nearly got her son killed."

Harm felt that that last part of that statement was a little harsh. It was not like he was reckless or careless with Josh. Sometimes in life events happen and it is the luck of the draw as to whether or not someone is present for them. "I see the confidence thing doesn't prevent you from using the information against me."

"Mattie is my client." She repeated. "And Mac told me about the Tiger cruise."

Harm shook his head. He felt like he was in a no win situation. "Yes, I lied to Annie. Yes, I took Josh on a cruise because I knew how much he wanted to be on a boat … what the Navy meant to him … that it was in his blood … but that was not my influence … from before I knew him he wanted to be a pilot just like his father."

"You saw yourself in Josh … he was another boy who had lost his father … and a boy who desperately wanted to hang on to any piece of his father that he could … a boy that wanted to grow up to be just like him. … You wanted Josh to have what you didn't have … a man in his life that would facilitate that goal … and to hell with what the mother wanted."

"Am I paying you for this little analysis?"

"Just trying to cut to the chase Rabb."

"Well if you look at the situation now … I was more right than Annie was."

"What will being RIGHT accomplish?"

"All I am saying is that a good dose of discipline like the kind the Navy teaches you is just what that boy needs."

"So?"

"So what … he needs a military school … the Navy will never take him with the record he has … at least they won't consider him for flight school … hell, he may not even graduate from high school. And were will that leave him?"

"What about the mother?"

"Annie would have to admit that she has failed with him … she has to."

"I see. So you think a military school could help him?"

"I think if he screws up one more time, the juvenile court is going to insist on it."

"It is too bad then that he doesn't have an advocate to help him with his mother and with the authorities to get him into school before he screws up again." Gates offered gently.

Harm finally felt the ring in his nose. She had led him exactly where he needed to go. She could have been a lawyer. "Military schools teach honor and discipline -- respect – and most of them are boarding schools." He smiled. "Some are even as far away as California."

"I have heard that too." She looked unphased.

Harm thought for a moment. "It would be good for Josh … it would be good for Mattie … they could still maintain contact … see each other on holiday breaks … it would give them both a little time to grow up."

"A little time constructively used is not a bad thing." She agreed. "In people so young it will either solidify the relationship or allow each person to move on without too much blame being place on one or the other."

He smiled and nodded. "You know Gates … you might want to consider a career in litigation."

"If I thought more highly of you Rabb," she smiled broadly. "I would take that as a compliment."

Harm's face washed with disappointment.

"Hey … come on … we are too good at being adversaries … we can't be friends now."

"I am marrying your best friend." He stated.

"I thought you were her best friend."

At that Harm smiled. He was Mac's best friend … along with everything else and Gates knew it. "Even still … we are not going to be able to get rid of each other." He warned. "And I don't want to put Mac in the middle."

"So that is a reason to get all touchy feely? … Are you going to suggest that we hold hand and sing Kumbaya?"

"Gates, you are a piece of work."

She laughed. He was too easy. "Go, Rabb …if you stay any longer you might say something nice to me that you'll regret."

Harm stood and walked to the door. "I just have one question … are you going to be happy for Mac?"

Gates lost her standard look of superior amusement. "I am happy for Mac. She is finally getting everything she has ever wanted in life ... she has earned it and she is ready to accept it … and I think the man she chose will do everything in his power to hold up his end of the bargain."

Harm nodded. "I will."

"See that you do … or I'll kick your ass." She broke into a bright smile one that she had never used with Harm before.

"Message received Doc."

"So we understand each other. Now go."

"Thanks."

Harm exited and was nearly knock over by AJ Chegwidden (donning a 2004 World Champion RED SOX ball cap) in the hallway.

"Rabb!" He was surprised to see him there.

"Sir." Harm smiled. AJ looked so different. He was … happy. He was smiling, and his eyes looked brighter. "Congratulations sir. It was a great series and well deserved."

"The best." AJ grinned he was almost giddy. "My daughter got back in time to see that last game in New York and the first two in Boston. I think I have converted another fan."

"Very good."

"I hear congratulations are in order for you too, son." He reached out his hand to him. "You will do well on that task force … you might actually be the one to make sure that it is not just another bureaucratic circle jerk."

"I will do my best, sir."

"I wasn't going to tell you this Rabb, but Secretary Sheffield called me about this appointment."

"Did he?"

"Yeah … he didn't want you for the job … but … well you have got it now."

Harm realized that AJ had not only given him a good recommendation, but had actually been instrumental in convincing the secretary to change his mind. Harm hadn't thought much of the new position, had thought it was little more than a congressional sponsored subcommittee, a bunch of people with their own agendas not getting anything done. Now it occurred to him that it didn't need to be that way. He could make a difference. This agency was new and no one knew what to expect, he could work to make it something very successful. "Thank you sir."

"Hell, I did it just so Sheffield would learn what it was like to deal with you and your antics." He clapped him on the shoulder. "Paybacks are a bitch, eh commander. Give 'em hell."

"Yes sir."

"You will be working with Webb again … that ought to be worth the price of admission."

"Sir?"

"You didn't know? Yes, Clayton Webb was appointed to this committee too. Try to play nice."

Harm just nodded. He had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Need to talk with Gates here, Harm."

"On my way out." Harm turned away, but then turned back. "Got your bill in the mail the other day. Seems like this work is very profitable for you."

AJ nodded. "You think the rates were too high?" He used his 'admiral' tone.

"Not at all, sir." Clearly Harm was totally taken back by the cost of two private investigators. "Can I make it in a couple of payments."

AJ smiled. "Tear it up, commander. Call it a … wedding present."

"Not necessary sir." Harm smiled. "Will I see you Friday night?"

"I'll be there."

"Very good."

They exchange another handshake and Harm walked away.

AJ knocked on Gates' door.

"Yah Huh … door opens in." She called.

AJ smiled. She is so UN-NAVY. "Gates."

"AJ … darling." She got up and came around the desk and kissed him quickly. "Good to see you."

There was an ease and a comfort level between them that was not there before. "Just got back in town."

"Where did you go this time?"

"Florida."

"Did you get your man?"

"Actually this time it was a woman … but yeah, we got her."

Gates smiled. "I'll just bet you did."

"I never mix business with pleasure." He informed. "So, how about dinner … my place … say 1930? … I am cooking."

"Are you? Hmm … Just the two of us?"

"Dinner for two."

Her smiled took on a very seductive quality. "Can't turn that offer down."

"Good." He smiled and moved back to the door. "I'll see you then."

"That is all you came by for?" She looked a little disappointed.

"That's all."

"You could have called." She taunted.

"And miss the opportunity to see you … not likely."

Gates smiled and nodded for him to go. "I'll see you tonight."

"Yes you will." AJ left. He looked so much younger and happier now that he was out of the Navy. It was like he has lost 15 years. The weight of the JAG office had been weighing him down, now he was free and making the most of it.

Gates phone rang. "Madden … Victor, so good to hear from you." They had not spoken in a while but Gates was trying to pretend like it was no big deal. "… It has been a little while … sure I would like that … I would … I am busy tonight, but I have no plans for tomorrow night … oh … Sunday brunch then … horseback riding! I'd love to … great … I'll see you then. … right, bye."

Gates shook her head and set the phone back in the cradle. Two dates inside of two minutes. Wow, the Gods must be smiling on her. The fact that the two men in question were business partners was something to give her pause … but they were all adults and these were just dates … although … maybe that would change soon enough.

"What are you grinning about there Gates." Gibbs called from her door.

"Just loving life at the moment."

"Coffee?"

She looked down at the mess that was on her desk. "Yeah."

She joined Gibbs at the door. He was eying her in a way that he never really had before. "What?"

"Nothing, you just look very … nice today." He said.

"What gives … JETHRO?"

"Have you ever thought of dying your hair red?" He wrapped his arm around her and led her out. "Not a bright Lucille Ball red … but like a rich auburn or mahogany."

Gates' laugh could be heard through the halls.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**2146 EST – Wednesday, November 3, 2004**

**MacKenzie Residence**

**Georgetown, Washington DC**

Harm let himself into her apartment – he looked wrung out. They had taken Mattie home, but Mac's car was still at JAG. He was just supposed to drop her off and head home, but they needed a little bit more time to process the evening. He said he would follow her home, but somehow he got stuck at some lights and was about five minutes behind her.

Mac passed him on the way out of her bedroom toward the kitchen. She had change and handed him a pair of sweats too. "Tea?"

"Yeah." He slumped down into the chair. "Something with caffeine or I won't make it home."

"You got it."

He sat for a minute with the sweats in his lap too tired to move.

Mac called from the kitchen. "Harm – CHANGE … and throw some water on your face … you'll feel better."

"Aye, Aye." He pulled himself up on her orders and disappeared into the bathroom. Moments later he was back, his uniform over his arm and dressed in sweats. His hair was wet. Leaving his uniform neatly folded for him to take with, he flopped down onto the couch.

"Got any of those cookies left?" He called to her.

"You don't need any more of those." She called back.

"Are you calling me fat?"

She came back in with the tea and a plate of cookies. "You could skip a carb or two and it wouldn't kill you."

"Ouch." He said taking the tea and pushing the plate out of reach.

"I still love you." She sat down at the other end of the couch and dropped her feet into his lap.

He spied her suspiciously. "If I has said that to you, I'd be a hurting unit right now."

"I don't need to lose any weight." She smiled and rubbed her bare foot on his thigh. "I am a perfect specimen of woman and marine."

"Perfect … right." He agreed but clearly he wasn't listening anymore. Absentmindedly, he started rubbing her one foot with his free hand, his mind wandered back to the evening's discussion. "You were … in the ZONE tonight, counselor."

She grinned. She was pretty proud of herself too. "I was, wasn't I?"

"It was pretty to watch." He grinned. "And an honor to be sitting second chair."

The evening had been spent in Maryland with Annie and Josh. The Rabb family had gone up there to discuss the 'situation'. Harm spent the first part of the night talking with Josh by himself. The next phase was about Annie. By time he had gotten done with Josh, Mac had primed Annie. When it was suggested that Josh go to military school, Annie honestly felt like she was being ganged up on. Mac was the one who was able to peal her off the ceiling and show her the benefits of this course of action. Harm had information from various schools, some boarding schools and some not. Josh had already picked one out. It was the Army & Navy Academy in Carlsbad, CA. Annie did not want to send him that far away. Third or fourth on the list was Hargave Military Academy in Chatham, Virginia. The good thing about that school was that they had a summer school program (Josh needed to catch up), and they went one year past high school. So if he got good grades and kept his nose clean, there was no reason why he couldn't get into the Naval Academy.

"What did you say to Josh?" She asked leaning her head back on the couch and enjoying the foot rub.

"You would have been proud … too."

She smiled. She was always proud of Harm but made an effort not to tell him, he didn't need his ego boosted anymore than it already was. "You had THE TALK with him?"

"Yes, I did and I have to tell you … he was pretty penitent before I started but afterward … I think he is going to think long and hard before he disrespects a woman again."

"You told him that taking Mattie away was disrespectful?"

"Among other things." Harm shook his head. "I told him things that no one ever told me … and wished they had."

"I would have liked to have heard that." She smiled and nudged him again. "How do you think Mattie took all this?"

"Well … very well … honestly Josh is getting what he said he always wanted. Whether or not he can live by the consequences of this choice is a whole other matter. She is happy that I am helping him. Of course she did accuse me of just trying to get rid of him."

"What did you say?"

"I said that there was nothing wrong with a WIN-WIN situation." Harm got a little quiet. "He really is basically a good kid – Josh I mean – it is just that Annie has got him so worked up, and she has reined him in so tightly …"

"You can't blame it all on Annie." Mac said evenly.

"No, but … she has had the most influence. Do you know that she has brought home over seven men since she …"

"Since she broke up with you?" She offered a little harshly. Something went off in Mac that made her think that Harm was jealous of Annie's other men.

Harm gave her a look. "Do you have a problem with Annie?"

"Not tonight I didn't." She said quickly attempting to pull her foot away.

"You know what I mean Mac – do you have a problem with me and ..."

"You mean because she was the first woman you ever admitting to loving … the first woman you even thought of marrying … a woman who broke up with you and broke your heart … apparently was able to move on past her relationship with you … and it looks as though we might be having her over for dinner on Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"I never said she broke my heart … but yeah … that's the gist of it."

"No." She said softly again trying to pull her foot away.

"No?"

"Do you want me to be jealous of all your women, Harm? … There are enough of them … Kate is back with that smug superior smile plastered on her face … and didn't you spend sometime in Naples a few years back … you must have met Lillian Boxer before … how well do you know her? Does she have information that I don't know?"

"No."

"And isn't Bobbie Latham still around … and who knows -- Renee could come back into the picture at a moments notice and want you to take over the raising of her two kids."

He looked shamed. "I am sorry I brought it up."

"Why did you?"

"I don't know, I guess I wanted to know if you were stewing about something."

"When I start stewing about something - you will know." She said sharply. "And direct questions always work better with me."

"Are you going to be able to work with Kate?"

"Are you going to be able to work with Webb?" She asked.

"Webb and I will be fine … so I ask again … are you going to be able to work with Kate?"

"Is Kate going to be able to work with me?" She tossed back at him.

"I am not interested in how Kate gets through a day."

He turned to face her on the couch and brought both her feet into his lap. His absentminded caressing became concentrated foot rubbing all the way up to the knees. Mac was in heaven but maintaining a cool exterior. This was not the first time Harm has used this method to … to turn her to putty in his hands.

'Damn, he has great hands.' She thought.

"I am only interested in you, Sarah."

"Good answer." She leaned back and enjoyed the attention. "Do me a favor though, huh?"

"Anything."

She looked up at him; he was concentrating on the muscles in her calves. "Don't make me question my trust in you."

He snapped his attention back to her face. "Mac … never … I would never."

"Never say 'never', Rabb." She said quickly trying to draw her feet away. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I haven't yet." He echoed his statement from years before and did not let her get away. In fact her held her legs still until she responded.

After a moment, she did. "I believe you."

"Do you?"

She smiled softly at him. "I do."

He really looked at her to see if she did believe him or if she was just trying to get out of the discussion. He was satisfied that she had been – not teasing – not upset – rather acknowledging a talking point about his past loves coming back into their lives. They were ready to move on until the next time it came up.

"Do you believe me?" She asked.

"I do." He repeated. "Which leads us to another question." He jerked her legs toward him, which slid her down on the couch. He sat up and started to crawl up until he was looming over her. "You – my beautiful Sarah - need to pick a date." He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"A date?" She laughed and tickled him. "A date for what?"

He moved off on to the floor next to her. He really hated being tickled. "You know very well what for." He snapped off a piece of a cookie and popped it into his mouth.

"Why do I get to pick the date … it needs to be good for you too?"

"You're the GIRL." He said playfully taking another little piece of cookie.

"I don't know …New Year's Eve." She blurted out.

"Really? New Year's Eve? This New Year's eve?"

"Yeah."

"Will we be able to get everything together by then?" He asked.

"What everything?"

"Don't you want a big fancy wedding … and all that stuff?"

"Do you?"

"I don't have to … but I thought you did?" He pressed.

"You mean something like Bud and Harriet's? No, nothing like that … personally I would prefer if you and I drove to some justice of the peace in Virginia and did it by ourselves … had a nice dinner … maybe stayed over night in a bed and breakfast and … came home."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope." She turned on her side to face him and started rubbing his neck. "First of all – I think the sooner the better – there is no reason to wait and if you expect me to move into the house with you when it is ready, we should be married – protocol and all."

He laughed. "No one has been brought up on an Article 134 – Wrongful Cohabitation in decades."

"Always a next time … I think I could get the 'wrongful' part thrown out, but why risk it." She smiled. "Anyway we have a lot going on in the next two months, getting that house in order is going to be time consuming and expensive … VERY EXPENSIVE. We don't want to waste our money on a big fancy wedding that neither one of us really want."

"I don't know … seeing you walk down the isle of a church with lots of flowers, a dress with one of those … what are they called? … trains? … dragging ten feet behind you and a string quartet … I could get behind that."

"You are serious." She was shocked.

"I never thought I would be … but there is something to be said for tradition and ceremony."

"Will you feel more married?"

"I already feel married, Sarah … this is about something else."

"Something else what?"

"Tradition … ceremony … honoring the event – the commitment - with the proper amount of respect."

"I never knew how old fashion you were."

"I am not …well I guess I am … about some things."

She laughed. "When you got down on one knee at the house the other day … I almost died." She looked down at her ring … her beautiful, beautiful ring. "If anyone had asked me, I would said that you never would have … not with the ring in your pocket … on one knee … none of that."

"I told you I wanted to ask you to marry me in some old fashion way."

"And you did, Gordon." She leaned in and kissed him.

"Gordon?"

"Gordon Summner? … Sting? … never mind."

"So what do you say?" He asked again.

"Harm if you are asking me … I mean really asking me and not just looking for me to agree with you, then my answer is … No, I don't want a big fancy wedding. But if you do, then we should discuss it."

"What about our friends, shouldn't we want to celebrate with them?"

"That is a reception and that can be anywhere at any time … we can combine that with the open house."

"Are you really sure?" He asked again.

"If you want to have a big wedding, speak up, but if you are leaving it to me … I say no."

"I have already asked Bud to be my best man." He whined.

"Harm."

"Can we split the difference?" He asked sweetly.

"What does that mean?"

"Can we have a small wedding … with our friends ... in a garden or on the shore … you don't even have to wear white."

She slapped him playfully. "What the hell are you trying to say, sailor?"

He laughed. "Nothing … just that the fancy wedding dress is optional." He took another bite of cookie.

"You wanna get married naked?" She smiled.

The next bite of cookie was close to his mouth. He stopped in mid-motion.

"You might want to rethink that cookie if you are going to be dropping trou, Hammer."

He dropped the cookie on the plate. "Message received, colonel. I am outta here." He hoisted himself up with a grunt and a groan.

"You don't have to go."

"I do … you are in a mood."

"What kind of mood."

"Not sure, but you are in a mood." He changed the subject. "Are we running in the morning?"

"I am having breakfast with Gates."

"Ok." He grabbed his uniform and headed for the door.

"Are you OK?" She followed him realizing that she had been a bit of a bitch to him since they got back. Maybe she wasn't as unconcerned as she said she was about the Kates and the Annies apparently taking up residence in her life.

"Yeah, I am great – just a tired – and fat apparently."

"I love your love handles." She grabbed him around the waist. "Gives me something to hang on to."

"MacKenzie … you are like this close to …"

"To what?" She leaned up hoping to kiss him, but he pulled away.

"Nothing."

"Harm."

"Good night, Sarah … you were great with Annie and Josh." He kissed her quickly. "Thank you."

"I am glad I could help." She didn't want him to go. "What about the wedding?"

"I would prefer some kind of ceremony with our friends than just the two of us and a justice of the peace."

"Ok … outside might be too cold in December – so a garden or on the shore might be out."

"Wherever you think."

"I'll do some research and give you a couple of options."

"I can help."

"You will be … but let me do this, you are going to be dealing with contractors and the like for a while, no reason to add this to the list. We'll have a beautiful wedding."

"As long as you are the bride, how could it not be?" He kissed her again and walked down the hall.

She watched him. Just when he was about to turn the corner and disappear she let out a wolf whistle the likes of which would have woken the dead. "You got a great six there, sailor."

He shook his head, smiled and waved her off.

"I love watching you walk away." She laughed after him before retreating in to her apartment.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 0815 EST – Thursday, November 4, 2004 

**Victoria and Maxwell's**

**Washington DC**

Gates rushed up to the table, she was late … as usual.

"I'm late … get over it …"

"I'm over it." Mac smiled at her friend. "Why are you late? Hmmm … late dinner with a certain former JAG … and you were the dessert?"

Gates laughed but did not deny it. "I had dinner with AJ last night … he asked me to go to the wetting down on Friday."

"Good."

"You think I should go? I mean isn't this Janet's party?"

"No … not at all … you should go."

"Well, I don't know … Vic will be there too … so it might be awkward."

"You and Vic too?"

"Well, he called me … we are doing brunch and horseback riding on Sunday."

"So?"

"So … AJ and I had a very nice time last night." She said cryptically.

"How nice?" Mac pushed.

"The kind of nice that makes a woman want to shave her legs every morning, just in case."

"Ah ha."

"No … not ah ha … but maybe soon."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know … AJ is wonderful. The fact that he is older and not looking for the whole wife and kids thing is comforting. He is looking for a companion … someone to play with."

"But?"

"But, Vic called me out of the blue and …"

"And what?"

"It was nice to hear from him again … I thought I had ruined that relationship."

"Is that the only reason?"

"Well, Gibbs is acting funny."

"Gibbs? Special Agent Gibbs?"

"Yeah, I get the feeling he is looking for the next EX-Mrs. Gibbs."

Mac laughed. "Gates Gibbs? … there is the answer to that."

"I thought about that too."

"When it rains it pours, eh Gates."

"Doll, you don't know the half of it … so what should I do."

"Don't care about Gibbs … but you be careful with AJ and Gunny. I wouldn't want to kick your ass."

"Yeah … you and who's army."

"I have friends in low places, G."

"I'll just bet you do." Gates laughed. "How long before you have to leave." She said motioning for the waiter to bring more coffee.

"It is fine … I have a doctor's appointment, they are not expecting me until at least 1130."

"Is this a real doctor's appointment … or are you using me as an excuse."

"No, it is real … it is definitely real … it is the six month follow up – a few weeks early."

"I see … so what do you expect the doctor to say?"

"I expect her to say that it appears that the symptoms have not come back, that the endometriosis is held at bay for the moment but that the only way to know for sure is another laparoscopy."

"And."

"And I won't go through that again … not with out good reason."

"So then what?"

"Then she is going to tell me that if I really want to have a baby, then I need to think about going off the hormone treatment and … try to get pregnant."

"And." Gates prodded.

"And I didn't refill my prescription." She looked a little sheepish. "I stopped on Sunday."

"Well, speaking for entire licensed physicians community – when the hell did you graduate and hang out your shingle?"

"Gates."

"Don't do that Mac … doctor's aren't extra … they know shit. Don't pretend like you know what she is going to say."

"I know … I got this information from her the first time I was there."

"Fine." She wiped her hands over her face. "Did you ask her about going off the pill? Do you know what the side effects might be? Are you having unprotected sex?"

"Gates." She looked around.

"Come on, Mac … you aren't sixteen."

"It will be fine." She said. "It has only been a week … Harm and I haven't … we have other things on our mind this week."

"Well, that is just great." She was not pleased with Mac. "What does the Rabb-Meister think?"

"Haven't told him."

"Oh … just gonna spring it on him? Or wait until you need him to drive you to the hospital."

"He wants a baby, Gates."

"I am sure he does, in fact I am sure he would like to know each time could be THE time."

"Gates."

"Mac … do you really want to get pregnant now? You aren't even married yet."

"Speaking of … New Year's Eve … be my maid of honor?" Mac asked rhetorically.

"Yeah, sure … whatever … as long as I don't have to wear anything made of Tulle." Gates waved the notion away. "Baby … you need to think about this."

"The wedding?"

"Pregnancy."

"I have it covered Gates."

"Tell me how."

"Harm and I are going to abstain until after the wedding."

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**2018 EST – Thursday, November 4, 2004**

**Rabb Residence**

**North of Union Station, Washington DC**

"You want to what?" Harm pulled himself away from Mac's embrace. This was their night … their last night … they had been planning this all week – well Harm had. Harm cooked some fantastic fish … a grouper or some kind of flaky white fish with a sauce to kill for and a dessert … OMG … it was better than soufflé.

Mattie was at Susan Smithfield's studying and had come home after dinner and was in her room … doing it whatever … but she was home safe and sound. The food had been put away and dishes done. They had briefly discussed Mac's appointment with the doctor but not really about anything specifically – there was no mention of her stopping taking the pill. Honestly, Harm was a little distracted. The next day would be his last day at JAG. He wanted one more night of having dinner with Mac and talking about common cases. He was so sentimental, he brought up all kinds of old cases that either had brought them together or had firmly planted them on opposite sides. Harm had plans for that night … he wanted it to last for as long as it could … he went out of his way … home early, shopping done, Mattie taken care of … then dinner … then dessert … and then uninterrupted Harm/Mac time until reveille call at 0545. He wanted Mac to himself … all to himself … the last night before he left JAG. This abstaining idea was not in his plans.

"You want to do what?" He asked her again.

"Well … I just think it would be a good idea."

"A good idea for whom?" He pressed.

"Harm … please … it is not going to kill you for a couple of weeks."

"For the record it would be … eight weeks … two months … but no … no it won't kill me … and one could argue that that which does not kill me makes me stronger … but in this case … I would be willing to risk the increased strength."

"Harm."

"This is just silly, Mac … it is not going to prove anything."

"I was just thinking that it would be romantic, it would make the wedding night that much more special."

"I can say without doubt … that that night will be special and it has nothing to do with abstaining until then."

"Harm."

"Where are you getting these ideas? Honey … we have the holidays to get through … our first Christmas as a couple. We are closing on the house on Wednesday, all kinds of life altering events will be taking place … I don't want to be casually dating through all of that. Aren't we too old for this?"

Mac had to tell him. Now was the problem that she should have told him already. "I stopped taking the pill."

"What? When?"

"Last week. … well Sunday."

He leaned back. "You stopped taking the pill … didn't tell me … and decided for us … that we would … go on a diet until the wedding … Why?"

"I don't want to get pregnant yet … I mean if I can … I would prefer it to be in January … or at least after we are married."

It all of a sudden occurred to Harm that Mac was acting out. The night before and all the crap she was giving him, her attitude about the wedding, and his old girlfriends. "Something else is going on with you." He stated. "Tell me what it is."

"Nothing."

"You are acting … weird … what is going on?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Mac, you don't do this kind of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You don't make decisions for us … that is not me telling you, that is me reporting information that I have gathered over the last few months … it is not like you. So what is going on?"

"I don't know what you mean." She pulled away. "I can't believe you are going to pick a fight with me about this."

"I'm not picking a fight … and it isn't about the sex … although that is certain evidence to prove my point." He took her hand. "Talk to me, Mac."

"I don't know what to say."

"Are you nervous about getting pregnant?"

"No, … I mean I am concerned, but I have a good feeling about it … in fact I am convinced that it won't take us that long … don't ask me why."

"Is it all too much, too soon? Changing jobs, changing homes, changing lifestyles. You have been living alone for a long time moving in with me and Mattie is going to be a big change."

"I am looking forward to that … I mean I guess I am … don't go looking for trouble Harm."

"I don't have to go look for it … it gets dropped in my lap."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that things are moving forward for us and you are doing everything in your power to push us back … not just a little bit … a lot bit."

"Because I suggested that we not DO IT for a little while?"

"It is not just that Mac … your idea of a wedding … do you not want to get up in front of our friends … would you rather not have a ceremony at all … just pretend like it never happened."

"Harm … you are starting to make me mad."

"Good … it would be an improvement over the nothing I am getting right now."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Mac, since we agreed to buy that house … since I asked you to marry me … hell it wasn't even a week ago … you have done nothing but push me away."

"That is not true."

"Think about it."

"Harm there is so much going on."

"Exactly … this is what we talked about, asked for … We are in control of everything that is happening."

"Not everything!" She shouted. "Not everything … How the hell am I supposed to go to work on Monday without you there!" She hadn't realized it but tears were streaming down her face.

Harm pulled her too him. It wasn't easy but quickly she allowed him to comfort her. After a moment, he said softly. "It is going to be hard … that part is going to be the hardest part."

"We have been together … nearly constantly for nine years … almost ten."

"I know."

"I don't want to go by your office and know you aren't there … it killed me last year … I hated it when you went back to flying."

"I know." He held onto her very tightly.

"I hate this." She cried. "This was the part I never wanted to lose."

"Yeah … it kept me getting up everyday … knowing that I was going to see you … and maybe even pick a fight with you … God it was so much fun trying to trip you up."

"You were such a jerk … baiting me, sandbagging me, trying to psyche me … it was a constant struggle … a constant battle of wits."

"That old fight for the top."

She smiled sadly. "It very nearly killed us."

"It made us stronger." He kissed her. "It brought us here … tonight … and for the rest of our lives."

Mac nodded sadly. She still didn't want them to give up JAG.

"Sarah … we won't have the days … at least not like they used to be … but give us the nights and the future."

She leaned into him.

"I love you Sarah … I remember …you asked me once, what I would give up for you … well, here we have it … and we have to answer this part together … are we willing to give up JAG for us?"

A few more tears slipped from her eyes and he brushed them away. Her answer was in the form of a kiss. The thoughts of abstaining were forgotten. The worries of what Monday would bring – were very real – and she needed him to convince her that life at JAG without him would be OK. It was his duty that night – a duty that he didn't mind doing. He needed to show her what they were gaining more than they were losing from their sacrifice.

X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X 

**1836 EST – Friday, November 12, 2004**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, Virginia**

"Commander?" Said a weak voice from Harm's open door.

Harm looked over into the face of a Petty Office Logan …or was it Lonnigan? … or Lofton? … he never remembered her name. "Yes, Petty Officer?"

"Sir, I just wanted to wish you luck and to tell you that it has been in honor serving with you."

"Thank you."

"I am sure you will find great success in your new assignment."

Harm let loose his bright smile. She was young, not more than 23 and clearly she was smitten with him. "Thank you again."

"And finally congratulations on your engagement sir, I hope you and the colonel will be very happy."

"Won't you be joining us for the wetting down, Petty Officer?" Damned if he could not remember her name.

"No sir." She looked nervous. "I have a paper due for school, sir. I'm sorry."

He shook his head dismissing her apology. "No apology needed, Petty Officer. Your education has to come first."

"Yes sir."

"You are studying to be a lawyer I imagine."

"Yes sir. My assignment here has inspired me."

"Well, good luck to you."

"You are not giving up the law, sir, are you?"

"No. I won't be litigating much any more … but you never know … maybe we will face each other in court some day."

She burst out a nervous laugh. "I hope not sir, I could never beat you."

"It is all smoke and mirrors, they will teach you that in law school." Again his smile disarmed her. "You will be a pro in no time."

"Thank you, sir."

"Well, good night."

She nodded and stepped back.

Harm nodded and followed her out with his eyes. He was sorry to leave this place that he had given so much of his time and energy to – the people he had come to know, and the people he would never get to know. Yes, he had come and gone there in the past, but this time he knew he would not be back.

A quick scan of his office confirmed that everything personal was packed into his one box. Nearly ten years all contained in one box. To be fair he never really did bring much back that last time.

The bullpen was dark. Everyone had gone. Most were probably at McMurphy's waiting to toast him onto his next assignment and of course the engagement. The room suddenly filled with memories – some good, some bad – and voices of the people he knew and the people he had come to love and rely on.

"Hey you." Came the one voice that he knew like his own.

He looked over at Mac – Colonel Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie – colleague, sometime adversary, partner, friend, lover … soon to be his wife. She was the reason he was giving that life up, giving up his home away from home. Did he resent it? Would he have it any other way? No. Sarah was more than a place to spend 40 hours a week and she was so much more than a way to define him self. Sarah was his future. JAG was just a job, but Sarah … well with Sarah they would find their adventure – if history counts for anything.

"Hey. Are you through?" He asked. Mac had a late deposition.

"Yeah, I thought you would be at the party." She stepped up to him and put the folders she was carrying down on the file cabinet.

"Finishing up a couple of reports and packing up my stuff." He flashed her a little smile.

She looked down into his box. On top, as it was every other time he had packed his office, was SARAH. She smiled sadly and spun the little wooden propeller. "It will be so odd not to see this here … It is so …YOU."

"Do you want to keep her?"

"What? Me?"

"Yeah … I don't think I will bring her to my new office."

"Of course you will … why wouldn't you?"

He put the box down and pulled the model plane out. "Cause I will have my new Sarah on my desk at my new office."

She was confused for a moment until she realized that he meant to put a picture of her on his desk. Aw … how sweet is that?

"Come on, I want you to keep her." He pushed the model toward her.

"Really?" She smiled at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, as long as I get the real one coming home to me at night."

"The real plane?" She smiled coyly.

"The real Sarah." He corrected.

"I'd like that." She took the plane form him and moved to her office. She placed it in a position of honor on the corner of her desk.

"You are going to dump her over if you leave her there."

"Yeah, I guess you are right." She moved over the credenza next to her desk and placed it in her direct line of sight. "Better?"

"Better." He sighed and moved back into the bullpen to see the past. "We spent a lot of years here."

"Yes we did." She wrapped her arm around his waist.

"It will be strange not coming here everyday."

"You've been gone before."

"Yeah, I know … but ..." His voice trailed off. "It was nice seeing you everyday."

"You'll see me every night." She tried to soothe him the way he had soothed her the night before.

"I will." He nodded. That would be enough.

She was surveying the darkened room too, feeling the bitter sweetness of his departure.

He turned to face her. "There is something I have always wanted to do." He said with a bright smile.

"What?" She asked.

"Come with me." He took her by the hand and led her to one of the courtrooms. They stood face to face in front of the vacant judge's bench. He looked over to the empty seats usually occupied by the members and out into the cleared gallery.

"What?" She asked again. "What are we doing here?"

He looked to the bench. "You honor." He looked to the members box. "Members." He looked to the gallery. "If it please the court." He turned back to her. "I love you Sarah MacKenzie … in front of God and … nobody." He smiled. "I love you and I am going to marry you." He leaned down and kissed her.

It was hard to maintain the kiss. Mac was caught between laughing and tears of joy. He won her over quickly and the folded into a warm embrace.

"I love you too." She whispered. She tilted her head back and pulled him to her for another kiss. "You always wanted to do that?" She asked.

"To kiss you in open court … yeah … well I wanted to do if after some very impassioned opening or closing statement or after you have just ripped one my witnesses to shreds … but I restrained myself."

"Good thinking."

He pulled her back to him.

Bud cleared his throat … twice … before he spoke. "Um … Commander … Colonel … excuse me."

Harm and Mac looked over at him – there was absolutely no embarrassment. "Yes, Bud." Harm said with a lilt of joy in his voice.

"I am sorry to disturb you two, but the admiral sent me to find you."

"We are coming right now." Mac said pulling away from Harm but not letting go of his hand.

They walked up to Bud and Harm clapped him on the shoulder. "The three musketeers … we were a hell of a team."

"Yes, we were." Bud confirmed. "It is too bad we can't go back and do it all again."

Harm and Mac shared a looked and then looked back at Bud. "Not on a bet." They said in unison.

"I suppose not." Bud agreed. "But it is too bad we can't stay together … always." He added sadly.

"Bud, you know that your duties as Best Man end at the ceremony, right? I mean you aren't planning on coming along on the honeymoon with us."

Bud laughed. Years ago that would have embarrassed him; now it was just a good joke between good friends. "No Harm … I don't want any part of that."

"Good, good … now how about you buy me a drink."

"That I can do."

The three headed toward the elevator. Mac remembered that she needed to lock up her office. She left Harm and Bud by the elevator and went back into the darkened bullpen. Now it was her turn to have nine years of memories of her and Harm flood her. It would never be the same. He would never come back to work there. This wasn't like him returning to flying or even getting fired … they would never be able to work together again … at least not in uniform. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to brush them away, but she couldn't stop them. She looked into his office … his ex-office. There as nothing left in there of him – only her images. She looked up and saw that his nameplate was still on the door. She reached up and pulled it down: CMDR HARMON RABB JR. She clutched it to her chest tightly.

"Hey, Mac … let's go … they are waiting for us – the happy couple."

She brushed the tears away quickly without turning around. She picked up the files she left and went to her office to lock them up. She saw the nameplate in her hand and tucked it into her middle desk drawer. She would see it every time she opened it. Did she need one more reminder of him? At that moment, there would never be enough.

"Hey." He called to her.

She looked up at him framed in the door, with his bright blue eyes and his flyboy grin. How many times had he stood just like that she wondered? A thousand? Ten thousand? A hundred thousand times? This would be the last time. She smiled weakly at him and moved to the door, retrieving her cover and her briefcase on the way. She paused briefly in front of him to touch his cheek and then moved past him without saying a word.

"Sarah?"

She stopped and shook her head. "It is just a little real to me right now. I'll be fine."

He picked up his box, and with his free arm he wrapped it around her shoulder. "This isn't the end you know." He said brightly leading her out of the bullpen.

"No?"

"No, not at all … this is just the beginning."

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X**

**T H E E N D O F T H E B E G I N N I N G**

**X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X X-X**


End file.
